100 Jokes
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Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586?
A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605.
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What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 black guys?
Coach. What do you call one white guy surrounded by 100 black guys Warden.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why do people always ask me for directions?
I have no clue where I am going. I am sure i have sent 100's of people into the ocean.
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How done is she?
a.) 100% done b.) 300% done c.) SO done d.) She can't even
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What do you call 100 blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel!
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What do you call 100 drowning vegans?
A good start
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How can you tell, with 100% certainty, that no intelligent alien life exists that we know of?
Because if it did, we'd have sent foreign aid by now.
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What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Lamborghini?
You won't find a Lambo in a landfill.
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Why do women forget if you call them beautiful 100 times but remember if you call them ugly once?
Elephants have good memory
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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1 to hold the bulb in place and 100 to spin the house around it.
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What's white and in the men's 100M final?
The lines.
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How do you fit 100 dead babies in a barrel?
with a blender. How do you get them out? With a straw.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call a 100 spiders on a tyre ?
A spinning wheel !
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What's the difference between modern pop and Christmas music?
One is 6 people singing 100 songs, the other is 100 people singing 6 songs.
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How long does it take to reach the ground from 100 stories up?
The rest of your life.
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How do the French Train for War?
The 100 Meter Sprint
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How many Obsessive-Compulsive P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. But he has to check it 100 times one for each watt.
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Where can you find the best Black Friday deals with items at 100% off?
Ferguson!
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What do you call a party with 100 midgets?
A little get together.
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How many unemployed actors does it take to change a light bulb?
fixed) 100. 1 to change it and 99 to stand around and complain about how they coulda done a better job.
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How do kids from chernobyl count to a 100?
On their fingers
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What has 100 teeth and holds back a monster?
My zipper.
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What is 6 inches long 2 inches wide and makes a woman crazy?
100 bill.
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How can you possibly score over 100%?
I am very pleased with my score of 79.
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Why couldn't Miss Piggy count to 100?
Because when she got to 69, there was a frog in her throat.
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How many dub-step artists does it take to clean a bathtub?
100. One to actually clean it, and 99 to talk about how dirty it is.
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Whole Foods "All the cash in a bag NOW!" 100% organic reusable bag ok?
Yes!" puts half the cash I had to charge for the bag
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How many black metalheads does it take to change a light bulb?
100. 1 to change the light bulb and the other 99 to complain about how the old light bulb was much better.
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How do you get 100 Ethiopians in a phone box?
Throw a tin of beans in there ..... How do you get them back out of it? Run past with the tin opener .....
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How many chameleons are in the room with you right now?
You can never answer this question with 100% certainty.
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How do you get 100 babies into a phone booth?
with a blender. how do you get them out? with a straw.
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How many SJW's does it take to fix a lightbulb?
100. 100 who complain about the lightbulb oppressing them, and 1 man to actually do it.
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When is 100 less than 99?
On a microwave.
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What did you get 100 in?
Jason: Two things: I got 50 in Spelling and 50 in History. Mother: Well at least you can add !
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How do you call a 100 m race between siamese twins?
Head to head race
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What's a a magician's favorite kind of coffee?
100% abracadabra
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What has 100 legs and sixteen teeth?
The front row of a Willie Nelson concert.
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Whats the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I don't pay 100$ to have a garbanzo bean on my face.
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What has 100 legs but can't walk?
Johnny: 50 pairs of pants? Jimmy: No, A centipede. Jhonny: What? why? Jimmy: Because I squished it
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Why didn't you check your speedometer?
Driver: It broke when I hit 100.
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What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
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Which is more environment-friendly: Facebook or r/jokes?
Facebook produces too much plastics while r/jokes has 100% recycling rate.
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What's 6" long and women love it?
100$ bill.
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How many redditors it takes to change a lightbulb?
OC It only takes 1. But another 999 to repost this 100% original joke. I made this.
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How many dubstep fans does it take to clean a shower?
100. 1 to actually clean the shower, and 99 to stand around and talk about how filthy it is.
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Why does it take 100 mink to make a fur coat?
Because they are lazy and have small hands!
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What do you call 5 black guys and a white guy?
A basketball team. What do you call 9 black guys and a white guy? A baseball team. What do you call 11 black guys and a white guy? A football team. What do you call 100 black guys and a white guy? A cell block
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Where do conspiracy theorists keep their ideas?
In a skeptic tank. (Note: I just made up this joke earlier today. I'm not 100% sure the joke is obvious feel free to suggest a better wording!)
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What's got a pair of balls and 100 teeth?
A: A crocodile Q: what's got a 100 balls and a pair of teeth? A: A singing choir of army veterans
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What do you call 100 black people buried neck deep around a basketball hoop?
Afroturf
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What does 100% humidity mean?
Even dry farts feel like wet farts.
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How accurate is the Bible?
100% at short range
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What is the 100% guaranteed way to get younger looking skin?
Believe in reincarnation.
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Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100?
At 69 she always gets a frog in her throat.
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What do Whitney Houston and Antarctica have in common?
100% chance of snow
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What is six inches long has a bald head and drives every woman crazy?
100$ bill
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What do you call 100 cows masterbating ?
Beef Strokenoff
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How many French horn players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
100, 1 to screw it in and 99 to say how they could do it better.
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How do you get 100 babies into a bowl?
A blender. How do you get them out Tortilla chips
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What's white and in the men's 100m track final?
The lines.
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What pick-up line works 100% of the time?
Does this smell like chloroform to you
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How do you fit 100 babies into a cup?
A blender. How do you get them out Tortilla chips.
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What goes faster from 100 to 0, an asteroid hitting the Earth or this thread's upvote %?
Berni Sanders seems to have been like a bad gift: it's the thought that counts. 80% voted against him in SC, he will be destroyed tomorrow, and estimates show he won't even get half of the delegates Hillary will. Furthermore, even if he were to magically win, the House, Senate and Supreme Court would block his most drastic ideas, making it them simply "food for thought" but not actual thoughts for implementation. Thank you very much.
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What's 6 inches long and 2 inches wide and drives women wild ?
A 100$ bill
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What happens when Lucy starts using 100% of her brain?
She's almost as smart as a man.
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What do you call 100 black people on a plane to Africa?
A good start.
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How many black metalheads does it take to change a light bulb?
100. 1 to change the light bulb and the other 99 to complain about how the old light bulb was much better.
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What is worse than finding 100 dead babies in a trash bin?
Finding 1 dead Baby in 100 trash bins.
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What do you get if you put 100 paralitycs in a hot tub?
A vegetable soup
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What smells of cheese and is filled with holes?
About 100 French people right now
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How do you get 100 Canadians out of a swimming pool?
Say "hey, you Canadians! Get out of that swimming pool!"
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What do you get when 100 rabbits stand in a row and 99 take a step back?
A receding hare line.
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What has 100 legs and 3 teeth?
A centipede on meth.
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How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
100; 1 to do it, and 99 to say "I could do that."
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What was the victim of the car crash wearing?
A Casualty (Casual-Tee, as in Tee-Shirt) 100% Guraneed Originality You can know for sure I made it up because of how corny it is...
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What has 100 teeth and keeps Godzilla at bay?
My zipper
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What do you call 100 blacks buried up to their necks?
Afroturf.
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Why cant Miss Piggy count to 100?
Every time she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.
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What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have 100 dead babies in my garage
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How do you get 100 babies into a bucket... With a blender How do you get them out again?
With tortilla chips
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What do you say to a lady that has to make 100 shirts by tomorrow?
you seamstressed
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What do you call bread from heaven?
100% holy grain