3 Jokes
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Why did jesus not go to australia?
He couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.
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Why did the 3 men go in to the bar?
To get drunk
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What has 6 eyes but cant see?
3 blind mice.
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What do you call a TV reality show where a 50 year old white man is trying to get laid?
To catch a predator. Why do white girls walk around in groups of 3 and 5? Because they can't even! Why do white people have so many pets? Because owning people is not legal anymore Would love to hear more white people-specific jokes :) They seem to be really rare.
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What has 100 legs and 3 teeth?
A centipede on meth.
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Why Do Sorority Girls Travel In Packs Of 1, 3, 5 or 7?
Because they can't even.
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What it is, sweetie?
3: shouting I POOPED! "Do you know what a secret is " 3: whispering no.
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Why were Star Wars Episodes 4, 5, and 6 released before 1, 2, and 3?
Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was.
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Why are black people fast runners?
They have 3 long strong legs.
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What do a burnt pizza, a frozen beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
In all 3 cases, someone forgot to pull it out.
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Why do white girls travel in groups of 3?
Because they can't even
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How many ears does Leonard Nimoy have?
3. A left ear, a right ear, and the final frontier.
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What's the difference between a problem and a challenge?
A: A student repsonds, "3 boys + 1 girl = problem. 1 boy + 3 girls = challenge."
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What has 3 tails 4 trunks and 6 feet ?
An elephant with spare parts !el
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What did (x) say to (x)?
A: (Rude slang) Examples: What did the catterpillar say to the leaf ;3 "F*** you"
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Who is that walking up my driveway?
Anxiety in 3...2...1... knock, knock *sigh* "WAIT A SECOND!" *mumbles* "I need to find pants."
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How many 210 lb policemen does it take to throw a 140 lb suspect down 3 flights of stairs?
None, he fell.
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How many redditers does it take to change a light bulb?
3. One to screw it in, the next to claim credit and the third to be a bot that reposts.
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What's the best part about being a meth addict?
3 sleeps 'til Christmas
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What happened to the Polish dog?
He chewed off 3 legs and was still caught in the trap
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Why is Canada the part of the Illuminati?
Because they have 3 ehs in the name. C-eh-N-eh-D-eh
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What's the difference between the number 3 and David Cameron?
One's a prime number, the other's a prime minister.
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Why were episodes 4, 5, 6 made before 1, 2, 3?
Because in charge Yoda was.
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How many telemarkers does it take to change a light bulb?
3. One to change the bulb and two to talk about how beautiful the turns were.
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How does a Russian count '1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi...'?
1 CCCP, 2 CCCP, 3 CCCP... Iwillseemyselfout
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Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3?
Because in charge of directing, Yoda was
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What's a cats favorite song?
3 blind mice
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Why did the 3-legged dog go back to Dodge City?
To see who shot his "paw."
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Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?
They couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.
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What do you call someone who speaks 2 languages?
Bilingual What do you call someone who speaks 3 languages? Trilingual. What do you call someone who speaks only 1 language? American.
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How many SEC football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1. And they get 3 credits for it.
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What's the difference between a blue 7 and a red 4?
3, duh. (My ex's 9 year old little sister told me this joke, and followed is up with: "and YOU'RE the math guy!" >< Burned.)
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What happens when 2 meets 3 at Times Square?
36
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What's the difference between ELI5 and AskScience?
About 3 replies in the top comment thread.
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What has 3 arms, 1 hat, 2 shirts, 1 jacket, 1 scarf, 1 gun, and 4 ears?
The Tchernobyl cowboy.
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There are 10 kinds of people in this world.
Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who weren't expecting a base 3 joke.
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Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Utah?
Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
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When would a discount be a bad thing?
Have 3 abortions and get the fourth free.
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Why wasn't Jesus born in Washington DC?
They couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin
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What's the difference between Santa and a pimp ?
Santa has just 3 Ho's...
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Why Wasn't Jesus born in Italy?
They couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
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What do you call 3 agnostics sitting at a bar?
I don't know.
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How many Sayians does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But it'll take 3 episodes, and Krillin dies.
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What do you call a person who knows 3 languages?
Trilingual. What do you call a person who knows 2 languages Bilingual. What do you call a person who knows only one language American.
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What's another name for floor pie?
3
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What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
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What do you call 3 Puerto Ricans, 1 Chinese Man, and 4 black guys?
A water sprinkler.
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What is amnesia?
Is it: A) memory loss A) memory loss Or 3) The Battle of Hastings
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How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"
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Who else does this?
1. wets toothbrush 2. puts toothpaste on toothbrush 3. wets toothbrush again 4. does backflip on to huge pile of money
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What did the 2 say to the 3?
Do you even, bro?
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What is 1 + 1"?
The mathematician says "2" The Physicist says "2, plus or minus 0.1" The engineer says "Probably around 2, but let's say 3 to be on the safe side".
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Why can't there be a League of Legend's team of 5 Lucians?
Because you can't have a team with only 3 champions.
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How did the 3 legged frog get across the 4 lane freeway?
Take the F out of Free, and the F out of way and you'll have your answer.
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What is a 72?
A 69 with 3 people watching.
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What is 1 + 1?
3 if you don't use protection.
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What are the three kinds of women's cancer?
1. Breast Cancer 2. Ovarian Cancer 3. Feminism
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What is the difference between a corrupt cop and a disposable camera?
A disposable camera doesn't have to reload 3 times to take 30 shots.
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How many Arabs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1.. 2.. 3.. BOOM
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How many ears do Star Trek fans have?
3, Right Ear, Left Ear and The Final Front-Ear.
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What are the most racist jokes you know?
There were 3 car accidents in Mexico 70 people died. What do you call a bunch of black people in a swimming pool? Coco puffs.
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What do you call a Five Guys restaurant in Africa?
3 Guys
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What is the difference between a 5 and a 2?
3
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Why do they call the 3 musketeers.. musketeers?
Not one of them uses a musket =( justsayian
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How does a Chinese family name their children?
They throw 3-9 pots and pans down a flight of stairs.
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What is twitter?
3. Twitter is beautiful. 4. What is life
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What is the difference between a Sun Devil fan and a pet rock?
About 3 IQ points
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What did you get me for Mother's Day?
3-year-old: A cake. Wife: Where is it 3: You haven't made it yet.
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What has 3 heads, 2 legs, and 4 arms?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
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Why are people who suffers from insomnia so excited at the moment?
They only have to sleep 3 more times until Christmas
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Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?
The cow has the udder.
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Why did they release Star Wars 4, 5 & 6 before 1, 2 & 3?
Because off sequence, Yoda was.
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What are the most common 3 words used all around the world?
Made in China.
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What is worse than getting a wrong call at 3 AM in the morning?
Getting a right call.
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Why do white girls only travel in groups of 3, 5, and 7?
Because they literally can't even.
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What do you call a cat with 3 legs?
A handicat
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Which 3 words will make a mexican tremble in fear ?
Round of 16
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Whats the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?
Santa stops at 3 Ho's (sorry if it's a re-post)
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Why wasn't Jesus born in Detroit?
Because God couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.
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3 SQL statements walk into a NoSQL bar. Soon, they walk out
They couldn't find a table.
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What do Pimps and Santa have in common?
They stay with 3 ho's
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What do you call a bird with 3 wings and 3 legs?
Triangull
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Why wasn't Jesus born in Puerto Rico?
He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
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What do you call a rifle that fires 3 bullets at once?
A trifle!
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How do we know that Jesus wasn't born in Mexico?
Because he'd never have been able to find 3 wise men and a virgin.
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What are the 3 rings involved in marriage?
1) The engagement ring 2) The wedding ring 3) The suffering
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What do you call a 3 legged cow named Summer in the winter?
Summer...Her name's summer.
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Where do people go when they die?
Me: Heaven. 3: I don't want to go there. Me: Why not 3: It's full of dead people.
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What's the difference between a Blues musician and a Jazz musician?
A blues musician plays 3 chords to audiences of thousands. A jazz musician plays thousands of chords to audiences of 3
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What 3 things that tell the truth?
Drunk men. Little children. Yoga pants.
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How are a full count in baseball and a mutated 2 time convict the same?
They both have 3 balls and 2 strikes.
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How many blonde's does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 3. 1 to find the bulb 1 to find a ladder and 1 to find a man.
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How many Arabs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1.. 2.. 3.. BOOM
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What has 16 balls and 3 pubic hairs?
A sleepover at Michael Jacksons house
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What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
Humphrey. (I was told this joke by an actual dad, it was his response to one of my jokes)
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How would you describe yourself in 3 words or less?
Doesn't follow instructions very well.
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What's the similarity between Santa Claus and your doorbell ringing at 3am?
It's your dad.
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What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
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Why is Batman so jealous of Superman?
Because he has 3 dead parents and Bruce only has 2
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How did 3 know 4 was a Ballerina?
He had a 2-2.
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What is up with 1, 3, 5, 7, 9?
I can't even...
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What's 72?
What's 72? 69 with 3 people watching!
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What did Woody say to Buzz?
A lot. There were 3 movies.
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How do you fit 3 babies in a bowl?
Blender. How do you get them out? Chips.
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Where can you buy a 3 headed flying purple camel with 74 noses?
Ebay.
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What do you call a cow that's missing a leg?
A 3 legged cow
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What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples?
A senior high school math problem.
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What do you call a Russian with 3 balls?
Whodyanik Abolokof
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What do you call a man with a flamethrower?
2. What do you call his first victim 3. What do you call his second victim 1. Bernie 2. Crispin 3. Ash
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How many blonde's does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 3. 1 to find the bulb 1 to find a ladder and 1 to find a man.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?
3, and the rest are true stories.
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Why did the baseball player fail at the math test?
He used base 3.
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How many blonde's does it take to screw In a light bulb?
3: One holds the light bulb, and the other two spin the Chair.
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What's worse than dropping a scope of ice cream?
Dropping 2 scoops of ice cream. What's worse than dropping 2 scoops of ice cream? Getting a hand chopped off. What's worse than getting a hand chopped off? Getting both hands chopped off. What's worse than getting both hands chopped off? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Dropping 3 scoops of ice cream.
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What instant coffee and Sasha Grey have in common?
3 in 1
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What's the difference between a Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
Santa stops at 3 ho's
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What's the difference between Santa Clause and Tiger Woods?
Santa stops at 3 ho's.
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How much is half of 8?
Pupil: Up and down or across Teacher: What do you mean Pupil: Well up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!
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What is the difference between a bowling ball and a sorority girl?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball
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Why does Santa have 3 houses?
One for each of his hoes.
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What has 6 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?
The Boston marathon finish line.
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How much wine can a cat drink?
2. How do you resuscitate a drunk cat 3. Will they do an autopsy on a dead cat
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How much is half of 8 Pupil: Up and down or across ?
Teacher: What do you mean Pupil: Wellup and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0
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What do you do to an elephant with 3 balls?
Walk him and pitch to the rhino.
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Why was the girl at starbucks counting her coins in 3's?
Because white girls cant even
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What do you call a terrorist on the moon?
A problem. What do you call when 3 terrorists are on the moon? A problem. What do you call when all the terrorists are on the moon? A solution.
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Why do you call a person with 3 legs?
Mutated
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What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
my girlfriend who's a high school teacher heard this from a student the other day) Q: What do you call a cow with 3 legs? A: Lean Beef Q: What do you call a cow with no legs? A: Ground Beef Q: What do you call a cow with 2 legs? A: Your mom
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What do you call a man with 3 testicles?
Whodyanickabollockoff
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What sound do dogs make?
3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon.
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What do you call an antelope with 3 legs?
A slantelope.
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What's the difference between an airplane bathroom and your mom?
Your mom can fit 3 people inside her comfortably!
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What is an ark?
2) How 2 build ark 3) Can god just build ark 4) Are snakes necessary 5) Is god real or am I high
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What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving?
1. Minimum wage 2. Police reform 3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise
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What are 3 naked woman on a crate of beer?
In the way!
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How many things do you need to change a lightbulb?
3, a person, a ladder, and another lightbulb
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Why wasn't Christ born in Ireland?
Because they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.
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What are the first 3 words in every authentic Mexican recipe?
Steal a chicken
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What has 1 hand, 3 legs, 6 feet, and 2 heads?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
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Why do heroine addicts rarely have meetings late in the afternoon?
Because it's dangerous to shoot for 3 or even 4.
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What do you call a brunette and three blondes in a corner?
A: You don't you see if you've got 3 condoms.
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How many NBA finals does Lebron plan on losing?
not 1 not 2 not 3 not 4 not 5 not 6 not 7
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Why are you putting on makeup, Mommy?
Me: So I look less tired. 3: Why are you tired Me: Because I'm a mom. 3: Why are you a mom Me: 3:
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What's half of 8?
5. The other half is 3.
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How was your day?
Lifeguard 2: Sad, I saw a bear in lake 1: How is that sad 2: He could bearly swim! 1:.. 2: He ate 3 campers
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How does Microsoft count to 10?
1, 2, 3, 95, 98, ME, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10.
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What do you call a 3 humped camel?
Pregnant.
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Why doesn't Gabe Newell play basketball?
Because he can't make 3's
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Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Montana?
They couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin!
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What do you need 4 dollars for?
3's enough. Here's 2." and gives him 1.
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What does a priest and a christmas tree have in common?
The balls are for decoration!
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How to be Like Jesus 1. Be a carpenter. 2. Be a nice guy. 3. ?
4. Prophet.
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What's the difference between a barrel rider, and a can of Copenhagen?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a can of Copenhagen.
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Why do milking stools only have 3 legs?
Because the cow has the udder
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What has 3 thumbs and was born near a nuclear power plant?
This guy
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What 3 candies do you find in school?
Redhots, DumDums, and smarties.
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What's the difference between a 3 figure and a 4-figure suit?
1 figure, literally and figuratively.
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What has 3 legs and 3 eyes?
Three pirates
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What is round, heavy, has 3 holes, and is often found in a gutter?
My ex wife.
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How many blonde's does it take to screw In a light bulb?
3: One holds the light bulb, and the other two spin the Chair.
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What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?
Santa stops after 3 Ho's
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Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?
Because the cow has the utter.
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What do you get from 3 girls from Arkansas?
Damn near a whole set of teeth.
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How did the hippie remember the number of wives he had?
He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi...
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What did the 3 holes in the ground say?
Well, well, well
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Why don't cows drink milk?
because they lactose I don't know why I found this so funny! ready for the down vote to begin 3
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What are 3 two letter words that say small?
A: Is it in.
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What do you call a bunch of furries, an all girls volleyball meet, and a video game tournament?
Genesis 3.
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Why do white girls always walk around in groups of 3?
Because they can't even!
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How old was I when I was 3?
me *grabs hammer* *smashes college fund jar*
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What is your fee?
Lawyer says: "1000 US dollars for 3 questions." Man: "Wow - so much! Isn't it a bit expensive " Lawyer: "Yes, what is your third question "
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Why couldn't the 3 speed mixer get auto insurance?
He was high whisk.
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What did 2 say to 3 about 6?
Oh don't mind him, he's just the product of our times!
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What do you call a newborn with 3 arms?
Not mine
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What do you do with a Rhinoceros with 3 balls?
You walk him and pitch to the giraffe.
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What do you call 3 Irish tree surgeons?
Tree fellas
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What are a school teachers 3 favorite words?
June, July, and August.
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What's the scariest 3 letter acronym for a soldier in Afghanistan with a 15 year old daughter at home?
IUD
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Why do 2 bit gamblers never win at blackjack ?
Because they can only count to 3.
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What's the difference between Santa and Justin Beiber?
Santa stops at 3 Ho's
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What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake What do you call a cow with no legs ground beef What do you call a cow with 3 legs lean beef
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What does the number 3 have in common with a Tumbler user?
They both can't even.
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What 3 books would you have on a desert island?
ME: My first book is more books. F: What These aren't wish M: Second book's a TV.