50 Jokes

  • How awesome were the 50s?

    None of the girls had tramp stamps & you could smoke in hospitals.

  • What has 50 legs but cant walk ?

    Half a centipede !

  • Why do you have a copy of 50 Shades of Grey in your bathroom?

    Perv! Me: Oh. No that's just for when I run out of toilet paper.

  • Why do women love the smell of babies so much?

    Because 50% of the taste is in the smell.

  • What do you get if you cross 50 Shades of Grey with Blurred Lines?

    A greydient

  • Whats the age of consent in Thailand?


  • What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

    I wouldn't pay 50 to have a lentil on my face...

  • What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

    Your Honor.

  • What has 100 legs but can't walk?

    Johnny: 50 pairs of pants? Jimmy: No, A centipede. Jhonny: What? why? Jimmy: Because I squished it

  • Why did the bachelors purchase double amputee strippers for their party?

    Because they were 50% off!

  • How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    A: 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"

  • How do you get 50 Canadians out of a swimming pool?

    Please get out of the swimming pool"

  • How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about .2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.

  • What do you call a burger made from 50% beef and 50% veal?

    Half Calf

  • What do you say to a lawyer with a IQ less than 50?

    Good morning your Honor!

  • Why is there only 50 shades of grey?

    Why not 5,000 What's stopping them

  • What do you call the kinkiest/nastiest move from 50 Shades of Gray?

    The Gray Poupon

  • Why are redditors so bad at "getting" jokes?

    this isn't even a joke... some of y'all are borderline retarded, "I don't get it" is like a given for 50 upvotes around here. If you don't get a joke, just take the L and move on to the next post....

  • What is the difference between my car and Whitney Houston?

    My car can hit 50.

  • How is the Battle for Hogwarts like a Black Friday sale?

    Weasley twins are 50% off

  • What does a Doctor do when he needs 50 bags full of fruits?

    He goes to Orlando and checks the Pulse.

  • Why is a room of 50 doctors safer than a room with 1000 doctors?

    You can't survive in 1000 degrees. *credit to my friend Neriah.

  • What's 50 Cent's new name?

    50 Drachma.

  • What book does the Queen of England read to get herself into a raunchy mood?

    50 Shades of Earl Grey

  • Why did the kid only water half the lawn?

    Because there was a 50% chance of rain

  • What's not 50% off today?

    Health insurance

  • How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb ?

    A: 50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .

  • What has 200 legs 50 noses and is very loud?

    A herd of stampeding aardvarks!

  • How do you get 50 Canadians out of the swimming pool?

    Say, " Everyone out of the pool please."

  • Why is Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa?

    I thought he didn't care about the 1%

  • What do you call a Muslim who plays '50s rock music during Ramadan?

    a Rama-dana-ding-dong

  • What's the difference between Whitney houston and my car?

    My car can make it to 50.

  • Why is he 50m from where he got shot?

    Our best guess was he tried crawling home to clear his browser history"

  • Why did Micheal Jackson go to JC Penny?

    He heard little boys pants were 50% off...

  • What do you call 50 feminists on a bus?

    Trick Question. You can't fit 50 feminists on a bus.

  • What did the mayor of dinosaur town say when crime increased by 50%?

    This calls for Jurastic changes

  • What'd ya call 50 n*ggers at the bottom of the ocean?

    A good start. P.S: N*ggers=Naggers. I hate those guys. What did you think?? )

  • What's the best way for a lady to read 50 Shades of Grey?

    To flick through it as fast as possible.

  • What did you get 100 in?

    Jason: Two things: I got 50 in Spelling and 50 in History. Mother: Well at least you can add !

  • What state is the highest on every top 50 list?


  • How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about .2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.

  • What do you call an Englishman with an IQ of 50?

    Colonel, sir.

  • What's it like to tweet "My cat sneezed" and get 500 RT in the first minute ?

    My cat would be dead before I got 50

  • How do you fit 50 elephants into a subway station?

    You take the letter "f" out of the word "way" (there's no f in way) *joke works best when the person being asked the question has to think about it for some time and says the phrase themselves without realizing what they said

  • Who are some of the best readers in the world?

    World Trade Center workers, some of them can read 50 stories in just 8 seconds!

  • Who are the world's fastest readers?

    The 911 victims. They went through 50 stories in a minute. I'm so sorry

  • How about some snappy one-liners?

    Ironically, the only way you could get me to watch 50 shades of gray is if you tied me up and forced me to watch it.

  • What does JCPenny and teenagers have in common?

    Pants 50% off

  • How do you get 50 Pikachus on a bus?

    Poke 'em on.

  • What do you call a naked old man crawling out of a coal mine?

    50 shades of grey's anatomy

  • How many people with OCD does it take to fix a lightbulb?

    Only one, but they have to turn it on and off 50 times before they're sure it's fixed.

  • What do the LGBT community and computers have in common?

    Most people over 50 are scared of them and think they are destroying the fabric of society!