911 Jokes

  • Why was 10 afraid?

    Because it was in the middle of 9/11

  • What is your emergency?

    Me: I love you. 911: Hang up. Me: No you hang up. 911: Stop. Me: This is so us.

  • What's your emergency?

    Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.

  • Why did 0.81 recurring die?

    Because he was 9/11.

  • Why did 10 go missing?

    Because 9/11.

  • What does 9/11 and owning CP have in common?

    The government will watch you for the next 15+ years

  • Why didn't the blond call 911?

    She couldn't find the 11 on the dial pad.

  • How many questions did the politician answer?


  • What's the difference between 9/11 and a dead cow?

    You can't keep milking the dead cow for 13 years

  • What's the difference between Polio and 9/11?

    The government actually wanted to stop Polio.

  • What would have happened if asians had committed the attacks of 9/11?

    10/11 with rice, thanks for your suggestion

  • How many years before we forget if 9/11 was in '00 or '01?

    15 or 16

  • How do you find a dirty cop?

    Call 911, it doesn't matter who answers

  • What two things look exactly the opposite but mean exactly the same?

    9/11 and 11/9 - darkest days in American history

  • What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

    You can't milk a cow for 15 years.

  • Why did the Aggie call 911 in the car wash?

    He thought he saw the rotating car washer as a tornado

  • Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?

    A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

  • What's worse than 9/11?

    311 Credit goes to my friend Max.

  • What is the difference between 9/11 and landscaping?

    Landscaping is an outside job.

  • What can conspiracy theorists never explain?

    They say that 9/11 was an inside job... but planes fly OUTSIDE. Can't explain that

  • What should have tipped off the airline ticket sellers on 9/11?

    When the terrorists asked for anything cheaper than one-way.

  • What's your emer- DOG: HE THREW A BALL BUT I CAN'T FIND IT DOG 911: He still holding it?


  • Whats the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?

    Their knees

  • What happened to the number 10?

    It got stuck in 9/11

  • Why were the people in the World Trade Center mad on 9/11 ?

    Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and all they got was plane.

  • Why can't a blonde dial 911?

    Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven.

  • What's ur emergency?

    Goldfish: I forgot Goldfish 911: Forgot what Goldfish: WHO IS THIS Goldfish 911: I DON'T KNOW

  • Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 Who?


  • What's your emergency Possum: MY CHILDREN ARE ALL DEAD! Possum 911: You sure they aren't just playing?

    Possum: Oh yeah

  • What is your location?

    Me: And you're to blame 911: Pardon Me: You give love a bad name 911: I'm hanging up

  • What's the difference between a cow and 911?

    You stop milking a cow after 14 years..

  • What do I do?

    Someone else yells "Call 911!" The blonde yells back "What's the number "

  • Why were the people in the Twin Towers disappointed on 9/11?

    They ordered 2 pepperoni pizzas, but all they got were 2 large plains.

  • What is the difference between a goat and 9/11?

    You cannot milk a goat for 13 years

  • What's the same with 9/11 and Goliath and the giant?

    They were both caused by a message from god.

  • How often does jet fuel melt steel beams?


  • What happened to the the Pentagon after the plane crash in 9/11?

    It turned into a hexagon.

  • What's worse than raining cats and dogs?


  • What's your favorite tasteless 9-11 joke?

    Here's mine. Knock knock. Who's there 911. 911 who You said you'd never forget

  • Why are Republicans always so strung up about 9/11?

    A: Elephants never forget.

  • How do you prevent 9/11?

    Make it a Malaysian airlines flight.

  • Why didn't the conspiracy theorist make his irreverently named pet sleep outside?

    Because 9/11 was an inside dog.

  • What's your emer- She said don't get her anything for Valentine's Day! 911: And you didn't?

    No! 911: Placing you in protective custody.

  • How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship?


  • When is Independence Day 2 coming out?


  • How was 9/11 an inside job?

    If the planes came from the outside.

  • Whats ur emergency?

    OMG my neighbours cat is stuck on the roof-" 911: Ma'am, this is an emergency only service- "-of my sons mouth."

  • What's the difference between 9/11 and your birth?

    One was planned.

  • Why was 10 traumatized?

    Because it was in the middle of 9/11

  • Whats the difference between a cow and 9/11?

    Americans cant milk a cow for 14 years.

  • How is learning to ride a bicycle and 9/11 alike?

    Because you never forget!

  • What is something that you never forget on a field trip?


  • Who's There?.........9/11.....9/11 Who?

    I thought you said you'd never forget...."

  • Why are 9/11 jokes never funny?

    Because they always fly over everyone's head.

  • Who's rhere?

    9/11. 9/11 Who You said you would never forget.

  • What's your emergency, sir?

    Me: I'm being taken away by ducks! I'm being- 911: Please don't do this, sir M: AbDUCKted! 911: *hangs up*

  • What's the difference between the 9/11 attack and a dairy cow?

    You stop milking the cow after ten years.

  • What does 9/11 and cancer have in common?

    They were both inside Jobs

  • What's the difference between a cow, and 9/11?

    You can't milk a cow for 14 years.

  • What's the difference between PirateBay and 9/11?

    One is piracy and the other is CONSpiracy

  • Where did Sally go during 9/11?


  • What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

    You stop milking a cow after 10 years.

  • Why'd the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him?

    It was an emergent sea.

  • How much steel can a dank meme melt if a dank meme melts steel beams?

    9/11 beams

  • What was the first thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 victims?

    Their knees! Please comment "No"

  • What did the chinese guy say to the mongoose?

    Bing fwong dong 9/11