Accord Jokes

  • What colour is eight?

    Purple (According to my 3 year old son)

  • What do you get when you cross a Mexican cholo and an ill tempered Irishman?

    a surprisingly stable person according to my Homie O'Statis.

  • What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a Saturn Ion?

    An Accordion. ...I'll, uh, see myself out.

  • Where is Jennifer's husband?

    Jennifer is 21 years older than her son Douglas. 6 years from now, Jennifer will be 5 times as old as Douglas. Question: Where is Jennifer's husband? Solution: J=D+21 J+6=5(D+6) According to my math, Douglas has 3/4 years, which means -9 months. Pregnancy lasts for nine months, so Jennifer's husband is in the bed with her right now. Sauce:

  • How many times should you try starting your snowblower before you realize it's not going to start?

    According to my neighbor it's 458 times.

  • What is ISIS's favorite smartphone?

    Samsung Note 7 , according to them it's "the bomb" nowadays.

  • What was the #1 summer blockbuster, according to Cat Fancy magazine?

    Mad Manx: Furry Road

  • Who is your favorite President of China?

    According to her it's Mao.

  • How Many Russians Does It Take To Invade Crimea?

    None according to the Russians.

  • How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?

    Santa Claus has 10 reindeers according to the song.

  • How is snow white?

    Pretty good according to the 7 dwarfs

  • What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

    A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.

  • How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

    None. According to Trump, they outsourced it to India & China.

  • How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

    Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

  • Why was Edward unable to get out of Russia?

    Because he was Snowd en! (according to my friends this joke has been around for awhile, but I hadn't seen it yet, and wanted to share the goof)

  • How do librarians file melted marshmallows?

    A: According to the Gooey Decimal System.