Add Jokes

  • Whatya doin?

    Me: I fixed the toilet so I'm adding Potty Fixer to my resume W: You mean Plumber M: DO I LOOK LIKE A HOUSE SCIENTIST

  • How do you make one girl disappear?

    just add a G and now she's gone.

  • Why do Mexicans hate cooking pasta?

    When they boil the water, they always have to add that *pinche* salt.

  • Why did the agnostic man cross the road?

    To get to the other side, but he was very spiritually uncertain add he did so.

  • How do you stick things together like Fred Flinstone?

    You add a dab of glue.

  • How do painters stay warm?

    They add another coat.

  • Why is a dog with a lame leg like adding 6 and 7s?

    He puts down the three and carries the one.

  • How do you make an Ethiopian grow?

    Just add water.

  • Why was the calculator salesman happy when he sold his cheapest calculator?

    Because they all add up!

  • When does a bed grow longer?

    A: At night, because two feet are added to it.

  • How do you make a latte?

    Add $5 to a cup of coffee.

  • What did the author say when he added a chapter about flour to a story about soup?

    The plot thickens!

  • Why didn't the Irishman add another bean?

    He stopped at 239 because if he added another one it would be 'too farty'. It would've been funnier if I could do an Irish accent.

  • What did 'b' say to his friend 'e' after 'e' saved his life?

    AY E! I O U edit: added Y

  • How do you make a salad wrap?

    By adding some beets

  • Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586?

    A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605.

  • Why couldn't the skeleton add 1 + 1?

    Because he doesn't have a brain

  • What makes a pun, fun?

    Add an h.

  • What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin?

    Person 2: A log cabin! Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!

  • Why would they add "twerk" to the dictionary?

    People that would use said word can't read.

  • How do you make soup golden?

    You add 24 carrots.

  • How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?

    Wanna go ride bikes? My all time favorite joke. Sorry if it has already been posted but who has the time to browse all of .

  • What did the man say who couldn't add the same number to itself?

    I can't even...

  • What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples?

    A senior high school math problem.

  • Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?

    He was making up for lost thyme. Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.

  • What did you get 100 in?

    Jason: Two things: I got 50 in Spelling and 50 in History. Mother: Well at least you can add !

  • Why did NBC add the Michael J. Fox Show to its line-up?

    To shake things up on network tv.

  • What do you do when you find Michael J. Fox in your hot tub?

    Add your laundry.

  • How do you know that Keira Knightley doesn't exist?

    A: Because the camera adds 10 pounds.

  • Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?

    Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".

  • How about Santa?

    Ok but let's add something fierce so they are afraid to defy him

  • What do you call a Children's show with some Alcohol added in?

    Booze Clues.

  • Why does d' perfect Irish stew require exactly two hundred n' terty nine beans?

    Because if you added one more it'd be two farty.

  • Why was the monkey attracted to the paint?

    Cuz it was yellow and appealing! Sorry if this is bad. Seen too many of the same jokes here and I wanted to add an original joke.

  • Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calulator?

    A: She couldn't find the 10 key.

  • How can you make a soup rich?

    Add 14 carrots (carats) to it.

  • Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?

    A: She couldn't find the 10 key.

  • How do you turn soup to gold?

    Add 24 carrots

  • Why sugars are very unhappy these days?

    It is sweet but still is not getting added do any thing!

  • What did phenolphthalein do when he couldn't understand his Chemistry homework?

    He just added Acetic Acid until it became clear.

  • What can you add to any food to make it taste better?

    The word "free"

  • What do you get when you add root beer to a square cup?


  • What does batman like adding to his drinks?


  • What does batman add to his tea?

    Just ice.

  • Why doesn't anyone ever add Paul Walker on Xbox?

    He spends all of his time on the dashboard.

  • What would you call an additional day added to the week?


  • What's the worst kind of joke?

    Clickbait. Edit: Added a space which triggered someone.

  • What happened when Apple added the new touchbar?

    They're taking away functions, and there's no escape.

  • What happens when you accidently add an extra p to tp?

    Banned from

  • How do you turn soup into gold?

    You add 24 carats!

  • What's your best limerick?

    There once was a fellow McSweeny Who spilled some gin on his weenie Just to be couth He added vermouth Then slipped his girlfriend a martini

  • How do you add up a mountain?

    You summit.

  • How many raisins do I have to add to this bag of M&Ms before it qualifies as trail mix?

    One I say one.

  • What did the abacus say to the adding machine?

    Calc you later!

  • Whats camp for kids with ADD called?

    Concentration camp.

  • How do you make the number one disappear?

    Add the letter G and it’s “gone”!

  • How do you turn chicken masala into chicken marsala?

    Have a pirate cook it...they always add an "arrr"...

  • How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Let's go ride bikes!

  • Why, don't you look nice!?

    I said, "Thanks." "It wasn't a compliment." she added.

  • How do you stir up the politics in a Coca Cola drink?

    You add ices.

  • How are you doing in arithmetic ?

    I've learned to add up the zeros but the numbers are still giving me trouble.

  • How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Wanna go ride a bike?

  • What are the type of numbers you get when you take an integer and add it to itself?

    I can't even

  • How do you help someone with ADD or ADHD?

    Send them to a concentration camp!

  • How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?

    None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.

  • How does a cow add and subtract?

    With a cowculator.