Add Jokes
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Whatya doin?
Me: I fixed the toilet so I'm adding Potty Fixer to my resume W: You mean Plumber M: DO I LOOK LIKE A HOUSE SCIENTIST
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How do you make one girl disappear?
just add a G and now she's gone.
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Why do Mexicans hate cooking pasta?
When they boil the water, they always have to add that *pinche* salt.
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Why did the agnostic man cross the road?
To get to the other side, but he was very spiritually uncertain add he did so.
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How do you stick things together like Fred Flinstone?
You add a dab of glue.
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How do painters stay warm?
They add another coat.
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Why is a dog with a lame leg like adding 6 and 7s?
He puts down the three and carries the one.
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How do you make an Ethiopian grow?
Just add water.
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Why was the calculator salesman happy when he sold his cheapest calculator?
Because they all add up!
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When does a bed grow longer?
A: At night, because two feet are added to it.
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How do you make a latte?
Add $5 to a cup of coffee.
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What did the author say when he added a chapter about flour to a story about soup?
The plot thickens!
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Why didn't the Irishman add another bean?
He stopped at 239 because if he added another one it would be 'too farty'. It would've been funnier if I could do an Irish accent.
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What did 'b' say to his friend 'e' after 'e' saved his life?
AY E! I O U edit: added Y
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How do you make a salad wrap?
By adding some beets
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Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586?
A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605.
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Why couldn't the skeleton add 1 + 1?
Because he doesn't have a brain
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What makes a pun, fun?
Add an h.
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What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin?
Person 2: A log cabin! Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!
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Why would they add "twerk" to the dictionary?
People that would use said word can't read.
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How do you make soup golden?
You add 24 carrots.
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How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?
Wanna go ride bikes? My all time favorite joke. Sorry if it has already been posted but who has the time to browse all of .
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What did the man say who couldn't add the same number to itself?
I can't even...
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What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples?
A senior high school math problem.
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Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?
He was making up for lost thyme. Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.
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What did you get 100 in?
Jason: Two things: I got 50 in Spelling and 50 in History. Mother: Well at least you can add !
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Why did NBC add the Michael J. Fox Show to its line-up?
To shake things up on network tv.
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What do you do when you find Michael J. Fox in your hot tub?
Add your laundry.
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How do you know that Keira Knightley doesn't exist?
A: Because the camera adds 10 pounds.
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Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?
Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".
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How about Santa?
Ok but let's add something fierce so they are afraid to defy him
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What do you call a Children's show with some Alcohol added in?
Booze Clues.
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Why does d' perfect Irish stew require exactly two hundred n' terty nine beans?
Because if you added one more it'd be two farty.
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Why was the monkey attracted to the paint?
Cuz it was yellow and appealing! Sorry if this is bad. Seen too many of the same jokes here and I wanted to add an original joke.
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Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calulator?
A: She couldn't find the 10 key.
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How can you make a soup rich?
Add 14 carrots (carats) to it.
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Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?
A: She couldn't find the 10 key.
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How do you turn soup to gold?
Add 24 carrots
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Why sugars are very unhappy these days?
It is sweet but still is not getting added do any thing!
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What did phenolphthalein do when he couldn't understand his Chemistry homework?
He just added Acetic Acid until it became clear.
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What can you add to any food to make it taste better?
The word "free"
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What do you get when you add root beer to a square cup?
Beer.
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What does batman like adding to his drinks?
JUST-ICE
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What does batman add to his tea?
Just ice.
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Why doesn't anyone ever add Paul Walker on Xbox?
He spends all of his time on the dashboard.
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What would you call an additional day added to the week?
Sumday
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What's the worst kind of joke?
Clickbait. Edit: Added a space which triggered someone.
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What happened when Apple added the new touchbar?
They're taking away functions, and there's no escape.
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What happens when you accidently add an extra p to tp?
Banned from
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How do you turn soup into gold?
You add 24 carats!
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What's your best limerick?
There once was a fellow McSweeny Who spilled some gin on his weenie Just to be couth He added vermouth Then slipped his girlfriend a martini
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How do you add up a mountain?
You summit.
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How many raisins do I have to add to this bag of M&Ms before it qualifies as trail mix?
One I say one.
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What did the abacus say to the adding machine?
Calc you later!
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Whats camp for kids with ADD called?
Concentration camp.
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How do you make the number one disappear?
Add the letter G and it’s “gone”!
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How do you turn chicken masala into chicken marsala?
Have a pirate cook it...they always add an "arrr"...
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How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?
Let's go ride bikes!
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Why, don't you look nice!?
I said, "Thanks." "It wasn't a compliment." she added.
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How do you stir up the politics in a Coca Cola drink?
You add ices.
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How are you doing in arithmetic ?
I've learned to add up the zeros but the numbers are still giving me trouble.
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How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Wanna go ride a bike?
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What are the type of numbers you get when you take an integer and add it to itself?
I can't even
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How do you help someone with ADD or ADHD?
Send them to a concentration camp!
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How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.
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How does a cow add and subtract?
With a cowculator.