Apple Jokes
-
What is Apple users favorite movie?
No Escape
-
Why do people never see an Apple store getting robbed?
It doesn't have windows.
-
How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A lot, apparently. Have you seen their new building?
-
Why do computer teachers never get sick?
Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
-
What's the difference between a worm and an apple ?
Have you ever tried worm pie !
-
Why did Snow White buy an android phone?
She thought the apple was poisoned.
-
What's the best way to milk a sheep?
Ask Apple.
-
What's the difference between a pretty girl and an apple?
One you squeeze to get cider, the other you get 'side her to squeeze.
-
What do you call a man holding two apples in one hand and three oranges in another?
No chance of blocking an uppercut.
-
What did the apple say to the apple pie?
You've got some crust."
-
What do you call a booth babe at Apple's events?
ICandy
-
What do Oranges and Apples have in common?
They're both orange except for the Apple.
-
What's the difference between an apple and a hormone?
You can't hear an apple
-
Who's there ! Apple ! Apple who ?
Apple the door myself!
-
Why did Steve Jobs die too soon?
Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
-
What do Apple and Rose have in common?
They both lost jack.
-
What did the apple tell the annoying orange?
Citrus down.
-
Why do white girls like Apple?
Because once go Mac you never go back.
-
How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, because they charge you $500 for the iLightbulb.
-
Why does the Empire use Apple?
Because they couldn't find the droid they were looking for
-
What did the apple say to the banana?
Nothing -- apples don't talk!
-
What do Apple and Blackberry have in common?
Neither one has Jobs.
-
How do you get a job with Apple?
Be born in China.
-
How does an apple a day keep the doctor away?
When you take careful aim.
-
Why Romeo could not meet Juliet at an Apple Store?
Poor Juliet! Did not know Apple stores don't have Windows!
-
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
-
Why did Steve Jobs decline chemotherapy?
Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
-
Why doesn't Ebola harm fruit?
Because if it affected an Apple it'd be called I-Bola.
-
What do Apple and the US economy have in common now?
No Jobs
-
What do you call Apple's next beauty product?
The iLiner.
-
What is loud and sounds like "apple"?
scream) APPLE!!!
-
What do you call a fake Apple product?
An i-phony
-
Why won't Apple's new MacBook sell well?
because it has NO FANS!!! (get it no fans ... thank you!! don't forget to tip your server.)
-
How do we know Snow White was a hipster?
She could never say no to apple.
-
Why is Apple donating money to cancer research?
Cancer stole our jobs!"
-
How do you know if you've fallen in love with an apple from France?
Your heart goes "pomme pomme ... pomme pomme ..."
-
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A pear. P.s. got this joke in a cracker. If anybody gets it can you please explain it. My family is stumped.
-
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple ?
Because everyone had to go on in pairs !
-
What did Samsung say to Apple?
You don't no jack!
-
What do blacks and apples have in common?
If they're not being sold on a farm they're hanging from a tree. Da ho, no I didnt.
-
What do Intel, Google, Uber, eBay, McDonalds, Budweiser, AT&T, Oracle, Disney, Boeing, IBM and Apple have in common?
Immigrants
-
Why don't apples smile when you go bobbing ?
Because they're crab apples !
-
How do you make apple jelly?
google maps.
-
What kind of apple isn't an apple?
A pineapple.
-
What got the apple into skydiving?
Pear pressure.
-
What is loud and sounds like an apple?
AN APPLE!**
-
What's the difference between an apple?
A bike because a vest has no sleeves.
-
Why couldn't the apple speak to the orange ?
because he didn't know Mandarin
-
What would Apple laptops be called if Steve Jobs had been Irish?
McBook Eyre
-
How do you milk sheeps?
With Apple accessories.
-
Why are Apple products popular with hipsters?
Steve Jobs went underground.
-
What has everyone been doing at Apple since the problems with the iPhone 6 started?
Looking for Jobs.
-
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them
-
What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree ?
A pineapple !
-
How many Apple workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to over hype the new lightbulb and one to make sure it breaks within a year.
-
Why did the apple cross the road?
To get to the other cider.
-
How many Apple executives does it take to change a light bulb?
They dont. They turn it into the hype of the new generation.
-
What do you get when you cross menstruation and apples?
The MaxiPad
-
How many Apple workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to over hype the new lightbulb and one to make sure it breaks within a year.
-
What color are apples?
BOBO THE GORILLA: (signing) Please free me from this prison ME: (writing) Still struggling with colors
-
Why wont Apple ever make a car?
Because it can't have windows in it!!!!
-
How do you know if someone's an expert archer?
Put an apple on your head & stand still he'll Tell you.
-
How long have I got?
Not long. Two, three months" casually places apple on desk "Ok, ok, six. Just get that out of here!"
-
What kind of apple has a short temper?
A crab apple.
-
What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple?
He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy.
-
How are lawyers and apples similar?
They both look good hanging from a tree
-
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do?
It can look round.
-
How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.
-
Why do feminists hate Apple?
Because they're not PC.
-
Why did Jon Snow wait in line at the Apple store ?
For the watch .
-
What do reddit fans and Apple fans have in common?
They both like seeing the same thing a year later.
-
How many Apple executives does it take to change a light bulb?
They dont. They turn it into the hype of the new generation.
-
Why can't you have two Apple watches?
Because then it would be a pair (pear)!
-
What did the snake day to Adam after he bit the apple?
You owe Eve an O.
-
What's loud and sounds like "apples"?
APPLES!!!*
-
What do Porsche and Apple have in common?
New product, same design.
-
Why are all updates to Apple stuff piratical?
Because they all involve iPatches.
-
Why did Eric Clapton make the switch from PC to Apple?
Well because he had a horrible experience with windows. (credit to Neil Hamburger for this amazing joke)
-
What is the difference between an apple and an orange?
None, the two are not a snake
-
How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.
-
Why was the iPad sad?
Someone took a bite out of its Apple.
-
Where did the apple go when it's parents died?
Answer: To a Bananas foster home.
-
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.
-
Who's there ! Crispin ! Crispin who ?
Crispin crunchy is how I like my apples !
-
Why did Apple employee get away jacking off in the office?
Because there are no windows!
-
What is Apple's CEO's favourite TV show?
Lost
-
What kind of phone does The Flash use?
Not an iPhone because Apple doesn't support flash
-
What reads and lives in an apple ?
A bookworm !
-
What do you call it when you drop an apple on the ground?
A fruit by the foot
-
What do a racist and an apple have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree
-
How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A lot, apparently. Have you seen their new building?
-
Why does ACDC prefer Android to Apple?
She's Got The Jack
-
Why do SJWs hate Apple computers?
Because they're not PC
-
How many Android users does it take to buy an iPhone?
Zero. Apple doesn't accept EBT.
-
What did the maggot say to his friend when he got stuck in an apple ?
Worm your way out of that one !
-
How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, because they charge you $500 for the iLightbulb.
-
What hits the ground first?
The apple because the black man was stopped by a noose.
-
What happened when Apple added the new touchbar?
They're taking away functions, and there's no escape.
-
What do you get when you mix a Mexican with an octopus?
I dont know, but it sure as hell can pick apples.
-
How do you get the most apples at Halloween?
Take a snorkel.
-
What did the Gorilla do with the apple he was holding in his hands?
He brought it to school and said 'An Ape-lle for the teacher!'
-
What do you do when your Apple device gets warm?
Ask apple to open the backdoor.
-
What is juicy on the inside, dry on the outside, and has "apple" in it?
A roasted baby with an apple in its mouth.
-
How are black people and apples similar?
They both look good hanging from trees
-
Why couldn't the apple send an e-mail to the orange?
Because the lime was engaged.
-
What do black people and apples have in common?
They both look better hanging.
-
What lives in apples and is an avid reader?
A bookworm !
-
What did the banana say to the apple?
Nothing. Fruits can't talk. Idiot.
-
How can you tell if someone uses Apple products?
Just wait and they'll tell you.
-
What does an apple and an apple tree have in common?
A: They both don't drive tractors.
-
What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months?
A: An Apple turnover.
-
What's an Apple Scottish self-aware computer called?
I, Mac.
-
Why is an apple a Dalek's favourite fruit?
Because it keeps the Doctor away!
-
What is Apple's favorite song?
Hit the Road Jack"
-
Why don't they use Macs/iPads in hospitals?
Because using an Apple a day keeps the doctors away.
-
What's worst than biting into an apple and finding a worm?
Biting into an apple and finding half a worm!
-
What does a pirate wear if he works at Apple?
iPatch
-
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?
A crab apple !
-
How do you say genius sarcastically?
Apple genius.
-
Why did the apple cry?
A: Its peelings were hurt.
-
What did the apple say to the pear?
Man, go away!
-
What do stupid kids do at Halloween?
They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins.
-
What falls first an apple or a black man?
An apple because the balackman hangs.
-
Why did Jon snow stand in line at the Apple store?
For the watch!
-
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple?
Worm your way out of that one then!
-
What do you call a business that doesn't sell Apple's sea monster?
A bus
-
Whole Foods Cashier: Do you have your grocery bags?
Me: Kidding At $6 an apple you should drive them home and make an apple pie for me.
-
What do you get hanging from Apple trees?
Sore arms.