Apply Jokes

  • How do apply for a job at the NSA?

    You make a private phone call to anyone else, and submit your application.

  • Why did you apply for this job?

    Me: Because being broke and homeless didn't really call out to me.

  • Why do they call it "Lipstick?

    When a woman can easily move her lips after she applies it

  • What do a UT Austin student and a Texas A&M student have in common?

    They both applied to UT Austin

  • How many applicants does it take to change a light bulb?

    Only one but 200 applied for the job.

  • Why do Republicans hate lotion?

    Because the directions say to apply it liberally.

  • Why did the Republican get a sunburn?

    Because the sunscreen instructed to apply liberally and he was unwilling to compromise.

  • Why wasn't the man considered attractive?

    The laws of gravity didn't apply to him.

  • What Would Beyonce Do?

    Would she apply for a job Nope. She'd just show up one day like "I work here now."

  • What did the memory say to the processor?

    If you apply a voltage to me, I'm going to flip a bit!

  • What kind of cologne applies itself?

    Elon Musk

  • What Supreme Court decision applies to fishermen bringing a small boat to shore?

    Row v. Wade

  • What do "white privilege" and "severely mentally handicapped" have in common?

    Both terms are almost universally misunderstood by the people to whom they apply.

  • What do you do when your wife starts smoking?

    Slow down and apply lube

  • What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied?

    Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!

  • What did Apply say to the iPhone 7?

    Hit the road, Jack.

  • How many applicants does it take to change a light bulb?

    Only one but 200 applied for the job.