Arm Jokes
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How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave at him
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
Bob.
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs who likes to go swimming?
Bob.
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Why did Jesus get all the ladies?
Because he was hung like this (extends arms to sides)
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What do you call an Italian man without arms?
A mute. Sorry if repost.
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Why was Aron Ralston arrested by the FBI?
For giving arms to Iraq.
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What do you call two guys with no arms or legs hanging from a window?
Curt and Rod
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When birds fly in a 'V' formation, one arm of the V is usually longer than the other. Do you know why that is?
There are more birds on that side.
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What do you get a kid without arms for Christmas?
Gloves, but he doesn't know that yet.. since he can't open it.
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What do you call a man in the middle of the ocean with no arms or legs?
Bob
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What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?
Amputee
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Why do people wear sleeveless shirts?
They like to express the right to bear arms.
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What do you find hanging from cherry trees?
Your arms have gotten sore.
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Why couldn't the soldier feel his legs?
Because his arms were blown off.
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What do you call an Italian with no arms?
Deaf
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What does an octopus wear on a cold day?
A coat of arms!
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What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch?
Names!
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Why dad?
he asks. Because my arm is getting tired
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What do you call 222,215 Frenchman with their arms up?
The active french armed forces.
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What did the little girl with no arms or legs get for Christmas?
Cancer. :(
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Why is horse racing so romantic?
Because the horse hugs the rails the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye!
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Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
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Why did little Johnny fall off the swing?
he didn't have arms. Why did little Sarah fall off her bike Someone threw a fridge at her.
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What is brown and has got four legs and an arm?
A Rottweiler on a children's playground.
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What do you call an Asian lady sitting on a fence with no arms or legs?
Pai-Ling
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Why couldn't Susie ride the swings?
A: Because she has no arms! Knock knock. Who's there Not Susie!
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When I see a "How am I driving?
sticker, I want to take the driver in my arms and tell them that I too have questions about my existence
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What has six legs two arms four eyes and a tail?
A man holding an aardvark.
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What do you call an Irish guy with no arms and no legs hanging out on your front porch?
Patio Furniture.
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What are your best 'no arm, no legs' jokes?
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on his porch Matt.
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the water?
A: Bob
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What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?
GLOVES! Just kidding, he hasn't opened the box yet.
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What is yellow and can't swim?
An excavator. And why? Because it only got one arm.
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What do you call a kid with no arms and no legs?
Names
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What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
I dont know, hes still trying to kick it open.
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What do you call Mike Tyson without any arms?
Whatever you want
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs inside a volcano?
Anakin Skywalker. (Happy Geek Pride Day!)
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What did the bobby (English policeman) say to the hitchhiker with three heads, no arms and one leg?
Ello 'ello 'ello, you look 'armless, 'op in."
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What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and sits in a pile of leaves?
Russell.
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Why couldn't Harry play basketball?
Because he's got no arms.
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What do you call a person who is outside a door and has no arms nor legs?
Matt
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What did the kid with no arms and legs get for Christmas?
Cancer
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs... ... sitting at your door?
Matt. ...floating in your pool Bob. ...hanging on your wall Art. ... water skiing Skipper.
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How much does automail cost?
An arm and a leg.
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What do you call a turkey with no arms?
a turkey
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What did the child with no arms get for Christmas?
Gloves. Just kidding, he hasn't opened it yet.
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Why'd Sally fall off the swings?
Cause she's got no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
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Why can't the little girl color the elephant in her coloring book?
Her arms are amputated.
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What happens when a calculus teacher with one arm can't figure out a proof?
He gets stumped.
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What's got four legs and one arm?
An attack dog in a preschool.
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Why did Sally fall of the swingset?
She had no arms. BONUS JOKE: Knock Knock. Who's there Not Sally.
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs playing in the leaves?
Russell.
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How do black people get tans at the beach?
They lay down on their backs and put their legs and arms toward the sky.
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What has two arms and 14 legs?
Guy who collects legs.
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How did Helen Keller break her arm?
She broke it trying to read the road signs.
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How does an octopus go to war?
Well-Armed
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Who's there ! Butch ! Butch who ?
Butch your arms around me !
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Which wizard can help you tone up your arms and upper body?
Dumbbelldor.
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What do you call a Scottish man with no arms and no legs?
a bell.
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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Bob
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What is the fastest way to get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A. Wave at her.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hot dog bun?
Frank
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What do you call someone with no arms?
Disarmed.
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What do you call a man with no arms and legs that falls into a body of water?
Bob.
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How long are your arms?
Jesus: Why Judas: Like in a cross, how long Jesus: A what Judas:Across. How long across.
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Why did the little girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms
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What did the doctor say to the man that broke his arm?
Be patient
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How much does Jesus love you?
Thiiiiiiis much. (Must be said while arms are raised out to side)
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs?
Matt
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What do you call a man on your porch?
Mat. I neglected to mention he has no arms or legs.
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Why did Lucy fall off the swing?
Jimmy pushed her... Which is a shame because she was getting used to swinging without arms.
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your swimming pool?
Bob
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell
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What did the child with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
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What do you call someone with no arms and no legs being towed behind your boat?
Skip.
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Why do people with no arms have difficulty remembering?
Because they can't put their finger on it.
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What do you call a man without arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?
Claude!
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How many possibilities does a man with no arms and legs have?
Limbitless
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What has five arms, three legs and a head?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon
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What did the guy with no arms and no legs get for christmas?
Cancer.
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How much does it cost to buy multiple prosthetic limbs?
An arm and a leg.
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How do you stop a thundering herd of Apes?
Hold up your arm and say "Go back you didn't say 'May I'"
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What did the boy with no legs and arms get for Christmas?
Cancer
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a lake?
Bob
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What did the boy with no arms & legs get at the World Cup?
Cancer. ( )
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What do you call a man with three arms and a pegleg?
I have no idea because the actual joke is always in the comments.
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What has eight arms and an IQ of 80?
Four girlfriends drinking on St Patricks Day!
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What did the children with no arms and legs get for Christmas?
Cancer
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What do you call... ...a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob
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What do you call a pirate with two legs, two arms and two eyes?
Noob.
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How could a leper afford a nice house?
It cost an arm and a leg
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Why did the T-Rex's girlfriend leave him?
Because he said he only loved her this much (hold out t-rex like arms) Sorry this one requires a bit of a visual, but I thought you guys might like it
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Why do all the ladies love Jesus?
spreads out arms to fullest length) Because he was hung like this.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean?
Bob
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What do you call a guy with no arms and not legs laying on a porch?
Matt
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What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?
Art.
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What famous actor costs an arm & a leg to hire?
ARMold SchwarzenLEGger
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Why did Sally fall off the swingset?
Because she had no arms. "knock knock" "whose there?" "not sally!"
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What has arms but can't move them?
A small child paralyzed from the waist up.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, lying in a ditch?
Phil
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What did the russian soldier say when he held his newborn sibling in his hands for the first time?
You're my brother in arms!"
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Why do american bears have forelimbs?
They have the right to bear arms
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What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs hanging over a window?
Kurt and Rod
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What do you call a man with no arms?
Anything you want. He is 'armless
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Why did Timmy fall off the swing?
Me: why Him: Timmy has no arms. Knock knock. Me: Who's there Him: Not Timmy.
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Why couldn't Sally use the swings?
She had no arms Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally. What did Sally get for her Birthday? We don't know, she didn't open it yet.
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What do you call twins with no arms and no legs, hanging by a window?
Curt 'n Rod
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How did Helen Keller break her arms?
She tried to read a road sign going 45mph
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Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Definitely not Sally. Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream? He was hit by a truck Why didn't the truck turn out of the way? Sally Was driving
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs driving a car?
Rex (made this one up myself!)
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What do you call a man with no arms & no legs... ...hanging on the wall?
Art ...floating in the sea Bob ...laying on the floor Matt ...down in a hole Phil ...sitting in a pot Stu ...
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How can you tell if the kid that stole your bike is half black and half polish?
He's running down the street with the bike under his arm.
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Why was the guy from 127 Hours arrested for espionage?
He was proven guilty of providing arms to Iraq
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What do you call 5 guys who have no arms or legs and a woman floating in the water together?
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob and Ann
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What do you call a man with one arm?
Hand Solo
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How much does a red lightsaber cost?
An arm and a leg edit: slightly improved punchline
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Why did little Suzy fall of the swing set?
She has no arms... Knock knock Who's there Not Suzy
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What did the little boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
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Why is Def leppard the best band to listen to while driving?
Because you only need one arm to drum along..
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What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
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What do you cal a man with no arms and no legs fighting with his cat?
Claude
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What do you call an archer who got his arms cut off?
Deranged.
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What do you call an Italian guy with one arm shorter than the other?
A Speech Impediment :)
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What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a banjo player?
A tattoo.
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Why can't Sally ride the swings?
Cause she doesn't have arms. Knock, Knock, Whose there Not Sally...
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Where can you find a dog with no arms and no legs?
Right where you left it
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What do you call a New Zealander with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.
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How do you get a one armed Canadian out of a tree?
Wave to him!
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What do you do if you break your arm in two places?
Don't go back to those two places.
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What has eight arms and tells the time?
A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled behind a boat?
Skip
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What does a Soldier and a Shoulder have in common?
They have access to arms.
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How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
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Why did Joey fall of the swing?
Because he doesn't have arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Joey.
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How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
You wave hello!
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What does a child without arms get for x-mas?
gloves! nah don't know, it hasn't opened the present yet
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What do you call an Irishman with no arms and no legs who's rolling down a hill?
Rick O'Shay.
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What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms or legs?
Bob.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs playing in a pile of leaves?
Rustle
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russel.
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What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eyepatch?
Names.
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in water?
Bob
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a high school?
Names
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What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pit bull.
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How do you know the Statue of Liberty isn't French?
It doesn't have both arms raised. And yes I know the French manufactured the Statue of Liberty and gave it to the United States
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying under a pile of leaves?
Russel.
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How did Helen Keller lose her arm?
Trying to read the road signs!!!
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How did the turtle with no arms and no legs cross the freeway?
Here's a hint: take the F out of Free and take the F out of Way
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Why did jillian fall of the swing?
She had no arms! Why didnt jillian get back up? She had no legs! Knock knock! Whos there? Sure as hell not jillian :)
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What do you call a kid with one arm and three legs?
Unfortunate.
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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas?
I don't know, he hasn't opened his presents yet.
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What has four legs and one arm?
A K-9 unit on MLK Boulevard
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What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks?
A: Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms!
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What did the boy with no arms & legs get at the World Cup?
Cancer. ( )
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Why could Jimmy not drive a tractor?
Because he had no arms or legs. Why Because he is a potato.
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What did people call Putin after he lost an arm?
Amputin
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How much did the skeleton charge for his excellent legal services?
An arm and a leg.
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What do you call a boy with no arms and an eyepatch????
Names
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Why did Mary fell from the swing ?
Because she hasn't got arms !
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What do you call someone with no arms or legs?
Jeffrey. Knock knock, Who's there? NOT JEFFREY
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How much for this toaster?
An arm & a leg." "How about a leg & 2 fingers " "A leg & 3 fingers." "Deal!" - Cannibal Pawn Stars
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What does an Italian... What does an Italian have when one arm is shorter than the other?
A speech impediment. AY!
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Why did the football player laugh when he broke his arm?
Because it was humerus.
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What do you call a black with no arms?
Trustworthy.
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What will a blind, deaf child with no arms get for Christmas?
Cancer.
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What has got four legs and an arm?
A: A Rottweiler in a playground.
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What do you call a kid with no arms and legs and severe Down syndrome?
Names
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's trying to get home?
A taxi
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Where do you find a dog with no arms or legs?
Right where ya left him.
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Wheree did the king keep his armies?
IN HIS SLEEVIES LOL xp cuz it's like armies like babi talk for arms instead of an armie like a bunch of dudes w/ issues w/ theer masculinity np, glad i cud explain dis 2 u
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Why can't Bach play the piano?
He "Baroque" his arm, and also he's dead.
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What do you call a kid with no arms or legs at the front door?
Matt.
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What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?
We don't know she hasn't opened her presents yet.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leafs?
Russel
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What did the mother of the guy who broke his arms say at the beginning of every 'session'?
ssh bby is ok
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What does a person with no arms and a guy dating a vegetarian have in common?
They both get toe food
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What happened to the Arm &?
Hammer Deodorant car?
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What do you call a kid with no legs, no arms and an eyepatch?
Names.
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Why did Lucy fall off the monkey bars?
A: She's got no arms Me: Knock Knock Them: Whose there Me: Not Lucy.
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What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?
One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Bob.
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What do you do when you stumble upon a one-armed Polish man stuck in a tree?
You wave!
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs?
Matt. No arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Bob.
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Why was little Billy so sad when his friends played on the swingset?
He had no arms. Sorry that joke was stupid, let me try again. Knock Knock "Whose there?" Not Billy
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What has nine arms and blows?
Def Leppard
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What's worse than losing one arm?
Losing both your arms.
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What has 4 legs and an arm?
A happy pit bull.
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How are you doing this morning?
Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you
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What do you call a boy with no arms and legs in the middle of the ocean?
Bobby
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What's black and got ten arms?
I've got no idea, but it probably can pick cotton like hell.
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What did the robot say to the centipede?
Stop being a centipede." Get it, because the robot has no arms! Hahhahaha, gets me everytime.
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What's the easiest way to twist someone's arm?
Thalidomide
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What do you call an Italian with one arm?
Speech impaired.
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What do you call a black man with no arms or legs?
TRUSTWORTHY!
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, who hangs out in your pool?
Bob
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How did the octopus lovers walk down the road?
Arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm.
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Why were all the ladies attracted to Jesus?
Because he was hung like this. (Hold your arms out wide)
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How much did the cannibal pay for his new sports car?
I don't know but I heard it cost him an arm and a leg.
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Who's there ! Butcher ! Butcher who ?
Butcher your arms around me !
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What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?
Bob.
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What has ten legs and nine arms?
Def Leppard
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Why is it that arms tell the funniest jokes?
Because they are humerus
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What do you call a pretty lady on the arm of a drummer?
A Tattoo.
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What would you do if you broke your arm in two places?
Vanderkron: I wouldn't go to these places no more!
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What do you call a kid with no arms and legs playing baseball?
2nd base.
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What do you call a mentally ill person without arms and legs?
Call him whatever you want, its not like he's gonna get up and do anything about it.
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What do you call a person who is missing his left eye, left ear, left arm and left leg?
Alright.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your front porch?
Matt. Others:
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What do you call an Irishman with no arms and no legs on a pool table?
Rick O'Shay
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What do you call a boy with no arms and an eye patch?
Names! -Bo Burnham
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How did Hellen Keller break her arms when she fell down a well?
She was shouting for help.
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How did the Idiot break his arm while raking leaves?
He fell out of the tree.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Russel
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What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eye patch?
Names.
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Why cant billy ride the swings?
he has no arms. knock knock. Whos there Not billy
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What is your favorite dumb joke?
Mine would have to be Why did sally fall out of the tree? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not sally.
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What do you call a guy with no arms & no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russel
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What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and is on fire?
Bernie.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep?
Mat
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?
Matt
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Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop.
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What did the Italian dressing say to the French dressing?
Nothing. Dressings don't have arms
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What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names