Astronaut Jokes

  • How do Astronauts screw in a lightbulb?

    They don't: They screw in a vacuum.

  • What do astronauts put on their toast?

    Space Jam.

  • What's a astronauts favorite food?

    Lays, because they are full of air.

  • What did the astronaut from AA say in space?

    Houston, I have a problem."

  • How do you tell an astronaut where they're going?

    Straight up.

  • How do astronauts plan a party?

    They planet. (Plan-et)

  • Which astronaut wears the biggest helmet?

    The one with the biggest head.

  • What did the man say when he accidentally bumped into the astronaut?

    I Apollo-gize"

  • Why can't astronauts stay in a long term relationship?

    They need space.

  • How did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

    I just need some space."

  • What do you call a Mexican walking on the moon?

    An astronaut you racist..

  • Why did the IT guy want to be an astronaut?

    So he can find router space.

  • Where do astronauts leave their spaceships?

    At parking meteors.

  • What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend?

    I need space.

  • What kind of gum do astronauts chew?

    Hubble Bubble

  • Why didn't the astronauts stay on the moon?

    Because it was a full moon and there was no room.

  • Why was the astronaut so sore?

    He had a buildup of ga-lactic acid.

  • What do you call an astronaut who loves himself?

    A NASAccist!

  • What type of knot do you tie in space?

    An astronaut.

  • What do astronauts wear to bed?

    Space Jammies!

  • How do astronauts make a party?

    They planet.

  • What do astronauts do to host a party?

    They planet.

  • What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend when he broke up with her?

    I need some space.

  • What happened to the astronaut who was knocked out?

    He saw stars.

  • Why don't astronauts keep their jobs very long?

    Because as soon as they start they get fired.

  • What part of the computer the astronaut likes the most?

    A space bar.

  • Why don't astronauts take anything seriously?

    They don't grasp the gravity of the situation...

  • What do astronauts get?

    missile toe

  • What does an astronaut say when he's sorry?

    All my Apollo-gies.

  • What does a astronaut put in a sandwich?

    Space Jam

  • What do you think astronauts wear to keep warm?

    Girl: Apollo neck jumpers

  • Why did the kid with muscular dystrophy want to be an astronaut, a doctor, a lawyer, and a NASCAR driver when he grew up?

    He had a lot of aspirations.

  • Why don't astronauts get hungry after being blasted into space?

    Because they've just had a big launch.

  • What do you call a black man in space?

    An astronaut.

  • Why are there no astronauts on

    Because in space, no one can hear you stream.

  • Why didn't the astronauts land on the moon?

    Because it was full. * (from a taffy taffy wrapper--oh my god what am I doing with my life)

  • What do you call an Asian woman on the moon?

    an Astronaut

  • What do you call an astronaut that doesn't like being touched?

    A personal space man

  • Why wasn't the astronaut paying attention?

    Because he was spaced out.

  • What kind of cell phone reception do astronauts get on the moon?

    1/6 G My 8 year old son came up with this one.

  • When do you ground an astronaut?

    When they're astronauty.

  • Where do astronauts leave their spacecraft?

    At parking meteors.

  • How does it feel son?

    Astronaut: Feels pretty good to be 33 million miles away from Dave Matthews Band

  • How do you calm down an astronaut?

    you give him space.

  • What did the astronaut get on his science project?

    He received a T minus.

  • Why are Astronauts seen as condescending?

    Because all they do is look down at people.

  • What did the astronaut get instead of athlete's foot?

    Missile Toe

  • What color were eyes of the Astronaut on the Challenger when it exploded?

    Blue. One blue this way ---- and the other blue that way -----

  • Why is it hard dating an astronaut?

    Because they have space issues.

  • What do you call a donut that is out of this world?


  • Why didn't the approaching black hole concern the astronaut?

    He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

  • Why do astronauts bring their phone into space?

    Because they can get 4g

  • Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

    Because he needed his space.

  • What do you call a donkey throwing nuts?

    An astronaut.

  • How do astronauts say they're sorry?

    They apollo-gize.

  • What's the difference between an astronaut and a NASA intern?

    One's constantly preparing for lunch.

  • How does the astronaut cut his hair?


  • What does an astronaut do when he gets angry?

    He blasts off: