Astronaut Jokes
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How do Astronauts screw in a lightbulb?
They don't: They screw in a vacuum.
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What do astronauts put on their toast?
Space Jam.
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What's a astronauts favorite food?
Lays, because they are full of air.
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What did the astronaut from AA say in space?
Houston, I have a problem."
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How do you tell an astronaut where they're going?
Straight up.
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How do astronauts plan a party?
They planet. (Plan-et)
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Which astronaut wears the biggest helmet?
The one with the biggest head.
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What did the man say when he accidentally bumped into the astronaut?
I Apollo-gize"
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Why can't astronauts stay in a long term relationship?
They need space.
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How did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
I just need some space."
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What do you call a Mexican walking on the moon?
An astronaut you racist..
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Why did the IT guy want to be an astronaut?
So he can find router space.
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Where do astronauts leave their spaceships?
At parking meteors.
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What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend?
I need space.
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What kind of gum do astronauts chew?
Hubble Bubble
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Why didn't the astronauts stay on the moon?
Because it was a full moon and there was no room.
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Why was the astronaut so sore?
He had a buildup of ga-lactic acid.
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What do you call an astronaut who loves himself?
A NASAccist!
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What type of knot do you tie in space?
An astronaut.
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What do astronauts wear to bed?
Space Jammies!
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How do astronauts make a party?
They planet.
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What do astronauts do to host a party?
They planet.
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What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend when he broke up with her?
I need some space.
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What happened to the astronaut who was knocked out?
He saw stars.
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Why don't astronauts keep their jobs very long?
Because as soon as they start they get fired.
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What part of the computer the astronaut likes the most?
A space bar.
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Why don't astronauts take anything seriously?
They don't grasp the gravity of the situation...
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What do astronauts get?
missile toe
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What does an astronaut say when he's sorry?
All my Apollo-gies.
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What does a astronaut put in a sandwich?
Space Jam
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What do you think astronauts wear to keep warm?
Girl: Apollo neck jumpers
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Why did the kid with muscular dystrophy want to be an astronaut, a doctor, a lawyer, and a NASCAR driver when he grew up?
He had a lot of aspirations.
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Why don't astronauts get hungry after being blasted into space?
Because they've just had a big launch.
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What do you call a black man in space?
An astronaut.
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Why are there no astronauts on Twitch.tv?
Because in space, no one can hear you stream.
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Why didn't the astronauts land on the moon?
Because it was full. * (from a taffy taffy wrapper--oh my god what am I doing with my life)
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What do you call an Asian woman on the moon?
an Astronaut
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What do you call an astronaut that doesn't like being touched?
A personal space man
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Why wasn't the astronaut paying attention?
Because he was spaced out.
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What kind of cell phone reception do astronauts get on the moon?
1/6 G My 8 year old son came up with this one.
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When do you ground an astronaut?
When they're astronauty.
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Where do astronauts leave their spacecraft?
At parking meteors.
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How does it feel son?
Astronaut: Feels pretty good to be 33 million miles away from Dave Matthews Band
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How do you calm down an astronaut?
you give him space.
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What did the astronaut get on his science project?
He received a T minus.
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Why are Astronauts seen as condescending?
Because all they do is look down at people.
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What did the astronaut get instead of athlete's foot?
Missile Toe
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What color were eyes of the Astronaut on the Challenger when it exploded?
Blue. One blue this way ---- and the other blue that way -----
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Why is it hard dating an astronaut?
Because they have space issues.
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What do you call a donut that is out of this world?
Astronaut-----
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Why didn't the approaching black hole concern the astronaut?
He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
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Why do astronauts bring their phone into space?
Because they can get 4g
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Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
Because he needed his space.
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What do you call a donkey throwing nuts?
An astronaut.
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How do astronauts say they're sorry?
They apollo-gize.
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What's the difference between an astronaut and a NASA intern?
One's constantly preparing for lunch.
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How does the astronaut cut his hair?
Eclipse
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What does an astronaut do when he gets angry?
He blasts off: