Audience Jokes

  • What's the difference between a Blues musician and a Jazz musician?

    A blues musician plays 3 chords to audiences of thousands. A jazz musician plays thousands of chords to audiences of 3

  • How did you travel such a distance so fast?

    I went through a wormhole." Worms in the audience: Omg this is so unrealistic.

  • Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker?

    Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.

  • Why do golf commentators speak softly?

    To not wake the audience.

  • Why did the alcoholic quit his acting career when the audience jeered at him?

    He couldn't handle his boos.

  • How did I know my joke was not alright with my audience?

    They all left.

  • When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."?

    No one should be that happy.

  • How does Times Square start the new year?

    By having Mariah Carey drop the ball! "The audience can sing this one."

  • What's the difference between a political speech and a stand-up comic show?

    They both tell the audience what they are glad to hear. But at the end, the audience laughs at the comic, and the politician laughs at the audience.