Avoid Jokes

  • Why do ISIS fighters avoid Montreal restaurants?

    because they serve Poutine.

  • How can you avoid falling hair?

    Get out of the way.

  • What food should you avoid if you don't want to go to court?

    Sue-shi! I'll excuse myself.

  • What part of a hospital does an abortion patient avoid?

    The right wing

  • How does a barber avoid getting hair in his food?

    By giving her a Brazilian wax first!

  • Why did the Gorilla enlist in the ragged continental army?

    To avoid the draft!

  • Why did Hannibal invade Rome?

    OC Well it was kinda hard to avoid, what will all roads leading there and what not.

  • Why did the European businessman sleep on the streets?

    To avoid a hostel takeover.

  • What brand should suicidal people clearly avoid?

    Nike. Their motto says just "Just do it".

  • What was your college major?

    Me: How to avoid student-loan debt, with a minor in teen pregnancy.

  • What's your first name?


  • How to avoid falling trap to clickbaiting?

    Sorry, you can't!

  • Why should you avoid people dressed as celery?

    They could be stalking you!

  • What is the best way to avoid having your flight bombed?

    Bring your own bomb! Cause what are the odds that there are **two** bombs on the same plane

  • Why does Meek Mill avoid shopping on Black Friday?

    Because the stores advertise "Back to Back" savings.

  • How did I avoid getting hit by a Wfay?

    I got the f out of the way.

  • Why did the vegan avoid the confrontation?

    He didn't want any beef.

  • Why does the addict avoid going to the bank?

    Because he suffers from cash withdrawals.

  • How to avoid clickbait?

    clearly, you wouldn't know...

  • How can you avoid clickbait?

    Not like this.

  • Why do Fencers avoid posting on reddit?

    They are afraid of the Reposte.

  • Why do christians avoid trigonometry ?

    because there is alot of sin going on.

  • What type of tea does the Social Justice Warrior avoid?


  • How do you get a hipster to take a shower?

    Give them a leaky showerhead. You know, so they can avoid the main stream.

  • Why did the commuter want the carpool driver to take the bridge?

    To avoid car-pool tunnel!

  • What letter should you avoid?

    The letter A because it makes men mean.

  • What is the difference between everyone and bullets?

    I avoid everyone

  • Why are Catholics the worst drivers?

    They always pull out at the last second (usually to avoid a child).

  • What did the cancerous contractor say to his apprentice?

    Avoid the insulation asbestos you can.

  • What did he tell people in order to make them avoid taking it?

    Eschew! Eschew!

  • What's a Cuban's favorite song?

    Row row row your boat Over to Key West Scarily scarily scarily scarily Avoid the INS

  • Why did the two chickens cross the road?

    To avoid debating Bernie Sanders

  • Why do butchers avoid buying cattle from Colorado?

    Because the steaks are too high.

  • Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food?

    It was on a strict diet of worms. edit: changed pronoun to avoid ambiguity

  • How do you get over a fear of elevators?

    Just take some steps to avoid them!

  • Where are people in Dallas staying to avoid getting Ebola?

    The Cowboys Stadium. Because they can't catch anything there.

  • Why do zoos pay for simian liability insurance?

    To avoid monkey suits

  • Why are socially-aware western tourists avoiding Nice, France for their late-summer getaways?

    All that Muslim hatred can really run you down.

  • How are skunks able to avoid danger?

    By using their instinks and common scents!

  • What take out food should you avoid at all costs in Hospital?

    Donor Kebab

  • Why do men want to marry a virgin?

    To avoid criticism and comparison.