Bathroom Jokes

  • What do you call the surveillance system that watches us all whilst we are in the bathroom?

    the panoptijohn

  • Why were there balloons in the bathroom?

    There was a birthday potty.

  • How do old people go to the bathroom?


  • What are you in the bathroom?


  • Why did the music student have a piano in the bathroom?

    Because he was practicing Handel's Water Music.

  • What do you call a group of hoes in a bathroom?


  • What do you say when a corrupt Soviet takes a bathroom break right before war?

    Now you're just Stallin.

  • Why can't you hear it when a pteranodon goes to the bathroom?

    Because they're all dead.

  • What are you when you're in the bathroom?


  • What's the best thing about a swimming pool bar?

    There's never a line for the bathroom.

  • What's the difference between an Art major and a guy who mops bathrooms at KFC?

    One has a job.

  • What do you do in the bathroom if you are trying to waste time?


  • What do the bathroom doors at the funeral home say?

    His and Hearse.

  • Why did the chicken run around screaming?

    Because he had to use the bathroom.

  • Why don't you want to take a Pokemon into the bathroom?

    Because it might Pikachu.

  • Why can't the porcelain king go to the bathroom?

    He was dethroned.

  • Why did the moron think his girlfriend was into metal?

    He found steel wool pads in her bathroom.

  • Where does batman go to the bathroom?

    The batroom.

  • Why was Piglet in the bathroom?

    He was looking for Pooh.

  • What do people with aspergers Do in the bathroom?

    They take an aspie

  • What does Justin Timberlake say when he goes to the bathroom?

    It's Gonna be Pee"

  • How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?

    A. Three if you slice them very thinly.

  • Why did Oscar Pistorius shoot his girlfriend in the bathroom?

    Because he's one of the few people in World that couldn't kick down the door.

  • What do you call a place where Mexicans go to the bathroom?

    A deport-a-potty.

  • What did the vowel say when it had to go to the bathroom?

    I need to do a vowel movement!

  • How can you tell Voldemort used the bathroom before you?

    He leaves a dark mark

  • Why did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?

    He ate his pizza before it was cool. (Written anonymously in the bathroom at work, a pizza joint.)

  • How was the Irish Jig invented?

    To much beer and not enough bathrooms

  • What kind of bathroom does Napoleon use?

    A Waterloo

  • Where do bees go to the bathroom?

    The BP station.

  • How do you play the Oscar Pistorius drinking game?

    Every time your girlfriend goes to the bathroom, take two shots

  • How long is one minute?

    It depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

  • Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl use a bathroom?

    The p is silent.

  • Where are you going to keep them ?

    Stan: In the bathroom Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath Stan: Blindfold them !

  • Why didn't the blond want to use her phone while using the bathroom?

    She was afraid someone would steal her IP address.

  • Who steals all the soap in the bathroom?

    The robber ducky

  • Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E?

    Because he had a vowel movement.

  • What broke?

    opens door* Just wait until I get out there!! parenting from the bathroom

  • Why do blonde girls go to the bathroom in groups of three?

    Because they can't even

  • What do you call using Tinder while you are in the bathroom?

    A swipe and wipe.

  • Why do you have a copy of 50 Shades of Grey in your bathroom?

    Perv! Me: Oh. No that's just for when I run out of toilet paper.

  • Where do bees go to the bathroom at?

    at the

  • If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you when you're in there?


  • What happens when the president of the United States has to use the bathroom?

    The state of alert in the White House rises to Defecate 2.

  • Why can't you hear pterodactyls go to the bathroom?

    Because dinosaurs went extinct 65 million years ago.

  • Why did no one believe the Psychologist ever went to the bathroom?

    Because the 'P' is silent

  • Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

    The p is silent.

  • What do you call a European using the bathroom?


  • What do you call it when you meet somebody in a bathroom at a conference?

    Pee-er to pee-er networking (P2P).

  • Why don't you take Pokemon to the bathroom with you?

    because they might Pikachu!

  • What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a bathroom in France?

    Linoleum Blownapart

  • Why are we at Home Depot?

    Me: I wanted to see what it's like to pick out bathroom tile with you. See if this is worth it.

  • How does Sherlock Holmes go to the bathroom?

    OC By process of elimination.

  • How many Germans does it take to tile a bathroom?

    Only one, if you cut him thin enough.

  • Why do girls go to the bathroom in groups?

    Hermione went alone and was attacked by a troll

  • Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

    Because pterodactyls are extinct.

  • What does it sound like when a pterodactyl uses the bathroom?

    Nothing, the pee is silent

  • Why do teenage girls go to the bathroom in 3s and 5s?

    Because they literally can't even.

  • How did Mummy know you hadn't had a bath?

    Eve: I forgot to dirty the towel wet the soap and flood the bathroom.

  • What did the choir teacher say to the student who asked to use the bathroom?

    Of chorus.

  • Where is the bathroom for I.T people located?

    At the I pee address.

  • How does a mathematician go to the bathroom?

    He works it out with a pencil.

  • How does a police officer go to the bathroom?


  • What type of key gets you into the bathroom the fastest?

    A dookie

  • What kind of plants grow in bathrooms?

    Toilet trees.

  • What happens when you go to the bathroom scared?

    A spooky dookie.

  • Where do cheeses go to the bathroom?

    In a Parma-John.

  • What musical instrument can be found in nearly every Bathroom?

    A tuba toothpaste.

  • What does Justin Timberlake say when he's going to the bathroom?

    It's Gonna Be Pee"

  • What do French people say after they've gone to the bathroom?

    Au revoir poo poo

  • Why did the Mummy go to the bathroom?

    A: To wrap itself in toilet paper!

  • Which Shampoo They Preferred?

    The Top Answers Was: Get The Hell Out Of My Bathroom!

  • What do you call it when an Asian composer really needs the bathroom?

    Rover Flows Out Of You.

  • Why do girls generally go to the bathroom in groups?

    Cause they're a bunch of pussies.

  • What bathroom does Roy G. Biv use?

    The colored one.

  • Why do pterodactyls use the bathroom so quietly?

    Because their p is quiet.

  • What was left in the bathroom on the starship Enterprise?

    The Captain's Log.

  • How does Queen Elizabeth win a game of poker?

    She goes to the bathroom.

  • What did the dance instructor say to her student when the student wanted to use her bathroom?

    Skip to my loo.

  • What does a networking robot say when returning from the bathroom?

    Sorry, I http"

  • What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?

    A tuba toothpaste.

  • Where does a vampire take a bath?

    In the bat-room (bathroom).