Bird Jokes
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What kind of bird lays electric eggs ?
A battery hen !
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Why do birds fly to the tropics in winter?
Why, wouldn't the winter be over by the time they reach, if they walk all the way along? So they fly.
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What do you get when you cross a Doberman with a bird?
A Doberman fincher!
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How did the bird get his bluetooth to work?
He had to parrot.
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Why is politics for the birds?
Because politiciands always parrot the same old lines!
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What did the bird say after its cage fell apart?
Cheap cheap!
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How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb?
Toucan
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Why don't birds ever wear underwear?
Because their pecker is on their head.
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Which birds steal soap from the bath ?
Robber ducks !
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What kind of bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
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Why didn't the bird cross the road?
It chickened out.
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What did the bird say when he flew over K-Mart?
Caw Caw why'd my natural habitat get replaced with 165 000 square feet of consumerist wasteland lol
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Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food?
It was on a strict diet of worms. edit: changed pronoun to avoid ambiguity
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How do birds record their songs ?
On duck tape !
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What's that diving?
Is it a bird, Is it a plane... No it's the British Pound...
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How does an elephant climb a tree?
A: He hides in an acorn and waits for a bird to carry him up.
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What do you get if you cross a bird with a monstrous snarl?
A budgerigrrrrr!
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Why are birds always short on cash?
Because they have bills.
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What bank do birds open accounts with?
The one with the most branches!
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Why couldn't the lake birds get along?
Because they were SWAN enemies.
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What did the umpire say when Randy Johnson hit a bird with his pitch?
Fowl ball.
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What does a bird with an injured wing need?
Tweetment!
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What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark ?
A bird that will talk you ear off !
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Why did the bird join he air force?
He wanted to be a parrot trooper!
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What do you get when you cross an elephant with a bird?
A: A gulp. It's like a swallow, only bigger.
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What's the best time to buy a bird?
When it goes cheep!
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Where do birds invest their money ?
In the stork market !
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What do you call a bird born in the 90s?
A millennial falcon.
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What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker ?
A bird that talks in morse code !
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What do you call a bird that flies over a baseball stadium?
A fowl !
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What do you call a bird that drunkenly conveys a compelling perspective on racial hatred?
Tequila Mockingbird.
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What did all of the birds do to the bird that couldn't fly?
They ostrich-sized him
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What kind of bird works on a construction site?
A Crane.
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Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween ?
It was for 'tick or tweet' !
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What do birds say on Halloween?
Trick-or-tweet!"
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What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights?
A chicken
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What did one bird say to another bird on New Year's?
WOW THAT YEAR FLEW BY
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What kind of bird can write?
A penguin.
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Why did the bird go to the restaurant?
Tweet!
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Where do birds meet for coffee ?
In a nest-cafe !
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What kind of bird is that?
Just look at that bird!
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What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts!
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What's a robin?
Fred: A bird that steals ma'am.
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Why don't birds have to wear camouflage?
Joke: Why don't birds have to wear camouflage? Punch: Because they are already "in the skies". Thank you, I'll see myself out.
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What bird can write underwater?
A ball-point Penguin!
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What kind of birds do girls like?
My-cawk!
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What's your opinion on birds?
Well, they're pretty fly if you ask me.
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What Bird?
Which bird symbolizes love? Swallow.
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What kind of birds do you usually find locked up ?
Jail-birds !
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What kind of khakis do birds wear?
Khakaws!
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What kind of bird flies around bays?
Bagles
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What has four legs and can fly?
Two Birds!
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What do you get when you kiss a bird?
Chirpies. It's a Canarial Disease. It's Untweetable!
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What do you call a bird who wants to have a different personality?
An alter eagle!
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Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it's too far to walk.
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What do you call a religious owl?
A bird of pray.
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What kind of bird does 2 Chainz own?
Toucan
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What's the phrase for when a bird spills a drink?
Party fowl.
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What do birds give out on Halloween?
A: Tweets.
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What kind of STD does a bird get?
Chirpies. :-)
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Why are birds always sad in the morning?
Their bills are over dew
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What do you call a bird of prey with high intelligence?
A falcon genius.
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Why do some birds fly south for the winter?
Its to far to walk.
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What kinds of birds are raised by only their mothers?
Blackbirds
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What do you get if you cross an eagle with a skunk?
A bird that stinks to high heaven.
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What kind of disease do you get from birds?
Chirpes. It's a canarial disease, and I hear it's untweetable.
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Whats the funniest type of bird?
Crows! they're the undisputed kings of CAW-Medy
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What did the bird say when it flew into the window?
Owl
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What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
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How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb?
Toucan
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How many people can ride on a bird?
Toucan.
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What does a Bird and a fridge have in common?
They Can Both fly except the fridge.
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Why didn't John die?
John is a bird.
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What kind of martial arts do birds practice?
Wing Chun
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When should you buy a bird?
When it's going Cheep.
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What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch?
A bird that's ugly but doesn't give a hoot!
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Why do they call a bird that lives by the sea, a seagul?
Because if it lived by the bay, it would be called a Bagel.
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What do birds order when they go to Starbucks?
Flappaccinos.
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Why did you steal that bird?
Prisoner: For a lark sir.
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What's the bird of love?
The Swallow.
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Why is one side of the flying-V longer than the other?
Because there's more birds in it.
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What kind of bird always sticks together?
A velcrow Courtesy of Jokels.com:
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Why did the eagle fly into the church?
It was a bird of pray
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What is it called when two birds kiss?
A Peck.
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What's the difference between Swine flu, and Bird flu?
one requires 'oinkment' and the other needs 'tweetment'. i'm sorry.
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What's the difference between a bird, and a bird with only one wing?
It's a matter of a pinion(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pinion).
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What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?
Birds of Pray
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What birds spend all their time on their knees ?
Birds of prey !
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What do you call a bird who never remembers song lyrics?
A hummingbird
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely ?
With it's sparrowchute !
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What do you call a bird that has been molested?
Rustled Crow
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What do you do when a bird attacks you?
Duck.
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What bird is most likely to inspire a revolution?
A pigeon... "Coup, coup"
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What language do birds speak ?
Pigeon English !
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How do birds kiss?
They give a peck to the cheek.
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Why did the worm want to learn kung-fu?
so he could flip the bird
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What birds are found in Portugal ?
Portu-geese !
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Why do birds live in nests?
Because they can't afford houses in this economy.
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Whats the difference between a black guy in jail and a caged birth?
The bird doesn't feel he's home.
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What do you call a bird with 3 wings and 3 legs?
Triangull
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What is the definition of Robin ?
A bird who steals !
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Why do groups of birds always seem so shady?
cuz they're always flockin' around
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What did one bird say to the other bird?
toucan play at this game.
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What kind of bird opens doors ?
A kiwi !
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What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl?
A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot!
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What does a bird say when it wants revenge?
Toucan play at that game!
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How many birds can play tic-tac-toe?
Toucan
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Why is it called extra virgin olive oil?
Because they grow the olives inside, away from the birds and the bees.
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How do birds learn to fly?
They just wing it.
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Why don't birds wear underwear?
Because, their pecker is on their head.
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Why was the bird sick?
It had the flew and its throat was soar.
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What kind of bird does not make babies?
A swallow
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What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?
A bird that lays down !
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What's the difference between an ant and a bird?
A bird can fly.
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What bird can lift the most?
A crane
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What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?
Birds of Pray
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Why did the bird get a ticket?
A: It broke the law of gravity!
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What does a bird say when he enters Nofrills?
Cheap, Cheap, Cheap..."
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What kind of birds stick together?
Vel-crows
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What's the difference between a fly and a bird?
A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.
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What did the owl say to the squirrel?
Nothing. Because owls don't talk. Then it ate the squirrel, because owls are birds of prey.
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What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.
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What do you call a bird that lives underground ?
A mynah bird !
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What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw?
A: One is loud obnoxious and noisy the other is a bird.
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What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon ?
A bird who knocks before delivering its message !
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What do you call a bird that speaks Spanish?
A Si-gull
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Which bird ran for President?
H. Ross Parrot
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What language do birds speak?
Squackhili
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What do you call an Angry Bird who just got back from the spa?
A Bird.
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What did the French guy say when a bird pooped on him?
I have Grey Poupon me
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What bird has wings but cannot fly ?
Roast turkey !
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What do you call a religious bird?
A bird of prey.