Bite Jokes

  • What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic ?

    His bark was much worse than it's bite !

  • What do you call an electro-food?

    it's giga-bite!) yeah it was giga bite yeah you're right yeah giga bite that was it giga bite it!!

  • What do you get when a vampire bites a goblin?

    A Hemogoblin

  • What do you say when you step on a snake?

    Well that bites.

  • What do you get when you're bitten by a mosquito wearing a fedora?


  • Why are hot dogs the best dogs?

    Because they feed the hand that bites them.

  • What is the difference between like, love, hate, and showing off?

    Spit, swallow, bite, and gargle.

  • What's the worst thing about getting bitten by a poisonous spider?

    You're probably Australian. EDIT: I mean venomous, not poisonous. I am sorry

  • Why should you always refuse to lend an Ape money?

    It's dangerous to let him put the bite on you!

  • Why was Luis Surez expelled from the rap contest?

    Because he was biting.

  • What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it?

    Finding half a worm in it. And what's worse than that The holocaust

  • What do programmers and obese people have in common?

    They both call an 8-course meal a bite.

  • What did the time traveller do after he ate the last bite of his dinner?

    He went back 4 seconds.

  • How do we know that Apes are like fish after a rainstorm?

    They'll both bite at anything!

  • What is red and hurts when you bite it?

    A Brick.

  • What do you call it when you turn into a vampire before being bitten?

    Premature Edraculation

  • What did the girlfriend say to her boyfriend that was bitten by a zombie?

    You're dead to me"

  • How did the hipster burn his tounge?

    He bit into his flat bread before it was cool!

  • Why don't Middle Eastern dogs bite as often?

    Because they Muslim.

  • Why did the mosquito go to the dentist ?

    To improve his bite !

  • Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple?

    Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.

  • What do you call a reptile biting its own tail?

    An alligatorus

  • What do you get when you cross a poisonous snake with a horse?

    A: I dunno, but if it bites you, you can ride it to the hospital!

  • Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can! Why can't humans?

    Because they'll bite us!

  • Why is it best to be bitten quickly by one mosquito?

    Because an itch in time saves nine.

  • What do you do if you get bit by something poisonous?

    Don't bite it back in retaliation.

  • How many bites out of the new iPhone did Tim Cook take?

    16, 32, 64, and 128

  • What's worse than biting an apple and finding a worm?

    biting an apple and finding half a worm

  • What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head ?

    A tiger moth !

  • When do vampires bite you?

    On Wincedays.

  • Why was Luis Suarez expelled from the rap contest?

    Because he was biting.

  • What is it?

    It has legs, but doesn't walk, beak, but it doesn't bite and wings, but it doesn't fly. What is it? -A dead crow

  • What do you call a Nun that bites her nails?

    A bad Habit. I'll see myself out.

  • What do you call a bitten apple?

    An Iphone. What is bigger than an Iphone -A brick. What is smaller than an Ipad -An Ipad Mini.

  • Why couldn't the Gorilla pitcher make it in the major leagues?

    His balk was worse than his bite!

  • What did one white cop say to another white cop?

    Another black man bites the dust.

  • What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

    The Holocaust

  • How do you find where a flea has bitten you ?

    Start from scratch !

  • What did the dog say when he bit the sandpaper?

    Nothing. He just grit his teeth.

  • What's the difference between an elephant and a bad pupil ?

    One rarely bites and the other barely writes !

  • What did the dog do when the panhandler put the bite on him?

    Bit him naturally.

  • Which people do the burgers hate?

    The ones who are always putting the bite on them!

  • What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor ?

    Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go !

  • How do you keep a ghoul from biting his nails?

    A: Replace the nails with screws.

  • What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark ?

    Frost bite !

  • What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?

    A bite in shining armor.

  • What do you get if you cross a computer and a Rottweiller ?

    A computer with a lot of bites !

  • What they say: Want a bite of my sandwich?

    What I hear: How much of this sandwich can you fit in your mouth

  • What did the snake day to Adam after he bit the apple?

    You owe Eve an O.

  • What is the best way of stopping infection from witch bites ?

    Don't bite any witches !

  • What happens when a T-Rex bites you?

    A: You get a dino-sore.

  • Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist?

    He wanted to improve his bite.

  • Why was the iPad sad?

    Someone took a bite out of its Apple.

  • Why is a toothless dog like a tree?

    It has more bark than bite.

  • What's worst than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

    Biting into an apple and finding half a worm!

  • What did the vampire do to stop his son biting his nails ?

    He cut all his fingers off !

  • What's the thing u don't tell a vampire?

    Bite me.

  • How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?

    Make him wear shoes.

  • Why hasn't any lawyer ever been bitten by a shark?

    Professional courtesy.

  • Why do bees sting?

    They can't bite because all that honey rotted their teeth. (From my 7 year old niece)