Blow Jokes
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What do you hear when a sheep blows up?
Sis boom baa Carnac
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What color are Margaery's eyes ?
Blue. One blew this way, the other one blew that way!
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What do Hurricane Irene and Kim Kardashian have in common?
They blow the whole east coast and there's videos online.
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What is literally the most important fact you'll ever learn, that will totally blow your mind?
That people exaggerate.
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What is dry on the outside filled with water and blows up buildings ?
A fish tank !
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Why did the H blow itself up?
Because the Jihad.
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Why did the surfer join ISIS?
Because he was totally radical! EDIT: I guess this didn't blow up.
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What happened when the joke about terrorists got to the front page?
It blew up
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How does a mermaid give a man head?
She blows him out of the water
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What is Samsung PR team's Christmas jingle you ask?
The phone we gave you is frightful, But the fire is so delightful ; And since we have no replace to go, Let it blow! Let it blow! Let it blow!
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Who thought blowing out candles on a cake was a good tradition?
Ah yes wax would go well with this cake and you know what else Child spit.
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Why Aren't Elephants Allowed On The Beach?
Because they always blow their trunks off!
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Why did the terrorist's post make it to the front page of reddit?
Because it blew up.
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How did Steve get the clues?
Blew the dog
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What do the lady reindeer do on Christmas eve?
They hit the town and blow a few bucks.
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What's the difference between having a badly poured draft beer and having a child with Down's Syndrome?
If the head's too big on your beer, you can blow it off.
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What's the difference between the wind and a blonde?
Some days the wind doesn't blow.
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How are a grenade and a girlfriend similar?
If they're good ones, they'll both blow really well.
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What do the English use to blow up their enemies?
Tea N' Tea.
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What's the difference between a paycheck and a D**k?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.
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What sound does Reddit make when it blows up?
Pao! Edit: Whoa, FP gold. Thank you!
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How do you tell the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite Muslim?
The Sunni's are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.
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What does a blonde and a tornado have in common?
They both start blowing but in the end they take everything from you.
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Why did the duck go to the basketball game?
He heard the ref was blowing fouls!
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How do you blow up a Muslim's iPhone?
Put it into airplane mode.
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What do "fake news" and isis have in common?
They're blowing up everyone's newsfeed
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Why did the suicidal air go to the airport?
So he could BLOW it up. Please don't hurt meh.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?
A: Root position cords.
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What did the redditor say when he opened his package from the UniBomber?
Wow, I did not expect this post to blow up
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What's the difference between love, pure love and excessive love?
Blowing Swallowing Gargeling
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How do you blow up a Muslim's phone?
Put it into airplane mode
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What did the pirate say when he walked into the brothel?
arggg! thar she blows
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How do you make a Kleenex dance?
Blow a little boogie into it!
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How many terrorists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
none, they blew it up already.
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Why does it always seem like models' hair is blowing in the wind?
They have big fans.
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What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common?
They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV
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What's better than a rose on your piano?
Tulips on your organ EDIT: This blew up. (No pun intended)
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Why did the train go to the brothel?
To blow of a little steam
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What's the difference between a microwave and a Muslim?
A microwave doesn't blow up every time the timer goes off.
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Why did the blonde have lipstick all over her steering wheel?
She was trying to blow the horn
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What does Marilyn Quayle have in common with Marion Barry?
They've both been known to blow a little dope.
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What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common?
They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.
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What did the turkey say to the goat?
The turkey said gobble, gobble, gobble. The goat said back abdul akbar before blowing up.
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Why can't a Samsung be disguised as an iPhone?
Because eventually, its cover would be blown.
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What did Monica say to Hillary before Election Day?
Don't blow it
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Why did Kanye blow up the bakery?
Because no one man should have all that flour.
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Why did Kanye West blow up the bakery?
Because no one man should have all that flour.
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Why did the Afgahni get burnt lips?
Because he tried to blow up a bus.
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What's the difference between a paycheck and a pen*s?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.
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What's the difference between an orphanage and a beach ball?
You won't go to prison for blowing up a beach ball.
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What happened to the muslim critic?
He blew everything out of proportion!
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What is so brilliant with a Arabian blow-up doll?
They blow themselves up.
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Why couldn't the soldier feel his legs?
Because his arms were blown off.
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Why is 68 the maximum speed for blondes?
Because at 69 they blow a rod.
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What do women and fuses have in common?
They blow when they get turned on.
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Why did the Spanish train aficionado blow up his trains?
He had loco motives.
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What is about 6 in long, has a head, girls love to blow it, and is in a guys pants?
a dollar bill you dirty minded people!! LMFAO
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What happened to the Irishman who tried to blow up a school bus?
He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.
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What's the difference between CNN and Al-Jazeera?
CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al-Jazeera shows them landing. (Not mine, just heard it on the Jimmy Dore show) also "My favorite indie band is palestinian. I think they're really going to blow up."
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What sound will reddit make when it blows up?
Nothing, it's just a website.
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What do you call a gust of wind that blows a black guy off of a boat?
The NBA draft
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Why did the terrorist blow up the playground?
He was a suislide bomber!
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How are men like fuses?
Once they're blown, they're useless.
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What begins with an "s", ends with a "x" and leaves a guy blown away?
Semtex.
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What did the Hawaiian terrorists say when they blew up a restaurant?
ALOHA SNACKBAR
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Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
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How did the mobster burn his lips on a tailpipe?
He tried to blow up a police car.
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What is the fastest speed a woman can go ?
68, because when she turns 69 she blows a rod.
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What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long has a head on it and that women love so much that they often blow it?
A: a $20 bill
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Why did the blonde give up on trying to blow up a car?
She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe
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What is the difference between a drunk driver and a high driver?
The drunk driver will blow through a stop sign without even knowing it was there.. The high driver will wait until it turns green
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Who wants to play war?
I'll lay down and you can blow the hell out of me!
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What's the first part of a stripper to blow?
The knee. It's a load-bearing joint.
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Why did the duck cross the basketball court?
He heard the referees were blowing fouls... -Jim Norton
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What's so good about being a CPU?
Every time you are turned on, you're getting blown.
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What's the worst thing to hear after blowing Willie Nelson?
I'm not Willie Nelson."
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How did Watson and crick blow their chance with a hot girl?
They said, "baby you'd look good if you got a pair of skinny genes"
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What did the blonde say when someone blew in her ear?
Thanks for the refill.
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Why is there a draft?
Diner: Yes it's blown my steak off the plate three times.
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What do you call an Asian man blowing another guy?
A Brojob.
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How do nursing babies blow their noses?
With breast tissue.
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What's the difference between a terrorist and a feminist?
The terrorist needs a trigger to blow things up.
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Why can't Canada win wars?
Because they'll blow you up and then apologize.
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What's a homotron?
Just an electron that goes around looking for a fuse to blow!
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How do you keep your hair from blowing everywhere when you drive in a convertible?
Cross your legs
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What do women and saxophones have in common?
They both blow and make different noises when you finger them.
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What did the terrorist Redditor say on the plane?
Wow, this blew up!
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Why Ahmed made a clock?
To know when to blow up
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Why wasn't the chemist concerned when she blew up her experiment?
Oxidants happen,
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What does a Christian terrorist say before blowing up?
JESUS HALLELUJAH
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Why does Bernie Sanders support abortions?
Because even after he's blown his load he won't pull out.
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Why was the candle mad at his friend?
He blew him off.
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Why did the terrorists have to blow up a Paris nightclub?
Because their planes kept missing the Eiffel Tower.
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What would you do if the world blew up?
Go to Coles new world.
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What does a basketball player do before he blows out his candles?
He makes a swish!
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What did one radical muslim say to the other after a successful day of bombings?
Jihad a chance, and you blew it.
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When do cops blow up and destroy shopping centers and Walmarts?
During Black Friday.
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What did the terrorist say about his popular reddit post?
I didn't expect this to blow up like it did!*
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Where did the orphans go after the Orphanage blew up?
Everywhere
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How do you celebrate July 4th in Canada?
Not by getting drunk and blowing off your fingers, because it's just a regular day fir you.
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Which joke has the maximum HOT Nuns in it?
You don't know none.. And here to learn one.. So when you are with your friends.. Or walking with your son.. Tell them reddit jokes.. thinking now they would listen... (to you) play it cool, play it slow.. No need to blow.. Take this further, take this far.. till sang by a star. (Improvise it as you like, don't care about the grammar. No rapper does.)
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How do you write an essay that blows people away?
With lots of drafts
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What did the terrorists say after blowing himself up before getting to his destination?
Too soon
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What color eyes did Kurt Cobain have?
Blue - One blew this way and one blew that way
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What did Optimus Prime say to Arcee?
Have you ever blown a Transformer?
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Why did the chicken cross the basketball court ?
He heard the ref was blowing fouls
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Why did the Hydroxyl molecule blow up the US Mint?
It was a Free Radical.
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What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?
A. "Thanks for the refill!"
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What's the definition of a 68?
That's when you blow me and I owe you 1.
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Why did the angry skeptic keep ignoring official reports about the eventual release of Half-Life 3?
He was blowing off Steam
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What did the pirate say when he saw a woman giving head?
There she blows!!!
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Why are MMA fighters told not to blow their nose when in a fight?
Oops, this was supposed to be for . There's no punch line!
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What's roughly 6 inches long, has a head on it, and women love it so much that they often blow it?
A 20 dollar bill
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Why does Islam get angry if you criticize their religion?
Im not sure they always seem to blow things up out of proportion.
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What's a 68?
She blows me and I owe her one.
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How do you get whole race to hate you?
Blow up the finish line. (I figured 2 years was long enough)
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What do Hillary and Monica have in common?
They both blew it.
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Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
Because the ref was blowing a foul.
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Why is your blow up doll half deflated?
She was getting a little heavy.."
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Who's there ! Bronte ! Bronte who ?
Bronte of the blow !
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What Color Is It?
In case you hadn't noticed, the color of the wind is 'blew.' Water always looks 'wet' to me. Dirt is oviously 'dirty.' Soup seems 'soupy.' If you can't find those Crayons in your box, contact CRAYOLA.
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Why did the fan blow itself?
Because it was turned on!
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What color is the wind?
Son: "What color is the wind " Mom: "The wind is the wind, it had no color. It's transparent" Dad: "The wind is blue" Mom: "Blue How so " Dad: "Because the wind blew"
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What's the difference between a beer and a down syndrome kid?
If you end up with a badly poured beer you can blow it's head off.
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How did Caitlyn Jenner and Kanye West settle an argument?
They went outside and exchanged blows.
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How do you blow a movie quote?
You just put your lips together and whistle
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What did one deer say to the other after leaving the bar?
I can't believe you just blew 50 bucks in there
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What do you get when you throw a grenade into a kitchen in France?
Linoleum blown apart
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What happened to the witch with an upside down nose?
Every time she sneezed her hat blew off.
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What did the terrorist say to the police before he blew up the building?
C4 yourself!
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How can you tell if it is a Salvador Dali painting?
One of the clouds in the background is blowing another one.
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What's the last thing the ISIS fighters' wife said before she blew herself up?
Bahhh
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What Did the Muslim Terrorist Say?
Who you gota blow to get some virgins around here
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What do you call someone who blows himself up by accident?
An Errorist!
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What's orange and sounds like a carrot!!!????
A snowman blowing his nose!!!!!!!!
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Why did the referee blow his whistle at the leper hockey game?
There was a face off at centre ice.
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What happens when you combine TNT with a hard drive?
It gets blown to
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Why did H blow itself up?
Because G had.
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What did the fuse say when it blew out?
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
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How do you make a candle really happy...?
Blow it out, it'll be delighted
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Why don't Mexicans blow their noses?
So that they have something to pick in the off-season.
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How is a woman like an Electrical Fuse?
When they blow, you got no power!!
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What has nine arms and blows?
Def Leppard
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What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?
Terrorists blow them selves up at camp on accident
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How did the polish terrorist burn his lips?
Burned them on a cars tailpipe when he tried blowing it up.
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Why did the atom stick around?
Cuz if he split, the situation would have gotten blown out of proportion.
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Why was the mathematician detained at the airport?
Because he planned to blow up a plane.
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What do you think of Miles Davis?
he kind of blew
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What is the real reason leaves fall to the ground?
They know people will blow them.
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Why did the sweet toothed scientist blow up his monkey?
He wanted some Rhesus pieces.
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What kid blows you and gets you all wet?
El Nio
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What do terrorists and the American government have in common?
They both blow up people who don't agree with them.
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What do you call some soapy water on the floor?
Now you're just some bubbles that I used to blow.
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Whats the difference between a Christian and a Muslim?
One blows up kids, the other gets blown by them.