Body Jokes
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What do you love most my natural beauty or my body?
Wife: Your sense of humor.
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What do Storm Troopers and Bone Thugs N Harmony have in common?
They are both going to miss every body.
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What body of water is used for writing?
The Apostrosea.
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Why do Sumo Wrestler's shave their bodies?
So that they don't get mistaken for feminists
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Why do skeletons not go to the disco?
Because they got no body to dance with!
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How many Polish people does it take to be pallbearers at a funeral?
Seven. Six to carry the casket and one to drag the body
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Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?
Because its head is so far away from its body.
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Why do Chihuahuas have such short necks?
Because their heads are so close to their bodies!
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Who left these bodies here?
Get them back inside the camp!"
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Why did the hotel manager refuse to rent his rooms out to people?
He needed places to hide the bodies.
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Why are you going through my phone?
BF: 'Do you have something to hide ' Me: 'I'm gonna have a body to hide if you keep it up.'
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How can you tell if someone is a chemistry major?
They have a mole on their body.
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How soon?
the frail man asked, his body trembling at every word. "In ten." "Ten what Ten years Ten-" "Nine." "Eight."
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What body part never seems to win?
The feet.
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What kind of body do you want to have?
ME: *leans in close* I'd prefer human
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Why is the most intelligent part of your body so intelligent?
A: Because it nose.
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Why do ostriches have long necks?
Because their heads are so far from their bodies!
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What do you call a body in a morgue which hasn't been viewed by anyone yet?
Remains to be seen.
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Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party ?
He had no body to go with !
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Why did the skeleton not attend prom?
He had no body to go with.
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Why did it take so long to find the bodies of the black firefighters after the building they were in caught fire and collapsed?
Cause the building collapsed, duh.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
He had no-BODY to go with.
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What do you say to a naked pig?
I never sausage a body."
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What do I want to do to your body?
I don't know. Identify it, I guess.
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Why does our body absorb Strontium?
To make our bones stronger
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What body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s?
Spine
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Why did the skeleton go to the movies alone?
He didn't have any body to go with him.
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Why did the Face of Bo go to the party by himself?
Because he had no body to go with.
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What has five bodies and one soul?
A Kia full of Gingers.
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Why is a ghost like an empty house?
Because there's no body there!
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What do you say to a man with no body and no nose?
No body nose.
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What do you call it when a video game character gets hair on his body?
Q*berty. (my kids wrote this!)
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Why didn't the ghost go to the dance party?
Because he had no-body to dance with.
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What do funeral home staff do if they mess up transporting a body?
They go back and re-herse.
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Why didn't the ghost go to the dance?
He had no body to dance with
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Why wasn't the Achilles invited into the body?
Because it was already attendin'.
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What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in?
Shady's back*
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What do parliament and Ukrainian skies have in common?
They're both raining bodies
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Why are giraffe's necks so long?
Because their heads are so far away from their bodies!
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Why do you make more money?
A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?" The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."
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How have you got that body?
I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the boot and there she was."
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What's the difference between Mexicans and Jesus?
Jesus didn't have tattoos of Mexicans all over body
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What's the best way to dispose of bodies?
Put the ashes in the donuts.
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Where's the best place to hide a body?
Stephen Hawking's personal gym.
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Why didn't the skeleton like to dance?
Because he had no body to dance with!
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What if they found the face of Jesus in a piece of toast but it was *actually* Jesus?
This is my body, I'm nice with jam."
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What's the best way to pack a dead person in a cardboard box?
Body centered cubic
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What's the difference between a racist person and a racist skeleton?
They both are insulting, but the skeleton doesn't have any body to share racist jokes with!
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What has a head, a tail, and no body?
A coin!
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Why does Skeleton Soup taste so poor?
It lacks body
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When will you be bioavailable?
Because you are my drug and I want you in my body...
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the concert?
He had no body to go with.
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Whats the perfect place to hide a body on the internet?
The second page of a youtube search.
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What if we need to hide bodies?
Me: I love you.
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Why was the skeleton alone at prom?
Because he had no body to go with!
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How the hell did you get a body like that?
he asked. "Thanks," I said, "That's very flattering." He said, "Not really mate."
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Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
He had no body to go with him! baD-dumB-tssssJOKE
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What do Ted Bundy and the Space Shuttle Colombia have in common?
They both left bodies in four states.
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What did the necrophile say to his ex-girlfriend?
I only loved you for your body!"
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Where's the best place to hide a body in texas?
Oops. Wrong subreddit!
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What do you call a nose without a body?
Nobody knows.
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Why is physics inherently racist?
There's only two types of bodies: the free body and the black body.
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What sort of soup do skeletons like?
One with plenty of body in it.
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Wheres the best place to hide a body?
Page 2 of google search results
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How do you restore your body back to 'factory settings'?
Is it kale it's kale, isn't it please don't say kale.
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Which part of your body shuts down last when you die?
The eyes, cause they di-late.
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When you gonna be famous?
I tell her, 'As soon as they find the bodies.'
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What organ in the body never dies?
THE LIVER. ometrist will copyright this joke. hopefully.
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What is the name of the guy with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
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Why are giraffes' necks so long?
Because their heads are so far from their bodies.
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What's the difference between a good friend and a really good friend?
A good friend will help you move house A really good friend will help you move a body!
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What do you get when you cross a border collie with a pit bull?
A dog that is smart enough to bury the bodies.
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What do you call a man with no arms and legs that falls into a body of water?
Bob.
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What body of water separates Italy from the word 'goodbye'?
River Derci. Sorry.
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How does it feel to have your head separated from your body?
It tears your apart.
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What does a pediatrist do when you ask them which body part they find most interesting?
They admit de feet.
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Why didn't the skeleton go for the halloween party ?
He had "No body " to go with.
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Which part of the body goes to heaven first?
A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!! XD
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How many bodies do you have buried there?
My attempts at small talk.
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Why don't skeletons get sick?
Because they always have an anti-body
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What body regulates the welfare of Santa's workers?
The Elf and Saftey Executive.
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Why are giraffe's heads so far away from their bodies?
Long necks.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to homecoming?
because he had no body to go with
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Why did the skull not want to go to prom, but still did?
He didn't have any *body* to go with But he still really wanted to bone.
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Where is the best place to hide a body?
Buried in the third page of google search results.