Bottle Jokes

  • What's the difference between Amy Winehouse, Janice Joplin, Jim Morrison, and a bottle of scotch?

    OC) A bottle of scotch can keep beyond 27 years.

  • What do you get when you combine a watch and a bottle of beer?

    A really good watch.

  • How do you react to the fragrance of a bottle of wine from the year 2000?

    Smells like teen spirit.

  • What did the bottle of milk say to the Mexican?

    Soy milk.

  • What did the cork say to the bottle?

    If you don't behave yourself, I'll plug you.

  • Why was the bottle laying down?

    someone flipped it.

  • What do you call a bottle of glue in a spy's pocket?

    A bonding agent.

  • What do you call a bottle of seltzer that lost all its bubbles?

    Water...

  • What's the difference between an Irishman and a bottle of whiskey?

    The whiskey usually doesn't get drunk until it's at least ten years old.

  • What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel?

    A bit of a shock really!

  • What does an orphan and a bottle of champagne have in common?

    They both lost their pop.

  • How does a virgin pop her cherry?

    by using a bottle opener

  • What happens when you cross the band "The Knack" and a bottle of Corona?

    A song called "My Corona"

  • What can I do you for?

    Woman: a bottle of wine and cab fare

  • What's similar between you mom and a bottle of Tide detergent?

    They can both take about 65 loads.

  • Why do Polish people keep empty bottles in their refrigerator?

    For people that don't want anything to drink

  • What do you have when you got a bag of weed and a bottle of Jack Daniel's?

    Jackpot!

  • What is printed on the bottom of a bottle in Michigan?

    Found on /r/linux) A: Open the other end

  • What about the two old ladies who brought a bottle of whiskey to the baseball game?

    At the bottom of the fifth the bags were loaded.

  • How did the bottle of whiskey laugh?

    wryly.

  • What's worse than finding Astroglide on your Mom's shopping list?

    Finding an empty bottle in the trash.

  • How did you meet daddy?

    Me: Well, it all started with a friendly game of spin the bottle at the family reunion...

  • Why does pushing my finger against a bottle of Pepsi make me sad?

    Because it's soda pressing.

  • What do French people do when they don't have bottles of their favourite beverage?

    They go to Cannes

  • Why do pills bottles have cotton in them?

    So they can remind black people the picked cotton before they sold drugs.

  • What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume?

    He was convicted of fragrancy.

  • How do Russian sprinters train?

    They put a bottle of vodka 100 meters away from them.

  • What's better than breaking the seal on a bottle?

    breaking the seal on a rock.

  • Why don't you see blonde pharmacists?

    They can't get the bottles into the typewriter!

  • What's the biggest similarity between a bottle of Draino and a Danish stripper?

    They both slowly remove clogs.

  • What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar ?

    A sourpuss !

  • What do you call it when two bottles of lotion start dating?

    A re-lotion-ship.

  • What is the difference between a beautiful dress and a bottle of Whisky?

    A beautiful dress can make one girl look gorgeous... A bottle of whiskey can make all girls look gorgeous.

  • What's in the bottle?

    Me: "It's water." Cop: "This is wine." Me: "What! That Jesus! He did it again!"

  • What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?

    In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.

  • What's the difference between alcoholism and a lobotomy?

    I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

  • Whats the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a bottle of glue?

    Anyone can tuna piano, but nobody can piano a tuna!

  • Who says you can't make someone love you?

    I've got a bottle of Scotch, some duct tape and a fresh batch of cupcakes, that beg to differ.

  • What's the difference between Tuna, a Piano, and a bottle of Glue?

    You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna!

  • What does an empty bottle of Champaign and an orphan have in common?

    Nether of them have a pop.