Build Jokes
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How did the little pig win at Monopoly?
He built hotels on Pork Place.
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What do you call it when you build a second portal on minecraft?
Anether(another) Nether
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Why is one floor taller than the rest of the floors in the building?
It's a long story.
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How does a Mexican build a house?
Juan nail at a time.
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Why did you burn that building down?
Me: Because they keep sending emails after unsubscribing. Cop: You're free to go.
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Why did the Ape jump off the building?
He wanted to show the world the stuff he was made of!
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How do you keep a blonde at home?
A. Build a circular driveway.
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What's the difference between the United States and a yogurt?
That after 200 years, a yogurt can actually build a community. Haha, happy late 4th of July.
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Why do they build fences around graveyards?
Because people are dying to get in
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How do you build a boat?
Well Im not sure, but I do Noah guy.
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What do you call a building you can't locate?
A warehouse
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Why did nVidia built the first self-driving car?
on all conditions) Because their drivers keep crashing.
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What did the physicist say to the man about to jump off a building?
Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
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What is the only difference between this year and last year?
A building in Dubai.
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What is an ark?
2) How 2 build ark 3) Can god just build ark 4) Are snakes necessary 5) Is god real or am I high
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What did the Mexican princess ask her sister?
Tijuana build a snowman
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Why was Mexico willing to pay to build the wall between the US and Mexico?
So the can finally have a good Olympic team.
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What do you get when you have an ant with 8 legs?
An uncle that has to build a bigger shoe closet...
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What's the best side of the house to build a deck on?
The outside
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How can you tell if your house was built by lesbian carpenters?
All tongue-in-groove, with no studs.
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Where are average things built?
In a satisfactory
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What happened when the bankrupt eastern european jumped off a building?
The Czech bounced.
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What do disabled people get when there's a fire in the building?
Left behind
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Why are you putting handcuffs on that building?
Officer: I'm making a house arrest
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What's the difference between a mechanical and a civil engineer?
One builds weapons and the other build targets.
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How do you stop Iran from building a nuclear reactor?
Send them the Fine Brothers.
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Why is it so hard to build a blonde snowman?
Because you have to hollow out the head.
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What will Tesla build this christmas to help santa deliver presents?
An elf driving car
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Why did the Mexican push his wife off the building?
Te-quil-a
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How many muslims does it take to climb a building?
daesh many.
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What's it called when a dog burns down a building?
Arfson
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Why did the console peasants cross the road?
To render the building on the other side. Console Peasants :DD "Shame of galaxy"
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Why doesn't North Korea's population exponentially grow?
Because they must build additional pylons.
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What do you call a digital video recorder that cuts down trees and builds dams?
A bvr
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When does a black person goes to school?
When it's being built!
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How long does it take a group of Mexicans to build a building?
Oh look, they're done.
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Why Couldn't the Ancient Egyptians Build a Plane?
Because, it wasn't very Pharoah-dynamic.
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What did the terrorist say to the police before he blew up the building?
C4 yourself!
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What happens when two lesbians build a house?
It's all tongue and groove, and no stud inside.
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Why did the nickel jump off the building but the dime didn't?
The dime had more cents.
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How is Islam like a GPS?
You may think you're on the right path, but if you follow it literally, you'll end up crashing into a building.
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Why was Orlando Bloom sad when he realised he wasn't able to build small toy houses?
Because he was Legolas.
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Why does Juan walk around the school like he owns the place?
Because his dad built it and his mom cleans it
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Why did the grave keeper build a fence around the grave yard?
Cuz everyone was dying to get in.
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Why is the Statue of Liberty a woman?
Because the head had to be empty in order to build a restaurant.
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Why did the console peasant cross the street?
To render the building on the other side!
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What do you call a pilot who tries to tell a joke but gets distracted and crashes his plane into a building?
A comickaze
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What dog can jump higher than a building?
Anydog, buildings can't jump!
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Why do Mexicans always walk around like the own the place?
Their dad built it, and their mom cleans it
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What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.
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Why did the console peasants walk across the road?
To render the building on the other side.
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What do you call a dead body and two planks?
A "Build your own Jesus" kit.
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How did the lesbian couple build their house?
Tongue and groove.
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How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
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Why don't mathematicians build bridges?
Because they'll never be perfect.
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What do Reddit and building a mile long fence have in common?
Post...repost.....repost....repost...repost...
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What happened when the joker dropped an elephant carrying a ten ton weight on Batman and Robin?
They became flatman and ribbon. has left the building.
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Why did the Romans build straight roads ?
So their soldiers didn't go around the bend !
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What's that Sarge?
Someone's building a pig."
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What went wrong in the Challenger launch?
NASA: have you ever built a space ship Reporter: well no bu- NASA: it's really hard
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Why did the bees build the hive?
It's in their beehavior.
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What's dumber than three blondes building a house underwater?
Three brunettes trying to burn it down.
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What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM?
It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.
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What's the difference between a guy falling from the 20th or the 1st floor of a building?
20th floor fall goes: *Aaaaaah, BAM!* 1st floor fall goes: *BAM, Aaaaah!*
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How do you build a flea circus?
You have to start from scratch.
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What do Bernie Sanders and the Statue of Liberty have in common?
Common people sent both of them pennies to help build a foundation for liberty.
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Why did Thoreau build a house?
A: Because he wanted to be walled-in.
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What's the highest story of any building?
Floor 20
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What do they do in Alabama when their car breaks down?
Build a house next to it.
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Why aren't there any Mexicans in China?
Because the Chinese know how to build a wall.
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Why did the airplane crash into the building?
BECAUSE THE PILOT WAS A LOAF OF BREAD!
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Why did it take so long to find the bodies of the black firefighters after the building they were in caught fire and collapsed?
Cause the building collapsed, duh.
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What's the best thing about owning a car in Liverpool?
You'll eventually end up with enough bricks to build a free garage.
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What kind of snake is good at building things?
A boa constructor.
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What do you call a building that falls in love with its architect?
Edifice Rex
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What do you call a Graveyard built on sandstone?
A sedimentary.
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How can we build this?
A business major asks, "How can we finance this " A liberal arts major asks, "Do you want fries with that "
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Why was the fish processing factory built beside the computer factory?
So that they could make fish and chips.
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What did the Zionist rabbi say when he heard about the plight of the Palestinian people?
Never mind their wailing. We'll just build more walls!
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Why did they build a shrine to karl marx in Japan?
Because he was a kami!
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What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?
Any kind, buildings can't jump.
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What's it called when Hobbits build houses for other Hobbits?
Hobbitat for Humanity
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Why wasn't Rome built in a day?
Because it was a government job.
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What do snakes use to build clocks?
Metal Gears
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What did one Muslim say to another in a supermarket?
Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour... ...And then the building exploded.
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Why did the nickel jump of the building but the dime did not?
Because the dime had more cents.
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Why did the Egyptians build the pyramids?
To get to the other side.
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Why were India kicked out of the Soccer world Cup held in England in 1966 ?
A. Every time they were given a corner, they built a shop."
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How do most rappers build a following?
They go shopping at a department store.
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What do angry beavers build?
DAMNITS!
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What building has the most stories?
A library.
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What do lesbians use to get on top of a building?
A scissor lift.
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What's the difference between the foundation of a building and the average Redittor?
The foundation's been laid.
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What does a musician use to build a house?
A tuba-four
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Why did the man build his house out of a tree instead of bricks?
Because he thought it wood look better!
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How do you stop an alien invasion?
You build a wall.
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What would you do if you won the lottery?
Two friends meet together and one asks: What would you do if you won the lottery? -I would build a brothel! Oh, and if it went wrong and you loose money? -I'd open it to the public
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When was Rome built?
Pupil: At night. Teacher: Why did you say that Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!
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How does a carpenter effectively build stairs?
He thinks one step ahead
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Why do you want to be Jedi?
Imagines using 'the force' to steal everyone's cats and building a cat army To keep the peace
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What kind of cheese can be used to build a structure?
Cottage cheese.
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Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.
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Why do people keep building so many new mausoleums?
Because people are dying to get in.
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Why won't you find any gondolas in the Eternal City?
Because Rome wasn't built in a bay.
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Who built the first American car?
Student: "Me Pilgrims." Teacher: "The Pilgrims " Student: "Yeah they made the Mayflower Compact."
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What do people in florida do when their car breaks down?
Build a house next to it.
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How do you keep brown bears off your property?
Build a wall
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Why don't women fart?
They can't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
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Why was Einstein unable to build a wall?
He only had Ein Stein
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What do you call someone who walks into a building full of people?
A cannibal.
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Who says building a border wall wont work?
The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still dont have any Mexicans.
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How many Estonians you need to build a house in Finland ?
Who knows, there is no tax record of it.
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What did you learn at summer camp?
KID: We built a generator out of sticks and mud MOM: A generator For what KID: To charge our iPods
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When is it too cold to build a snowman?
When the frostbite is worse then the frostbark.
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How did Bruce and Alfred build the Batcave all by themselves?
The Lord: I meant any questions about the mysteries of existence
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How did Dr Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster?
On a piece rate.
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Why did the man that drank 10 cups of poisoned Lipton not die?
He drank so much poison it built his immuni-tea.
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What did the Annoying Orange say on Fox News?
We're going to build a wall"
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What do you get when you subtract the date and time that Tony Stark built an AI from the current date and time?
The Age Of Ultron.
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Why is it quicker to build a snowman than a snowwoman?
It takes too long to hollow out her head. (I got this one from my uncle)
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How long does it take to build a castle?
A Fortnight
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Why did the prison board decide to build the new prison out of concrete?
The old one was made of steal.
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How does an Eskimo build his house?
Igloos it together.
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What's the difference between a refugee and a terrorist?
I don't know. I just build the fence.
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What size lumber is used to build homes in Dubai?
Dubai fours
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What did the optimist say as he jumped off the building?
So far, so good.
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Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space?
Because there is no atmosphere!
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How do you know ancient Egyptians loved books so much?
Because they built their stuff with reads!