Business Jokes

  • What is the best way to get called a ,"genius?

    by losing a billion dollars in business.

  • Why was the cemetery plot salesman upset?

    Business was dead.

  • Why is the middle east the best place to open a store at the moment?

    Because business is booming.

  • Why you cannot think of landing a job or business without internet?

    No connection

  • How would you improve our business?

    Dude, I'd bankrupt you in a week. I'm just catchin Pokemon in your office."

  • What did the Devil say to the being that sold its soul to him?

    Nice doing business with you!"

  • Why did Walmart go out of business in Iraq?

    Because there are too many targets.

  • What place of business helps dogs who have lost their tails?

    A retail store.

  • How do fish go into business ?

    The start on a small scale !

  • What do you call a nun that works for your company?

    Nun of your business.

  • Why did Gateway computers go out of business?

    Because they led to stronger and addictive computers.

  • What do you call a Muslim who is also a pilot?

    Greg if you're a friend, Gregory if you were introduced, Mr. Abdalla if you're doing business with one another.

  • Why did the dwarf go out of business?

    The overheads were too high.

  • Why do businesses move to India?

    Because they worship prophets!

  • How do dogs do business?


  • How many magazines did the racquetball footwear company make before going out of business?

    Tennis shoes (Also: can anyone think of a more succinct buildup It seems kinda unwieldy to me)

  • What is the best way for a pet shop to get business?

    Word of mouse.

  • How did the lumberjack keep his business from falling behind when all the trees ran out?

    By moving faux wood. Rimshot

  • Why did the air freshener company go out of business?

    Because they lacked common scents...

  • Why did Reddit's restaurant go our of business?

    All of its servers were busy

  • How did the dictator make it easier for power companies to do business with neighboring countries?

    He stepped down.

  • Why did Nietzche's Shop go out of business?

    He accepted eternal returns.

  • Why Would Clint Eastwood be Bad at Restructuring a Business?

    He can't remember if he fired 5 or 6.

  • What happened to the man who owned a riding academy?

    Business kept falling off!

  • Why did the coke dealer retire?

    He was tired of putting his business in other peoples' noses

  • Why are fisherman so successful in business?

    Because they use "net" profits

  • Why don't midgets ever get accepted into nudist colonies?

    They keep sticking their noses into everyone else's business.

  • Why did two ferrets decide to meet?

    They were trying to start a business.

  • What is a ferret funeral?

    Serious business

  • What is your line of business?

    Me mumbling: Treason stuff. Cop: Louder for the microphone. Me: Trees 'n' stuff. Gardening.

  • Why did the mortgage broker go out of business?

    Because he lost interest.

  • What starts with N, has two Gs in the middle, and has no business wearing a pointy white hood?

    Your noggin

  • Why did the electrician close early on Mondays?

    Because business was very light.

  • How's the business?

    2) Do you have a girlfriend 1) Why are you stealing from our refrigerator

  • Did you hear about the bread factory burning down?

    They say the business is toast.

  • Where'd the rabbi stay on business?

    The L'Hyatt

  • Why did the feminist's bakery go out of business?

    She told people to stop patronizing her.

  • What do you call a sister who works for you?

    Nun of your business.

  • How do you keep black people out of your business?

    Put up a "Now Hiring" sign.

  • What do you call a business that doesn't sell Apple's sea monster?

    A bus

  • What business does an elf, a man and a dwarf have in the Riddermark?

    A nearby horseman answers, "Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!"

  • What did the alcoholic Dad, away on business, say to the bartender at the hotel bar?

    I'm ready to partiem with my perdiem *sorry, not a dad, and the bar tender didn't laugh either

  • What do you call it when a woman of the church goes on a secret mission?

    Nun of your business

  • Why was Muhammad's dad always successful in business?

    He made a gross prophet!

  • Why do brothels support Hillary?

    Cause #FeelTheBern would be bad for business.

  • How did you get into my house?


  • Why did the necromancer fail to meet his quarterly sales goal?

    He ran his business on a skeleton crew.

  • What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?

    1. No mind. 2. No business.

  • What business is King Kong in?

    Monkey business.

  • What happens when a bunch of ferrets get together?

    None of your business.

  • Why do bakers go into business?

    Because they knead the dough

  • What happens when business is slow at a medicine factory?

    You can hear a cough drop.

  • Why did the "Ringling Bros." Circus finally go out of business?

    They couldn't compete with the circus in Washington DC any longer.

  • What did the Mexican carpeting salesman yell to promote his business?

    Underlay! Underlay!