Canada Jokes

  • What's the capital of Canada?

    Tim Hortons.

  • What would Mario's name be if he was born in Canada?

    Sorry-o And his brother: Luig-eh?

  • How much does Canada cost?

    Nothing. It's a free country.

  • How much of northern Canada is habitable?

    none of it.

  • What do you get when you cross France and Britain?


  • What do they call Chipotle in Canada?


  • What's the most prominent religion in Canada?

    Jemima's Witnesses.

  • What borders stupidity?

    Canada and Mexico.

  • What's Canada's intelligence agency called?

    The C.I. Eh

  • Why are there so few black hockey players?

    Because there was no cotton in Canada.

  • What happened when Canada got rid of the penny?

    Canadians became *penniless*

  • Why was the Newfie excited when he heard Quebec might leave Canada?

    It wouldn't take him as long to drive to Toronto

  • How can you tell if you're in Detroit or across the river in Windsor Ontario Canada?

    Stand in the middle of the street. If someone yells, "hey, get out of the street" you're in the US. If they yell, "get out of the street, eh" you're in Canada

  • How do you spell Canada?


  • What's the name of the elite hacking group from Canada?


  • How much of northern Canada is livable?


  • What do you call a German living in Canada?

    A leder hoser.

  • What was the internet speed in Canada in the 1990's?


  • What part of Canada do the Inuit control?


  • What do Filipinos call Canada?

    Upper U.S.

  • How many people from Quebec does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    One: He holds the bulb and the rest of Canada revolves around him.

  • How do you spell Canada in Canadian?

    C, eh! N, eh!, D, eh!

  • How do you know when your BBQ is ready in Canada in April?

    The snow on top of it has melted.

  • How did they name Canada?

    They picked letters out of a hat: C eh, N eh, D eh.

  • How do you get Amy Schumer, Rosie O'donnell and Lena Dunham to move to Canada?

    Piece of cake.

  • What do Stephan Harper and pennies have in common?

    They're both useless in Canada.

  • What do you call a Mexican in Canada?

    ACCOMPLISHED. They crossed two borders!

  • What do you get when you let 25,000 Syrian refugees into Canada during the winter?


  • What type of pasta is no longer used in Canada?

    Penny ...

  • Why is Canada the part of the Illuminati?

    Because they have 3 ehs in the name. C-eh-N-eh-D-eh

  • How much of Canada has a person from Iqaluit seen?


  • How did Canada get its name?

    They picked random letters out of a hat. C.... eh? N... eh?

  • How far have you gone with a girl?

    I went to Canada with my mum once"

  • Why is moving to Canada always plan B?

    Canada deserves to be plan eh.

  • How did Canada pick its name?

    There were two Canadians and an American. They put letters in a hat and drew. They got "C-eh", "N-eh", "D-eh". The American didn't know what was going on, but he relayed the message. I know i need to work on my execution.

  • What do you call a Mexican garden hose in Canada?


  • Why couldn't the FBI find Sepp Blatter's bribe money?

    He used it all to bribe Canada to host the Women's World Cup.

  • What do you call a hot day in Canada?

    A Nova Scorcha!

  • How do you celebrate July 4th in Canada?

    Not by getting drunk and blowing off your fingers, because it's just a regular day fir you.

  • What borders on silly?

    Mexico & Canada

  • How do you know if a flock of geese is from Canada?

    They fly in an 'A' (eh)

  • How did Canada name their country?

    They picked random letters from a hat. C, eh N, eh D, eh

  • What is the equivalent to Area-51 in Canada?

    Area-51, A

  • What does Rob Schneider say when he visits Canada?

    Yukon do it!

  • What's Canada's favorite board game?


  • What's Canada's spy agency?

    The CI, eh?

  • Why did the US citizen cross the road?

    To cross the border into Canada.

  • Why can't Canada win wars?

    Because they'll blow you up and then apologize.

  • When in Canada, what is Bruce Lee's favorite vegetable?