Canadian Jokes
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What do you call a car made out of Canadian money?
A CADillac.
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Why do you always exchange your Canadian dollars to USD?
It makes no sense!" "Well neither does the Canadian Mint!"
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What'll it be kid?
Seal plops a five on the counter and says "Anything but a Canadian Club."
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How do you know If your girlfriend is Canadian?
Look at her beaver.
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How do you find white Canadian reggae musician Snow in the snow?
You ask an informer
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Why does a Canadian with a stutter never run low on batteries?
He always has plenty of double "eh"s, triple "eh"s...
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Why do Canadians wear tuques?
Because condoms are too brittle at minus 20.
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Whats the longest running Canadian joke?
Terry Fox
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What are the rules about Canadians?
Does everybody get one Do I get to choose Where do I sign up
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What do you call a black Canadian?
Just 'Canadian'.
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Why are Canadians given only a half hour for lunch?
They don't want to have to retrain them.
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What is the term for a group of Canadians?
Is it "an apology" "Oh look, there goes an apology of Canadians"
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What do you call a sarcastic Canadian cow?
Cowlin Mockery
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Whats best joke aboot canada?
I'm canadian and i was just wondering
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What is a Canadian's favorite board game?
Sorry!
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What do the Montreal Canadians and marijuana addicts have in common?
Both of them smoke the leafs
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Why shouldn't Canadian adults laugh at children who believe in the Easter Bunny?
Because most of them still believe in Justin Trudeau
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What's the difference between Canadians and Americans?
100 pounds.
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What did the Canadian think of his hardwood flooring?
It was Oak, Eh!
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Why do Canadians love Syrian Refugees?
more moslem guys who can convert canadian girls to islam. What a deal!
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What do you call a sophisticated American?
Canadian
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What's a baby seals favourite drink?
Canadian club on the rocks.
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Who is the most musical Canadian heroine?
Laura C-Chord.
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What is the most popular Canadian poultry restaurant?
Chic-fil, eh
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How can you tell if a Canadian is an existentialist?
Instead of saying "I'm an existentialist, eh." They will say "I'm an existentialist, ... be."
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What do you get when you throw a Canadian down a flight of stairs?
An apology.
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How do you get 20 Canadians out of a pool?
Okay folks, time to get out of the pool!"
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How do you get a bunch of Canadians out of a swimming pool?
Say "Get out of the pool."
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What do you say when a Canadian won't listen to you?
He'll have Nunavut
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What did the Canadian Reddit user say?
Ehhhhh lmao
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Why weren't there any famous gun slingers in the Canadian West?
Because they all wore mittens.
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What do the Canadian Illuminati call themselves?
The Illuminat-Eh!
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How do you get a Canadian to pay you back?
You ask.
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How many days are there in Canadian February?
About Twenty, eh.
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What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter?
an Envelope EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke
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How did the Canadian win the hockey game?
He took stEHreroids
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What do you call a troublesome Canadian high schooler?
A poutine.
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What's a Canadian Anarchist's favorite shape?
A circle, eh.
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Why don't Canadians do well on Wheel of Fortune?
Because the host gets confused when they say "I'd to buy a vowel eh."
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What do you call a slightly impolite canadian dust devil?
Da rude "eh" sandstorm
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Why did the Canadian cross the road?
Because that's the direction his car was sliding.
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What did the deaf Canadian say to the American that was talking?
Eh?
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How did the bad Canadian fisherman describe his only catch of the day?
Aboot this big"
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Why do Canadians say aboot?
Because there is too much snow to wear shoes.
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How do you know if someone is half texan and half Canadian?
It rhymes when they say. "Keep at eye out for a coyote."
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What do you call a Canadian in a blizzard?
Cold.
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How do you call a lesbian, black, Canadian woman?
With a phone.
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Why don't Canadians wear tank tops?
They don't have the right to bare arms
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Why don't Canadians have many orgies?
Too many thank-you notes.
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Why Americans are so bad in geography?
They are taking the geography lessons from their Canadian neighbors in the south.
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What do you call a Canadian group of racists?
The Ku Kanux Klan.
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Why do Canadians prefer their jokes in hexadecimal?
Because 7 8 9 A.
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How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?
Just two. One to politely ask and the other to politely help.
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Who was that lady I saw you with last night?
The Canadian says "That was my wife."
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What do Canadian women put behind their ears to attract men?
Their ankles!
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What brand of vodka does a Canadian drink?
Grey Moose
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What do you call a canadian enchilada?
A centimeter-alada
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What do Canadians say after a prayer in church?
Eh-men
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What do Spanish Canadians put on their tacos?
Pork, eh
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What do you call a Canadian in outer space?
An Eh-lien!
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How do you spell Canada in Canadian?
C, eh! N, eh!, D, eh!
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How do you get three drunk, rowdy Canadians out of a pool?
Ask them to get out of the pool.
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What do you call a canadian girl that can not sing?
Justin Bieber
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What is a Canadian's Favorite Game?
Sorry!
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What is a Canadian vampire's favourite drink?
Type Eh.
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Who's sorry now?
First question on Canadian citizenship exam
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How do you get 100 Canadians out of a swimming pool?
Say "hey, you Canadians! Get out of that swimming pool!"
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How did Canada pick its name?
There were two Canadians and an American. They put letters in a hat and drew. They got "C-eh", "N-eh", "D-eh". The American didn't know what was going on, but he relayed the message. I know i need to work on my execution.
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How do you know it's safe to feed the ducks the same thing as the Canadian geese down at the pond?
Because what's good the goose is good for Merganser.
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Why do Canadian cops not need to wear body cameras?
Because Tim Hortons already has cameras!
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What's the difference between a Canadian and an American?
Canadian knows the difference between a school and a shooting range.
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What do you call two Canadians buy coffee?
Double double doubles
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Where do Canadians play Basketball?
In the NB - "eh"
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How do Canadians take care of their skin?
Maybe it's maple leaf.
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How do you get a Canadian to quit smoking cigarets?
You ask him politely.
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Who do Canadians call when their car breaks down?
Triple, eh?
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What's a Canadian's favorite footwear?
Aboot
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What did the Canadian eel say when the bartender asked him if he'd had enough?
No, I think I'd like some more-ay.
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What do you call a Canadian pimp?
Jose (hoes eh?)
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What do the Montreal Canadians drive?
Carrs.
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How do you get 50 Canadians out of the swimming pool?
Say, " Everyone out of the pool please."
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What do Canadians put on their steaks?
Eh-1 (Sorry)
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How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?
Please Get Out The Pool"
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How do you get 50 Canadians out of a swimming pool?
Please get out of the swimming pool"
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What car insurance do Canadians have?
Triple 'eh'
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What kind of batteries do stuttering Canadians use?
Triple Eh's.
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What did the Canadian say when asked what he thought about stereotypes?
Eh.
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What kind of eggs do Canadians prefer?
Grade eh
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What does a Canadian hipster say?
meh".
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What was the hexadecimal 6 afraid of the Canadian hexadecimal 7?
Because 7 8 9 A
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What do Canadian banks and psych wards have in common?
They both contain locked up loonies!
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What's the difference between a New Yorker and a Canadian?
A New Yorker takes the A train; a Canadian takes the train, eh.
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What is a Canadian's favourite letter?
Eh?
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What's the difference between the Canadian-American border and a performance enhancing drug?
Niagara Falls, Viagra rises.
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How do you get a one armed Canadian out of a tree?
Wave to him!
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Why did the Canadian DJ turn down a gig at a local gym?
Because why MC, eh
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How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb
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Why are Canadians atheist?
Because they are Eh-theists.
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What's common between Canadians and Belgians?
They're mostly really nice people, but they have the French living there too.
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How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb
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What do you call a Canadian that's been run through a blender?
Pure-eh
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What do Canadian girls hate?
Aboooooooooty call.
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Why do people say that Canadians always want to establish that they're Canadian?
As a Canadian, this offends me.
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How do Canadians say Milky Way?
Milky Eh.... Get it?
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What do you call a nice Canadian meal on a colorful roof?
Poutina.
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What do you call a weapon used by a Canadian ninja?
A: Canuck-chucks.
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What's the shortest possible sentence in Canadian English?
Sorry, eh.
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What will you have?
The seals says, "Anything but a Canadian Club."
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How can you tell there is a Canadian in your closet?
You can hear someone scooting aboot in it
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How do you know Justin Bieber is Canadian?
Only a Canadian could get a #1 on Billboard with a song called Sorry.
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What do you call a loonie answering questions on reddit?
DollarAMA. *Only Canadians will get it, sorry.
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What happens to a Canadian's car when it breaks down?
The owner calls Triple Eh.
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What's the difference between a canoe and a Canadian?
The canoe tips.
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How do you call Canadian people?
Unarmed Americans.
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What do you call a quadriplegic Canadian?
A Can't-adian!
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What's a Canadian's favourite weapon?
An Eh k-47
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What's the difference between an American and a Canadian?
A: An Canadian not only has a sense of humour but can also spell it.
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Why do Canadians prefer their jokes in hexidecimal?
Because 7 8 9 A
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What is a Canadian's favorite nirvana song?
All Apologies
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What's the difference between a Canadian and an Italian?
Where the "eh" is in the sentence. Canadian: "How you doin, eh " Italian: "Eh! How you doin "
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How can you tell when a Canadian is successful?
He dies in his LA home at 82.
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What's a Canadian's favorite number?
Eight.
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Why did the Canadian DJ turn down the gig at the local Y?
Because why emcee, eh
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What is Canadian graffiti like?
Canadian graffiti be like, F WORD (sorry)
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What happened when Canada got rid of the penny?
Canadians became *penniless*
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Why do Canadians not pay attention to their local wildlife?
Because there's nothing to care-aboot. (caribou)
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What do you call a Canadian rap group?
Poutine Clan
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How do remove a bunch of drunk Canadians from the pool?
You ask them to leave.
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How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?
Just two. One to politely ask and the other to politely help.
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What do you call a Canadian fish with no bones?
Phil, eh?
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Why do Canadians call alcohol anonymous triple A?
AA, Eh
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What does a Canadian get by mixing black and white?
Greh.
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What's the difference between a Canadian woman and a moose?
50 pounds and a flannel.
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What do Canadians drink when the beer is all gone?
Hard eh.
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How do you keep Canadian bacon from curling in the pan?
Take away its brooms.