Cannibal Jokes

  • When/why do feminists hate cannibals?

    When they make sandwiches, because they're man-spreading.

  • What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?

    Oh no not snake and pygmy pie again!

  • What do cannibals and politicians have in common?

    They both enjoy handshakes.

  • Why did the cannibal live on his own?

    He was fed up with other people.

  • What drink does a cannibal have after a long day?

    a handshake!

  • How many cannibals does it take to make a sandwich?


  • Why do SJWs hate cannibals?

    They're always man-spreading on their sandwiches.

  • What did the Cannibal get when he was late to dinner?

    They gave him the cold shoulder.

  • How much for this toaster?

    An arm & a leg." "How about a leg & 2 fingers " "A leg & 3 fingers." "Deal!" - Cannibal Pawn Stars

  • Why did the cannibal go to KFC?

    He heard it was finger licking good.

  • How do cannibals pick up women?

    With a fork

  • What are you having?

    First cannibal: Hard-boiled legs.

  • Why did the cannibal get food poisoning in India?

    He ate Rameet!

  • Why did so many people show up to see the cannibal get cremated?

    His family advertised it as a barbecue.

  • What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

    He wipes

  • What happens if you upset a cannibal?

    You get into hot water.

  • What did the cannibals do with the midget?

    Put another shrimp on the barbie.

  • What's the worst thing for a cannibal to say to a friend?

    Your family has impeccable taste.

  • Why do cannibals never go hungry?

    Because they can make themselves dinner.

  • Why does mama aardvark call her husband a cannibal?

    Because he ate his ant for dinner!

  • Why do cannibals hate Pentecostals?

    Because they're always throwing up their hands.

  • What's the first thing a cannibal does in the morning?

    Grab a cup of joe.

  • Why don't cannibals have dogs?

    Because you're not supposed to feed them people food.

  • When do cannibals cook you?

    On Fried-days.

  • What is a big dinner for a cannibal?

    A three-corpse meal.

  • What department do you not want to end up at in a corporation run by cannibals?

    Human Resources.

  • What did the cannibal say to his victim before they went for a long walk?

    You're gonna be pooped after this.

  • What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?


  • Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads?

    Because they're headcases.

  • What does the cannibal think after seeing a wheelchair user?

    Meals on Wheels

  • What does a cannibal do after dumping their girlfriend?

    They wipe, flush, and wash their hands

  • Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?

    He was caught poaching.

  • What do cannibals call family members they love?


  • What has 4 legs in the morning, two at lunch, and three in the evening?

    A cannibal

  • What happened when the cannibal ate a minister?

    He got a taste of religion.

  • Why did the cannibal leave the restaurant?

    Because he got cold feet.

  • What is the ultimate definition of trust?

    Two cannibals going down on each other

  • What do you get when you cross bears with salmon?


  • What did the cannibal say to his co-worker?

    You should stop by later. The missus and I are having people for dinner.

  • What did Jeffery Dahmer yell when he jumped in the pool?


  • What did the cannibal say after he ate a woman in the Coliseum?

    He's gladiator.

  • What happens to the cannibal who is late to the party?

    He gets the cold shoulder.

  • What did the cannibal do to the people he didn't like?

    He drowned them in the morning.

  • What's the definition of a cannibal?

    Some who goes into a restaurant and orders a waiter!

  • Why did the cannibal have an upset stomach?

    He ate someone who disagreed with him.

  • Why did the cannibal get banned from the hospital?

    He kept trying the doctors patients(patience)

  • Why don't cannibals like clowns?

    they taste funny!

  • What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals ?

    He went down really well !

  • What is a Cannibal?

    Someone who is fed up with people.

  • What did the cannibal do after dumping her boyfriend?

    She wiped her arse.

  • What did the cannibal who was late to the dinner party get?

    The left-ovaries.

  • What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

    He flushed.

  • What did the Cannibal get for dinner after offending his wife?

    The cold shoulder.

  • What happened when the cannibal got a religion?

    He only ate Catholics on Fridays!

  • How can you get a cannibal to go away?

    Give him the finger.

  • Where do cannibals get their vegetables from?

    the coma ward.

  • What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday?

    He ate himself.

  • What's the definition of "Trust"?

    Two cannibals giving each other head

  • What do you call large number of cannibals stranded on an island?


  • What is the definition of trust?

    Two cannibals giving each other a blow iob.

  • What do cannibals put in their soup?

    Ramen! Before you judge harshly, I would like to state that this was invented by a six year old, all on his own, no coaching.

  • What do you give a cannibal late for Sunday lunch?

    The cold shoulder

  • What food are you able to can?

    Cannibal (can able) food.

  • What did the cannibal have for lunch?

    Baked beings (beans).

  • What do you call someone who walks into a building full of people?

    A cannibal.

  • What does a cannibal bring to a barbecue?

    OC) Brats!