Car Jokes
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What do I look for in a car?
A sound-proof cabin so I can sing every rap lyric regardless of the neighborhood I'm driving through.
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Why does Axl Rose have trouble getting his car fixed?
Because no one wants to feel his serpentine.
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What do you do when you see a space man?
Park your car, man.
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What's Justin Bieber's favorite make of car?
Voltz-swaggin. I thought of this myself and I am so, so sorry.
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Who, dad?
Your dog, son. I hit your dog with the car.
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Whats the worst thing about getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic?
Having to go inside to ask for a coat hanger.
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What's worse than locking your keys in you car outside an abortion clinic?
Having to go inside and ask for a coathanger
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When does feminism stop?
When the car breaks down.
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What car is so cheap that anyone could purchase it?
A Ford.
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What are we going to do?
The other replied "Quick turn the car into a side street."
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What do you get when you cross a bridge with a car?
You get to the other side.
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Why do you have a black eye?
You'll have two if you leave your girlfriend's underwear in my car one more time!
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What's a ghost's favorite type of car?
A Booghati
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What car do polite cowboys drive?
Audi!
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What's the worst part of locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic?
Going in to ask for a coat hanger!
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Why did the chicken get run over by a car as it was crossing the road?
To get to the Other side
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Where do dogs park their cars?
In barkinglots.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your car?
Time to get a new car.
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What do you call a Mexican with no car?
Joaquin
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What type of car does a dinosaur drive?
a priustoric!
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What do you call a duck addicted to crack?
A quack head. What is a ducks favorite snack Quackers. Why couldn't the duck drive his car His windshield was quacked.
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What kind of engine did you put in it?
cut to me filling my car with tomato soup* Me: Um... A fast one.
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Why do elephants prefer cars instead of motorcycles?
motorcycles don't have trunks
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What's the most dangerous possession a gun nut will ever own?
His car.
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What do you call a group of cars ?
A clutch !
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How can you tell Russians are bad at driving stick?
cause their cars are always Stalin
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What's the best thing about owning a car in Liverpool?
You'll eventually end up with enough bricks to build a free garage.
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What do you call a Spanish man with erasers for toes?
Roberto* What do you call a Spanish man with no car *Joaquin*
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What's Piccolo's preferred type of car?
DODGE!!!
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Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?
Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk
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Where would Helen Keller park her car?
On top of three children.
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Why did the car swerve off the road?
It hit the chicken. Bazing!
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Why do women like men who can work on cars?
They know how to work under the hood!
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Why is New Jersey called the Garden State?
Cause you're always guardin' your wallet, guardin' your car, and guardin' your house.
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What's the worst part of locking your keys in the car at an abortion clinic?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
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Why didn't the bike go to the car show?
Because he was two tired.
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Why do they name all hurricanes after women?
Because when they arrive they are wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and car
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Why was the neighbor's cat afraid of me?
Because I ran over it with my car.
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What do you call a bee that has been run over by a car?
Bee flat Music joke for those who don't understand. B flat is a note.
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What did the Japanese soda say to Papa John after he crashed his car?
I'm really sodie pop.
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What do you get when you cross an oven with a car?
A hot rod. NOTE: When I was about 5, I thought this was the funniest joke on earth.
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What car did the Apostles drive?
Hint:Acts 2:1 KJV)
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Why did the rich guy crash his car?
He wanted to see how the Mercedes bends
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Why is there no market for white tires?
Because black tires makes your car run faster
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What kind of car did J.J. Abrams send to pick up Harrison Ford for the new Star Wars premiere?
A Hyundai.
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What do you call a car made out of Canadian money?
A CADillac.
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What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A Christler.
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What do you call an Asian person that is hit by a car?
Hood orient
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What does getting pregnant and locking your car keys in your car have in common?
They can both be fixed with a coat hanger.
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How do you top a car?
You tep on the brake, toopid.
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What kind of snake is it good to have on a car?
Windshield vipers.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs driving a car?
Rex (made this one up myself!)
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Where do pigs park their cars?
In porking lots.
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What's worse than locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic?
Having to go inside to ask for a clothes hanger
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What do girls and snowflakes have in common?
They can't drive cars.
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Why did the man sleep after being run over by a car?
Because he got tired.
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Why can't Elvis Presley roll backwards with his car?
Because he is dead
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What car does the Loch Ness Monster drive?
A Ford F-tree-fiddy
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What kind of car did the German cowboy purchase?
Audi *tips hat*
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What did the snail say when his friend lost his car?
Where did Es-car-go.
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What do you call a car full of nuns?
Virgin Mobile
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How many women does it take to park a car?
A man.
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Why did the spider buy a car ?
So he could take it out for a spin !
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Why did the leper crash his car?
He left his foot on the accelerator.
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Why should you slow down to let another car move into your lane?
good karma.
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What did the bro say to the bro who couldn't make it to the party because he didn't have a car?
Do you even Lyft
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What to you call Batman and Robin after they've been run over by a car?
A: Flatman and Ribbon
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Why planes are faster than car and buses?
Because they are almost never **tired**.
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What was the point in making your car louder, bro?
Do you really want women to turn their heads and notice you drive a 1999 Honda Civic
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What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don't look I'm changing!
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What kind of cars do jedis drive?
A toy-
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How do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
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What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle!
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Whats the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of an abortion clinic?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger
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What kind of car does Yoda drive?
A Toy-Yoda
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What's the best way to cross the border?
In the trunk of a car.
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Why is the LSU football team like my car?
They both used to have Les (less) Miles!
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Why didn't the blondes go to the movies on one buck night?
A: They couldn't fit a deer into the car.
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What did the dog take when he was run down?
The license number of the car that hit him.
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What is the car that everyone sleeps in?
The Ford Siesta Many thanks to for that one.
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Why did the blonde give up on trying to blow up a car?
She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe
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What do you call a car with a broken exhaust?
Emission impossible
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How do you tell who loves you more. Your wife or your dog?
Put both of them in the trunk of your car...drive around...open the trunk and see who is happy to see you.
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What kind of cars do rabbits drive?
Hop rods.
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What country most despises cars that run on gasoline?
Mad-at-gas-cars!
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What are you looking for in a car?
I said, "It has to be affordable" He said, "I'm sorry sir, I've never heard of a Ford Ibble."
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What car does Luke Skywalker drive?
A Toyoda
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Why can trains go for longer than cars?
Because cars get tyred but trains do not, with the exception of Rubber-tyred metro systems.
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What cars do wolves drive?
Auuuuuuuuuuuuudis!
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What is the worst thing about locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
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What type of car would Jesus drive?
A Chrysler
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What do you call a Mexican that had his car stolen?
Carloss
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What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
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How do you call 4 blacks in a car falling off the cliff?
A waste. You could fit 1 more in the trunk.
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Why wont Apple ever make a car?
Because it can't have windows in it!!!!
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What kind of car does a rich shepherd drive?
A Lamb-orghini!
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What's worse than locking your keys in your car in front of an abortion clinic?
Going in and asking for a coat hanger.
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What car does Boba Fett drive?
A ManDeLorean.
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What's worse than getting dumped by your girlriend?
Getting denied by a car when hitch-hiking.
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Why was the car engine so loud, but the rest of the car terrible?
Because torque is cheap
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What should you do if a bird poos on your car?
Don't ask her out again
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What kind of car does depressed Daniel drive?
Sad Dan
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What do you get when you mix a car and a refrigerator?
A car-brrrrr-etor I'll see myself out.
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Why did Walt Disney visit a mechanic?
He wanted to get his Car tuned
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Why can't Daredevil drive a car?
Because he's from New York.
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What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood?
Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.
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What do you call a Mexican guy who's car always goes missing?
Carlos.
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What type of car does a ghost drive?
A BOOick.
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How the hell did you do that"?
The car rolled on it".
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How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive West.
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What do you call a cow that got hit by a car?
moo-tilated.
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Why couldn't the Japanese guy see his car?
Because he had a cataract!
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What can you say about a car and not a girl/your gf?
It's easy to turn on, and even though it's eleven, I still love her.
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What do you think you're doing parking your car there?
Motorist: I thought it was good place. It says "Safety Zone."
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What do you have there?
Me: struggling, crawling to his car because my backpack is weighing me down Ham.
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Why does Gandalf prefer coupes?
Because other cars have Mordor.
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Why did Heisenberg remove the speedometer from his car?
So he would stop getting lost everything he checked it.
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Why did Bill Nye crash his car?
Because inertia is a property of matter.
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What has two legs and bleeds?
Half of your dog...I hit it with my car.
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Why are you on this bus?
Aren't you supposed to be driving around in a car "
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What happened to the man running in front of the car?
He got tired. What happened to the man running behind the car He got exhausted.
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What has everyone been using to get ice of their cars in the morning?
I've been using a discount card, but I can only ever get 20% off
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Why did the pasta chef take his car into the body shop?
Cause it got al dente'd up!
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What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack
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What happens when Mario parks his car outside the wrong castle?
He gets Toad
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Why did you stop your car get out and yell "coward" at the traffic signal?
Motorist: The light just turned yellow.
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Why did the witch get a car with manual transmission?
Because she prefers to drive stick!
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Why did the boy die when a car ran over his finger?
His finger was up his nose.
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How would you get four reindeer in a car?
Two in the front and two in the back! And how do you get four polar bears in a car Take the reindeer out first
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How do you fit five elephants into a car ?
Two in the front two in the back and the other in the glove compartment !
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What cars do cows drive?
Cattleacs
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How did the steak knife find himself after drunk driving?
In car, serrated
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What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic?
Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.
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Why was the band late to their gig?
Because the drummer locked himself in the car with the keys.
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What is a banged-up used car?
A car in first-crash condition.
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What type of car does James Bond drive?
00-Sedan
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When driving through fog what should you use?
A: Your car.
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What kind of car does a ghost drive?
A boogati!
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How many Mexican clowns can you fit in a car?
No, seriously. Cuz I bet it's a lot
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Why do Mexicans always install those tiny steering wheels in their cars?
So they can drive with the handcuffs on.
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What jumps up and down in front of a car ?
Froglights !
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What kind of car did Jesus drive?
a manual.
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What kind of car does Bill Cosby drive?
A Honda quaalude. (Credit to my girlfriend)
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Why should a good driver always carry weed in his car?
So he always hits the green when he's driving.
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How many dubstep fans does it take to wash a car?
One hundred and one. Two to wash it, one to dry it, and ninety eight to talk about how dirty it was.
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Why was the school principal not pleased when he bumped into an old friend ?
They were both driving their cars at the time !
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What do you get when you leave a dog inside a car when it's 100 degrees outside?
A hot dog.
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What if I draw a peanut on her napkin?
Wife: Please go wait in the car
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Why wouldn't they let Helen Keller drive a car?
Because she was a woman
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What weighs more than a car and uses a lot of fuel, but hardly ever moves?
Your mom.
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What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of an abortion clinic?
Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.
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How do you call a car designed for midgets?
Half a Romeo. I'll show myself out.
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Why are your eyes red?
Are you high! flashback to me cry-singing Taylor Swift's "Love Story" in the car on the way over me: Yes
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What happens when you put too many paintings in your car?
You can't make your van gogh.
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What did the car said to the valet?
I've been through a lot.
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What do locking the keys in your car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common?
both can be solved with a coat hanger
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What do you call a Mexican whose car has been stolen?
Carlos
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Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car?
Because he was a car-case.
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What do you call the history of a car?
An autobiography.
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What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?
A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
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What do you call it... What do you call it when a bus and a car are put together?
12 Casualties
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What does Mr. Miyagi do while Daniel-san waxes the car?
He wax off.
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Why don't auto repair shops fix golf carts?
Because they work with parts for cars, not carts for pars.
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What's the most popular type of car in Turkey?
Coupe
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What do you do when you hear a woman got hit by a car?
Wonder how the hell a car got into the kitchen
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What is a NYC nanosecond?
If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green.
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What was the car doing in the dressing room?
Changing attire.
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What's an empty suit of armor doing on the drivers side of a car?
He went out for the knight. OK I'll leave now
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What's the worst thing about...?
getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic Having to go in to ask for a coat hanger. *Yet another Australian pub joke*
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When you wife asked you to buy her car, why did you buy her a diamond instead?
Because I couldn't find a fake car."
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What is a bullfighter's favourite type of car?
A cabri - ole
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What kind of car does a cat drive?
A Cadillac.
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Why did the blind guy crashed his car into another car?
Because he forgot to check his blind side.
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How did a blind man drive his car?
A: One hand on the wheel the other on the road.
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Why can you never trust a car made in the Soviet Union?
They keep Lenin to the left, and Stalin.
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What do you call a nun in a car?
Virgin Mobile
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What do you call a vampire that can lift up cars ?
Jack-u-la !
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What kind of car does god drive?
A Christler
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Who's there ! Clark ! Clark who ?
Clark your car in the garage !
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Why are cars in Russia so slow?
Because they are always stalin.
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How am I driving?
No seriously, how did I get here. This isn't my car.
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What do you call a car that you only drive in the fall?
An autumn-mobile.
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What do you call the action where a dead guy falls out of a car and you have to put him back in?
A rehearsal
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How do you fix a car in India?
Get Atul to do it.
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Why can't cars fly kites?
Because of the windshield.
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How do you know a car is from Poland?
The Polish.
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Whats the worst part of locking your keys in your car at an abortion clinic parking lot?
Having to go inside and ask for a coathanger.
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What brand of car would the Roadrunner be?
Jeep Jeep
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What kind of cars do shellfish drive?
Mussel cars.
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What do you get when BMW, Volkswagen, and Callaway design a car together?
A Mini Golf.
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What do you get if you cross a dog with a sniper rifle and a car?
A !
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What type of car would the Hamburglar drive?
A Hamburghini.
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What do you get when you put a car and a pet together ?
Carpet !
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Why did the cat sleep under the car ?
Because she wanted to wake up oily !
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What do you call a mexican who last his car?
Juaquin.
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What is the meaning of afford?
It's the car most sales representatives drive.
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How do cats park their cars?
They allel park
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Why are you driving that car in circles?
Driver: I was just going for a little spin.
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What does Joaquin Phoenix say when a car almost hits him?
Hey! I'm Joaquin here!
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What did the car baby say to his car dad?
Hey dad, let's tell a joke for car ma!
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What is the best thing to take when you're run over?
The number of the car that hit you.
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What's the one car that gingers can't have?
A Kia Soul.
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What did the man say when the calculator agreed to help him load the car?
I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU
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Why did Renault name a car "Le Car"?
So customers wouldn't accidentally drive Le Lawnmower to work.
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What's a fundamentalist Christian's favorite type of car?
A convertible.
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What kind of car does a rich baker drive?
A Rolls-Royce.
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What car does Woody drive?
AUDI ADUI ADUI!
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What did the cow say when she got hit by a car?
Moo." What did the cow saw when she fell into a ditch? "Moo." What did the cow say when she fell onto the electric fence? "Moo." What did the cow say when she got hit by a train? "Why does everything always happen to meeee?" Protip: My dad wrote this joke for me when I was six.
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Why did the little boy drop his icecream?
Because he got hit by a car
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Why does a Belgian have a knife in his car?
To cut the corners!
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Where's the dog?
flashback to me giving him the keys to the car to get more beer* ME: I let him outside.
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What happened to the man running in front of a car?
He got tired. The man running behind the car -- he got exhausted.
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What sort of a car has your dad got?
I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T. Really - Ours only starts with gas.
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Why do feminists only drive cars with automatic transmissions?
It pains them to have standards.
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What do you call a man chasing a car?
What do you call a man chasing a car? -Exhausted What do you call a man being chased by a car? -Tired
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Why is there a broom in the driveway?
me: So your mom doesn't have to borrow the car
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What's the worst part of locking your keys in the car by the abortion clinic?
Having to go inside and ask to borrow a coat hanger
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What happens when an elephant sits on a car?
It breaks the trunk.
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How do you make a car top?
You gotta 'tep on the brake 'tupid!
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What is the fastest way to exit a car on the highway?
Through the windshield
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What did the blond girl say when she saw the car?
Answer: That's the lost one right there.
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What car do dogs drive?
A Doge charger
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How do computers measure pain?
Gigahurts. (Came up with this in the car on my way to school hopefully its original)
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Who's driving the car?
Theres a muslim a mexican and black guy in a car, whos driving .. **The cops**
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What do you call it when a car full of Mexicans catches fire?
Baked beans
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What do you say when a singer/songwriter poops on your car?
CELINE WUT R U DION
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Why you should wash your car?
WASH YOUR CAR BECAUSE IT IS DIRTIER THAN MILEY CYRUS!
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What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time?
Quantum Mechanics.
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Why can't Helen Keller drive a car?
Because she's dead.
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How about now?
Officer -Sir, get out of the car.
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Which country has many spaces to put your car in?
Park-istan!
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What's worse than having your car impounded by the police?
Impounding your mother
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What part of a car is the laziest?
The wheels. They are always tired.
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What said a person who got run over by a car?
I'm tired".
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What do you call a mexican without a car?
CAR-LOSE
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How long does it take Putin to give his car an oil change?
Nyet long. He's always Russian.
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What did the car say when it's front wheels were stolen?
I don't want to go anywhere. I'm two tired.
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Why did Bruce Jenner crash his car?
Because she's a woman.
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What do a car, a bus, and a family have in common?
The car and the bus both have wheels.
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What happened to your car?
SON: Transmission is shot. Reverse doesn't work. DAD: Well... SON: Don't- DAD: There's no going back now
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Why are hurricanes named after women?
Because they arrive wet and wild then leave with your house and car
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Why do University of Arkansas graduates tape their diplomas to the windshields of their cars?
So they can park in handicapped spaces.
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What video game system do police officers play in their cars?
Wii U, Wii U, Wii U...
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Who's there ! Bark ! Bark who ?
Bark you car on the drive !
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What do you call a Mexican who's car got stolen?
Carlos.
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Why did the snail draw an "S" on the side of his car?
So that when he drove by people could say, "Look at that escargot!"
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Why do cars slow down when they see a cop has pulled someone over?
HE'S A LITTLE BUSY TO WORRY ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW DUMMIES
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What's the name of the car of a hipster batman?
Tumblr.
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Why did Einstein refuse to help people fix their cars?
Because his colleagues would call him the Quantum Mechanic.
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Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot.
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Why did the Canadian cross the road?
Because that's the direction his car was sliding.
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What do you get if you breed a Green Lantern, a car and an atheist?
Willing suspension of disbelief
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I dropped a pear in my car this morning.
You should drop another one, then you would have a pair.
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Why was the car naked?
It was missing a tire.
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What do people in florida do when their car breaks down?
Build a house next to it.
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How do make a car top?
Tep on the brake 'tupid.
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Where do cars get the most flat tyres?
Where there is a fork in the road. This and other tyre jokes here:
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What car does Jesus drive?
A Chrysler
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What's black and white and red allover?
My dalmatian after being hit by a car
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What do you call a cow that gets hit by a car?
A dead cow! (My 5-year old made up this joke)
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What are you waiting for?
A car.
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What do you call a Latino whos car got nicked?
Carlos-t
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Which is better exercise, chasing a car or running away from one?
Chasing a car. After running from a car you'll just be tired, but after chasing one you'll be exhausted.
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What do you do when your car is making a really annoying noise?
Open the door and kick her out.
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What is a Car in the U.S.?
A mode of transportation. :D
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Why did the chicken get himself run over by a car?
To get to the "other side".
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What is the difference between my car and Whitney Houston?
My car can hit 50.
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What car do rich black people drive?
A Countach
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How can you tell when Ron Jeremy is finished pumping gas?
He pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car!
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Whats the difference between a woman and a dog?
Put them both in the trunk of your car, drive around the block, and see which ones happy to see you afterwards.
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Why didn't the piece of paper move out of the way when a car came speeding towards it?
Because it was stationary.
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Why did the man put his car in the oven?
Because he wanted a hot rod.
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Why is it a bad idea to run behind a car?
You'll get exhausted
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What did the undertaker say as the coffin fell out of the car?
We'll have to rehearse that."
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Who is driving the car?
The police.
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Why couldn't the Italian man start his car?
gnocchi
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What do you call clothes for a car?
A tire.
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What's the difference between Whitney houston and my car?
My car can make it to 50.
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How many Mexicans does it take to wax a car?
1 if you hit him just right
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What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah ?
A dog that chases cars - and catches them !
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Where does Stevie Wonder park his car?
In blind spots.
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What happens if an axe falls on your car?
You have an ax-i-dent (accident).
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How many words does it take to start a car?
Forwards
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What happened when the elephant sat on the car?
A: Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!
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What do cars and humans have in common?
We both burn gas.
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What kind of dog can turn on your car?
Yorkies
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What's the worst part of locking your keys in your car at an abortion clinic?
Going inside and asking for a coat hanger.
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Why cant asians drive?
Because cars takes you from A to B
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Why does pasta always have to pay so much for car insurance?
Because it can't drive a car without making it all denty.
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What happened when the car took LSD?
It went on a road trip and had an auto body experience!
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What came first the car or the wheel?
The car because a wheel isn't cary fast but a car is wheely fast.
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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive a car?
because she was a woman!
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What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'. Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
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How did the woman feel when she got run over by a car?
Tired.
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What is a Spanish person without a car called?
Carlos
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What's green and lays in a ditch while covered in cookie crumbs?
The Girl Scout that got hit by a car.
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Why didn't George like driving through tunnels with people in his car?
He didn't want to get carpool tunnel syndrome.
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What is the difference between leaves and a car?
One you brush and rake, the other you rush and brake.
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Why did the car thief drill holes in the air conditioning units of the cars he stole?
Because he my take your ride but he will never take your freon.
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What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car, outside of a planned parenthood center?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat-hanger.
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How do bulls drive their cars?
They steer them!
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Where can a hand refuel its car?
At a fist pump.
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Why can't Michael Jackson drive backwards in a car?
Cause he's dead.
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Why do black people get hit by cars more during winter time?
Because they're easier to spot
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What should a teacher take if he's run down?
The number of the car that hit him.
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Why didn't the LoL champ care when she crashed her car?
Because it was Elise
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Why couldn't the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
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Why'd you name me Carson, dad?
You were born in a car. Now go fetch your sister, Hospitaldaughter. It's time for tablemeal.
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What do cars do at the disco?
Brake dance.
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How do you prove that your dog loves you more than your wife?
Lock them both in the trunk of the car for an hour, then open it up and see which one of them is happier to see you.
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What are cats' natural predators?
Cars.
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What happens to your car insurance if you don't notify them that you've wrecked a car?
I don't know, but it's not wreck-amended.
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How do you get an Asian to crash their car?
Make the windshield full screen
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Why did 5000 Mexicans show up to fight at the Alamo?
They only had two cars.
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What type of pants do you need to start a car?
Cargo pants
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What do you call a white guy with 2 black guys in the back of the car?
The police. What do you call a black guy with 2 white guys in the back of the car Uber!
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What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
He gives it a valenshine!
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What does a Jamaican do when he sees a spaceman?
He parks his car, man.
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What did the jack say to the car?
Can I give you a lift "
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What do you get if you play a C&W song backwards?
Your wife back, your house back, your car back, and your dog back.
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How do you stop a dog howling in the back of a car?
Put him in the front.
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What do you get when cross the Dukes of Hazzard car with K.I.T.T. ?
General Lee speaking.
-
What do you get if you play a C&?
W song backwards? Your wife back, your house back, your car back, and your dog back.
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Why did your car just spin around in circles?
Motorist: I was making a U-turn and changed my mind.
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What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car next to an abortion clinic?
Having to go in to ask for a coat hangar.
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What's the difference between tired and exhausted?
When you run in front of a car you get tired. When you run behind a car you get exhausted.
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What do they do in Alabama when their car breaks down?
Build a house next to it.
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What's the best part about locking your keys in the car at an abortion clinic?
Plenty of coat hangers.
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Why did the snail paint an S on the back of his car?
So when he drove by people would say, "Hey, look at that S car go!"
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Which snakes are found on cars?
Windscreen vipers.
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What do you call an Orangutan, a tortoise and a hamster in cars?
Top Gear,
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What car does Catwoman drive?
A Purrgeot.
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When is a car, not a car?
When it turns into a driveway.
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How do you top a car ?
Sister: Tep on the brake tupid.
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Why didn't the car have a tire?
Because cars don't wear clothes.
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What's the worst part about locking your keys in the car in an abortion clinic parking lot?
Going inside to ask for a hanger.
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What do you get if you cross a Green Lantern, a car and an atheist?
Willing suspension of disbelief.
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How can if you have a stupid dog ?
It chases parked cars !
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What do you call the largest number of grizzlies you can fit in a car?
The bear maximum
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How did the inventor of the car advertise his new "horse-less carriage"?
He said it goes without a hitch!
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When someone has Taken your car who should you call?
Liam Nissan
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What do you call a Latino on a bike?
Juan less car (one less car)
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What did the man say after he was hit by the car?
Nothing. He was dead.
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What does the 1286BC incribed on the mummy's tomb indicate ?
The registration of the car that ran him over !
-
What do you call someone who dances on cars ?
A morris dancer !
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What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed?
Don't look I'm changing!
-
What's the difference between a sigh a car and a monkey?
A sigh is oh dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you dear.
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What is so bad about being half black and half asian?
You can steal a car but you can't drive it.
-
What's the most efficient fuel to use when chasing cars?
Snow Petrol!
-
What type of car does a Loch ness monster Drive?
A nissan
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Where do cars get the most flat tires?
Where there is a fork in the road.
-
Why do you make more money?
A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?" The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."
-
How did bulldogs get such flat noses?
A: From chasing cars.
-
How's my driving?
sticker on her car. Her phone hasn't stopped ringing since.
-
Who do Canadians call when their car breaks down?
Triple, eh?
-
What kind of car does a pirate drive?
A Yarrrrrrrrris.
-
How does the Ultimate Warrior repair his car?
With parts unknown.
-
What's green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
A girl scout that got hit by a car.
-
What's worse than locking your keys in your car at the abortion clinic?
When you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
-
What do you call a snake that rides around on the front of a car?
A windshield viper.
-
What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car?
Get in the car"
-
Why couldn't the accountant keep his car in working order?
Because it broke down and he couldn't budget.
-
What can happen when a car breaks down?
A woman's car breaks down on a busy highway. She manages to ease it over to the shoulder and gets out and opens the trunk. Immediately two men clothed only in trench coats leap out and begin to open and close their coats, exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. Pretty soon a police officer stops. "What's going on here?" the cop asks. "My car just broke down," the woman responds. "NO, I mean those two guys," the cop continues. "Oh," the woman replies, "they're just my emergency flashers."
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Why should you never laugh at thieves in a car-accident?
It could be your car
-
What did the black man get for his 18th birthday?
Your car.
-
What car do insects drive?
A Volkswagen automobile.
-
What do you do when you see a spaceman?
You park your car, man.
-
What kind of car does a Japanese chef drive?
Rolls Rice
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When is a car like a frog ?
When it's becing toad !
-
How long has your car been doing that?
Me: Hubs: The engine smoking at a stoplight Me: I dont know, I look at my phone at lights.
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Why couldn't the restaurant patron get into his car?
He had Gnocchi.
-
Why do Stasi officers make such good taxi drivers?
You get in the car and they already know your name and where you live.
-
What kind of car do ghosts drive?
BOOgatti!
-
What do you think Michael Hastings was working on before he died?
slowing down his car. ... ... shoutout to for this one.
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What do you call your wife and mother-in-law when they're riding in the same car?
Dual air bags.
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What kind of amphibian is hired to take your car away?
Toad. Thanks, HammerElectionBeans for the edit.
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What did the tornado say to the car?
A:('You wanna go for a spin ')
-
What's the worst part of running into your ex?
You have to get out and check to see how bad your car is damaged.
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What do you call a car if you don't know its gender?
Mitsuheshe.
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What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?
What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."
-
Why don't we run through the parking lot?
me laying on the ground in front of the car that hit me Because it's dangerous
-
What car does a Mexican drive?
A Quebrolet.
-
What would call it if all the cars in the country were pink?
A pink carnation.
-
What do you call a camel in a car?
A camel auto!
-
How do you know that a dog is a man's best friend?
Take your girl and your dog, and lock them in the back of a car, return in 5 hours, which one do you think will be happy to see you?
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What's a catholic's favourite type of car?
A convertible.
-
What kind of car drives over water?
Any kind of car if it goes over a bridge.
-
Why do hurricanes have women name?
Because they take away your house, your car, your furniture and everything you have.
-
How did OJ respond when his son asked to borrow the car?
gtOnly if you go aks your mother.
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What's the difference between driving a car on an empty tank of gas and having diarrhea?
One you're running on fumes, the other you're fuming with the runs.
-
What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks
-
Why aren't cars made out of wood?
Because they wooden go.
-
How did Pedro fix his car?
With Espana.
-
What do you get when you cross a motorcycle and a truck?
hit by a car.
-
What do a blonde and a car have in common?
A: They can both drive you crazy.
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Why could Don Juan always pick up girls in his car?
It was electric. Also, the car had a set of hands.
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What kind of a car does a crazy man drive?
A LOCOmotive.