Care Jokes
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Who was the famous writer, that died in WWII?
I don't know Anne Frankly I don't care.
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What pets think about their owners?
A dog: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... He is God. A cat: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... I am God.
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Why don't the Germans care about the word, 'nichts'?
It means nothing to them.
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Why did the existential nihilist cross the road?
Who cares.
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How do you get Americans to care about the Sudanese genocide?
Dress them up as dead lions
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What do you get when you mix a rat and an elephant?
Who cares? It's a relephant.
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Why is Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa?
I thought he didn't care about the 1%
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What's stronger, fifty watts of sound or fifty watts of light?
I don't care but would you please stop screaming, turning the lights on and off.
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What is the slogan of the Mormon Church?
We don't care how you bring 'em, just Brigham Young."
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Why does no one care that space is a vacuum?
Oh it doesn't really matter.
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Which is worse, insouciance or ignorance?
I don't know and I don't care.
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What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?
For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler. -&y (yup, mine)
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Which joke has the maximum HOT Nuns in it?
You don't know none.. And here to learn one.. So when you are with your friends.. Or walking with your son.. Tell them reddit jokes.. thinking now they would listen... (to you) play it cool, play it slow.. No need to blow.. Take this further, take this far.. till sang by a star. (Improvise it as you like, don't care about the grammar. No rapper does.)
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Where were you born?
Me: Missouri. I: What state are you in now? M: Apathy. I: That's not what I meant. M: I don't care.
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Why didn't the Middle Eastern man go to jail?
Because hijab his wife, but nobody cared.
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What do you call a road that doesn't care about anyone?
A psycho-path.
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Which teachers care the most about their students?
Math teachers, because every student counts.
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How much less could you care?
Coworker: I don't get it. Me: I noticed.
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What do you call it when someone admits to caring about how they dress?
A confashion.
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Why shouldn't you tell a pirate your secrets?
They ain't private ears. (I don't care if a six year old came to this first thirty years ago, it just came to me.)
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Why does China care so much about money?
They can't resist all of the cha-'ching'.
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How many honest intelligent caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
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What did the man reply to his friend that found a good paying job taking care of mentally challenged people?
Answer: Oh, so it has its ups and downs.
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How many hipsters does it take to...?
Bazinga! nobody cares! you fell for one of my practical jokes again.
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What do you think is the biggest problem in Germany?
Uncertainty or indifference ' He answered: I don't know and I don't care!'
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How can you tell ignorance from indifference?
I don't know and I don't care.
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What's the difference between Ethiopians and gorillas?
Nobody cares about Ethiopians dying. (First post on r/jokes and a bit offensive)
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What do you call a CIA agent that nobody cares about?
Li Yung
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What's the difference between the grocery store and a math book?
In a math book I can buy 57 papayas at $1.99 each and no one will care.
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What do Vietnamese historians and Southern rednecks have in common?
They both care way too much about the c Dynasty.
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What do you call a boring meme about some internet drama that you don't care about?
Dramameme.
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Why does fluoride cause apathy?
Who cares.
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What does the H. in Jesus H. Christ stand for?
Hallmark. God cares enough to send the very best.
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What do you call a psychic who simply doesn't care?
Telapathy
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What are the three types of men?
A: The handsome the caring and the majority.
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Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?
Who cares
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What do you call someone who believes rotten eggs smell bad, but doesn't care?
An eggsy-stench-alist.
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Who took care of German army dogs after the war?
Veteran Aryans
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What's the difference between a small child and a gorilla?
People actually care if a gorilla dies.
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Why do Chinese only care about themselves?
Because they have no i's (plural of i). Edit: eyes. Eyes guys. It's a bad pun.
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How many people from Cornwall does it take to change a lightbulb?
They don't care, as long as they do it better than people from Devon.
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Why do software engineers tend to not care about trigger warnings?
They're not trigger errors.
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How do you take care of a baby?
Hire a hitman
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When someone asks, "How are you?
I say, "5-7-8-3" because they don't care how I am & saying my ATM Code out loud helps me memorize it.
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Why does everyone care who Tom Brady voted for?
What we really wanna know is who Ja Rule voted for. WHERE IS JA !
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When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building which one hits the pavement first?
A: Who cares!
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Why don't they call the Batman film "The White Knight" instead of "The Dark Knight"?
Because no one would care that he died.
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Whats the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I dont know and I dont care.
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How do Canadians take care of their skin?
Maybe it's maple leaf.
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Who reached the ground first?
Noone cares.
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What is the main difference between existentialism and nihilism?
Who knows? Who cares?
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How many libertarians?
How many libertarians does it take to screw in a light-bulb? None. The market will take care of it.
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How many depressed people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Who cares...
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What's the difference in Xbox One and your mother?
I genuinely care about your mother.
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Who does first?
Who dies first? No one cares. :/
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What's worse: ignorance or indifference?
Johnny", responds his dad, " I neither know nor care." Edit: granma grammar.
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Why do all polish names end in ski?
Because they can't spell toboggan (This joke brought to you by a 90 yr old polish man I take care of at a nursing home)
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What did the lead researcher say when all of her colleagues were complaining about the experiment?
I don't care et al."
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How can you tell if a man is happy?
A. Who cares
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What happens when a lawyer dies??
Who cares!
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Why did Billy not care who he offended while posting on the internet?
Because the ends justify the memes
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Who cares if you pee in the shower?
The bride and all her guests, apparently.
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How to make your wife take care while driving?
Tell her that if she meets with a serious accident, the newspaper will have to print her age.
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Why didn't anyone care about the circus?
Because it was irr-elephant
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How is my wife doing?
Doctor: I'm so sorry. The accident has left her in a vegetative-like state and I don't think she'll ever recover. She can barely move her limbs, if at all, and will be confined to a bed or wheelchair without the ability to ever walk again. You'll need to care for her 24/7, clothe her, feed her, bathe her, and she'll have no control of her bladder or bowels. Again, I'm so, so, sorry... ..... ..... ..... Just kidding! She's dead.
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What do call someone who takes care of reindeer and really enjoys it?
A Jolly Rancher.
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What do you call a person who doesn't care that he just got kicked out of a Call of Duty team?
unfazed*
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How do you spell "apathy"?
I don't care.
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How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't care. You pick
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Who cares?
It's probably just full of camels, anyway."
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Who do you think cares?
Nobody. They're too angry at the mods at to care.
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What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know and I don't care.
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What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM?
It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.
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How many redditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Who cares, because How Can Light Be Real If Our Eyes Arent Real?
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Why is a blonde like Australia?
A: They're both down under and no one cares.
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What's a man?
Dad: A man is who loves unconditionally , cares about you and protects you. Kid: When i grow up, I'll be a man like mom
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What type of milk does Bernie Sanders drink?
Whole milk because he cares about all the milk and not just the top 1% milk!
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When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.
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What game do you play if you don't take care of your teeth?
Tooth (truth) or Consequences.
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What's the difference between a tsunami and a bear?
A tsunami doesn't care that you are faster than your buddy.