Carpenter Jokes

  • How to be Like Jesus 1. Be a carpenter. 2. Be a nice guy. 3. ?

    4. Prophet.

  • Why were all Roman buildings made of stone?

    They crucified the carpenter.

  • How do historians know that Joseph wasn't Jesus' dad?

    Because when you're a carpenter in the desert you can't get wood.

  • Why did the carpenter join the army?

    Because he wanted to be a Drill Sergeant

  • What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife?

    He gets hammered and she gets nailed.

  • How can you tell if a carpenter is happy?

    Check his spirit level.

  • What do you call a carpenter who needs fewer nails?


  • What does a carpenter do after one night stand?

    A matching one for the other side of the bed.

  • What did the car-painter say to the carpenter?

    You sound just like me!"

  • Why don't you ask Joseph, the carpenter?

    God: Uh huge grin cos I'm banging his wife raises hand up top

  • Who was the first carpenter ever?

    Eve, she made Adam's banana stand.

  • What did the carpenter say to the girl he loved?

    Oh sweetheart, you are the eye of my maple....

  • What does a crappy Carpenter make?

    Loose stools

  • Why the carpenter is always constipated?

    Because his stool so hard!

  • What's the difference between a carpenter and a construction worker?

    30 IQ points. This, as any carpenter will tell you, isn't a joke.

  • How does a carpenter effectively build stairs?

    He thinks one step ahead

  • Why did the Carpenters wife leave him?

    Because he was screwing around.

  • How is Jesus different from other carpenters?

    Unlike other carpenters, Jesus may actually return one day

  • Why does no one want to work in the yard with a carpenter?

    Because they take a fence to that.

  • What's the difference between Jesus and other carpenters?

    Jesus may actually return some day.

  • Who was the first carpenter?

    Eve, she made Adam's banana stand.