Carry Jokes

  • What was the ambulance saying when they were carrying Satoru Iwata?

    Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U

  • Why do buzzards prefer to fly?

    Because they really like their carry-on..... yeah total dad joke, i know.

  • Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

    A: fo drizzle b: fo shizzle C: fo nizzle D: fo bizzle

  • Who's the most popular guy at a nudist colony?

    The one that can carry 2 cups of coffee and a dozen donuts

  • Where does an elephant carry its laptop?

    In its trunk.

  • Why do choirs keep buckets handy?

    So they can carry their tune

  • Why don't feminists carry handguns?

    Because of the triggers. I'm sorry

  • How do you get a Mexican across the border using only math?

    Carry the Juan

  • Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?

    For drizzle.

  • What can be said about a rich man who doesn't carry change with him?

    He's got more money than cents

  • What happened when the joker dropped an elephant carrying a ten ton weight on Batman and Robin?

    They became flatman and ribbon. has left the building.

  • What's the best thing about portugal?

    You never have to carry your bags because of all the porter-geese. Thankyou, im here till monday!

  • Why do the English always carry umbrellas?

    Because umbrellas can't walk

  • What did you just say!?

    I recommend an immediate heart attack and let the paramedics carry you out of the room.

  • Why do Italians carry slices of turd in their wallets?

    For identification.

  • Why do police in the US carry a tazer and pepper spray?

    In case they run out of bullets.

  • Why should a good driver always carry weed in his car?

    So he always hits the green when he's driving.

  • What is brown and gray has eight legs and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk?

    A Chihuahua on vacation with an elephant.

  • Why is the iPhone 6 the coolest smart phone around?

    Carry it around in your pocket for a while and it'll be on every selfie you take.

  • How can you tell when witches are carrying a time bomb?

    You can hear their brooms tick!

  • Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?

    In his beef case!

  • Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets?

    Q: Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets? A: To smell like big girls.

  • What's grey carries a bunch of flowers and cheers you up when your ill ?

    A get wellephant !

  • Why Arent You Taking Me With You To Bangkok?

    Husband: Because Nobody Carries A Tiffin To A Restaurant. "If U Didn't Get It Go Watch Pogo":p

  • What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?

    Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going.

  • Why can't the cops keep calm and carry on ?

    Because they carry guns instead

  • Why do drummers carry transparent lunchboxes?

    So they know if they are going to the gig, or coming from it. Ta-boom!

  • Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

    The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

  • What would happen if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with a Saint Bernard?

    It would drink the brandy it would carry and act like a big Gorilla!

  • Why should you always carry a knife around?

    Because sharp wits won't always give you the edge.

  • Why do they allow people in wheelchairs to bring carry-ons onto a plane?

    Aren't they themselves a carry-on?

  • Why are firetrucks red?

    You see, firetrucks have 4 wheels, can carry 8 men and 4+ 8 = 12. There are 12 inches in a ruler and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas. Fish live in the seas and fish have fins. People from Finland are called Fins. Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago. Russia has red on its flag and that's why they're red. Cause they're always russian around.

  • What happened when a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint?

    A: Both crews were marooned.

  • What is Queen's (the band, not the monarch) favourite type of luggage?

    carry ooooooooonnnn, carry ooooooonnnnnnnnnn

  • Why does a mother carry her baby?

    The baby can't carry the mother.

  • What did the giant wave say to the man?

    Nothing he just waved. Sea what I did there? Sorry sometimes I get a bit carried away, it like a tsunami of puns. Water these puns! they're horrible, I'll stop now.

  • Why do you carry a knife?

    Me: A sword is harder to hide.

  • When should a mouse carry an umbrella ?

    When it's raining cats and dogs !

  • What do two owl brothers say when they are carrying something?

    To me, to hoo.

  • What does a skeleton use to carry his bones?

    A CART-ilage

  • What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?

    A wet one.

  • How can you tell if an American has a conceal carry permit?

    They'll tell you.

  • What kind of music venues do gun lovers like the most?

    Carry OK

  • What's the difference between Beyonce and a shopping bag?

    A shopping bag can carry a child.

  • What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a paper bag?

    One is made of plastic and is very dangerous for little kids to play with. The other carries groceries.

  • Why do postmen carry letters?

    Because the letters can't go anywhere by themselves.

  • Why do ghosts carry tissues?

    Because they have BOOOOgers.

  • What do you call a horse getting carried away with a magic marker?

    A zebra.

  • Why are some flowers gangsta ?

    Cause they carry pistils.

  • Why do people carry umbrellas?

    Because umbrellas cant walk.

  • Why can't Roman Reigns light a campfire?

    Because he doesn't carry any matches!

  • Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween ?

    It was for 'tick or tweet' !

  • Who's the most popular guy in the nudist camp?

    The one who can carry two cups of coffee AND a dozen donurs!

  • What's pink has five toes and is carried by the Easter Bunny?

    His lucky people's foot!

  • Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket?

    Because two halves make a whole (hole) and you could lose your money.

  • How does an elephant climb a tree?

    A: He hides in an acorn and waits for a bird to carry him up.

  • How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: None: Leos are so enthusiastic they carry their own light.

  • Why do people carry around umbrellas?

    Because they can't carry themselves

  • Why does Mr Tayto carry a phone in his top pocket?

    In case Johnny Onion Rings!

  • Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag ?

    They can lighten your load !

  • What happened when a ship carrying red paint collided with a shipcarrying blue paint?

    Both crews were marooned.

  • What happens if Mike Tyson carries around Mjolnir all day?

    He gets thor arms!

  • What's the difference between a guy with carry on luggage and a photon?

    The guy overpacked, and the photon is traveling light.

  • What do you call a horse who likes to carry all the groceries?

    A one trip pony :D

  • What Nationality was Otzi the Caveman?

    He wasn't Italian, because he carried work tools, he wasn't Austrian, since he had some brains, he might have been Swiss, since he was outrun by a glacier, but most probably he was a German, because nobody else ever walks in sandals in the mountains.

  • Why are paraplegics bad project teammates?

    They never carry their own weight.

  • What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?

    A: Carry loaded weapons.

  • Why do businessmen carry umbrellas?

    Because umbrellas can't walk.

  • Why did the number of parking tickets spike after Persephone was carried off to the underworld?

    Because Demeter stopped working.

  • Why is a dog with a lame leg like adding 6 and 7s?

    He puts down the three and carries the one.

  • How is Santa able to carry so many presents at once?

    Santa isn't real.

  • What do you call the vehicle used to carry Henry VIII's second wife to the hospital?

    An Anne-Boleyn-ce.

  • Why do stoners carry lighters everywhere?

    Because they don't have legs to walk, man.

  • How do you do that?

    I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet I know it's raining!

  • Why does Axl Rose love to carry around The Scarlet Letter?

    Because every Rose has its Hawthorne

  • How many Polish people does it take to be pallbearers at a funeral?

    Seven. Six to carry the casket and one to drag the body

  • Why did the cowboy ride his horse?

    Because the horse was too heavy to carry.

  • Why should you always carry toilet paper to the twilight zone?

    Doodoo doodoo

  • Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?

    Fo' drizzle. :)

  • Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?

    To stop it from falling out.

  • What is WRONG with you?

    Me: *slowly counting on fingers* let's see... ok... carry the 1... um... That would be everything

  • Why did Bill Murray's cameo have a sore back?

    It had to carry the new Ghostbusters movie for almost two hours.

  • What's dumber than a box of rocks?

    The hippie carrying it. What's dumber than that? The yuppie buying it. What's dumber than that? The box of rocks

  • What is stronger an elephant or a snail ?

    A snail because it carries it's house an elephant just carries its trunk !

  • What floats, is very-very heavy and carries a variety of flavours as a payload?

    A *Souper*tanker! Simmer on that! - I say!

  • Why does a dinosaur have cracks between his toes?

    To carry his library card.

  • What did the number 1 say to (pi)?

    Let's get rational you can't carry on like this!

  • Why do black folk carry around "boomboxes"?

    it's just their stereo-type!

  • What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains?

    Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming

  • What does a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common?

    They both can be used to carry vegetables....

  • Why do they carry Marines around on Naval ships?

    Because sheep would be too obvious.

  • What do you call an unpleasant sand-carrying windstorm?

    Da Rude Sandstorm

  • Why does SnoopDogg always carry an umbrella?

    Fo Drizzle

  • Who will carry on the ancient family curse?

    they say.

  • What do you call spaghetti that carries a fake ID?

    an impasta!

  • What do you call a German grocery store that carries everything but fish?

    Not Sea Food.