Catch Jokes

  • How do you catch defish?

    With debate.

  • Why do blondes wear their hair up?

    To catch everything that goes over their heads.

  • What bait do you use to catch a space fish?

    A worm hole

  • What did the mailman say when his Mail truck caught fire?

    That he needed to address the situation

  • What is the most popular game played by tornadoes?

    Catch my drift

  • Why was the algebra teacher arrested on drug charges?

    He was caught doing lines of math!

  • How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on?

    asking for a friend

  • Why was the World Trade Center in a hurry?

    It had a plane to catch.

  • How do you catch a refrigerator?

    Well then you better go catch it! Hahaaa

  • What did the fireman say when the church caught on fire?

    Holy smoke!"

  • How do you catch a whale?

    You wait until last call and use a good pick up line.

  • How does a Bee get to work?

    He catches a buzz.

  • What has four legs and says "hoe de doe, hoe de doe"?

    Two black guys trying to catch an elevator.

  • What did the sphinx say?

    What did the sphinx say when he found out the pharaoh caught him up in a pyramid scheme Egypt me!

  • What was the name of the operation to catch Juaquin Guzman?

    El trapo.

  • How many waiters does it take to change a light bulb?

    None a burned out bulb can't catch a waiter's eye.

  • What do you call the High Sparrow who is caught molesting kids?

    The Deviated Septon.

  • How do you catch a steroidal fish?

    With A-Rod.

  • What did one tomato say to the other?

    A: Catch up.

  • What pokemon would you catch in Antarctica?


  • How do you catch an orange elephant?

    I don't know. I've never seen an orange elephant.

  • Why didn't Ronald McDonald like to go fishing?

    Because every time he did, he'd catch a whopper.

  • How do you catch a unique bunny?

    Unique up on it. How do you catch a tame bunny? The tame way.

  • Why was the communist arrested?

    He was caught red handed.

  • What happened to the NSFW warning on r/Jokes?

    It stopped working like all those who got caught on reddit at work.

  • What's the difference between STD's and Pokemon?

    I still haven't caught any Pokemon.

  • Why did the Chemistry Teacher go to Jail?

    He got caught giving alcohol to minors.

  • What did Little Bo Peep say to Woody when she got caught screwing Buzz?

    You got a friend in me.

  • Why don't they let gansters play Quidditch?

    Cause gangsters always catch the snitch!

  • Which game did the cat want to play with the mouse?

    A: Catch.

  • What did the south tower say to the north?

    BRB man, I've got to catch a plane. Im soz.

  • Why did it take so long to find the bodies of the black firefighters after the building they were in caught fire and collapsed?

    Cause the building collapsed, duh.

  • How do you catch a terminator?

    With a skynet

  • What Pokemon would you catch in Rio De Janeiro?


  • What do you call someone who keeps trying to catch your interest even though you already said you're not interested several times?

    Windows 10.

  • Why is the cook worried about catching his runaway pig?

    He knows a little ham goes a long way.

  • What was the man running around ?

    from my 5yr old son Because he wanted to catch some sleep.

  • What do you call and autistic child caught in a house fire?

    A baked potato

  • What did the monkey say when he caught his tail in the revolving door?

    It won't be long now...

  • Why do people leave letters at the football ground ?

    They want to catch the last goal-post !

  • What did the caught fish say to the fisherman in the net?

    Well man it's been reel.

  • Why don't Pokemon cards ever have any typos?

    Because the editors know that they gotta catch 'em all!

  • How do you catch King Kong?

    Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.

  • What did the burglar say to the lady who caught him stealing her silver?

    I'm at your service ma'am.

  • What happened to the tree after it caught fire?

    It became entally handicapped

  • What's left of a garden after it catches on fire?

    Chard remains.

  • Why did the man run around his bed?

    Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!

  • What did the owner of a brownie factory say when his factory caught fire?

    I'm getting the fudge outta here!"

  • What did Mulan's grumpy elderly friends say when they caught her with Li Shang?

    Get off Mu-lan!!!"

  • Why are the busiest paleontologists always rednecks?

    Because they are always caught up in some type of relative dating.

  • Why can you never get caught with a 0 in math?

    because cot(0) doesn't exist ... This joke... it burns my eyes...

  • What's the difference between a Porsche and a KIA?

    Paul Walker wouldn't be caught dead in a KIA.

  • What happened when a whore house caught on fire?

    Some came out running, others ran out coming.

  • Why did the Jonestown jokes never catch on?

    The punchlines were too long.

  • What did the chicken say after it's wings caught on fire?

    Damn, I sure got some hot wings!"

  • Where are people in Dallas staying to avoid getting Ebola?

    The Cowboys Stadium. Because they can't catch anything there.

  • What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks?

    You. Why I oughta...! Edit: Wow, thanks for all the love. My son is quite the character and he really caught me off guard with this!

  • Why is fishing dangerous?

    Sometimes, there's a catch

  • How did the bad Canadian fisherman describe his only catch of the day?

    Aboot this big"

  • What do you tell an Irishman if you catch him urinating?


  • What do The Police do to catch criminals easily?

    Sting operation, of course!

  • What's the difference between a Volvo and a Mercedes?

    Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Volvo

  • What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Peewee Herman have in common?

    They were both caught with hands in their drawers.

  • What did the dealer say to Ted when he caught him stealing heroin?

    Your addicted.

  • What do you call an Eagle who can't catch it's prey?

    Talon*tless. ...Sorry.

  • How do you catch a rabbit?

    You hide in a field and make carrot noises.

  • How do you catch a peculiar rabbit?

    Unique up on it.

  • What do you call two Mormons caught in the rain?

    Washing your whites on a rinsed cycle.

  • What's the biggest fish you ever caught?

    That would be the one that measured fourteen inches...." "That's not so big!" "Between the eyes "

  • Why did the Yield Sign want to divorce the Stop Sign?

    He caught her in a 4-way

  • How did you know that the janitors were dating?

    They were caught sweeping together.

  • Whats The difference between Stealing Cookies from a Jar and Child Molesting?

    Ive only ever been caught stealing cookies.

  • Why is the Ferguson Police Department a fan of Pokemon?

    Because you gotta catch Jamal

  • How did I get here?

    I'm sure my neighbors ask the same question every time they catch me in their house...taking a shower.

  • How do you catch a runaway laptop?

    With an Internet.

  • Why was the CEO of Pepsi fired?

    They caught him with an ounce of coke in his system.

  • What has four legs and yells "Hodi doh, hodi doh?

    Two black guys trying to catch an elevator.

  • Why did Samsung make the Galaxy Note 7 waterproof?

    It can't catch fire underwater... I think.

  • What did the left tower say to the right tower?

    I gotta catch a plane

  • Why couldn't anyone catch the hippie?

    He was way to high, man.

  • Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who?

    Daisy me rollin. They hatin. Patrollin and tryna catch me ridin dirty.

  • Why did the Broncos wear white jerseys in Super Bowl 50?

    Because it's hard to catch a white bronco in California.

  • Why is Harry Potter so popular in prison?

    Because he catches all the snitches!

  • What STD can you catch from Mayor McCheese?

    None, but you can get food poisoning.

  • What is faster hot or cold?

    Hot because you can actually "catch a cold".

  • Why did the chicken cross the road, roll around in mud, and cross again after being caught by the mafia?

    Because he was a dirty double crosser.

  • How do you catch digital fish?

    With clickbait, of course!

  • Why did the pervert cough when he was caught molesting a pony?

    He was feeling a little horse.

  • How do you catch a squirrel?

    Climb a tree and act like a nut.

  • What do you call it when a car full of Mexicans catches fire?

    Baked beans

  • How does Mulan's boyfriend explain himself when she caught him smoking pot?


  • What did the chinese guy tell the police when he was caught?

    You got the Wong guy.

  • What do you call a Pikachu caught in Brazil?

    A Zikachu

  • What do Pokemon Go and Tinder have in common?

    Both give you a good chance of catching something

  • How do you catch a Swedish fish?

    With a gummy worm as bait

  • What did one tower say to the other?

    I've got a plane to catch

  • How did Pinocchio realize he was made of wood?

    His hand caught on fire.

  • Why did the 25 year old cross the street?

    To catch a charmander.

  • Why aren't Mexicans ever indecisive?

    Because if they're on the fence too long they get caught.

  • What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he saw a dolphin caught in a net?

    It's not a too-nah!"

  • Why didn't you stop at that red light?

    Motorist: Then you would have caught up with me.

  • What does a fisherman say when he catches a fish?

    His catch-phrase. Short n' Sweet, hope you like it!

  • What did the chemist say when he caught his brother stealing halogens?

    Bro, mine

  • Why did the bear run around his bed?

    He wanted to catch up on his sleep.

  • Why was the man arrested at the farmers' market?

    He was caught taking a leek.

  • What does Pokemon Go and a policeman have in common?

    You gotta catch Jamal

  • Why are you still using it?

    Sentimental attachment. -It just caught fire. -Aww, just like old times.

  • What happened to the Polish dog?

    He chewed off 3 legs and was still caught in the trap

  • What has 18 legs and catches flies?

    A: A baseball team

  • How long does a United States Congressman serve?

    ANSWER: Until he gets caught.

  • What do you call a seagull that catches you sleeping?

    A baegull.

  • Why are black people afraid of motorcycles?

    They'd get caught in the chain.

  • Why don't you people see how racist Pokemon Go is?

    All of my friends are now talking about how they have to catch Amal.

  • What did one fish say to the other?

    Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.

  • How'd you catch it?

    Me:*flashes back to being dressed as girl stingray* You know, the regular way.

  • Why was the baker happy when his pie caught fire in the oven?

    He was a pieromaniac.

  • How many Pokmon does it take to change a light bulb?

    Not sure, gotta catch them all first!

  • What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?


  • Why did King Kong go to the airport?

    He had a plane to catch.

  • Why don't hypochondriacs... Why don't hypochondriacs use lighters?

    They're afraid of catching fire!

  • What do Baptists and cats have in common?

    You know they're doing it, you just can't catch them at it.

  • What's the smallest thing in the universe?

    A pebble caught between the wrinkle of a flea's ball.

  • Why was the pianist arrested?

    He was caught playing in A minor.

  • What did the Asian guy say when he was caught sleeping with another man's wife?

    Me love you wrong time.

  • What happened when the Easter Bunny caught his head in the fan?

    It took ears off his life!

  • What does Bill Cosby have in common with a Pokemon trainer?

    He makes sure his catch is weak before he throws his balls at them.

  • What do you say when trying to catch the elevator?

    Hodor! Hodor!"

  • Where do they send trickster tuna when they catch them?

    A Tuna Chi-Cannery

  • Why did the rooster get 20 years in prison?

    He got caught on the internet, looking up chicks.

  • What's the best way to catch a unique rabbit?

    Unique up on him

  • Why did you lead me on a high-speed chase?

    Motorist: Because you'd catch me on a slow one.

  • Why was the paper man sent to jail?

    He was caught rustling.

  • What's something that you can catch but not throw?

    feelings. T.T

  • Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?

    Because other people took the bait.

  • What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

    Wait, I can explain everything!

  • What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah ?

    A dog that chases cars - and catches them !

  • What do you call a TV reality show where a 50 year old white man is trying to get laid?

    To catch a predator. Why do white girls walk around in groups of 3 and 5? Because they can't even! Why do white people have so many pets? Because owning people is not legal anymore Would love to hear more white people-specific jokes :) They seem to be really rare.

  • How did Princess Aurora catch her prince?

    She became a sleeper agent

  • How do you catch a red elephant?

    A: With a red elephant trap.

  • Why was the tired criminal delighted when he was caught by the police?

    Because he needed *arrest*!!!

  • How long are you supposed to chase someone after your wallet gets stolen?

    Because I'm tired of running and he's catching up....

  • How did Pinocchio figure out he was made of wood?

    He was jacking off one day and his hand caught on fire.

  • How long did it take for the police to catch the man running in his underwear?

    It was a brief chase...

  • Why did the thalidomide man get stopped going through customs?

    He was caught in the possession of small arms

  • How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?

    You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.

  • How do you catch a Douchebag?


  • Who's there ! Alf ! Alf who ?

    Alf all if you don't catch me!

  • How much for it?

    Just take it "For free What's the catch " No strings attached. "You son of a bit.."

  • What did the charlie hebdo attackers said after being caught ?

    Hey , they drew first"

  • What falls down faster from a tree, a leaf or an emo?

    A leaf. The rope catches the emo.

  • Why did the Aggie take a golf club and a baseball glove storm chasing with him?

    To golf the golf ball size hail and catch the baseball size hail

  • How do you catch a dyslexic fish?

    Ya get it Hooked on Phonics!

  • What did the kid say to his nanny when she stubbed her toe while trying to catch him?

    Nana boo boo

  • What do Bill Cosby and the Little Dutch Boy have in common?

    Both were caught with their finger in the dyke.

  • Why didn't the black kid play Pokemon?

    He was afraid they were trying to catch Jamal.

  • What's the best way to catch a fish?

    Have someone throw it at you.

  • What is the difference between a Mercedes and a Lexus?

    Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Lexus...

  • What did Jesus' disciples say when he caught all those fishes?


  • Why did Marxism never catch on in England?

    Because then it'd be impossible to get proper tea.

  • How do you catch a unique rabbit ?

    you neek up on it.

  • How did the high speed car chase end?

    Caught eem! Hahaaa caught eem.

  • What did the tailor tell the thieving nun when he caught her red-handed?

    You better not make a habit out of this.

  • Why did the man who robbed the liquor store with a boomerang get caught?

    Because he couldn't throw away the evidence

  • Why did the old lady cover her mouth with her hands when she sneezed?

    To catch her false teeth.

  • Why are even the best forensic teams unable to catch hillbilly criminals?

    Because they all share the same DNA and there are no dental records.

  • Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?

    Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts? He was caught playing with his broomstick.

  • Why are tuna fish so bad a playing Tennis?

    They keep getting caught in the net!

  • How did pinocchio find out that he was made out of wood?

    His hand caught fire.

  • Why were they caught so quickly?

    They squealed on each other.

  • What do you call a women that catches fish?


  • What are french journalists good at catching?


  • Which song would an exception sing?

    Can't catch me - Avicii

  • What do you get if you cross King Kong with a giant frog?

    A monster that climbs up the Empire State Building and catches aeroplanes with its tongue.

  • How do you catch a click?


  • What do you say when you catch a deer with no eyes?

    I have no-eye-deer! (Unless you're a dad, you may need to sound it out)

  • Why Yao-Ming tries to catch Pikachu?

    He's from Team Rocket

  • What sort of net is useless for catching fish ?

    A football net !

  • What do you call it when an Irish band is caught lip syncing?

    Sham rock.

  • Why did the light turn red?

    You would too if you were caught changing in the middle of the street!

  • What's the best thing a midget can catch?


  • What is it called when Venom snake gets spotted doing something bad?

    Getting caught red handed!

  • Why should a man never bang his best friend?

    He'll probably catch fleas

  • What did the Pelican say to the fish when he was running late for work?

    I'll catch you later!

  • What do you call it when an author catches you off guard with innuendo?

    Surprise subtext.

  • Why are colds such bad robbers?

    Because they're so easy to catch!

  • What do you call a drug factory that catches fire?

    A pot roast

  • Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?

    He was caught poaching.

  • What fever did Joe Dirt catch on vacation after getting bit by a mosquito?


  • What kind of bait do you need to catch a master fish?

    Super Bait

  • Why was the necrophiliac fired from the crematory?

    He was caught spreading remains before they were cremated.

  • How did the Egyptian go broke?

    He got caught up in a pyramid scheme.

  • How do you catch a green elephant?

    Paint him red and catch him with the red elephant trap.

  • Why was the penguin banned from the Winter Olympics?

    He was caught taking Polaroids.

  • Why did the thieves get caught after robbing the Louvre?

    Cause they didn't have the Monet to get Degas to make the van Gogh.

  • How is prison like quidditch?

    The game ends when they catch the snitch

  • Why didn't Pinocchio make it thru puberty?

    He caught on fire.

  • What do they say when batman catches a cold?

    He's ben affleckted.

  • Where the hell are u?

    ME: Well...u know that shop where u saw that ring you love W: OMG YES M: I'm catching Pokemon near there

  • How do you catch a WiFi?

    With an ethernet!

  • What did Noah do while spending time on the ark ?

    Fished but he didn't catch much. He only had two worms !

  • What did the fisher say to the fishkin?

    Catch you later

  • What was the name of the meth cook who got caught stealing baked beans?


  • What do Amish people catch when they start using technology?


  • What did batman say to the joker when he finally caught him?


  • Where do Robots go for fun?

    The Circuits! (this is a joke i made up when i was like 10, i don't think it ever caught on)

  • What did the atheist fisherman say when asked about his catch?

    There is no cod

  • Whatever's the matter ?

    asked her mother. 'I don't know' replied Mary 'but the teacher thinks I may have caught decimals.'

  • How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?

    I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.

  • What's the difference between a women's doctor and a kick returner?

    The returner can catch a punt...

  • What do you call a bread that catches a cold?

    Flu-catcher bread

  • Why did the Irish man never get caught drink driving?

    Because he never left the pub.

  • Why did the railroad thief get caught?

    He forgot to cover his tracks! im

  • How did the musician catch his fish?

    He castanet

  • Why was the chef fired?

    He was caught stroganoff

  • Why would someone in jail want to catch the measles?

    So he could break out.

  • Why didn't the panda use a glove when playing baseball?

    Because he caught everything bear handed!

  • Why did the hipster never catch a fish?

    Because he didn't go in the mainstream

  • Why was the dietician kicked out of the casino?

    He was caught counting carbs.

  • When did Pinocchio learn he was made of wood?

    when his hand caught fire!!