Cause Jokes

  • Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?

    Cause they all have phones!

  • What caused the civil war in Ethiopia?

    Too many Negus.

  • Why didn't you visit Chad?

    Cause he wasn't my Niger.

  • Why do they call it a "roach clip"?

    Cause "pot holder" was taken.

  • Why are black people so good at basketball?

    Cause all they know to do is steal, run, and shoot

  • Why do they call me the fireman?

    Cause I turn on the hoes

  • Why don't Muslims fight each other often?

    Cause they don't want no beef Edit: I'm going to crawl back into my hole now

  • Why do Asian parents never have a white baby?

    Cause two Wongs don't make a white

  • What's the name of the virus that causes AIDS?

    Are you positive

  • Why should you always take two Mormon's fishing?

    Cause if you take one, he'll drink all your beer

  • Why did the cowboy get a dachshund?

    Cause he was told to get a long little doggy.

  • Why are ducks funny?

    Cause they be quacking jokes

  • Why can't T-rex's clap?

    Cause they're dead.

  • What do you call it when a bear makes a complete rotation on both its longitudinal and lateral axes, causing it to follow a helical path?

    A bearl roll.

  • What kind of wine causes the most accidents?


  • What causes something to go up and then down?

    Viagra falls

  • Why is Chapstick so popular?

    Cause it's the balm baby!

  • What did the irritated man say to his inguinal hernia?

    Get off my nuts!" (ps. I made this joke up yesterday... i am having hernia surgery tomorrow, and i lol'd so hard at myself that i about caused a second one to pop out)

  • Why don't they drill holes in golf clubs?

    Cause then there would be a hole in one!

  • Why did the dorito feel left out?

    Cause he didn't chip in!

  • Why was the computer stressed out when it got home from work?

    Cause it had a hard drive.

  • Why doesn't Coffee get along with milk in Germany?

    Cause it doesn't want to be latte. Sorry. I just came up with this lame joke. Downvotes ahoy!

  • Why do graveyards have fences?

    Cause everyone's dying to get in!

  • Why did they go from Windows 8 to Windows 10?

    Cause Seven ate Windows 9

  • Why does a cow have hooves but not feet?

    Cause they lactose.

  • Why did the hipster dislike physics?

    Cause the system is broke, yo.

  • How do you stay warm in a cold room?

    You go to the corner cause it's always 90 degrees.

  • Why are Black people so tall?

    Cause they're knee grows!!

  • Why can't Elvis Presley drive?

    Cause he's dead.

  • What do you call a waterfall which causes erections?

    Viagra Falls

  • What caused Captain Morgan's shipwreck?

    He was on the rocks.

  • How many Bill Cosbys does it take to change a light bulb?

    Just one but every time he does he causes a blackout.

  • Why are some flowers gangsta ?

    Cause they carry pistils.

  • What did one ovary say to the other one?

    What did one ovary say to the other one? "Did you order any furniture?" "No. Why?" asked the other. "Cause there's two nuts out there trying to deliver an organ."

  • Why didn't Vietnam return to feudalism following 1975?

    Cause Charlie don't serf.

  • Why did the Baker rob the Banker?

    Cause he knead that dough. ........ Sorry I'm drunk

  • Why do feminists hate the post the USPS?

    Cause it's an all mail business.

  • Why don't women parachute naked?

    Cause they would whistle on the way down

  • Why do North Americans hate playing chess?

    Cause they lack the towers.

  • Why are outdoor workers so in fit?

    Cause they work out.

  • Why was the young strawberry upset?

    Cause his mom was in a jam. :(

  • Why is the beach wet?

    Cause the seaweed

  • What causes dry eyes?

    Ducts out of water ...

  • Why did Ellen Pao punch the puppy?

    Cause shes terrible.

  • Why did the thieves get caught after robbing the Louvre?

    Cause they didn't have the Monet to get Degas to make the van Gogh.

  • Why wasn't the fella able to get out when he fell in the river?

    Cause it was on a Sunday and the banks were closed

  • What do you call a virus named Enza that causes the flu?

    a flu Enza. Thanks a lot everyone, I looked forward to this day for a long time.

  • What happened when the wheel was invented?

    It caused a revolution.

  • Why are bunnies so good at brewing?

    Cause beer is made with hops.

  • Why is 6 scared of 7?

    Cause 7 is a six offender

  • What's the same with 9/11 and Goliath and the giant?

    They were both caused by a message from god.

  • Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?

    Cause he can't do stand-up.

  • Why do Mexican and Muslim jokes all sound the same?

    Cause if you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal. Ba da Tissssssss

  • Why are calculators grey and boring?

    Cause it's what's on the inside that counts! EDIT: it was a joke guys:(

  • Why did the seismologist not have to pay for the damage caused by the earthquake?

    It wasn't his fault.

  • Why are there no headache pills in Troy?

    Cause Paracetamol

  • What did the judge say when the defendant cause a ruckus in vegetable court?

    Bay leaf get him out if here!

  • Why did AMD release black edition cpu?

    Cause they run faster than white.

  • Why is NATO afraid of Russia?

    Cause Russia's been Putin them on notice. Just thought of this.

  • Why did the cowboy have a brown moustache?

    Cause he was Lookin' for loooove in alllll the wrong places.

  • Why was the russian airforce less superior than their enemies?

    Cause their airplanes kept STALIN!! (Ill see myself out...)

  • Why did the hunter scold his blonde wife after she shot a moose over quota?

    Cause when he asked her why she shot it, she replied: "I asked it what it was before I shot. But that cow wasn't gonna fool me!"

  • How many Bill Cosbys does it take to change a light bulb?

    Just one but every time he does he causes a blackout.

  • Why can't Michael Jackson drive backwards in a car?

    Cause he's dead.

  • Why aren't "Blonde jokes" funny?

    Cause they're stupid.

  • What did the Israeli Prime Minister who can't say the word "and" say about candy that caused such a hubbub?

    Mike Ike's are my least favorite.

  • How do you know that William Wallace is normally distributed?

    Cause he has infinite degrees of FREEEEEDOM!!!

  • Why can't ethiopians take med pills?

    Cause they can't take 'em with empty stomach.

  • Why'd the mushroom go to the party?

    Cause he's a fungi! Why'd the fungi leave the party Cause there wasn't mushroom!

  • Why is no one friends with Dracula?

    Cause hes a pain in the neck.

  • Why does the little mermaid where sea shells?

    Cause the B-shells were too small.

  • Why Can't America tell knock knock jokes?

    Cause' freedom RINGS!

  • Why does the town pound keep animals in separate cages?

    Cause otherwise they'd be going to pound town.

  • Why does fluoride cause apathy?

    Who cares.

  • Why did the chicken coop have two doors?

    cause if it had four doors it'd be a chicken sedan

  • Why can't Sally ride the swings?

    Cause she doesn't have arms. Knock, Knock, Whose there Not Sally...

  • Why can't girls count to 70?

    Cause 69's a mouthful!

  • How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a light bulb?

    You don't know cause you weren't there

  • Why did so many people support the colonist protest of tea?

    Cause everyone wanted'a "boo" tea!

  • Why did the Lebo die?

    Cause he was fullllly sik m8.

  • Why do natives hate snow?

    Cause its white and its on their land.

  • What do you like about me?

    Me: Your crippling self esteem issues have caused you to lower your standards. Her: What Me: Your eyes

  • What do you call a drum that causes problems?

    A conundrum

  • How do you know the toothbrush was invented in South Carolina?

    Cause if it was invented anywhere else it'd be called a teethbrush.

  • Why is a fire truck always red?

    Cause you'd be mad too if someone kept pulling your hose.

  • Why do we call the office printer Bob Marley?

    Cause it's always Jammin'

  • Why did the train go left?

    Cause it couldn't get on the right track. I made that joke when I was little and remembered it today, might as well post it.

  • Why do Pillows work?

    Cause they're white

  • Why do Russians celebrate Christmas on the 7th of January?

    Cause eight reindeer and a sleigh are a lot quicker than 6 pigs and a stoneboat.

  • Why did the U.S. invade Panama?

    Just Cause

  • Why didn't Edward get on the plane?

    Cause it was snowed-in.

  • Why do hippies like to swim way offshore?

    Cause it's far out, man

  • Why do failing college girls always screw their professors?

    Cause they want the D.

  • Why do gangsters save so much money on clothes?

    Cause all their pants are half-off

  • What do feminists and Redditors have in common?

    They both have multiple triggers that will cause them to down vote those who don't think the exact same way as them.

  • Why are firetrucks red?

    You see, firetrucks have 4 wheels, can carry 8 men and 4+ 8 = 12. There are 12 inches in a ruler and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas. Fish live in the seas and fish have fins. People from Finland are called Fins. Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago. Russia has red on its flag and that's why they're red. Cause they're always russian around.

  • Why was Jimmy sad?

    Cause Jimmy had a frog stapled to his face.

  • Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up?

    Cause they don't have balls to scratch

  • How do you cause a riot at a cat show?

    Open a can

  • Why did the pasta chef take his car into the body shop?

    Cause it got al dente'd up!

  • Why Was Vista Afraid of Seven?

    Cause seven eight ten.

  • Why did it take so long to find the bodies of the black firefighters after the building they were in caught fire and collapsed?

    Cause the building collapsed, duh.

  • Why does the lead singer of Sublime hate tennis?

    Cause love is what I got

  • Why can't the bishop walk straight?

    Cause he can only move diagonally

  • Why won't you read this joke?

    Cause you've already reddit!

  • Why is it warmer near the corners of a room?

    Cause they're at 90 degrees.

  • Why do scuba divers roll backwards out of the boat?

    Cause if they rolled forwards, they would still be in the boat.

  • What is the best way to avoid having your flight bombed?

    Bring your own bomb! Cause what are the odds that there are **two** bombs on the same plane

  • Why can't Mexicans bow hunt?

    Cause they don't Habanero!

  • Why does a giraffe have a long neck?

    Cause its feet smell.

  • Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion?

    Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains

  • Why is a toothbrush a "tooth" brush?

    Cause it was invented in Alabama! Inspiration came from the comments( irpc=932)

  • Why can't horses vote?

    Cause their answer is always 'nay'. I'm sorry, I'll leave...

  • Why do women live longer than men?

    Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

  • What's the name of the Pokemon that causes birth defects?


  • Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?

    Cause if you dragged them by the feet, they'd fill up with dirt.

  • Why do women aged 40+ not play hide and seek?

    cause nobody would be looking for them.

  • Why do black people where baggy pants?

    Cause they're knee grows!

  • Why does flint never get any likes on their Instagram pictures?

    Cause they don't use a filter.

  • Why is it not a good idea to tell your parents about your failures while they are on an elevator?

    It would cause them to be disappointed on many different levels.

  • What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?

    One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.

  • What disease causes people to swear at the dinner table?

    Gilles de la gourmette

  • Why was the scarecrow given an award?

    Cause he was out standing in his field

  • Why can you trust no one in the savannah?

    Cause they be lion.

  • Why are horse-drawn carriages so unpopular?

    Cause horses are rubbish at drawing

  • Why is it better to be ashy?

    cause it just means you spit more fire

  • Why do they call old people 'frogs' in Florida?

    Cause they all go there to croak!

  • Why do Lannisters hate turtles?

    Cause they can't stab them in the back

  • Why do brothels support Hillary?

    Cause #FeelTheBern would be bad for business.

  • Why can't Jim's make sandwiches?

    Cause it was at my grannies, isn't it!!!

  • Why does everyone like the KKK?

    Cause they're the best!

  • Why don't they let gansters play Quidditch?

    Cause gangsters always catch the snitch!

  • Why are storm troopers so clingy?

    Cause no matter where you're at they'll always miss you.

  • What causes German Earthquakes?

    Teutonic Plates. I'm sorry I'll find my own way out

  • Why do girls like nice guys?

    Cause nice guys always finish last.

  • Why can't ducks tell jokes when they fly?

    Cause they would quack up.

  • Why did the global warming activist compliment the earth?

    Cause it looked hotter than usual! (I'll see myself out)

  • Why is ketchup married to mustard?

    Cause ketchup accidentally broke the condiment.

  • Why do black people never dream?

    Cause the last black person who dreamed, got shot.

  • Why are white people racist against black people?

    Cause they have smaller PPs lol

  • Why couldnt the laptop see?

    Cause it was SoDIMM

  • Why are Americans bad at League of Legends?

    Cause they can't protect their towers.

  • Which presidential candidate is the most likely to cause cancer?

    Ben Carsonogen

  • Why does Willem Dafoe play a villain in a lot of movies?

    Duh. Cause he's da foe.

  • Why was Helen Keller a bad driver?

    Cause she was a woman

  • Why did Ally refuse to do her homework, when all she had left was to square the x and y axis?

    Cause Allies don't like axis powers

  • Why does the Philippines ban rectal thermometers?

    They cause too much brain damage.

  • What causes a half-moon?

    Student: When you can't get your jeans over your thighs.

  • Why can't you take a shower with a pokemon?

    Cause they'll Pikachu

  • Why do midgets make bad parents?

    Cause they struggle to put food on the table

  • Why did she get entry to the pub without paying a single penny?

    Cause she being she, wasn't even worth a penny. (/hehheh)

  • What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill?

    One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.

  • What's a Jackhammer's Best Friend?

    Cast Steel! Bahahahahah! You know! Cause it has a poor dampening value it vibrates so much! They um. They both vibrate. Well ok. One vibrates, the other reciprocates. That's kinda... Hehe. Heh. Reciprocate my humor damn it!

  • Why did the trekkie spit out her latte at the Star Trek Convention?

    Cause William Shatner Coffee. hahahha

  • Why'd the dog cross the road?

    Cause he's a dog.

  • Why is there a 100,000 oil limit in World of Warcraft Garrisons?

    Because anything more than that might cause an invasion by the United States of America!

  • What do you call a urinary tract infection caused in a virgin?

    Immaculate Infection

  • How do you stop an F4 tornado from destroying a town?

    A roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris! However, this method will cause more destruction than the tornado.