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Change Jokes

How many recruits does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five. One to change the lightbulb and four road guards.
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A fish
What part of a football ground is never the same ?

The changing rooms !
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a hardware problem.
What changes faster than technology?

Taylor Swifts boyfriend
How many dancers does it take to change a lightbulb?

5,6,7,8
How many people from Svalbard does it take to change a light-bulb?

Light? What's that?
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Zero.
How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None they'd rather keep their clients in the dark.
How many mods does it take to change a lightbulb?

deleted
What room is it?

When you arrive at the international airport you are American. There is a room that changes your nationality. When you enter this room you are Russian, when you leave this room you are Finnish, and while inside European. What room is it?
How do you call a blond who changed her hair color to brown?

Artificial Intelligence!
How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years
How many Ricks from TWD does it take to change a light bulb?

Carl gets shot in the face.
How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Juan (This probably has been posted earlier but is still funny )
How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: A hundred but they'll all be competing to be the one to change the bulb and bring light to the world.
How many recovering alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

We'll get on it next week
How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
How does a beautiful woman change a lightbulb?

Idk how You've obviously never changed one.
How many Americans does it take to change a bulb?

None, Mexicans do it for them.
How many American cops does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

Two. One to arrest the room for being black, and the other to arrest the bulb for being broke.
How many honest politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

All three of them.
How many assholes does it take to change a lightbulb?

It doesn't matter, mine itches so bad it's on fire, providing plenty of light for everyone in the room!
How many Pollyanna's does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. It's too dark.
How many reposters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but they have to steal it first.
How many designers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Does it really have to be a lightbulb
Why did the horse go behind the tree?

To change his jockeys.
What do you do if can't change a lightbulb?

Ya know what Just screw it.
What do you call a house that changes every month?

A Werehouse.
How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. The light bulb you remove and the light bulb you replace it with.
How many surrealist painters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Fish. I got this from bash.org a long time ago, but I can't find the original post, so have this
How does someone stop ISIS?

Change their name to past tense, WASWAS.
How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. He is drunk, and he tells the bulb to screw itself.
Why won't the US change over to the Metric system?

Because we'd rather die on our feet than live on your 30.48 centimeters.
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?

1 or 2? 1... or 2?
How many teenage girls does it take to change a lightbulb?

11. 1 to change the lightbulb & 10 to take 200 photos of it & clog my newsfeed.
Why was the germiphobe scared of coins?

Because he was afraid of change.
Why is Stephen Hawking so controversial?

He never changes his position.
What do you call a chameleon that doesn't change color?

A reptile dysfunction.
How many mice does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

None. Mice can't change light-bulbs as they are mere rodents without the physical or mental ability to do so. Not to mention it's much safer for them to pilfer food in the dark.
How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?

Not all men.
How many frat boys does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they prefer natural light
How many homophobes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They don't accept change, even if it means a brighter world.
How many men does it take to change a light bulb?

Not all of them.
Why are Italians so good at football?

Because it involves changing sides halfway through.
How many accident-prone people does it take to change a lightbulb?

We're on our sixth.
How many Steam employees does it take to change a light bulb?

Honestly Im not sure, they havent got back to me yet. It's been 3 weeks.
How many philosophers does it take to... ...change a light bulb?

Define "light bulb".
How many performance artists does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know, I left early.
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, and ten people to stand around clapping and saying "Aww, how brave."
How do you change a cat into a dog?

Soak it in gasoline, hold a match up to it, and "woof!"
How many Biebers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. There are no light bulbs in the closet. Another one: Why is Justin Bieber so pale Because there's no light inside the closet
How many sovereign citizens does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They're too afraid of the electricity.
What do you get when offering a blonde a penny for her thoughts?

A: Change.
How many millennials does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to do it, the other to give him his ribbon.
How many black metalheads does it take to change a light bulb?

100. 1 to change the light bulb and the other 99 to complain about how the old light bulb was much better.
How many tax advisors does it take to change a light bulb?

In the summer there is a tax deductible convention in Hawaii dealing exactly with this issue."
How many stream cleaners does it take to change a lightbulb?

Sorry, they can only change the floor essence.
How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Find out next time, on Dragonball Z!!!
How many Southerners does it take to change a lightbulb?

Change Whatever do you mean, *change*
Why couldn't the physicists change the lightbulb?

Too much work.
How many sorority girls does it take to change a lightbulb?

Seven. One to change it, two to take pictures, and four to make t-shirts for the event.
How many Serbs does in take to change a Lighbulb?

It doesn't matter..Theres a Blackout!
How many Dell Service Reps does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, I am on hold.
Why do traffic lights never go swimming?

Because they spend too much time changing.
How many absurdists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Yarn.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, one to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
How many Social Justice Warriors does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, just the one black guy they get to do it so they can tell him how oppressed he is.
How many Mexicans do you need to change a Lightbulb?

Juan.
How many architects does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one but he has to coordinate ten other professionals who are doing this quiet complicated task.
Why does beer go faster through you than milk?

Why does beer go faster through you than milk? Unlike milk it doesn't have to change color. Why does Budweiser go faster through you than beer? Unlike beer it doesn't have to change taste.
How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Hella. How long does it take them Days.
How many Gordon Ramseys does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, he lets the knives do the work
How many redditors it takes to change a lightbulb?

OC It only takes 1. But another 999 to repost this 100% original joke. I made this.
How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows they never keep the house!
How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.
How many homeless does it take to change a lightbulb?

There's change in a lightbulb
How many tacos does it take to change a lightbulb?

why don't we have both
How many sith lords does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They like it on the dark side.
How many christians does it take to change a lightbulb?

three, but they're really one
How many r/jokes redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer is 2. One to change the lightbulb while the other screams "REPOST"
How many Brazilians does it take to change a lightbulb?

One Brazillion.
How many Apple executives does it take to change a light bulb?

They dont. They turn it into the hype of the new generation.
How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

Hmmm........I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you
How many friendzoned guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they'll just keep complimenting it and get mad when it doesn't want to screw.
Why did the light turn red?

You would too if you were caught changing in the middle of the street!
Why don't Americans like their dollar coin?

They're afraid of change.
How many people does it take to change a light bulb?

Is just one of the questions I should have asked before buying a lighthouse....
How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.
How many frat guys does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to make a t-shirt about it.
How many senior medical consultants does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. He holds up the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How Many Marshawn Lynches Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?

Only one. Just as long as you hand him the damn lightbulb.
How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?

None They don't make Pampers small enough.
How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to change it, one to take pictures and four to make t-shirts for the event.
How many optimists does it take to change a light bulb?

Who says it's dark
How many Libertarian Capitalists does it take to change a light bulb?

I ain't buyin those fancy Big-Government ones. The free market idn't ready.
How many ISIS mercenaries does it take to change a light bulb?

None stupid crusader, that's a job for the hostages!
How many Soviets does it take to change a light bulb?

None! In Soviet Russia, light bulb changes you!
What do you say to change the atmosphere at a dinner party?

If were all here, who's looking after Madeline?"
How many Mexicans does it take to change a Lightbuld?

Only Juan...
How does a orphan change a light bulb?

They grab the stack of un-signed adoption papers, stand on top of them, then proceed to change the light bulb.
How many Marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
How did the hipster burn his fingertips?

He was changing the lightbulb before it was cool. rimshot
How many ska kids does it take to change a light bulb?

Three; one to drop the bulb and two to yell "pick it up pick it up!"
How many light bulbs does it take to change a man?

Just one, if you put it in the right place.
How many children does it take to change a light bulb in America?

About 1 thousand Iraqis.
How many Mexicans are needed to change a light bulb?

Juan.
How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb?

Why does it have to be a group activity
How many Murdochs does it take to change a lightbulb?

They were unaware the lightbulb was an issue & regret unknowingly paying to change it
How many dogs does it take to change a tampon?

26
How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It takes two. One to change the bulb and the other to kick the switch.
Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing?

A: The balls are lighter and you don't have to change shoes.
How many punks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Punks never changed anything.
How many Bros does it take to change a lightbulb?

None cuz it's already lit af
How many cats sawed in half does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently 10 aren't enough :
How many psychiatrist does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes a really long time, and the lightbulb has to want to change...
How many Brazilians does it take to change a lightbulb?

One Brazillion.
How many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They don't believe in a higher power.
How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a light bulb?

You weren't there, man!
How many Bill Cosbys does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one but every time he does he causes a blackout.
How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who wants to know?
How many Hispanics does it take to change a light bulb..?

Just Juan.
How did the dollar bill feel when his change started disappearing?

Coincerned
How many Brits does it take to change a lightbulb?

Manual work That's what underpaid Eastern immigrants are for pff
How many Brits does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

None. They just move out of the house.
How Many Lightbulbs Does it Take to Change Captain Jean Luc Picard?

4 or 5.
Why did the chicken double-cross the road?

To change sides.
How many bros does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They prefer Natural Light.
Whores does it take to change a light bulb?

If this gets 500 upvotes i'll tell you!
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb should be willing to change.
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbult?

To get to the other side.
How many surrealist does it take to change a lightbulb?

Fish
How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.
How many guys in IT does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to identify that the lightbulb has indeed burned out, and one to call the maintenence man to change the lightbulb.
How many Labour Party members does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: None. They haven't got a policy on that.
How many black metalheads does it take to change a light bulb?

100. 1 to change the light bulb and the other 99 to complain about how the old light bulb was much better.
How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two! one to change the light bulb and the other to rotate the universe!
How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

13\. Number 9 will shock you!
How many Asian-American actors does it take to change a light bulb?

None - because they would all be replaced by white actors.
How many leftists does it take to change a lightbulb?

8,000 to protest against the broken lightbulb but 0 to realize it won't change anything.
What's the name of the operation to change a woman into a man?

Addadictomy.
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Brazilian.
Why do traffic lights turn red?

You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
How many editors does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: It was supposed to be in place last week!
How many Brexiters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Woah woah woah... I never said there was a lightbulb!
How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Five. One to handle the bulb and 4 to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
How many American presidents does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

None, broken lightbulbs have the rights to be treated as a normal lightbulb.
How many things do you need to change a lightbulb?

3, a person, a ladder, and another lightbulb
How many spoiled rich girls does it take... ...to change a light bulb?

Just one, she yells, "DAAAAADDY, I need a new house!"
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Apparently not 8
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

No one knows it's never happened.
How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?

Lets go play on our bikes.
How many atheist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. It will happen itself.
How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?

Depends on how clumsy you are.
What did Michael Jackson say at the bank?

Make that change"
How many pork chops does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know it's lard to tell.
What if UK's politician changes the lightbulb?

He Brexit!
How many ADD's does it take to change a light bulb?

Let's go fishing
What is your favourite variable?

I'm not sure, It's always changing.
How many Buckeye football players does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. But he gets three hours credit.
How many Ferguson police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None... they just shoot the room for being black.
How many feminists does it takes to change a lightbulb?

One. ###And it's NOT funny!!!
How many Sore Losers does it take to change a Lightbulb?

Won.
How many Harvard graduates does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one. He holds up the light bulb, and the world revolves around him
How many light bulbs does it take to change a person?

None. Light bulbs don't change anything.
Why won't Americans switch to a dollar coin?

They're afraid of change.
How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?

Just two. One to politely ask and the other to politely help.
How many tweakers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who wants to know
What do you get when you put a woman's face on a $10 bill?

2.23 in change.
How many qataris does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just make the nepalese do it.
How many 3rd wave feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Whats the point 3rd wave feminists can't take a joke anyway.
Why do you make more money?

A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?" The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."
How many Buckeye football players does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. But he gets three hours credit.
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Juan
Why did your car just spin around in circles?

Motorist: I was making a U-turn and changed my mind.
What is 50 Cent's guiding philosophy?

Be the change you want to see in the world.
How many movie directors does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Just one but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone thinks that his last lightbulb was much better.
How many Taureans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None: Taureans don't like to change anything.
How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

10. 1 to change it and 9 to say they could have done it better.
How many ADD's does it take to change a light bulb?

Let's go fishing
Why are feminists bad cashiers?

They can't make change.
How does a conceptual artist change a light bulb?

He calls it a work of art.
How many Bill Cosbys does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one but every time he does he causes a blackout.
How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One
What does a chameleon that can't change color suffer from?

Reptile disfunction
How many Brazilian national football players does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows - every time they pick one up, they end up giving it away.
How many Budists does it take... How many Budists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The change, if needed, will come from within.
How many activists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, because they can't change anything.
How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.
How many blacks does it take to change a light bulb?

5/3. The same amount as for whites.
How many Bros does it take to change a lightbulb?

None cuz it's already lit af
What do you call it when a chameleon can't change colors?

Ereptile dysfunction
How many boxers does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They're used to having their lights knocked out.That joke turned dark fast. I'll see myself to my respective corner.
How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb?

One but the bulb will have to spend four hours in the waiting room.
What would Steve Harvey change his name to if he suddenly became bulimic?

Heave Starvey
How many data wranglers does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many data wranglers does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but they need a backup.
What's it called when you try a different flavor of salsa?

A change of pace.
How many girls does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, you tell me.
How many PETA member does it take to change a lightbulb?

Doesnt matter. PETA cant chqnge anything!
How many RothChilds does it take to change a light bulb?

There still working on it...
How many Google plus users does it take to change a lightbulb ?

All of them actually . Two to hold the ladder and one to change the lightbulb .
What do you call a vehicle that has changed gender?

TRANSportation
How many "All Lives Matter" protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they keep on asking why all of the other light bulbs in the house aren't being changed at the same time.
How many idiots who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Change it to what
How many Viet Nam vets does it take to change a light bulb?

You don't know? That's right, you know, because you weren't there, man!
How many Cancerians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.
How many judges does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one he holds it still and the whole world revolves around him. Just one but two lawyers have to explain him how to do it.
How many believable competent "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?

It's going to be a dark 4 years isn't it
How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?

One but you should have seen the bulb it must have been THIS big.
How many 'Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of Real Men around to do it.
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to change it while the other two argue about how old the old one is.
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Can't be done, it's a hardware problem.
How Can You Tell It's Fall In Florida?

When the color of the license plates start to change.
How many stormtroopers does it take to change a glowpanel?

2. One to change it, and another to shoot him and take the credit.
How many Alzheimer victims does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side
Why Is A Man's Mind Dirtier Than A Woman's?

A woman changes hers more often.
What do you get when you cross a Rat and a Mountain Climber?

Nothing, you can't cross a vector by a scalar. EDIT: changed multiply to cross.
What would Caitlyn Jenner need to do if she changed her mind about being a woman?

She would need to reJennerate some balls. What does Caitlyn Jenner do before she goes out Bruce's up for the evening.
How many women are necessary to change a lightbulb?

One... but, what does it matter if she will ask a man to do it !
How many graphic designers does it take to change a light bulb?

Does it have to be a light bulb? 'Cause I had this other idea...
How many radical feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's not funny.
How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A hundred but they'll all be competing to be the one to change the bulb and bring light to the world.
How many homophones does it take to change a lightbulb?

Nun.
How many black people are needed to change a light bulb?

One less now, because the one who tried to steal the light bulb was shot by the cops.
How many IT support techs does it take to change a lightbulb?

have you tried turning the light off and back on?"
How many accident-prone people does it take to change a lightbulb?

We're on our sixth.
How many egocentrics does it take to change a light-bulb?

Me, and only me!
Why do they want to change the faces on dollars but not on coins?

Because the only constant is change.
How many Super Saiyans does it take to change a light-bulb?

It's not >9000) FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGGGGON BAAAAL ZEEEEEEEEE
How many trolls does it take to change a light bulb?

deleted
How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one but it may take him/her more than five years to do it.
How many Sayians does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But it'll take 3 episodes, and Krillin dies.
How many graduate students does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but it takes nine years.
How many dubstep fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Wuh-wuh-wuh-one.
How many American cops does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

Two. One to arrest the room for being black, and the other to arrest the bulb for being broke.
How many blonds does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to hold the light bulb and two to spin the ladder."
How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb?

Idk, its too dark to tell them apart.
How manyh grad students does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but it takes 7 years.
What do you call a guitar that has completely changed parts?

Trans-Fender.
How many people does it take for Valve to change a light bulb?

Two at most.
How many Arabs does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They'll sit in the dark and blame the Jews
How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it in and one to take credit for it.
How many Super Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z!
How many Sigmund Freud's does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Cocaine.
How many absurdists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Yarn.
How many believable competent "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: It's going to be a dark 4 years isn't it
How many 'Suh Dudes' does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Its already lit, fam.
How many white girls does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well, it has to be an odd number, because they literally cannot even.
How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten: one to screw it in and nine to say, "Pssh, I can do that."
How many Orthodox Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Change?
How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?

One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.
How many Chinese people does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but he has to manufacture it first.
How many publishers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Three. One to screw it in and two more to hold down the editor.
How many literalists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Don't be silly, feminists can't change anything!
What's the only thing a feminist is going to change?

The Laundry
How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

13. Number 9 will shock you!
Why did the stoplight turn red?

Well, you would too, if you had to change in front of that many people!
How many kidnapped children does it take to change a lightbulb?

The parents would love to know.
How many Geminis does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Two. Plus a portable phone an Internet link and a copy of the "Bluffer's Guide to Changing Lightbulbs."
How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb?

Toucan
How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.
How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men?

Because they change theirs more often
What do you call a book club that hasn't changed their book in a thousand years?

Church
How many Dragonball characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes him 20 episodes.
How many Redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

About 8000
Why didn't Cathy keep the extra dollar of change at Chick-fil-a?

Because Cathy can't help being Truett-ful
How many Biology undergrads does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but doing it will make them think they're going to be an electrician in the future.
How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb?

Toucan
How many bitter Hillary Clinton supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, we've decided to let a man do the job.
How many /r/Jokes mods does it take to change a light bulb?

removed
How many NRA spokesmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

More guns!
How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb?

None if nobody's looking.
How many political parties does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to change the lightbulb, and the other to bask in the light of the old one.
Why do stop lights turn red?

You would turn red too if you had to change in front of everybody.
How Many A Cappella Singers Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

Twelve. Three to Physically Change the Bulb, Three to Talk About How Complicated it Was and Six to Call themselves Electricians.
How many US cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they arrest the room because it's black.
How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?

None--He'll only promise "change."
How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?

They don't change it, they just take forever to find where to fit the batteries
How many PMSing women does it take to change a lightbulb?

Six. Why? It just does! OKAY!
How many scientists it takes to change a lightbulb?

None *et al.*
How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
How many people with dementia does it take to change a lightbulb?

To get to the other side.
How many Arians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None: Arians aren't afraid of the dark.
How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it takes eight million years.
How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs. A: None the old bulb is just suffering from a cold.
How many Italians does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Two. One to change it and one to sprinkle it with Parmesan.
What are the similarities between feminists and hobos?

They both ask for change and never get any.
Why do Congressmen make terrible cashiers?

They're all too afraid of change.
How many Zionists does it take to change a light bulb?

OC Just one. And if you disagree with me, you're an anti-Semite.
What do politicians and diapers have in common?

Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They're efficient and don't have humour.
What is a chameleon's motto ?

A change is as good as a rest !
What do you call it when a bunch of deer have an intervention for one of their friends?

Change for a buck.
How many OU (University of Oklahoma) coaches does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They aren't about to change a bulb when flipping a switch has worked for 15 years.
How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it takes him seven weeks to get there.
Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

So the one on the right could drive for a change.
How many groupies does it take to change a light-bulb?

None, they all know someone that does it for them.
How many children's TV presenters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to change the lightbulb and another to show one they changed earlier.
How many Mennonites does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven - one to actually change the bulb and six to complain that they liked the old one better.
How does Dallas Cowboys fans change a lightbulb?

They don't... they just talk about how good the old one was.
How many Southern Baptists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Change !
What does it mean when a chameleon cant change color?

Reptile - disfunction
How many line dance instructors does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Five!...Six!...Seven!...Eight!
How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.
Why isn't a dime worth as much today as it used to be?

Because the dimes (times) have changed.
How many babies does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Babies don't have the motor skills or the depth perception to change a light bulb.
How many religious people does it take to change a light bulb?

This is a joke I came up with. Q: How many religious people does it take to change a light bulb? A: There's no need to change it when you can easily convince everyone that it still works, but they've gone blind.
How many population geneticists does it take to change a light bulb?

It's independent of population size.
How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb?

YOU DON'T KNOW, MAN! YOU WEREN'T THERE!
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but only if the lightbulb really to change.
How many protestors do you need to change a lightbulb?

Trick question. Protestors don't change anything.
How many Millennials does it take to change a light bulb?

None! We don't change light bulbs. We disrupt them.
How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: If we change the light bulb we'll have to change everything.
How many blacks does it take to change a light bulb?

5/3. The same amount as for whites.
How many people with OCD does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. It *has* to be seven.
How many Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ten. One to actually change the lightbulb and nine to bring refreshments
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They can't get up that high!
Why is it a bad idea to change clothes at a Pokemon's house?

Because he might Pikachu!
How many perverts does it take to change a lightbulb?

69
How many Spanish people does it take to change a light bulb?

Just Juan.
How many stockholders does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?

Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!
How many country stars does it take to change a light bulb?

Six-1 to change the bulb and 5 to sing about how much they miss the old one.
Why does it take more than one squirrel to change a light bulb?

Because, they're so darn stupid!
How many MRAs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Tires need changing too you know!
How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry we closed 18 seconds ago and I've just cashed up."
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't care. You pick
How many Hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?

it's this really obscure number. You've probably never even heard of it. No big deal.
How many PETA members does it take to change light bulb?

none, PETA can't change anything.
How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

None. According to Trump, they outsourced it to India & China.
How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to pay a Mexican to do it, two to deport him afterwards.
How many cashiers does it take to change a light bulb?

Are you kidding They won't even change a five dollar bill."
How many buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three - one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change-and not-change it.
How does Stan Collymore change a lightbulb?

A: He holds it in the air and the world revolves around him
How many Chauvinists does it take to Change a Lightbulb?

None, because chauvinists can't change anything.
How many Comcast customer service agents does it take to change a lightbulb?

Is the lightbulb plugged in sir?
What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?

A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
How many martial artists does it taek to change a lightbulb?

It only taek won do change a lightbulb.
How many Environmentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they will never change a thing.
How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb
How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to administer the anaesthetic one to extract the light bulb and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash.
When using the equation Y=1-T to understand how citizens react to changes in taxation...what happens when T>1?

Alot of T gets dumped in a harbor
How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Hella. How long does it take them Days.
How many stoners does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, the room is already lit.
How many US Congressmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh, please. Like they've ever changed anything that needed it.
How many white people does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just hire a mexican to do it.
How many Pokmon does it take to change a light bulb?

Not sure, gotta catch them all first!
How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.
How many people from the future does it take to change a light bulb?

The lightbulb works fine...
What's the difference between feminism and a $100 bill?

A $100 bill makes change
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to change it while the other two argue about how old the old one is.
How many black people are needed to change a light bulb?

One less now, because the one who tried to steal the light bulb was shot by the cops.
Which country will be the first to change to all electric vehicles?

Madagascar
How many idiots does it take to change a light bulb?

Five - one to hold the bulb, and four to turn his ladder
How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him.
How many Avatar characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. It will change when the fire nation attacks
How many sociologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.
How many A.D.D. kids does it take to change a light bulb?

Look a squirrel!
How many Broncos does it take to change a tire?

One. Unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up.
How many feminists does it take...... ...to change a light bulb?

0, woman are so unrepresented in technology that this is not possible.
How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.
How many black people does it take to change a light bulb?

Seriously, I gotta figure out how many slaves I need to buy
How many Black Lives Matters protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't be silly, Black Lives Matters protesters can't change anything.
Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with
How many Iranians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One hundred - One to screw it in and 99 to hold the house hostage.
What does a vegetable use to change a flat?

Asparagus...
What do you do if your computer hums?

Tell it to change its socsks!
How many /r/ users does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three. One to do it, one to complain that it has already been done before, and one to repost this joke.
What do you call water that hasn't been changed?

Still, water.
How many alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side!
How many applicants does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but 200 applied for the job.
How many atheist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. It will happen itself.
How many native Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

About seven. One to change the bulb, six to sing the song.
What was the car doing in the dressing room?

Changing attire.
How many mens' rights activists does out take to change a lightbulb?

Well, not all of them.
What does a dyslexic tiger and a bus driver have in common?

A bus driver can't change his stops.
How many non-compliant Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

Nein!
How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.
How many members of a particular ethnic minority does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Enough to reinforce my negative stereotype about them.
How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one. But it takes about 8-10 visits.
Why doesn't Shirley Manson change her Facebook relationship status?

She's only happy when "It's Complicated."
How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?

Just two. One to politely ask and the other to politely help.
Why do you keep changing a word into something that makes no sense ?

You are the banner of my existence.
How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a light bulb?

You don't know cause you weren't there
Why shouldn't you change around a Pokemon?

Because he might peek at chu.
Why did the sweet scented man called Paul change his name to Saul?

He liked the P, but preferred the essence the change.
How many Reddit admins does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they like to keep the mods in the dark.
How many babysitters does it take to change a light bulb?

Are you joking? They can't even change a dirty diaper!
How many heretics does it take to change a lightbulb?

We're not sure, they've yet to see the light.
How many Arians does it take to change a lightbulb?

None: Arians aren't afraid of the dark.
How many NRA members does it take to change a light bulb?

A: More guns.
How many yankees fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They'll just stand in the dark talking about how good the old one was.
How many cops do you need to change a light bulb?

None. They just shoot the room for being black. Credit: donator on some stream said the joke and just wanted to share it.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Salmon
How Many Business Analysts Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

None. The light bulb shall never burn out. (OK. It's more cathartic than funny...)
What's wrong with a chameleon that can't change colors?

He has a reptile dysfunction.
How many WASPs does it take to change a lightbulb?

One.
How many US Congress members does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one. They just hold it still and wait for the world to revolve around them.
How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Lightbulb What lightbulb
How many Biology undergrads does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but doing it will make them think they're going to be an electrician in the future.
How many bros does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They prefer Natural Light.
How many film directors does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone says that his last light bulb was much better.
What do you mean you were really drunk?

I already changed my Facebook relationship status for you.
Why did the pentagon change it's name to the square?

Because they were cutting corners.
How does a feminist change a lightbulb?

By holding the bulb up to the socket and waiting for the world to revolve around them.
How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Hell you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
How many indie kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

none because There is A Light That Never Goes Out.
How many hippies does it take to change a light bulb?

Hippies can't change anything. And they smell bad.
How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb and the other to kick the switch.
How does Donald Drumpf change a lightbulb?

He doesn't. He hires people with long fingers to do it for him.
How many acrobats does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change it and one to yell "Ta-daa!" when he's done.
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.
What does David Bowie do after he gets out of the swimming pool?

He ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes. (Sorry if repost)
How many Borderline P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. To threaten suicide if you don't change it for him/her.
How many anarchists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Trick question, anarchists can't change anything.
How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh, it's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.
How many Amish people does it take to change a lightbulb?

A what?
What is 32% black, 45% white... ...gets lit up and changes to blue and red at night?

Chicago.
How many X does it take to change a light bulb?

N! One to change the light bulb, and n-1 to display stereotypical behavioral traits of X!
How many country singers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to put in the new one, and two to sing about how good the old one was.
How many Dependent P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?

None he's still clinging to the old lightbulb.
How many handicapped guys does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one if it's Professor X.
How many tweekers does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on which method you try....
How many dank memes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Doesn't matter, just use the jet fuel instead.
What do you say to him?

Keep the change it doesn't really make a difference.
How many Crusaders does it take to change a light bulb?

It depends on Deus Voltage
How many existentialists does it take to change a light-bulb?

Two, one to change the light-bulb, and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness. This is courtesy of Spencer Reid.(CM)
How many skaters does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but it will take 13 attempts.
How many rationalists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Probably one but you can't generalise.
How many Hillary supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

None. cmon , they'd much rather be kept in the dark.
How many Asian-American actors does it take to change a light bulb?

None - because they would all be replaced by white actors.
How many Dragon Ball Z episodes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z***
How many mottophobics does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Who do you think broke the filament in the first place
How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?

She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."
How many Hindus does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they will keep worshipping in dark.
How many teachers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, that's what students are for.
How many Scottish highlanders does it take to change a light bulb?

There can be only one.
How many dirty buggers does it take to change a light bulb?

Thirty.
How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to unscrew it, and one to hold the ladder.
How many dead memes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Twenty-one.
How many Apple Geniuses does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, we just swap out your whole house
How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. But it takes five episodes.
What should I do?

Me: Court her. Friend: Dude, I don't have any change...
How many Avatar characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. It will change when the fire nation attacks
How many feminist does it take to change a light bulb?

None because feminist can't change anything.
How many menstruating women does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's not funny.
How many procrastinators does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh well, I'll figure it out later.
How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?

Twelve. One to change the bulb and eleven to do the paperwork.
How many scientists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, that's what interns are for.
How many drunks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. He holds the bulb and the room spins.
How many x does it take to change a lightbulb?

f(x), where f(x) = the optimal number of x for establishing a humorous stereotype.
How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?

Depends what you want it to change into...
How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

There's really no sure way to know.
How many Russians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and other to drink until the room spins.
How many rappers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two!.......pac. (*It's a lot better spoken than written.*)
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None that's a hardware problem
How many lonely guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. But he wishes it took two.
What's the difference between Britain and Australia?

When one votes, it changes something, making things worse. When another votes, it doesn't change anything, making things worse.
How many Biebers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. There are no light bulbs in the closet. Another one: Why is Justin Bieber so pale? Because there's no light inside the closet
How man nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?

It doesn't matter.
How many Buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, change comes from within.
How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?

None. In Russia, light bulb changes you.
How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to change it, and the other one to change it back again.
What do call a bad haircut you got from a Native American?

A-patchy scalping Edit: Changed haircut to scalping. Because that's what I came up with this morning.
How many psychiatrists dose it take to change a light bulb?

How many psychiatrists dose it take to change a light bulb? One, but the light bulb has to want to change.
How many Super Sayajins does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but it lasts five episodes. And Kuririn dies.
What's the fourth derivative called?

Inauguration. Why Change of jerk.
How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb in Texas?

They can't. There's a wall.
How many journalists does it take to change a light bulb?

We just report the facts we don't change them."
How many blonde's does it take to change a light bulb?

A. 3. 1 to find the bulb 1 to find a ladder and 1 to find a man.
How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?

They don't change it, they just take forever to find where to fit the batteries
How many karma whores does it take to change a lightbulb?

When this gets 500 upvotes, I'll tell you the answer.
How many catholics does it take to change a lightbulb?

CHANGE !
Why did the pirate have to change wenches?

His old one wouldn't let him swab her poop deck.
How many NRA members does it take to change a lightbulb?

More guns.
How many mathematician does it take to change a lightbulb?

pi
How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just watch it burn out and follow it around for 30 years.
How many choir directors does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows. No one ever watches the choir director.
How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

One to generate a "ChangeLightBulb" event to the socket.
How many cancer patients does it take to change a light bulb?

1 and 12 people to say how inspiring it was
How many PETA members does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They can't change anything.
How many Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Don't know, the pope hasn't said yet. How many Lutherans does it take to screw in a light bulb None, Lutherans don't change.
How many heroin addicts does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four. One to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room starts spinning!
How many engineers do you need to change a lightbulb ?

You can take as many as you want but they will only give you the screwing direction.
How many Chinamen does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Thousands because Confucious say many hands make light work.
How many ghosts does it take to change one lightbulb?

Zero. They don't exist.
How many Norwegians does it take to change a light bulb?

They don't bother, you can find lutfisk in the dark.
How many pepes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One.
How many JokeExplainBots does it take to change a lightbulb?

are easily threaded by one person, with one hand. Doot.
How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

100; 1 to do it, and 99 to say "I could do that."
How many anarchists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Trick question, anarchists can't change anything.
How many redditers does it take to change a light bulb?

3. One to screw it in, the next to claim credit and the third to be a bot that reposts.
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Need to know ASAP.
How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, the changes necessary will come from within.
How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape so Christians can't claim God did it.
How many germans does it take to change a lightbulp?

One. We are efficient and don't have any humor.
How many prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Yes.
How many morons does it take to change a lightbulb?

14,000. 1 to hold the lightbulb, 4 to hold the chair, and 13,995 to spin the house.
How many egoists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. They simply hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them.
How many servers does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, it's not my side work.
How many post-minimalists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. On e to he lp with t he he lp with one two with and the oth there to and th e to two with lp he
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the light bulb and one to drink until the room spins.
How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.
How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.
What begins with S, ends with X and will change your life?

Smallpox
How many psychologists does it take to change a tire?

Just one, but first the tire really has to want to change.
How many divorcees does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: None. The sockets all went with the house.
How many?

How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb? None - it's probably screwed it too tight anyhow!
Why does it take 10 women with premenstrual tension to change a light bulb?

IT JUST DOES, OK JERK !!!! NOW SHUT UP OR I WILL STAB YOU WITH THE SCISSORS!
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

To get to the other side.
How many Librans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Er two. Or maybe one. No --- on second thoughts make that two. Is that okay with you
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?

well many how???
How many white people does it take to change a light bulb?

A brunch.
How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Scotsmen don't change light bulbs it's cheaper to sit in the dark
What do you call a zoo enclosure without any change?

A nickeless cage.
How many Will Ferrell's does it take to change a light bulb?

One, AND IT'S NOT FUNNY!
How many McDonalds workers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they can't climb the ladder.
How many lead guitarists does it take to change lightbulb?

One. He just stands there with the lightbulb and the whole world revolves around him.
How many TSA agents does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. TSA agents only know how to remove clothes putting them on is different matter completely.
How many PETA memebers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. PETA can't change anything.
How many Global Warming nutjobs does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they don't use light bulbs. They live in caves and use no forms of artificial energy because they wouldn't want to be perceived as hypocrites or morons.
Who and Facebook?

When the Doctor changes the timeline, it's usually for a good reason.
How many vegan people does it take to change a lightbulb?

One vegan, I am vegan, it was me - the vegan, I was the only vegan, it was me.
How many chans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Lulz!!! etc etc etc :-D
How many feminists does it take to change a light-bulb?

THAT'S NOT FUNNY!
How many retards does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, line up so that I can find out..
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?

A reptile dysfunction
How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, two, two
How many Missouri Police officers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just shoot the room for being black.
Why are diapers like $10 bills?

Because you have to change them.
How many cashiers does it take to change a light bulb?

Are you kidding They won't even change a five dollar bill."
What can be said about a rich man who doesn't carry change with him?

He's got more money than cents
How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Three. One to screw it in one to watch and one to shoot the witness.
How many Marines does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four, one to change it and three to comment on the changing.
How many tourists does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Six: One to hold the bulb and five to ask for directions.
How many Poles does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!
What did the surgeon tell Michael Jackson before he changed his skin colour?

Everything's gonna be all white.
How many Protestants does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They live in eternal darkness.
How many Super Sayains does it take to change a light bulb?

Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z!
How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Brazilian
How many Northern Californians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Hella.
How many cancer patients does it take to change a light bulb?

1 and 12 people to say how inspiring it was
How many black women does it take to change a lightbulb?

All of them-----no one wants to be the charcoal-colored one.
How many non-sequiturs does it take to change a light bulb?

Yes
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just sit in the dark and cry.
How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?

One, although it's probably screwed in too tight anyway.
What did the number do when it divided from its companion?

Changed its status from 'In A Relationship' to 'Single'.
How many Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes 5 episodes.
How many forever alone guys does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but he wishes it was two.
Why do you have to pee so quickly after you start drinking beer?

Because it doesn't have to stop off to change color!
How many blonde's does it take to change a light bulb?

A. 3. 1 to find the bulb 1 to find a ladder and 1 to find a man.
What changed to make The Fantastic Four the Fantastic Three?

Nothing.
How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a lightbulb?

change??
What do you call a person that ran away but changed their minds?

Canteloupe
How many catholics does it take to change a lightbulb?

CHANGE !
How many straight men in california does it take to change a lightbulb?

both of them
How many telemarkers does it take to change a light bulb?

3. One to change the bulb and two to talk about how beautiful the turns were.
What did the stop light say to the car?

Don't look I am changing
How many Asians does it take to change a light bulb?

2. 1 to change the light bulb, the other to take pictures.
How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Look ask me when I get back from India okay
How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one, but we weren't able to get the work done in 1 term because we inherited a really bad situation from the prior administration.
How many Kardashians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one as the rest of the world simply MUST revolve around them...
How many dragon ball characters does it take to change a light bulb ?

Only one... but it will take a few episodes. The lightbulb saga
How many Roman pirates does it take to change a light bulb?

I I
How many activists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, because they can't change anything.
How many social justice activists does it take to change a lightbulb?

They can't change anything lol
How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them.
How many trannies does it take to change a light bulb?

None, it's perfectly happy being broken, it's the fitting that has to change.
How do u tell the population of a small native village?

throw a bunch of pocket change in the middle of town. How do u tell who is the richest person in that village? Find the person who gathered the most change.
How many maple leafs does it take to change a tire?

Only 1, unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up
How many dadaists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Giraffe.
How many alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

To get to the other side!
How many metal heads does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Darkness foreverrrr!
How many dead whores does it take to change a light bulb?

More than three, I still can't reach it.
How many 9GAGers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Exactly the same amount as the Redditors on and .
How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb?

You will find out when the light comes on.
How many dead-heads does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just let it burn out and follow it around for twenty years.
How many Amish people does it take to change a lightbulb?

A what?
How many Brits does it take to change a lightbulb?

Manual work That's what underpaid Eastern immigrants are for pff
How many Christian women does it take to change a lightbulb?

nun
How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

Third as many as for a regular bulb.
How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?

Wanna go ride bikes? My all time favorite joke. Sorry if it has already been posted but who has the time to browse all of .
Why did the hipster burn his fingers?

because he changed the light bulb before it was cool
Why do women like men with moustaches?

Because they immediately see something about you they can change.
How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's go ride bikes!
How many /r/jokes reditorz does it take to change a light bulb?

21, the first 20 will just repost an old one.
How many Brexiters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Woah woah woah... I never said there was a lightbulb!
How many acrobats does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change it and one to yell "Ta-daa!" when he's done.
What happens to donkeys in the winter?

They change into brrrrrro's.
Why are you divorcing her?

Me "She changed the station during Bohemian Rhapsody." J "You get half her stuff." *air guitar solo*
How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb?

None it is done by the automatic pilot.
How many McDonald's counter girls does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.
How many girlfriends does it take to change a light bulb?

It has to change for itself.
How many Brits does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

None. They just move out of the house.
How many Scientologists does it take to change a light bulb?

What suppressive told you to change the light bulb Report to Ethics immediately!
How many Jon Snows does it take to change a light bulb?

It wouldn't matter. Jon Snow knows nothing.
How many rioters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Don't be stupid, rioters can't change anything.
How many applicants does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but 200 applied for the job.
How do you change the light bulb in the dark?

You don't. The police shoot you.
Why is there a strange baby in the crib?

Daughter: You told me to change the baby.
How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Should it really be a lightbulb
How many FIFA officials does it take to change a light bulb?

None**. They operate in the **dark**.
How many nuclear war survivors does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. People who glow in the dark don't need lightbulbs.
How many people in denial does it take to change a lightbulb ?

There is nothing wrong with the lightbulb.
How many IT techs does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ticket closed: Forwarded to facilities.
How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one but it takes him seven weeks to get there.
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.
How many rainbows does it take to change a lightbulb?

The white amount.
How many dads does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to put it in and one to complain that he never screws anything anymore.
What do diapers and politicians have in common?

They both need to be changed after a while for the same reason
How long did it take Goku to change a lightbulb?

20 Episodes and Krillin dies.
How many American cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just beat the room for being black
How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

10. 1 to change it and 9 to say they could have done it better.
What's black and steals your change?

Vending machines.
How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
How many controlled oposition does it take to change a light bulb?

None you know of. Since they signed a Non Disclosure Agreement to not talk about it.
How many mexicans?

how many mexicans does it take to change a light bulb Juan.
How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb?

How many did it take last year
How many black women does it take to change a lightbulb?

All of them-----no one wants to be the charcoal-colored one.
How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb?

The answer may shock you.
How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.
How many nihilists does it take to change a lightbulb?

They don't see the point and just sit in the dark.
How many people does it take to change a light bulb in Brazil?

A Brazillion!!!
How many out of date redditers does it take to change a light bulb?

OVER 9000
How many black people does it take to change a light bulb?

You can't tell it's in the dark
How many startup CEOs does it take to change a light bulb?

Change a light bulb Pfft! We are game changers.
How many Jihadists does it take to change a light bulb?

Allah them. (I googled several varations and thus far I believe I am the originator)
How many Asians does it take to change a light bulb?

2. 1 to change the light bulb, the other to take pictures.
How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

They don't change it. They just watch it burn out, then follow it around for another 15 years.
How many Swiss does it take to change a light bulb?

None. We pay a German to do it.
How many Apple Geniuses does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, we just swap out your whole house
How many dancers does it take to change a light bulb?

Five six seven eight!
How many Virgos does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Virgos don't have time to change their own lightbulbs. They're too busy changing them for everyone else.
How many Ferguson protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

None they can't change anything.
How many telemarketers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but they have to do it during dinner.
How many boxers does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They're used to having their lights knocked out.That joke turned dark fast. I'll see myself to my respective corner.
Why is it important to have plenty of help when changing a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. They have a machine that does that now.
How many Brazilian national football players does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows - every time they pick one up, they end up giving it away.
How many LA cops does it take to change light bulb?

Six. One to do it and five to smash the old bulb to splinters.
How many Black Lives Matters protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't be silly, Black Lives Matters protesters can't change anything.
How many SRSers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They wait for the electrician to make a mistake and yell at them for doing it wrong.
How many IT people does it take to change a light bulb?

Do you have a ticket for that?
How many Scorpios does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: So who wants to know Why do *you* want to know Are you a cop
How many psychiatrists does it... ...take to change a light bulb?

0, the light bulb has to want to change itself.
How many femenists does it *really* take to change a lightbulb?

Doesn't matter how many femenists try, they can't change anything. Alternatively, they just hold it up and wait for the world to revolve around them.
How many Sanders supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

Trick question, they can't change anything.
Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food?

It was on a strict diet of worms. edit: changed pronoun to avoid ambiguity
How many Pentagon procurement officers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Look for only $87 billion we can put up this chain of fluorescent satellites that will illuminate the whole planet.
How many Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Don't know, the pope hasn't said yet. How many Lutherans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, Lutherans don't change.
Why did Kyle Crane have to change the lightbulb?

because he had a dying light
How many extroverts does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's throw a party while we're at it.
How many of my ex-girlfriends does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. Apparently she will screw anything.
What did Reddit almost change their name to during the Victoria controversy?

Blueit. -just thought of it, sorry its a little late to the party
How many Harvard students does it take to change a light bulb?

One. He holds it up and the world revolves around him.
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Two. One to change it and another one to change it back again.
How many Irish folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb and one to sing about how grand the old bulb was.
How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Seven one to change and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

It was too bright in here anyway.
How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb?

FORE!
How many IT guys does it take to change a light bulb?

No IT guys change light bulbs, they just keep flicking the switch on and off again until something happens.
How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Should it really be a lightbulb?
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color?

They had a reptile dysfunction.
How many /r/twoxchromosomes posters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ten. 1 to screw in the lightbulb, and the other 9 to provide emotional support.
How many architects does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one but he has to coordinate ten other professionals who are doing this quiet complicated task.
How many of my fellow Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one of course, as we are highly efficient and have absolutely no sense of humour.
How do you change root beer in to a beer?

Put it in a square cup
How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?

Four - three to cut a hole in the roof and one to change the bulb.
How many pick-up artists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Zero. They just keep praising and negging it, and then get upset when it doesn't screw.
How many professional soccer players does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to change the bulb, and five to hug and kiss him.
How Many A Cappella Singers Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

Twelve. Three to Physically Change the Bulb, Three to Talk About How Complicated it Was and Six to Call themselves Electricians.
How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to get up on his high horse and another to chastise the first about oppressing horses.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
Why does it take *two* premenstrual women to change a light bulb?

BECAUSE!!
How many Man U. fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to change the lightbulb and one to drive down to Kent to pick him/her up.
What do you mean I can't change the past?

logs on to Wikipedia*
What happens when U change position too fast?

You get an unpleasant vowel movement.
How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

Third as many as for a regular bulb.
How man redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ten. One to change it and nine to downvote for no reason.
How do you change the number of sides on a Pentagon?

Intersect it with a plane.
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, and ten people to stand around clapping and saying "Aww, how brave."
How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.
How many r/jokes commenters does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know but that reminds me of a similar joke my uncle used to tell...
How many jail guards does it take to change a light bulb?

Why does it matter Everyone knows the prison system can't change anything.
How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None: Leos are so enthusiastic they carry their own light.
How many 3rd wave feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Whats the point? 3rd wave feminists can't take a joke anyway.
How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb?

How many did it take last year
How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to assure that everything possible is being done about the situation and the other one to screw it into the faucet.
How does Alabama keep alcohol out of high school?

Change the drinking age to 25
How many Vietnam War Veterans does it take to change a lightbulb?

You don't know man, you weren't there!
How many Lutherans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Change Why do we need change (It's cool, I go to a Lutheran church)
How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

You're still thinking procedurally! A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class!"
What do you call someone who promises change but ends up burning millions of undesirables?

Sean Murray and PS4 users
How many skateboarders does it take to change a lightbulb?

One...but it takes him 27 tries
How many Alzheimer victims does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side
How many communists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One guy to screw in the light bulb, and the other guy to shoot him if he doesn't do it right.
How many political idealists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, political idealists can't change anything.
Whats the difference between a feminist and a jihad?

one actually fights for change
What's the similarities between Michael Jackson and the colour changing dress?

They both started out black and blue then became white and golden
How many dwarfs does take to change a light bulb?

It can vary, but It's quite hilarious to watch.
How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves around him.
Why do you always see beggars at protests?

They're always looking for some sort of change!
How many Arabs does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just sit in the dark and blame the Jews.
How many blind men would it take to change a light bulb?

Why would a blind man need a light bulb?
How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb?

One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him.
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. We are efficient and don't like humour.
How many Obsessive-Compulsive P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. But he has to check it 100 times one for each watt.
How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to handle the bulb and 4 to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
How many people from Cornwall does it take to change a lightbulb?

They don't care, as long as they do it better than people from Devon.
What do a Feminist and a Broken ATM have in Common?

They both can't make any change
How many violent revolutions does it take to change a lightbulb?

Violent revolutions never change anything.
What do liberals and homeless people have in common?

They are always asking for change.
Why did Sweden change their immigration politics?

Because their Zoos ran out of room.
What's your excuse?

Well my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it settles down!"
How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.
How many eye doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, or two? One, or two?
Why was the redneck on his Iphone at his sister's funeral...?

He was changing his relationship status to single. Dahurpy durp Dahurpy Durp Da dUrpy durp.
How many Emos does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They prefer to cry in the dark.
How many moderators does it take to change a lightbulb?

deleted
How does a leopard change its spots ?

When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another !
How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb ?

One
How many 'Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of Real Men around to do it.
How many people with alzheimer's does it take to change a lightbulb?

To get to the otherside!
How many people with Alzheimer's did it take to change a lightbulb?

To get to the other side.
What did the Red light say to the Green light?

Don't look at me I'm changing!
How many North Koreans does it take to change a light bulb?

One, only **Glorious Leader** gets access to light bulbs
How many frat boys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Four. One to change the bulb, three to stand around so he has someone to hi-five after.
How many bronze players do you need to change a lightbulb?

None. They can't climb the ladder.
How many wiseguys does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who's asking
How many protesters does it take to change a lightbulb?

TRICK QUESTION. THEY CAN'T CHANGE ANYTHING**
How many "All Lives Matter" protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they keep on asking why all of the other light bulbs in the house aren't being changed at the same time.
How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb 2 to turn the ladder and 17 to be on the guest list.
How many Tumblr women does it take to change a light bulb?

I WILL NOT BE A VICTIM!
How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well it depends on what you mean by change.
How many girlfriends does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know...
How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?

Please help. There are ten so far and they have invited their gross friends to our home. They are using the broken lightbulb to smoke crack off of.
How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb?

None if nobody's looking.
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in a monastery?

Nun.
Why did the college student change his major from Biology to Physics after his first exam?

He needed to see if how fast his grade dropped broke any laws of physics.
How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

What sort of answer did you have in mind None-just assume it's changed.
How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, but I bet we could pay them less than a group of men for the same amount of work.
How many blonds does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to hold the light bulb and two to spin the ladder."
How many IT professionals does it take to change a lightbulb?

Have you tried turning it off and back on?
How many social scientists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Social scientists do not change light bulbs they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.
How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

There's really no sure way to know.
How many people with no humor does it take to change a lightbulb?

One.
How many feminists you need to change a lamp?

That's not funny..."
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Need to know ASAP.
How many transgender people does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one. But they have to sit in the dark room for a year, first, to make sure that the lightbulb is out.
What time is it?

I don't know... it keeps changing.
Why isn't there a Superpig?

It's too hard for a pig to change clothes in a telephone booth.
Why did the traffic light turn red?

You'd turn red too if you had to change in the street.
How many blondes does it take to change a diaper?

Ask Hugh Hefner.
How many dancers does it take to change a Light bulb ?

5,6,7,8.
How many MP's does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding committee to learn more about how it's done.
How many unemployed actors does it take to change a light bulb?

fixed) 100. 1 to change it and 99 to stand around and complain about how they coulda done a better job.
How many children does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't need a lightbulb when I have the furnace ready.
How many Socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

None comrade, the bulb holds the seeds to its own revolution!
How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry we closed 18 seconds ago and I've just cashed up."
How many trans women does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but first they have to sit in the dark for a year and then get letters from two electricians giving them permission.
How many dead memes does it take to change a light bulb?

Over 9000.
Why did Henry VIII have so many wives ?

He liked to chop and change !
What did the other traffic light say to the other traffic light?

Don't look! I'm changing!
How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two - One to put it most of the way in, and one to give it an interesting twist at the end.
How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.
How many waiters does it take to change a light bulb?

None a burned out bulb can't catch a waiter's eye.
Why did Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson have to change his diet?

Because his nutritionist said he had too many minerals in his system!
How many A.D.D. kids does it take to change a light bulb?

Look a squirrel!
How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know, they're all too busy complaining about this joke.
How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. Vegans have the same capability of changing a lightbulb as non-vegans.
How many Shia laBeouf's does it take to change a lightbulb?

NonononononononononoNONONONONONO! NONONONONONONO! NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO! (he can't.)
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb ?

1 or 2 ? 1... or 2...
How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape so Christians can't claim God did it.
How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but they'll ask for $15 an hour.
How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None They don't make Pampers small enough.
How many protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

Trick question. Protesters never change anything.
How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them.
How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the ladder and one to screw your mother - I mean light bulb!
How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They just hold the bulb in place and the world revolves around them.
How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'
How many Ferguson police does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they'll just shoot the room for being black.
How many psychologist does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, but the light bulb is going to need to change itself.
How many Dallas Cowboys fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

They don't. They just talk about when it did work.
How many pollsters does it take to change a light bulb?

One, plus or minus one.
How many Apple executives does it take to change a light bulb?

They dont. They turn it into the hype of the new generation.
How many guys wearing turbans does it take to change a light bulb?

Sikhs.
How many anti-Trump protesters does it take to change a lightbulb?

TRICK QUESTION. THEY CAN'T CHANGE ANYTHING.
How many super sayen do you need to change a bulb ?

Only one, but it take 4 episodes and Krilin died at the end.
How many Hal 9000 computer systems does it take to change a lightbulb?

I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I cannot do that"
How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The piano player can do that with his left hand.
How many Economists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Depends on the supply and demand curve

Country/region

Change Jokes

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What room is it?

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