Charge Jokes

  • How much do used batteries cost?

    Nothing, they are free of charge.

  • What do you call the angel in charge of hydroelectrics?

    A God dam engineer.

  • Why didn't the cops ever charge Abraham Lincoln?

    Because he was always in a cent.

  • What did the British proton say after 5 cups of coffee?

    I feel positively charged!

  • Why did the Energizer Bunny need to lawyer up?

    He was charged with battery.

  • Why was the Energizer Bunny tried in court?

    He was charged with battery.

  • How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    I don't know, because they charge you $500 for the iLightbulb.

  • Why aren't you charging me for the paint?

    They said, "Don't worry about it, it's on the house."

  • What kind of tools do I need to make a cake?

    Him: The fact that you're calling ingredients tools means u shouldnt be in charge of this.

  • What did the mama pig say when junior pig bought a basket of wormy apples?

    Don't tell the farmer. He might charge us extra."

  • Why did he cross back?

    So he could charge the client for travel expenses.

  • Why did you charge me a group rate?

    Psychiatrist: You've got multiple personalities.

  • Why is Xena never charged with any crime?

    Because she's Lucy Lawless

  • Why was he woman arrested on a cattle ranch for wearing a silk dress?

    She was charged with rustling!

  • What happens if you tell a psychiatrist you are schizophrenic?

    He charges you double.

  • What do you call a French General who charged into battle and died?

    Napoleon Blownaparte

  • How the does man give his dead batteries away?

    Free of charge, of course.

  • Why was the circuit arrested?

    Because it was charged with battery!

  • How do you stop a Lion from charging?

    have a successful dentistry practise.

  • When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?

    Then I frown & order the soup.

  • What did Daniel Boone say to Davey Crocket when thousands of Mexicans charged at them at the Alamo?

    Davey.... are we pouring concrete today "

  • How do you stop a charging bull?

    Take away its credit card!*** wa-waa-waaaa! Skip

  • How do you stop an elephant from charging?

    Take away its USB cable.

  • How much will that be?

    asks the neutron. "For you " replies the bartender, "no charge."

  • Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3?

    Because in charge of directing, Yoda was

  • How much do pirates charge for piercings?

    A buck an ear.

  • How did people charge their phones before electricity?

    They didn't...!

  • Why were the Star Wars made IV, V, VI, I, II, III?

    Because in charge of distribution, Yoda was.

  • How do you stop an angry rhino from charging?

    You take away its credit card

  • Why isn't there a neutron mod in the Skyrim Steam Workshop?

    Because there'd be no charge.

  • Why can't an egg ever be in charge?

    Because they crack under pressure.

  • Why were episodes 4, 5, 6 made before 1, 2, 3?

    Because in charge Yoda was.

  • Why was the horse all charged up?

    It ate some haywire!

  • How do you stop an angry elephant from charging ?

    Take away it's credit cards !

  • What did the farmer say when all his cows charged him at once ?

    I'm on the horns of a dilemma here !

  • What's the difference between a bull and a Samsung Note 7?

    I'm not scared when the bull charges

  • Why did the cellphone go to court?

    Because it was charged with battery.

  • How do you stop a rhino from charging?

    You unplug it!

  • Why should you never trust someone giving away batteries?

    There's no charge.

  • What do you call an alligator from India whose in charge of telling everyone what to do?

    A Deli-gator...I'll be here all week!

  • Who didn't let the gorilla into the ballet?

    Just the people who were in charge of that decision.

  • Why did the man keep reloading the picture of the candy cane at the potluck?

    He was in charge of refresh mints.

  • How much do pirates charge for corn?

    A Buccaneer

  • What do you do if your in the way of stampeding cows?

    Take away their credit cards so they can't charge

  • Why wasn't meek mills phone working?

    Because it wasn't "charged up"

  • Why did the electron go to jail?

    He was charged with battery!

  • What knight of the round table never paid with cash when buying something?

    Sir Charge

  • Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented?

    What are our scientists doing

  • Who's in charge of all the liquid measurements?

    The liter.

  • Why wouldn't Kurt Cobain let you charge your phone at his house?

    the guy likes his power chords too much.

  • Why did the Energizer Bunny go to prison?

    He was charged with battery.

  • How much do dead batteries cost?

    Nothing. They are free of charge!

  • What do pirate farmers charge for their corn?

    A buccaneer

  • How much does a dead battery cost?

    It's free of charge

  • What was he charged with?

    Indie-cent exposure.

  • Why does Star Wars Movies numbering scheme starts with 4,5,6?

    Because in charge of the numbers, Yoda was

  • What would you do if a bull charged you?

    Mary: I'd pay whatever it charged.

  • How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    I don't know, because they charge you $500 for the iLightbulb.

  • How does a penman make his living?

    He charges a calligra-fee of course!

  • How Much Did the Pirate Charge For Corn?

    A buck an ear

  • What was the condiment stand charged with?

    with a deadly weapon.

  • How many electrons does a negatively charged oxygen atom have?


  • Why was the Energizer Bunny jailed?

    On charges of battery.

  • Why is it expensive to be a criminal?

    Because the police charge you.

  • What do you call a potato that thinks he is in charge?

    A Dictator

  • What's the best way to see a charging herd of elephants ?

    On television !

  • Why did the photographer get arrested?

    He was charged with shooting kids and framing the parents.

  • Why was the Energizer Bunny in court?

    Because it was charged with battery.

  • What do the cristae of the mitochondria and the Mexican border have in common?

    Depending what you're charged with can really effect how easily you're getting across.

  • Who does Luke Skywalker ask to charge his lightsaber?

    Char-Jar Binks

  • Why was the electrolytic solution taken to court?

    It was charged with a salt.

  • Why was the battery arrested ?

    cuz it was charged with electricity .

  • Why did the police arrest the energizer bunny?

    He was wanted for several charges of battery

  • How do you stop a bull from charging?

    Take away his credit card.

  • What does a negatively charged particle do when it gets excited?

    It gets an erectron.

  • What's the difference between an attorney and a herd of buffalo?

    The attorney charges more.

  • Why do credit cards not work in France?

    They don't understand the concept of charging.

  • What ever happened to the Energizer Bunny?

    So the other day I'm talking to a friend about what happened to the Energizer Bunny. It's been quite sometime since I've seen him appear in a commercial. I was always under the impression that he "kept going." My friend proceeds to tell me the Energizer Bunny was arrested last year ,and they charged him with battery. Now it all makes sense.

  • What did you learn at summer camp?

    KID: We built a generator out of sticks and mud MOM: A generator For what KID: To charge our iPods

  • What did the doctor say to the parents of an ugly baby?

    I charge five dollars if its a boy and five dollars if its a girl. Lets just say this ones on the house.

  • What do you call a group of people in charge of renewable energy for a town?

    A solar panel.

  • How do cities decide who gets to be in charge of wastewater management?

    They hold a runoff election.

  • Whole Foods "All the cash in a bag NOW!" 100% organic reusable bag ok?

    Yes!" puts half the cash I had to charge for the bag

  • What does velcro yell as it charges into battle?


  • Why did the robot get the electric chair?

    Because he was charged with battery.

  • How do you stop a 6'4" 300lb black kid from charging?

    You take away his EBT card.

  • Why do warriors make bad business men ?

    They charge too much !

  • Why were Star Wars Episodes 4, 5, and 6 released before 1, 2, and 3?

    Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was.

  • What should you do when a bull charges you?

    Pay him

  • When should you charge a battery?

    A: When you can't pay cash.

  • What kind of amphibian is in charge of the salad bar?

    a salad-manager

  • What did the demonic junkie get charged with?

    Two counts of possession

  • Why does no-one use the rhinos ATM?

    Because he charges!

  • What did the failing kidney say to the healthy one?

    Urine charge now.

  • How much will a pirate charge you for a piercing?


  • How do you stop a 200 pound hamster from charging?

    Take away it's credit cards.

  • What happened when Santa cut his beard?

    The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC