Check Jokes

  • How many times should you check whether a sentence is written in English or Spanish?


  • How did the Redditor get stuck in a loop?

    I don't know, check the post above me.

  • How many Obsessive-Compulsive P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?

    Just one. But he has to check it 100 times one for each watt.

  • How can you tell if a carpenter is happy?

    Check his spirit level.

  • How does a tornado tell the time?

    It checks the tornado watch.

  • Why don't we tell the people that every snowflake is unique?

    It's not like they'll ever really check "Let's do it"

  • Why does a Belgian take a stone and a flashlight to bed?

    The stone to throw the lights out, the flashlight to check if the lights are really out

  • What did the Australian grandmaster say to the banker, when asked what he wanted to exchange?

    Check, mate!

  • Why'd the vulture check his bag?

    The airline didn't allow carrion luggage.

  • How does a flight of steps check out a woman?

    It stares.

  • How long have you been chopping wood for?

    I'm not sure, I'll check the logs"

  • When can't a pencil write out a check?

    When it's broke.

  • Why do Australians take forever to play chess?

    Because they never make it past the first check, mate.

  • What do you call it when stoners split a check?

    High finance.

  • What should you do if you get lots of e-mails saying 'What's up Doc?

    What's up Doc ' Check for bugs in your system.

  • Why can't random men check random women's breasts for cancel?

    Because that sort of information is on a knead to know basis.

  • How will you be paying, sir?

    Check mate"..

  • How do you check the intonation of a guitar underwater?

    With a tuna.

  • Why does Heisenberg hate driving?

    He gets lost every time he checks the speedometer.

  • Why did the internit paint his computer screen in little black and white squares?

    He wanted to check his e-mail.

  • How's the meal?

    Me: I dunno. Let me check *pulls out phone Me: Not good. It only got 2 likes on Instagram Waiter: ...

  • How badly?

    ME: I want you checking thesaurus in a panic haphazardly

  • Why did the customer slap the cashier?

    Because he was checking her out.

  • Where's the best place in Toronto to check out girls?


  • How do you tell a boy chromosome from a girl chromosome?

    Check their jeans.

  • How does Stevie Wonder check Facebook?

    With his EyePhone

  • Why is everyone smiling at me today?

    checks fly* *no pants* Aaaah.

  • What if horses rode horses?

    And then THOSE horses rode MORE horses Then it's like, whoa dude! Check out that big stack of horses!

  • What did the feminist Jedi say to Darth Tyrannus?

    Check your Force privileges, Sith Lord!"

  • Why is chess confusing in Australia?

    That's check, mate."

  • What do you do at a red light?

    Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."

  • Why didn't you check your speedometer?

    Driver: It broke when I hit 100.

  • Where can I find that "4 Out Of 5 People Get Money In Their Birthday Cards" Birthday Card?

    I've been checking online with no luck, unless I'm checking the wrong place

  • What did the feminist Jedi say to Emperor Palpatine?

    Check your privilege, sithlord

  • What do you use to check your cell from across the room?

    A telephono lens.

  • Why did Scotty check all the toilets of the Starship Enterprise?

    He was looking for the Captain's log.

  • Why do police officers sleep with two rocks near their bed?

    With one he turns off the light, With the other he checks if the window is closed

  • How does Samsung know its most loyal customers?

    They check with the burn ward. (I'll get my coat)

  • What did the vulture say when the airline agent asked if he wanted to check his luggage?

    No, thanks, it's just carrion...

  • What's the biggest difference between Republicans and Democrats?

    Republicans sign their checks on the front, and democrats sign on the back.

  • How many IT guys does it take to Fix a printer?

    Three, one suggests to check if it is plug in, another recommends to reboot the printer, and finally one to check to see if the printer had paper and laugh about how easy the solution was.

  • Why did the vulture have to check some luggage at the gate?

    It was only allowed one piece of carrion.

  • Why don't mexicans have checking accounts?

    It's too hard to spray paint your name on the little line.

  • How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Uh...standby I'll check on that.

  • Where does a salmon go to deposit a check?

    To the river bank!

  • Why is it so confusing to play chess with the British?

    It's only check, mate

  • Why did Snoo not check out a library book?

    Because he had already Reddit.

  • Why can't Australians play chess?

    They keep saying check, mate.

  • What's the difference beetwen public official and private employee?

    Private employee starts work checking email. Public official starts works making a coffee.

  • How did the Bohemian pay?

    Just a Check

  • Why are librarians so lonely?

    They're always by them shelves Just wanted to see if that library joke checked out Sorry for all the library jokes, I'll put them on hold

  • How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: Uh...standby I'll check on that.

  • How can a blind person tell if they're home?

    They check the architexture.

  • Why did the blind guy crashed his car into another car?

    Because he forgot to check his blind side.

  • Why did Heisenberg remove the speedometer from his car?

    So he would stop getting lost everything he checked it.

  • Why were the racist oranges upset when they checked out the small phonebook of their new city?

    Because it was mini apple list.

  • What do you call attempting to jump to light speed before checking the Hyper Drive first?

    A Wookie mistake!

  • What do banks and the US government have in common?

    They both deal with checks and balances.

  • How do you spot a bad boss your first day on the job?

    Check his/her pulse. (bitter at the workplace)

  • How do old people check up to see how their friends are doing?

    They look in the obituary

  • Why did the library book go to the doctor?

    It needed to be checked out it had a bloated appendix.

  • What did the pirate photographer say?

    Check out my DSL-Arrrgh.

  • How do you get alot of people to check out your post?

    Tag it NSFW and repost it.

  • How do you know a wood pieces history?

    You check its logbook

  • What does a Doctor do when he needs 50 bags full of fruits?

    He goes to Orlando and checks the Pulse.

  • What if the missing plane is still up there?

    What " Did you check the sky "No." See, this is why you'll never advance, Kevin.

  • What's that girl?

    Timmy's in the old well L: Arf arf He's dead You sure L: Arf! Okay here's a check for $5K L: ima need cash

  • What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry?

    My donation check to the orphanage.

  • Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight?


  • How do you check if a webpage is HTML5?

    Try it out on Internet Explorer

  • What do you have to use to check a test on Telemarketing?

    A Scamtron.

  • What bounces and makes little children cry?

    My donation check to Feed the Children!

  • How do you know its noon on an Apple Watch?

    The screen stays black when you check the time.

  • Where did the pregnant T-Rex go for a check-up?

    The dinocologist

  • How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm?

    Just check for fresh prince

  • What did the hotel clerk tell the guest with paruresis during check in?

    Your in 8.

  • What's a pirate's favorite move in chess?

    Check, matey.

  • What's the worst part of running into your ex?

    You have to get out and check to see how bad your car is damaged.