Chinese Jokes

  • What did the Chinese cowboy say?

    Nii haw!

  • What do you call a Chinese guy when he's laughing?

    Lmao

  • Why were the two Chinese scientists having trouble cloning a caucasian?

    Because two Wongs can't make a white.

  • What do you call two chinese guys in a firebird?

    Gooks of Hazard

  • What has two wings and an arrow?

    A Chinese telephone

  • What do you call a chinese duo that plays ping pong?

    Ping Pong

  • What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with Chinese food?

    Hop suey!

  • What does Korean food taste like?

    Chinese food.

  • What's a Chinese dentist's favorite time?

    Tooth Hurty

  • What did the geologist say at the Chinese restaurant?

    May I have Eurasian plate?

  • How do I turn my new girlfriend on?

    She's a robot and the instructions are in Chinese.

  • What do you call a Chinese Podiatrist?

    Hee Lan To

  • What do you call a Chinese man with a bad sense of direction?

    Wong Wei

  • How do the Chinese name their kids?

    They throw silverware down the stairs.

  • What does a Chinese bear fry eggs in?

    A pan, duh!

  • Why can't some people help being born Chinese?

    Because there's nothing wong with it.

  • What did the drunk Chinese customer say to the bartender?

    No have to cut me off. Fall off barstool by myself. end metajoke

  • What's the difference between the Chinese and Germans?

    The Chinese rike and the Germans Reich.

  • Who says building a border wall wont work?

    The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still dont have any Mexicans.

  • What part of your punctuality emancipates the Chinese?

    Your Ti"ming"!

  • How does a Chinese cat say hello?

    Mi Hao.

  • What did the chinese billionaire say after buying the deer with no eyes?

    I have no Idea.

  • What do you get when you cross a duck and a cat?

    A Chinese restaurant's newest entree!

  • What do you call it when all the Chinese places in town start to close?

    Wonton endangerment.

  • What did the baby order at the chinese restaurant?

    Goo goo gai pan!

  • What do you call a Chinese guy with one leg?

    Thai-Won Shu.

  • What do you call a Chinese billionaire?

    Cha Ching

  • What's thr difference between the chinese and racism?

    Racism has many faces.

  • Why was the Chinese Journey cover band a failure?

    Their only hit was Don't Stop Bereaving.

  • How many of you believe in psychokinesis?

    Raise my hand. - Taken from local Chinese joint fortune cookie.

  • What do you call a confused Chinese guy?

    Wong Wei

  • How's the new Chinese restaurant downtown?

    Eh... It's tso-tso.

  • How do chinese people laugh over the internet?

    Lmao Zedong

  • What did the doctor say when he delivered a blonde-haired baby to an expecting Chinese couple?

    Two Wongs don't make a white

  • Who is a Chinese feminist's least favorite Winnie the Pooh character?

    Trigger.

  • What do Chinese people call Chinese food?

    Food.

  • What do you call a Chinese cameraman?

    Phil Ming

  • What did the perverted sauce say to the Chinese Ribs?

    I'm only Peking.

  • What do you call a Chinese lady with one leg?

    Irene.

  • What did the Vietnamese architect say to the Chinese post man?

    What did the Vietnamese architect say to the Chinese post man? CHING CHONG

  • Why can't Chinese have Caucasian children?

    Because two Wongs don't make a white.

  • What do you call a Chinese millionare?

    Ching-Ching.

  • Why did the pregnant Chinese chicken cross the road?

    Because ah, the egg roll.

  • What a Chinese Restaurant Owner's Preferred License Plate?

    888 MSG

  • What's the difference between a Chinese man and a lobster under a bus?

    Nothing. They're both crustacians.

  • Why don't Chinese Restaurant owners do their dirty dishes?

    Because it's too much wok! Sorry, I just made that up!

  • What has two wings and a halo?

    A Chinese phone. Wing wing, hallo?

  • What Chinese name means 'wolf'?

    Hau Ling.

  • How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: 10000 - to give the bulb a cultural revolution.

  • How do you make a Chinese man no longer Asian?

    Just spin him around in circles until he's disoriented

  • What do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other?

    Ilene. What if she is Chinese? Irene.

  • What do you call 3 Puerto Ricans, 1 Chinese Man, and 4 black guys?

    A water sprinkler.

  • Why did the Chinese almost lose in Mulan?

    They had way to many chinks in their armor.

  • How do Chinese people say "hello" in Spanish?

    Hola.

  • How do Chinese people name their babies?

    A: They throw them down the stairs to see what noise they make.

  • Why couldn't the Chinese herpetologist see out his car window?

    Because it was too froggy outside.

  • Why didn't King Kong go to Hong Kong?

    He didn't like Chinese food.

  • Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children?

    A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

  • Why are there no white chinese people?

    It's because two Wongs don't make a white.

  • What is a Chinese person's favorite wound?

    Bruise Lee. I'll see myself out.

  • What font does a beef noodle stall use?

    Times Niurou Mian (Niurou Mian = beef noodles in Chinese)

  • What did Picard say when Riker asked him what kind of Chinese food he wanted?

    Make it Tso's Number One."

  • Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

    A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

  • Why don't Chinese people roll 12lb balls down wooden lanes to knock over pins?

    Because to them it's boring.

  • What happens when the lights go out in a Chinese restaurant?

    It'll Dimsum.

  • What did the guy in China say to the Chinese couple who finally got approved to adopt?

    Con-grab-ur-asians!!

  • What do you call a Chinese orange?

    A Mandarin

  • What did the Chinese man say when Winter came around?

    Reddit snow, reddit snow, reddit snow!

  • What are Jehovah witnesses called in Chinese?

    Dind Dong

  • How many Chinese people does it take to change a light bulb?

    Only one but he has to manufacture it first.

  • Why did a chinese man ride a bike to the brothel?

    To get laid.

  • How many Chinese workers does it take to make a Smartphone?

    I dunno. Ask the kids.

  • Why can't two Chinese people make a white baby?

    Because two Wongs don't make a white

  • What are you up to?

    Her: I'm making Chinese. Me: Cloning's unethical. Hahaha just kidding. Make me a math tutor.

  • What's the best part of Chinese food?

    The 4/10 cookie

  • How does a Chinese man start a religious video?

    Press pray.

  • Why cant you make fun of Chinese people?

    Because its just wong

  • What do a Chinese tourist who got run over by a bus and a lobster have in common?

    They're both crushed-asians

  • What's the difference between Wright and Rong?

    Wright yells, "Objection!' Rong is your typical Chinese man.

  • How does a Chinese family name their children?

    They throw 3-9 pots and pans down a flight of stairs.

  • What is both a short shopping list, and a potential Chinese luxury automobile?

    Rolls * Rice

  • Why are there no casinos in China?

    Because the Chinese don't like Tibet...

  • Why don't the Chinese have casinos?

    Because they don't like Tibet

  • How do you tell when the Chinese move to town?

    When the Mexicans get car insurance.

  • Why is Chinese the best language?

    It has the most character.

  • What do you call a Chinese speaking person who complains a lot?

    wo ai ni

  • What did Obi-wan say to Luke at the Chinese restaurant?

    Use the fork, Luke.

  • What do you call a prematurely born Chinese baby?

    Sudden Lee

  • Why do Chinese tourists get disappointed when they visit America?

    Because when they buy souvenirs they find out they were made in China.

  • What did the Chinese fisherman say to his at-risk son?

    Stay on the junk, and you'll go far.

  • How much does a Chinese dumpling weigh?

    It weighs *Won-ton*

  • How do you fire a Chinese cook?

    Ask him to take wok.

  • How do Chinese name their kids?

    They throw silverware on the ground!

  • What do you call a Chinese man with one leg shorter than the other?

    Li Ning

  • Why do Asian people never seem to age?

    I met a chinese girl today & I estimate her age to be somewhere between 4 & 197.

  • Where do Chinese people live?

    Chinatown

  • What is goingon?

    Nothing much, just hungry for some Chinese food"

  • What is Captain Picard's favorite Chinese takeout ?

    Make it Tso!

  • What happens in a chinese restaurant when the power goes out?

    It'll dim sum

  • What do you call a Chinese baby in the oven?

    a 2nd born.

  • How do chinese people name their childre n?

    They throw a toaster down the stairs.

  • When did the Chinese man know it was time to go to the dentist?

    Tooth hurty

  • What do you call a chinese food truck?

    A Wok in the Park

  • Why is it never a good idea to use a Chinese phone book?

    There are so many Wings and Wongs, you might wing a wong number.

  • What do you call a Chinese man with a video camera?

    Phil Ming

  • What do you call a dirty Chinese crab?

    A crusty asian

  • Why can Chinese bands rehearse so much?

    They're never short of Sichuan musicians.

  • What do you call a Chinese man with one foot?

    Taiwon Shou.

  • What did the chinese guy say to the mongoose?

    Bing fwong dong 9/11

  • Who was the most active of the chinese khanes?

    Ginseng khan I am in a silly mood. Have a good day

  • What do you call Chinese woman with one leg?

    Irene.

  • What do you call an annoying Chinese chef?

    A Woky Talky

  • What would you call a Chinese based arm of Isis?

    Ricesis

  • Why were the Chinese trying to light a bbq grill out in the rain?

    Because it was raining cats and dogs. :D

  • What do you call a friendly Chinese man who gives out free firewood?

    Kind Ling

  • What kind of mane does a Chinese lion have?

    Lo mein.

  • Why do Chinese people sound like lions when you tell them a joke?

    Because they ror.

  • What sound does a Chinese cat make?

    Mao

  • How do Chinese people name their kids?

    They throw silverware down a flight of stairs....ting, tong, ping, ding

  • What do you call a Chinese man allergic to dogs?

    Starving.

  • What's a let down Chinese lobster called?

    A crushed asian

  • What's a chinese chef's favorite song?

    I believe I can fry.

  • Why Chinese vet never hungry?

    Dog have rice.

  • Why aren't there any Mexicans in China?

    Because the Chinese know how to build a wall.

  • What Journey song to Chinese people sing at funerals?

    Don't Stop Bereavin'

  • Where do the Chinese study?

    In the Pupils republic of China

  • What do the Chinese call their spies?

    Secret Asians.

  • What do you call Chinese soup made by a Mexican?

    Juan-ton soup

  • Why did the communist Chinese government outlaw Viagra?

    They didn't want the people to have free elections.

  • Whats the difference between chinese people and racism?

    Racism has many faces

  • What did the chinese guy tell the police when he was caught?

    You got the Wong guy.

  • Where do Chinese people find work?

    On ChinkedIn of course. (I know the pun is racist but I had to share. Sorry.)

  • What is the name of one of the Chinese gymnasts competing at the Rio Olympics?

    Wai Tu Yung

  • How did a Chinese spy disguise himself as an Arab in America?

    He became a Muslim.

  • How do you make the best Americanized Chinese food?

    Like Tso.

  • What's Pao's favorite Chinese dish?

    Infant children.

  • Why the chicken cross the road .... to get the Chinese newspaper. Do you get it?

    Neither do I, I get the new york times

  • How often do Chinese people have elections?

    When they wake up every morning.

  • What do you call a Chinese millionaire?

    Cha Ching

  • What sound does a Chinese doorbell make?

    Ching Chong

  • What did the Chinese guy say to his wife after her botched plastic surgery?

    Honey, why the wrong face

  • What Does A Chinese Man Need When Taking his Dog Out?

    Oven mitts.

  • Why do Chinese knights have a low rate of survival?

    They all have chinks in their armor.

  • How Long is a Chinese man?

    Its his name.

  • Why do black people take such good care of a Chinese baby?

    Because black people make "Wong" decisions!

  • Why did the Chinese man tell a joke?

    Just China be funny.

  • What does a Chinese restaurant serve for Easter?

    Coloured eggrolls!

  • What do you call a Chinese man with a bad internet connection?

    Hi Ping

  • What did the Chinese man say when ophthalmologist told him he had a cataract?

    No, I have a Rincoln Continental!*

  • What do you call a noisy Chinese dog?

    How-Ling (my dad wanted me to post this)

  • What do you call a Chinese fly with no wings?

    A wok.

  • How many Chinese people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    One, while the rest were kung fu fighting

  • Why can't Chinese people have white babies?

    Because two wongs don't make a white.

  • What did the Chinese man give his daughter?

    A clothes hanger.

  • Why was Karl Marx against Chinese mutes?

    Because he hated the B shu!

  • How do Chinese pick a name for their newborn?

    They kick a Can

  • Why did the Chinese chicken cross the road?

    The eggrolled

  • What do you call a Chinese lady with no legs?

    Dragon lips. And a Mexican lady with no legs Consuelo.

  • How does the average Chinese worker find a new job?

    ChinkedIn.

  • Why did the Chinese man fall down the stairs?

    He was shot in the face.

  • What do you call a robbery in China ?

    A Chinese take away !

  • What sound does a Chinese roller coaster make as it goes up an incline?

    chink chink chink chink

  • What does Waka flocka order at a Chinese restaurant?

    BAO BAO BAO BAO

  • What do you call a rich Chinese?

    Cha-Ching

  • What do you do if the lights in a Chinese food restaurant are too bright?

    Dim Sum.

  • Why do Chinese only care about themselves?

    Because they have no i's (plural of i). Edit: eyes. Eyes guys. It's a bad pun.

  • What do Asians meeting up at their favorite Chinese take-out say?

    Where my dogs at "

  • What do you call a kid who's dad is Jamaican and mom is Chinese?

    Rastafriedrice

  • Why do Chinese warriors die so easily in battle?

    No matter how much protective garments they wear, there's still a chink in the armor.

  • What do you call a pre-maturely born Chinese boy?

    Sudden Lee

  • What is a chinese pirate an expert at?

    Flying a plane.

  • What is harder than telling the difference between Chinese people?

    Telling the difference between Chinese people with down syndrome.

  • Why have the Chinese not got telephone directories?

    There's so many Wing's and Wong's they might wing the wong number.

  • What do you call a Chinese fanatasy series?

    Lord Of The Chinks

  • What do Chinese lumberjacks do?

    Chopsticks

  • What doesn't belong in this group, A lobster, an octopus, a crab, or a chinese man under a bus?

    The octopus, obviously, the three others are crustaceans.

  • Why can't Chinese people tie their shoes?

    I would love to tell you, but I am afraid the answer is a little bit lacist.

  • Why can't chinese people have phone directories?

    There are too many wongs and wings and someone could wing the wong number.

  • How do you know if a Chinese man has robbed your house?

    Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and two hours later, he's still trying to back out of your driveway.

  • What do chinese people do when they have an erection?

    they vote

  • What does a noise musician order at a Chinese restaurant?

    Peaking duck!

  • How do the Chinese select their baby names?

    They chuck a tin can down the stairs Ping Wong ching Pang

  • What did the chinese pirate say?

    Awwlllll!

  • How do you tell apart a Chinese from a Japanese?

    With a Geiger Counter.

  • What do you call a foreigner who is obsessed with Chinese culture?

    A zhuologist

  • What do you call a Chinese pilot?

    A pilot you racist!

  • What's the difference between an American zoo and a Chinese zoo?

    An American zoo will only have a description of the animal. The Chinese zoo has the price and recipe of the animal.

  • What did the Chinese vocalist do after smoking some marijuana?

    He Shanghai.

  • Why do Chinese workers work so hard?

    Because their companies are always short-staffed.

  • What's a Chinese chicken's favorite vegetable?

    Buock choi

  • How do the Chinese vote?

    With their erections.

  • What kind of dogs are full of Chinese scientists?

    Yellow labs

  • What's a Chinese woman called with one leg shorter than the other?

    Irene. (Normally start this as a two part joke with, "What do you call a woman with... Ilene." Ha... But figured everyone had already heard that).

  • What Is a Chinese persons favorite holiday?

    Chinko De Mayo

  • What did the manager say to his new Chinese intern?

    How, are you?

  • Why do Chinese people love NY?

    Because they heard we sell hotdogs for $0.75 each.

  • What does the Chinese government call an American with a PhD in physics, math and chemistry?

    STUPID AMERICAN!

  • What do you call a Chinese conga line?

    A Chu Chu train

  • What's the difference between racism and chinese ?

    racism has many faces

  • How did the Chinese atheist get to heaven?

    Jesus said to him "Behold! I am risen!" and he said "That's nice I don't bereave you."

  • What do you call a dog in a sub?

    A subwoofer! Now again: What do you call a dog in a sub? Chinese food!

  • What do you call a chinese Jehovah's witness?

    Ding Dong

  • What's a Chinese fisherman's least favorite part of living in Hollywood?

    Pilot season

  • What do you call a Chinese kid playing college football?

    A wok on.

  • What sound did the slot machine make when the Chinese person won the jackpot?

    Cha-chink!

  • Why can't a Chinese couple get a white baby?

    Because two wongs don't make a white

  • How do Chinese people know what to name their children?

    After the last dog they just ate.

  • What do you call the definitive book on Chinese culture?

    The Hanbook

  • How many Chinese men does it take to make a Smartphone?

    I dunno, ask the Kids.

  • What did the drunken Irishman say to the Chinese diplomat?

    http://www.reddit.com/r/Youwritethepunchline/comments/2zg1zy/whatdidthedrunkenirishmansaytothechinese/

  • What do you get when you cross and Chinese and a Mexican man?

    A: A car thief who can't drive!

  • How do Chinese parents pick a name for their child?

    Throw an aluminum pan down the stairs.

  • How much does a Chinese elephant weigh?

    Wonton

  • What did the doctor say when a Chinese baby with down syndrome was born?

    Congratulations, you have a healthy new baby!

  • What do you call an Chinese family with a pet dog?

    Vegetarians. Source: I'm Chinese.

  • What do you call a chinese poker face?

    A mahjong face

  • Why did the optimistic Chinese guy wish he had multiple personality disorder?

    He wanted to be the Changs he wanted to see in the world.

  • How heavy is a Chinese dumpling?

    Wonton.

  • What's Chinese and climbs the Empire State Building?

    Ping Pong

  • What's the difference between racism and the chinese people?

    Racism has many faces...

  • What do you call a chinese woman with a food processor on her head?

    Brenda.

  • What's the heaviest Chinese food?

    wonton :3

  • What do Chinese bears use to cook?

    A pan. Duh!

  • What's the best time to visit your Chinese dentist?

    Tooth hurty

  • Why couldn't the Chinese geologist find a date?

    He was vehemently opposed to wrong rocks on the beach.

  • Why aren't Hindu and Chinese people allowed to play hockey?

    A: Because everytime they go into the corner they open up a convienent store.

  • What is the difference between Russian Optimist Pessimist and Realist?

    An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.

  • What do you call a rich Chinese person ?

    cha ching

  • What did the little Chinese boy get for Christmas?

    Rice.

  • Why should you never drink German beer with Chinese food?

    An hour later you're hungry for power.

  • How Long can a Chinese name be?

    Yoda

  • Who's the fastest runner in the chinese olympic team?

    Mr. Do Ping

  • How do you blind a Chinese man?

    lay floss over their eyes

  • What do Japanese Kids, Chinese Democracy and German Humor have in common?

    All are equally oxymoronic.

  • What does a Chinese cow say?

    Governess(https://translate.google.com/m/translate#en/zh-CN/Governess)

  • What is the least favorite food place of the Chinese?

    Nanking Donuts

  • What did the Chinese man say when he found out his mother died?

    I can't bereave it!

  • What do you call a fake Chinese iPhone?

    A slanted-iPhone

  • What's the difference between a corpse and a Chinese baby girl?

    5 minutes

  • Why is it so difficult to call Chinese people?

    There's so many wings it's easy to wing the wong number.

  • What's a Cholo's favorite Chinese food dish?

    Chicken chow meng.

  • What do you call a Chinese man with a pet cat?

    A vegetarian.

  • What would happen if all Chinese people jumped off a chair, all at the same time?

    I don't know either, but you would need a reeeally big chair!

  • What do you call a chinese crab who just got dumped?

    A frustacean