Claim Jokes

  • How many Atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Two. One to actually do it, the other to film it so fundamentalists won't claim that God did it.

  • What do you call the kids claiming "We don't need no education"?

    Comfortably Dumb

  • How many Atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Two. One to actually do it, the other to film it so fundamentalists won't claim that God did it.

  • How does Romney only claim a 14% tax rate?

    He claims 47% of the U.S. as dependents.

  • How do you celebrate Christopher Columbus day?

    Barge into your neighbor's home and claim it as yours.

  • What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream?

    The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)

  • Which wiki do dyslexic pastry chefs claim to be trying to visit before getting arrested?

    www.filopedia.org

  • How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

    Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape so Christians can't claim God did it.

  • What is the difference between a tube and a foolish Dutchman?

    One is a hollow cylinder and the other a silly Hollander. Source (Cause I can't claim fame for Victorian era jokes):

  • What do you call a cat that claims it's a lion crossed with a cougar?

    A liar.

  • What do you call someone who claims to do drugs to try to look cool?

    A marajuannabe.

  • How did Mitt Romney get a 14% tax rate?

    He claimed 47% of America as dependents.

  • How many countries does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Five. Germany to start it, France to try and then give up almost immediately, Italy to start, give up, and try again from the other side, America to finish it and claim credit for the whole thing, and Switzerland to sit in the dark and pretend that nothing happened.

  • Why does everyone claim that Steve Bannon is such a crazy guy?

    He seems alt-right!

  • How many redditers does it take to change a light bulb?

    3. One to screw it in, the next to claim credit and the third to be a bot that reposts.

  • How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

    Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape so Christians can't claim God did it.