Clock Jokes
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Why did the girl spray her clock?
A: It was full of ticks.
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Why don't women need a watch?
There's a clock on the stove.
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Why did the parasite listen to the clock?
A: Because it liked the tick talk.
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Why Ahmed made a clock?
To know when to blow up
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Why do you never buy a woman a watch?
Because there's a clock on the stove.
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Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween ?
It was for 'tick or tweet' !
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How is a broken clock better than a politician?
The clock is still right twice a day.
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What do you call it when water is poured over a clock?
Time dilution.
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Why did the boy throw his clock out the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
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Why shouldn't you have coffee while on the clock?
Because that would be "grounds" for termination!
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Why did a kid get arrested for taking a home made clock into school?
Sounds like he had already done the... time
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Why was Ke$ha arrested?
TiK ToK On The Clock
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Why was the Texan afraid of the clock?
Because it reminded him that time was moving forward.
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Why did the man break the clock?
He wasn't comfortable with having that much time on his hands.
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Why did Ahmed Mohamed put his clock in a pencil case?
because pipe clock would have just been stupid.
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Why do Texans duel at high noon?
They distrust clocks.
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How many men does it take to fix a women's watch?
Why does she need a watch? There is a clock on the oven!
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What does a clock do when it's hungry?
It goes back four seconds!
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What is your favorite joke about women?
Q: Why don't women wear watches? A: Because there is a clock on the stove.
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Why do grandparents have so many clocks?
So they won't run out of time
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What do you call a belt with a clock?
A waist of time.
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What happened to the clock that was still hungry?
It went back 4 seconds.
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What do snakes use to build clocks?
Metal Gears
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What do you get when you mix a public speaker with someone who had tourettes?
A clock! One provides the tic, the other provides the talk Credit to my Autistic Big Bro
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Why does the boss put clocks under employee's desk?
Because he wanted them to work over-time
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Why did the old lady throw the clock outside her window?
SHE WAS MENTALLY ILL!!!!!!
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Why don't women need watches?
There's a clock on the stove.
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What time is it when a Muslim immigrant brings a clock to school in Texas?
Time to get a new principal.
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What do clocks do when they're still hungry after a meal?
They go back four seconds.
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
Why should you There's a clock on the oven.
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What profession did the parrot get into when it swallowed the clock?
Politics
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Why did the late man stand on the clock?
He wanted to be on time.
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How did the hour and minute hands of the clock get cancer?
Second hand smoking! My own joke that I've been meaning to put up for a while. Time to see how it goes haha.
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What does that clock say at 1 o'clock night?
1 AM feeling very sleepy.
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How do you set a woman's watch?
You don't, there's already a clock on the stove.
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What do you call a clock on the moon?
A: A lunartick.
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What time is it when a clock strikes thirteen?
Time to get it fixed.
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Why did the man put a clock under his desk?
He wanted to work overtime.
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How can you tell if a clock is hungry?
It goes back for seconds
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Why couldn't the clock be kept in jail?
Because time was always running out.
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What did the clock do after the good meal?
He went back four seconds.
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What did the German clock maker say to the clock that would only go "tick tick tick?
Vee have vays of making you tock!
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How do you fix a womans watch?
You dont. There is a clock on the oven.
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How did the clock get cancer?
Second-hand smoke!
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Why did Ahmed take his clock to school?
He wanted to see time fly
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Why did the engineer put a clock under his desk?
A: He wanted to work overtime.
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Why don't you buy your wife a watch?
There's already a clock on the stove
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When do clocks die?
When their time is up.
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What did the man who ate a clock say?
That was time consuming but I still want seconds.
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Why dont applebees employees wear watches?
Cuz theres a clock on the microwave
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What do you call a clock you wear on your belt?
A waist of time
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What do you call a belt made of clocks?
A waist of time
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Why did the clock get banned from the library?
It tocked too much
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Why can't clocks keep secrets?
Because, time will always tell.
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Why did the clock phone the ruler?
Because desperate times call for desperate measures....
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How many surreal artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three, one to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bath tub.
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What does a clock do when it's hungry?
It goes back four seconds.