Clothe Jokes

  • What kind of clothes do lawyers wear?


  • Where do fortune tellers buy their clothes?


  • What happens when Fonzie doesn't fold his clothes after doing laundry?

    His shirts get all winkly.

  • Why do gangsters save so much money on clothes?

    Cause all their pants are half-off

  • Why do I wash my clothes in TIDE?

    because it's too cold out-tide.

  • What did the man say when he ran out of clothes?

    Oh dear, it seems I'm shirt on clothes.

  • What's worse than locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic?

    Having to go inside to ask for a clothes hanger

  • Why didn't the car have a tire?

    Because cars don't wear clothes.

  • How many TSA agents does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None. TSA agents only know how to remove clothes putting them on is different matter completely.

  • What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear ?

    A petticoat !

  • What happens when sharks take their clothes off ?

    They go sharkers !

  • Why did the chicken?

    Q: Why did the chicken cross the road naked A: Because chickens don't wear clothes.

  • Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?

    Because it's too cold outtide

  • What is the best way to hunt bear?

    With your clothes off

  • How's my hair?

    My clothes How do I look (knock, knock) He's here!!!! I'm so excited! *My pizza delivery guy.

  • What are these clothes on the floor?

    A dead Jedi" I replied

  • What can happen when a car breaks down?

    A woman's car breaks down on a busy highway. She manages to ease it over to the shoulder and gets out and opens the trunk. Immediately two men clothed only in trench coats leap out and begin to open and close their coats, exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. Pretty soon a police officer stops. "What's going on here?" the cop asks. "My car just broke down," the woman responds. "NO, I mean those two guys," the cop continues. "Oh," the woman replies, "they're just my emergency flashers."

  • What clothes do Quakers wear?

    Oat couture

  • Why are clothes so expensive?

    I shouldn't have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.

  • When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would the hulk do?

    Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!

  • What do you call it when someone forces you to watch them take their clothes off?

    A power strip.

  • Where do Sikhs buy clothes?

    Turban Outfitters

  • What do you call a rabbit with no clothes on?

    A bare hare.

  • What do you call a bikini clad conspiracy theorist?

    An illumi-hotty!

  • What kinds of clothes do protons wear?

    Plus sizes!

  • What do girlfriends and sperm have in common?

    They both always seem to end up in your clothes

  • What do you call a republican fashion director?

    Clothed minded

  • What do people with an extra chromosome wash their clothes with?


  • What do you call it when a statistician secretly gives out clothes?

    Discreet uniform distribution

  • What do clouds wear under their clothes?

    A: Thunderware.

  • Where do the sith get their clothes?

    Darth Mall

  • What did the Chinese man give his daughter?

    A clothes hanger.

  • What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?

    A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.

  • Why do monks wear the same clothes every day?

    Because old habits die hard.

  • Where do Muslim hipsters shop for clothes?

    Turban Outfitters!

  • Where did he get his clothes?

    That's right - a victim

  • Who, me?

    Oh, just living the dream. You know, that one where you forget to wear clothes to work.

  • Where do Wildlings get their clothes?

    North of the Wal-Mart

  • What did the disappointed smoker get for Christmas?

    Clothes but no cigar...

  • Whats a fedora clad, neck bearded gentlemen's favorite color?


  • Why do people wash their clothes in Tide?

    Because it's too cold out tide.

  • What's the difference between a fedora clad Brony and an egg?

    The egg gets laid!

  • Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending?

    Because they needed to be ad-dressed!

  • What dries your clothes but can also make you writhe around in agony?

    A tumblr.

  • How do you teach a girl math?

    Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, give her a square root and watch her multiply.

  • What do you call a pig with no clothes on?

    Streaky bacon!

  • What do clothes and religion have in common?

    Someone invented them and forced them on everyone.

  • Where do Year 1 Guardians buy their clothes?

    Twilight Gap

  • How is my wife doing?

    Doctor: I'm so sorry. The accident has left her in a vegetative-like state and I don't think she'll ever recover. She can barely move her limbs, if at all, and will be confined to a bed or wheelchair without the ability to ever walk again. You'll need to care for her 24/7, clothe her, feed her, bathe her, and she'll have no control of her bladder or bowels. Again, I'm so, so, sorry... ..... ..... ..... Just kidding! She's dead.

  • What does a sailor use to clean his clothes?


  • What do you call a wheel with clothes?

    Attire. My brother told this to me and it gave me a chuckle.

  • Why does it take so long for a nun to get her clothes?

    It takes 21 days to make a habit.

  • Where do you want me to put my clothes?

    She says, "On top of mine."

  • Why do American tourists talk so loudly?

    So that they can hear each other over their clothes

  • What clothes do lawyers wear to work?


  • What do you call clothes for a car?

    A tire.

  • What did Michael Jackson have in common with Target?

    Boys clothes half off.

  • Why wait?

    I'll take you clothes shopping right now".

  • How can I help you sir?

    One clothes please!

  • Where do fashionable kids with cancer like to shop for clothes?

    Never 21

  • How can you tell your boyfriend has gained weight?

    You fit into his clothes.

  • Where do Floridians wash their clothes?

    In Fort Launderdale.

  • What size clothes do fortune tellers wear?


  • What does Snoop Dogg use to wash his clothes?


  • Where do hipsters buy their clothes?

    Most likely a thrift store or Urban Outfitters, TBH.

  • What do pessimists use... Q: What do pessimists use to wash their clothes?

    A: Deterrent.

  • What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?

    Aw shucks!

  • Why shouldn't you take your clothes off while riding the elevator?

    It could get you an in descent exposure charge.

  • Why couldn't Mike Tyson go to the laundromat?

    Because it was clothed.

  • What do rappers use to wash their clothes?


  • Why is it a bad idea to change clothes at a Pokemon's house?

    Because he might Pikachu!

  • What's the first thing a Navy wife does when she wakes up in the morning?

    She puts her clothes back on and goes home.

  • How does Tony Stark keep his clothes wrinkle-free?

    Iron, man.

  • What happened to Lady Godiva's horse when he saw she had no clothes on?

    It made him shy!

  • Why isn't there a Superpig?

    It's too hard for a pig to change clothes in a telephone booth.

  • Where do you buy clothes for baby owls?

    the outlet

  • Who do you even make these clothes for?

    Children Disney Store clerk: Yes.

  • Why did the Eskimo wash his clothes in tide?

    Because it was too cold out tide.

  • What's the definition of a mere myth?

    A pirate ship thailing clothe to an itheberg