Coffin Jokes

  • Why are graveyards so noisy?

    Because of all the coffin.

  • Why does Dracula always travel with his coffin?

    Because his life is at stake.

  • What happened at the funeral of the man who invented the USB?

    They lowered his coffin, took it out, flipped it the other way round, then lowered it again.

  • What do you called a prince-sized bed?

    A coffin.

  • What do a coffin and a condom have in common?

    A: They're both filled with stiffs one's coming one's going.

  • What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?

    Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going.

  • What would Michael Jackson be doing if he were alive right now?

    Probably clawing at the inside of his coffin.

  • What would Marilyn Monroe be doing if she were alive today?

    Clawing at the inside of her coffin.

  • What did the undertaker say as the coffin fell out of the car?

    We'll have to rehearse that."

  • Who's there ! Coffin ! Coffin who ?

    Coffin and spluttering !

  • What did one casket say to the other casket?

    Hey, is that you coffin? Ba-dum-tsk...

  • What would they put on his coffin ?

    A lid !

  • Why did the man with bronchitis get cremated..?

    he was tired of coffin.

  • How can you tell a vampire has a cold?

    They start coffin.

  • What's the difference between babies and love?

    Love doesn't burn. What's worst part about making love to a dead baby. Digging up the coffin. How long does take to play hide and seek with a dead baby? It depends how small the pieces are.

  • What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?

    With a coffin, the dead person is on the inside.

  • What did one coffin say to the other?

    Is that you coughin'

  • What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?

    A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside.

  • What did one casket say to the other?

    Is that you coffin?

  • How much for the vacation home?

    Sir, this is a coffin.

  • How can you tell vampirism is a disease?

    On account of the coffin.

  • What would George Washington do if he were alive right now?

    Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

  • What would George Washington be doing if he were alive right now?

    Scratchin' the inside of his coffin.

  • Why did Dracula need medicine?

    Because he was coffin.

  • What did the casket say to the sick casket?

    Are you coffin

  • Why are graveyards so noisy?

    Because of all of the coffin.

  • What is the similarity between a cough syrup and an undertaker?

    They both take away the coffin.

  • What would Hellen Keller be doing if she were alive today?

    Clawing at the lid of the coffin.

  • Why did Dracula's mother give him cough syrup?

    Because Dracula was coffin. Source: A Laffy Taffy wrapper.

  • What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

    Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

  • What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

    Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

  • How did the midget feel after sleeping all night in a coffin?

    A little stiff.

  • What is brown all around and looks good on a motorcyclist?

    A coffin.

  • What would Kim Jong-Il be doing if he was still alive today?

    Scratching at the lid of his coffin.

  • What is that thing, which the maker cannot use, and the user cannot see?

    Coffin

  • Why did the funeral director cover his mouth?

    he kept coffin

  • What did one vampire say to the other vampire?

    Is that you coffin

  • How do you know when a vampire is sick?

    He starts coffin...

  • How can you tell when a vampire is sick?

    By his coffin!

  • What would Ronald Reagan be doing if he were alive today?

    He'd be scratching at the lid of his coffin yelling, "Let me out! I'm alive! Let me out!!"

  • What did one sick casket say to the other sick casket?

    Is that you, coffin?

  • What does a condom have in common with a coffin?

    Ones for coming and ones for going.

  • What would Joan Rivers be doing if she was alive right now?

    Scratching at the inside of her coffin. Courtesy of my dad.

  • What would Marilyn Monroe being doing if she were alive today?

    Clawing at the lid of her coffin.

  • Why did the vampire go to the doctors?

    Because he was coffin...