Cold Jokes

  • What does a homeless man gets for Christmas?

    A cold.

  • What is the opposite of a cold front?

    A warm back

  • What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold?

    One of you is a sick duck, and I forget the rest, but your mother's a whore!

  • Who is the best Native American to have around when you have a cold?

    The Hanky chief (Yes this is all my own work, I thank you) No I am not a dad

  • Why is Congress like a cold?

    Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the no's (nose).

  • How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs. A: None the old bulb is just suffering from a cold.

  • What were their names?

    Hot and Cold.

  • What goes hum-choo hum choo?

    A bee with a cold !

  • What has four legs and goes 'Boo'?

    A cow with a cold.

  • What did the sick fish say when he got sick?

    I've cod a cold."

  • What do Elsa and a necrophiliac have in common?

    The cold never bothered them anyway......

  • What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold?

    One knows the stops the other stops the nose.

  • Why are colds such bad robbers?

    Because they're so easy to catch!

  • What do you call a metalhead with a cold?


  • What do you call a Hawaiian with a cold?

    A Polysneezin.

  • What can Santa give away and still keep?

    A cold.

  • What do they say when batman catches a cold?

    He's ben affleckted.

  • What's the coldest part of a man's body?

    His balls. Two below.

  • What do you call a peanut with a cold?

    Cashew! she was so proud of herself for making me laugh with this one.

  • What do my wife and a chest freezer have in common?

    The exterior is hot, but its cold as ice inside.

  • How can you tell a vampire has a cold?

    They start coffin.

  • What pokemon spys on you while he has a cold?

    Peek achoo!

  • Why isn't there many Mexicans in Europe?

    BeCause it's to cold, long a swim

  • What did the cow with a cold say?


  • What's the difference between a bus driver and a cold?

    A bus driver knows the stops and a cold stops the nose.

  • What do you call a bread that catches a cold?

    Flu-catcher bread

  • What does an aardvark use when he has a cold?

    An ant-ihistamine!

  • What do you call a Belgian with a cold?


  • Which Pokemon got a cold?


  • What does a pirate do when he has a cold?

    Arrr make tea

  • What do you call a football fan with a cold?

    A sneezing ticket holder.

  • What's the difference between an alcoholic and a necrophiliac?

    One goes to the bar for a cold one. The other goes to a morgue.

  • What do you call two doctors with colds?

    An ironic paradox.

  • What is faster hot or cold?

    Hot because you can actually "catch a cold".