Condom Jokes

  • What do you call a condom full of money?

    Johnny Cash.

  • What happens when you put a condom inside another condom?


  • What kind of disease did the guy get when he skipped the condom and plowed a girl with down's syndrome?

    Slow clap

  • How do we know God likes condoms?

    Because Adam was ribbed for Eve's pleasure

  • What size box of condoms do you never want to buy?

    The family size.

  • What Is Difference Between Bomb And Condom.?

    What Is Difference Between Bomb And Condom.? In A Bomb Blast Population Decrease.. * But. . * In A Condom Blast Population Increase..!

  • What do you call four condoms who play music together?

    A rubber band.

  • What does Kodak film and Condoms have in common?

    A. Both are made to capture special moments.

  • Why are condoms like cameras?

    they both capture the moment.

  • Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms?

    Kids: WE DO! YAY!

  • What's the difference between a condom and the space-time continuum?

    There wasn't a hole in my dad's space-time continuum.

  • Why is it prestigious to wear a condom?

    It's a members-only jacket.

  • Why did the man wear a frog for a condom?

    So he was ribbit for her pleasure.

  • Why does Bob Ross not use a condom?

    Because he doesn't make mistakes, only happy little accidents.

  • What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?

    Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going.

  • When does 1+1=3?

    When you don't use a condom.

  • What do you call that part of the pharmacy where they keep the condoms, birth-control pills, etc.?

    The Contrasection.

  • When do Catholics allow the use of condoms?

    When the choir boys have diarrhea.

  • What type of condoms does Ronald McDonald use?


  • What does a condom have in common with a coffin?

    Ones for coming and ones for going.

  • Why don't catholic priest believe in condoms?

    Because little boys can't get pregnant.

  • What do condoms and taxes have in common?

    Republicans are against them and democrats want more for schools.

  • What's the thin line between love and hate?

    A condom.

  • What do you call a balloon animal made out of a condom?

    A Trojan horse.

  • What do a coffin and a condom have in common?

    A: They're both filled with stiffs one's coming one's going.

  • Why are condoms transparent?

    A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!

  • How are condoms like cameras?

    They capture your special moments.

  • What is a surgeon's excuse for not wearing a condom?

    Don't worry baby, I'm sterile.

  • What would have to break to give you 18?

    a condom

  • Why did the guitarist keep his condoms in his guitar case?

    He only needed them after he'd opened it.

  • What type of condom does Spock use?

    Vulcanized rubber!

  • How do you put a condom on a elephant?

    You take the c out of ice and the f out of weigh.

  • What do blonde's have against condoms?

    A: Their cheeks.

  • What do you call a condom within a condom?


  • How does the stork bring babies?

    It pokes holes in condoms.

  • What's worse than getting 7 years of bad luck from breaking a mirror?

    Getting a lifetime of bad luck from breaking a condom.

  • What are the most useless items ever invented?

    A: Condoms. If you need one, she's too old.

  • How does Justin Beiber remove a condom?

    He farts.

  • What is a condom with a hole?

    Kinder Surprise

  • Why do they make condoms with ribs?

    So you can get traction in the mud.

  • What kind of condoms do frogs wear?


  • Why are you packing condoms for a sailing trip with 10 guys?

    I'm saying "Just in case." Now I'm traveling with a bigger case.

  • Why should you wear a condom when writing C++ code?

    It's full of std vectors.

  • What do condoms prevent?


  • Why do Canadians wear tuques?

    Because condoms are too brittle at minus 20.

  • What does a camera have in common with a condom?

    They both capture that special moment.

  • What does Kodak film and a condom have in common?

    They both capture that special moment

  • How does Justin Bieber remove a condom?

    He farts.

  • What does a gun, a fire extinguisher, and a condom have in common?

    Its better to have it and not need it, then to need it and not have it

  • Why don't gypsies use condoms ?

    They have crystal balls so they see it coming.

  • What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

    So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

  • What do you call a guy who wears two condoms?

    Justin Case

  • Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?

    A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.

  • What's the best form of protection when you don't have a condom?

    A fake name

  • Why don't catholics wear condoms?

    Because little boys can't get pregnant.

  • What's worse than finding a hole in your condom?

    Finding a condom in your hole!

  • How do you know when a guy is really in love with his girlfriend?

    When he starts using condoms with other girls.

  • Why did the Irishman wear two condoms?

    To be sure to be sure

  • How about if I put a balloon over it?

    Would you touch it then " -guy who invented condoms

  • Why don't Brazilians wear condoms?

    Because they all pull out.

  • What's the worst thing a girl can wear to bed?

    A condom

  • What's the worst thing that could happen if you don't use a condom?

    Your parents would know!

  • When I walked to the register with the condoms the clerk asked "Would you like a bag?

    I replied "No, she's not that ugly"

  • What separates the men from the boys in the Catholic Church?

    A condom.

  • Why did the blonde guy put ice in his condom?

    A: To keep the swelling down.