Condom Jokes
-
What do you call a condom full of money?
Johnny Cash.
-
What happens when you put a condom inside another condom?
Conception
-
What kind of disease did the guy get when he skipped the condom and plowed a girl with down's syndrome?
Slow clap
-
How do we know God likes condoms?
Because Adam was ribbed for Eve's pleasure
-
What size box of condoms do you never want to buy?
The family size.
-
What Is Difference Between Bomb And Condom.?
What Is Difference Between Bomb And Condom.? In A Bomb Blast Population Decrease.. * But. . * In A Condom Blast Population Increase..!
-
What do you call four condoms who play music together?
A rubber band.
-
What does Kodak film and Condoms have in common?
A. Both are made to capture special moments.
-
Why are condoms like cameras?
they both capture the moment.
-
Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms?
Kids: WE DO! YAY!
-
What's the difference between a condom and the space-time continuum?
There wasn't a hole in my dad's space-time continuum.
-
Why is it prestigious to wear a condom?
It's a members-only jacket.
-
Why did the man wear a frog for a condom?
So he was ribbit for her pleasure.
-
Why does Bob Ross not use a condom?
Because he doesn't make mistakes, only happy little accidents.
-
What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?
Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going.
-
When does 1+1=3?
When you don't use a condom.
-
What do you call that part of the pharmacy where they keep the condoms, birth-control pills, etc.?
The Contrasection.
-
When do Catholics allow the use of condoms?
When the choir boys have diarrhea.
-
What type of condoms does Ronald McDonald use?
McRibbed
-
What does a condom have in common with a coffin?
Ones for coming and ones for going.
-
Why don't catholic priest believe in condoms?
Because little boys can't get pregnant.
-
What do condoms and taxes have in common?
Republicans are against them and democrats want more for schools.
-
What's the thin line between love and hate?
A condom.
-
What do you call a balloon animal made out of a condom?
A Trojan horse.
-
What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
A: They're both filled with stiffs one's coming one's going.
-
Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!
-
How are condoms like cameras?
They capture your special moments.
-
What is a surgeon's excuse for not wearing a condom?
Don't worry baby, I'm sterile.
-
What would have to break to give you 18?
a condom
-
Why did the guitarist keep his condoms in his guitar case?
He only needed them after he'd opened it.
-
What type of condom does Spock use?
Vulcanized rubber!
-
How do you put a condom on a elephant?
You take the c out of ice and the f out of weigh.
-
What do blonde's have against condoms?
A: Their cheeks.
-
What do you call a condom within a condom?
Contraception.
-
How does the stork bring babies?
It pokes holes in condoms.
-
What's worse than getting 7 years of bad luck from breaking a mirror?
Getting a lifetime of bad luck from breaking a condom.
-
What are the most useless items ever invented?
A: Condoms. If you need one, she's too old.
-
How does Justin Beiber remove a condom?
He farts.
-
What is a condom with a hole?
Kinder Surprise
-
Why do they make condoms with ribs?
So you can get traction in the mud.
-
What kind of condoms do frogs wear?
Rib-bed
-
Why are you packing condoms for a sailing trip with 10 guys?
I'm saying "Just in case." Now I'm traveling with a bigger case.
-
Why should you wear a condom when writing C++ code?
It's full of std vectors.
-
What do condoms prevent?
Minivans.
-
Why do Canadians wear tuques?
Because condoms are too brittle at minus 20.
-
What does a camera have in common with a condom?
They both capture that special moment.
-
What does Kodak film and a condom have in common?
They both capture that special moment
-
How does Justin Bieber remove a condom?
He farts.
-
What does a gun, a fire extinguisher, and a condom have in common?
Its better to have it and not need it, then to need it and not have it
-
Why don't gypsies use condoms ?
They have crystal balls so they see it coming.
-
What's the rule for Twitter crushes?
So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.
-
What do you call a guy who wears two condoms?
Justin Case
-
Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.
-
What's the best form of protection when you don't have a condom?
A fake name
-
Why don't catholics wear condoms?
Because little boys can't get pregnant.
-
What's worse than finding a hole in your condom?
Finding a condom in your hole!
-
How do you know when a guy is really in love with his girlfriend?
When he starts using condoms with other girls.
-
Why did the Irishman wear two condoms?
To be sure to be sure
-
How about if I put a balloon over it?
Would you touch it then " -guy who invented condoms
-
Why don't Brazilians wear condoms?
Because they all pull out.
-
What's the worst thing a girl can wear to bed?
A condom
-
What's the worst thing that could happen if you don't use a condom?
Your parents would know!
-
When I walked to the register with the condoms the clerk asked "Would you like a bag?
I replied "No, she's not that ugly"
-
What separates the men from the boys in the Catholic Church?
A condom.
-
Why did the blonde guy put ice in his condom?
A: To keep the swelling down.