Crack Jokes
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How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?
One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.
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What do necrophiliacs and alcoholics have in common?
They both like to crack open a cold one
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What do eggs do for fun?
They crack jokes.
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What is the philosophy of a necrophiliac?
Sit back, relax and crack open a cold one
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How do you crack a joke on r/Jokes?
ctrl+v.
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What did the fish scream when its tank cracked?
Dam-it!"
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What do an alcoholic and a necrophile have in common?
They both like to crack open a cold one.
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What happened to the egg when he was tickled too much?
He cracked up.
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Why should you never tell jokes on the ice?
The ice might crack up! I use this at the beginning of conversations... it's a reall ice breaker.
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How best to save the iPhone from FBI?
Crack it before they hack it.
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Why did Mr humpty dumpy push Mrs humpty dumpy off the wall?
So he could see her crack....
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What do you call someone addicted to both crack and weed?
A rockin' roller.
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What's a crackhead with no drugs?
Crack-a-lacking
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How can u drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?
A: Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.
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Why u bean like this?
SMACK "Don't u carrot all " CRACK
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What's the smartest dinosaur?
Thesaurus Rex! omg, I crack myself up! Skip
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What is similar about a necrophiliac and an alcoholic?
They both like to crack open a cold one
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What's a drug addict's favorite music genre?
Crack rock
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What's the difference between your mom and a drug dealer?
Your mom can wash her crack and re-sell it.
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Why did the pirate have trouble with the alphabet?
Because his 'I' was all jacked up.
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What is the bibliophile's favorite website?
Reddit! Courtesy of my 32 year old boyfriend. He cracks himself up.
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Whats Fred Flintstones favorite drug?
Crack Rock.
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Why don't eggs tell jokes?
Because they would crack each other up.
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How many 1980s R &?
B divas does it take to fix a broken lightbulb? Just one, but they fix the crack by torchlight
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Why did the bacon laugh?
Because the egg cracked a yolk.
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Why are aussie bogans and necrophiliacs the same?
They both want to crack open a cold one.
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How much does a plumber make in an hour?
It depends on how much crack he can produce.
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What happens when an egg laughs?
He cracks up
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Why don't drug addicts hang out at the beach?
They don't like getting sand in their crack.
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What do you call a duck addicted to crack?
A quack head. What is a ducks favorite snack Quackers. Why couldn't the duck drive his car His windshield was quacked.
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Which operetta make the Gorilla crack up?
Nutty Marietta!
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What do lightning bolts do when they laugh?
They crack up
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Who is the KKK's favorite children's character ?
The White-Power Ranger I came up with this after reading a cracked article.
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What's the road construction worker's equivalent of a plumbers crack?
An asphalt
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What did the guy say to the funny drug dealer?
You really crack me up dude!" The drug dealer responds with: "How much "
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What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both love to crack open a cold one.
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Why do seagulls live by the Sea..?
Because if they lived by the Bay, they would be bagels! Honestly this cracked me up when I first heard it.
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Why was the Muslim sad when he bought a pirated disc?
Because the Disc was cracked
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What do a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common?
They both like to crack open a cold one
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What's the difference between a crackhead and a John?
A crackhead buys crack so he can put it into his pipe and burn it. A John pays so that he can put his pipe into a crack that might burn him.
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Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?
Because they're both cracked!
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Why didn't Toronto's mayor tell us earlier about his drug use?
It must have fallen through a crack.
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Why should you tell bad jokes to cocaine addicts?
Because they'll crack up anyways
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How many Chicago Policemen does it take to crack an egg?
None. It fell down the stairs.
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How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?
Please help. There are ten so far and they have invited their gross friends to our home. They are using the broken lightbulb to smoke crack off of.
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What do you call someone who failed rehab?
Back on crack
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Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
Because he wasn't all he was *cracked up* to be.
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What do a carjacker and pervert have in common?
They're always cracking in-ya-windows!
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How do tectonic plates have fun?
They meet up and crack each other up.
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What just cracked?
A guide to aging.
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How do you make a peanut laugh?
A: You crack it up.
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Why did the toilet paper stop crossing the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
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What do women and Slinkies have in common?
Not much, but you can't help but crack a smile when see some tumbling down the stairs.
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What did the eskimo say when her water broke?
Oh no, my ice cracked!
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Why is crack a "Rock"?
Because it's as hard to get off as Alcatraz.
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What do crack addicts sing while caroling?
All I Want for Christmas is my two front teeth!
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Why does a dinosaur have cracks between his toes?
To carry his library card.
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Why can't an egg ever be in charge?
Because they crack under pressure.
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How can you a drop a egg on concrete without cracking it?
Anyway you want. Concrete doesn't break easily.
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What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?
I've been really stressed out lately, I know it's not your fault, but please stop cracking jokes about me
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Whatever happened to silk underwear?
A: Fell through the cracks.
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Why did the egg spill his guts at an AA meeting?
He was addicted to crack.
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Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?
It didn't want to get stuck in any cracks.
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Why roboticize vacuuming?
It's all instant gratification. It's the crack of cleaning.
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What's the difference between an egg and Elliot Rodger?
An egg gets laid before it cracks.
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How do you define necrophilia?
The urge to crack open a cold one
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What do alcoholics and necropheliacs have in common?
They both love to crack open a cold one.
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What did the daddy salt say to his son?
Stop cracking your NaCles."
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What do me and a mirror have in common?
A.When we see your face we both crack up!
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What do you call the urge to crack open a cold one?
Necrophilia.
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What did the painter say to the wall?
A: One more crack, and I'll plaster you.
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What happened to the egg when it heard the joke?
It cracked.
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How are an alcoholic and necrophiliac similar?
Both enjoy cracking open a cold one.
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Why are homeless people always laughing?
Because they crack themselves up!
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Why did the kids tell jokes to the mirror?
They wanted to see it crack up!
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Why was the egg laughing when it fell off the table?
Because it cracked itself up.
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What drug is most destructive with phones?
Crack.
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Why was Kim Kardashian arrested at the airport?
She had two pounds of crack in her knickers.