Date Jokes
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What's the best part about dating a homeless women?
You can drop her off anywhere.
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Why are air hostesses bad at dating?
Most men aren't interested in **plane** women.
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What did the computer say to the pirate?
Want to date hot Russians!
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What is the best thing about dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
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What's the difference between the calendar and you?
A calendar has a date on Valentine's day.
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What did the one electron say to the other when it asked it out on a date?
Get outta here, I'm not attracted to you!
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Why should I date you?
Girl - Give me 1 good reason, why I should date you? Guy - I'll give you 69.
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What excuse did the unemployed cellist give for going dutch with his date?
He's flat Baroque...
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What's the best thing about dating a homeless woman?
When ur done, u can drop her off anywhere.
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What did the mushroom say on his dating profile?
I'm a fungi!
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How did the raisin have fun at the movies?
It took a date....
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When is the only time a white NFL wide receiver is a good thing?
When your sister tells you she's dating an NFL wide receiver.
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Where's the best place to go on the first date?
All the way
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How was your date?
She hated my poncho.
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Where do lightning bolts go on dates?
To cloud 9
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Why couldn't the traffic light get a date?
She was wearing no turn on red. :
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Why should you date a girl who is good with her hands and plays soccer?
Because she's probably a keeper.
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How did you know that the janitors were dating?
They were caught sweeping together.
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What did the fisherman do on his date?
Netfish and krill
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Whats a farmers best dating advice?
A tractor
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Why did Superman dump Lois for Wonder Woman?
He decided he wanted to date someone in the same League.
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How did the date go?
Not good. Aww what went wrong -*thinks back to accidentally popping a zit into her soup* She just wasn't my type.
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Why can't Kylo Ren get a date?
Because he has always Ben Solo.
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Why did the investment bankers start dating?
Compound interest
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What do I and Y2K have in common?
Neither of us can get a date right
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Why can't rock climbing instructors get dates?
Because they rappel men and women.
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Why was Harry Potter hufflepuffed after his date with Hermione?
She wouldn't let his ravenclaw slytherin her Gryffindor.
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Why can't you take a pig out on a date?
Because she will squeal on you.
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What's the best part about dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere!!
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What's the best thing about dating a homeless chick?
You can drop her off anywhere!
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Why did this OkCupid user never go out on a date?
A. "I couldn't imagine a date could be interested in knowing about me more than this website"
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What do you call 2 lambs dating?
A relationSHEEP.
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What did Mr. Freeze do with his wife on their first date?
Netflix and chill.
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What do Iraqi men do that gets them laid on the first date?
They give their women awesome Dinar.
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What happened when the Malaysian asked the Russian out on a date?
He got shot down.
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What do your internal organs call their dating life?
Their homie-hoe-status
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Why shouldn't you kiss someone on January 1st?
because its the first date
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Why couldn't the woman date a German man?
Because she was Klaustrophobic!
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What does 7-11 have in common with women?
Both of their eggs have sell-by dates.
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What does a person with no arms and a guy dating a vegetarian have in common?
They both get toe food
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How to have an unforgettable date?
1. Have a date. 2. Try not to forget it.
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Why did the chicken dance with a fig?
It couldn't get a date.
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Why should you never date an atom?
The split is gonna be explosive
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What's on your mind?
it's like dating someone with low self-esteem.
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Whats the difference between me and a calendar?
A calendar has dates.
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What did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date?
Shore.
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What do you get when you subtract the date and time that Tony Stark built an AI from the current date and time?
The Age Of Ultron.
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How do you call it when a girl kicks a boy in the groin during the first date?
Premature emasculation.
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Why should you never take a pig out on a date?
She might squeal on you.
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Why do dinosaurs use Christian dating sites?
Because they can lie about their age!
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What app do nervous ppl order on dates?
Chicken Tinders.
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How do you know you are dating a women, not a girl?
A girl has no name.
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What's the best part about dating a homeless chick?
You can drop her off wherever.
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Why did the strawberry go out with the pineapple?
Because he couldn't get a date!
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Whats the best thing about dating a Cleveland Cavaliers fan?
They never expect a ring
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How do you reply when someone on /r/askscience asks you on a date?
deleted
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What did Jay Z call his girlfriend when they were dating?
A Feyonce
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How does a SQL expert get a date?
getDate() (I really hope this doesn't do well, so cheap, so stupid, just had to write it when I thought of it)
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What's the best part about dating twenty two year olds?
There are 20 of them.
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How can working with cow hide act in your favor on a first date?
As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.
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Why did the Raisin take a Prune to the Prom?
Because he couldn't find a Date!
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Why couldn't the banana get a date?
It didn't have a peel.
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What do you call it when one piece of coal asks another piece of coal out to dinner?
Carbon dating.
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Why couldn't the Chinese geologist find a date?
He was vehemently opposed to wrong rocks on the beach.
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What do you call a bunch of dead black people in a barn?
A: Out dated farming equipment.
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What do you call a dating service for lumberjacks?
Timbr
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What would be a good dating site for rednecks ?
MyHeritage.com
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What's a calender's favorite fruit?
Dates.
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Why was the whale lonely after his date?
The other whale didn't humpback.
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Why did Sally the stripper stop dating the guitar player?
He kept trying to tune her G string.
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What does a Texan do if he breaks up with his girl friend?
He dates his other sister.
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What's the worst single thing you could do to someone?
Start dating them
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Why couldn't Princess Leia get any dates?
She was looking for Alderaan men.
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Why did the plant use a dating service?
To find its stomate!
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What's the best part about dating 26 year olds?
There's twenty of them.
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What did the mushroom put in his bio for the online dating service?
Im a fungi
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Why did I need to bring a shovel on my first date?
Clearly the chloroform wasn't enough.
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How do you ruin a date with Princess Leia?
By saying Alderaan things.
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Why did the Pasta join a dating website?
Because he was cannelloni.
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What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
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What's the worst part about dating a Japanese girl?
When you break up with her, you have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
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What did the raisin see when she came home early from work?
Her husband on a date.
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How do you tell a lonely geologist from a social one?
The lonely one dated igneous rocks!
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Why is the dating app called Tinder?
When you left-swipe, all of your matches go up in flames.
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When I was young I wanted to date a doctor for money. Can you believe how superficial I was?
Now I would date him for the prescriptions.
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Why do Americans order their dates Month/Day/Year?
Because 11/9 just doesn't have the same ring to it.
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Why should you never date a vegan girl?
She won't swallow.
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What is the most popular dating website in the south?
Ancestry.com
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Why is it better to date a woman with heavy thighs during the winter?
Your ears stay warmer.
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What is Josh Duggar's second favorite dating website after Ashley-Madison?
Ancestry.com
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What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
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How many trains have you derailed to date?
I replied "It's hard to keep track."
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How's your love life?
Well, I went on a date. 45 minutes in I realized it was a turtle in a wig. "I'm sorry man" it's ok. still got laid.
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What's the downside to dating a Mermaid?
Her clam smells like fish!
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What do you call a dating app for neckbeards?
Tipper.
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What's the difference between fishing and dating?
In one you don't want to jerk the hook, but in the other you don't want to hook the jerk.
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How do you date a ghost?
You 'WOOOO' him!
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When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME leans across Oh really?
DATE: Yes
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How many children do I want to have?
Kind of a weird question for a first date, but umm I guess enough to finish the temple
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Why did the punctuation mark have such an easy time going out with other punctuation marks?
It was a comma dating.
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Why are informaticians always confusing the dates of christmas and halloween?
Because OCT 31 is the same as DEC 25.
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What happens on the first date with Bill Cosby?
I don't remember
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What's the best part of dating 29 year olds?
There's 20 of them. (More funny out loud)
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Why do single people take dating advice from other single people?
That's like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions.
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What did the Siamese twins from Iowa tell their date?
It's February 1st. You going to caucas or not
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What is the worst thing about dating a Japanese girl?
You have to drop da bomb on her twice
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What did the organic chemist use tinder for?
Carbon dating.
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What is your date of birth?
Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year " Witness: "Every year."
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How do dating sites in Alabama save money?
They link to Ancestry.com
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What is the date in Germany/Brasil in about a month from now?
Germany/Brasil 7-1
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Why shouldn't you date a tennis player?
Because love means nothing to them.
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How can working with cow hide help on a first date?
As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.
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Why can't iron oxide get a date?
Porque es FeO Little bilingual chemistry joke for you guys.
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What did Miss Piggy say to Kermit at the end of their first date?
Nothing. She had a frog in her throat.
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Why shouldn't you kiss anybody on New Years Day?
Because it's the first date.
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What did the Baskin-Robbins manager say to the employee that wanted to date a co-worker?
Don't poop where you scoop.
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Why is it a bad idea to date a girl from the leper colony ?
Whenever they get upset, they cry their eyes out.
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What's it called when a smell dates his sister?
Incense!
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Why do programmers like to concatenate time stamps?
It's the only way they can get a string of dates.
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Why should you never date someone with a lazy-eye...?
Because you never know if they're seeing someone on the side.
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What's a redneck's favorite dating website?
Ancestry.com
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What do you call it when two bottles of lotion start dating?
A re-lotion-ship.
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What's the best part of dating 28 year olds?
There's 20 of them!
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What do you call a Muslim Girl dating an Agnostic Guy?
For safety purposes, I don't know if I should tell you her name..
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What happened to the two zombies who went on a date?
They had a mantic** time.
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What's the best part about dating a twin?
Nobody can judge you on your age difference.
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How can people get engaged after dating less than a year?
You haven't seen their fall wardrobe yet and tbh it could be a deal breaker
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What are you doing?
Are you writing down everything I'm saying ! IS THIS GONNA BE A SONG ! !" -anyone dating Taylor Swift
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Why did the airport luggage checker refuse to date the depressed man?
he had to much baggage
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How'd the date go?
Not good. Too many red flags. *Flashback to her house being covered with USSR flags* I think she might be a communist.
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Why didn't the girl go on a date with the artist?
Because he was sketchy.
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Why did the raisin go out with a prune?
He couldn't get a date!
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Why are all the archaeologists single?
Because they cant find dates
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Whats the best part about dating a black girl?
You rarely have to meet their dad.
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Why should you never date a tennis player?
Because love means nothing to them.
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When is being an "Alpha" not a good thing in the dating world?
When you are a type of radiation. No one wants someone who can't penetrate well.
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Why won't a woman sleep with you after a date at Burger King?
Because you have to court her before you pound her.
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What do you call two diamonds in a healthy relationship?
Carbon dating
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How do you know if a girl is dating a vampire?
They only wanna go down on her once a month
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What's the best thing about dating twenty nine year olds?
The get all you '90s references.
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Why couldn't the Tuba player get a date?
He was too low key.
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What's the best month for dating?
Sep-tinder!
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Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
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What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?
The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.
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Why did the strawberry take the fig to the movies?
Because he couldn't find a date!
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How do you get a date on Tinder?
Seriously guys, I've been trying for months so if anyone have any useful tips it would be much appreciated.
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Where do wind gusts go to on dates?
To Chicago
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What's the best part of dating a quadriplegic?
Spinning her like a top when she rides you cowboy style.
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Why is a dance like a bowl of cereal?
They are both more enjoyable with dates!
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Why did Jesus take three days to resurrect after dying on the cross?
Because the date wasn't nailed down.
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What does Reddit and Dating have in common?
It wastes your time and you walk away with either tears or a slight chuckle.
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Why couldn't the expert fisherman get any dates?
Because he said he was a master baiter.
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What's it called when a super model wants to date an accountant?
Wishful thinking. Obviously
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What's the difference between dating a redhead and putting your hand in a blender?
Answer: There's always a 50/50 chance the blender isn't on
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What do whales do on dates?
Netflix and Krill
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Why should you date a Greek woman?
They don't like pulling out.
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What date is it today?
2nd April. Ha!! April fool!
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Why did the baker only date large breasted women?
Because he kneaded them.
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What do history teachers make when they want to get together?
Dates!
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What do you do on a date with a feminist?
Split the bill.
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What's the dating scene like at MIT?
Carbon-14 is the most common method, I believe.
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How do you impress a baker when you're taking his daughter on a date?
Bring her flours
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What did the donuts do on their date?
They glazed into each other's eyes
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What brings you to speed dating?
Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.
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What's India's most popular dating service?
Connect the Dots.
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Why did the raisin take the prune to the new year's ball?
Because he couldn't find a date!
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What did the bear say to her date?
I'll be down in a minute I'm bearly dressed"
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How does Rhianna look after a date with Chris Brown?
White and gold.
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What do you call always having a date for New Year's Eve?
Social Security.
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What is the date in Germany/Brasil today?
7-1. (world cup)
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How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.
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What do you call an elephant that doesn't keep up to date?
irrelephant
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When I was young, I wanted to date a doctor for money. How superficial was that?
Now it would be for the prescriptions.
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What did Helen Keller's friend say to her?
offensive) You should try blind dating.
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What does Mr. Miyagi do when he gets home from a date?
He wax off
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What's your favorite movie?
DATE: Girl Interupt- ME: *drops fork* What is it DATE: Girl Interu- ME: *burps* Sorry. Go on. DATE: Fargo
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What does the date inside of a wedding ring stand for?
best before...
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What's the best part about dating a terminally ill cancer patient?
They are their own birth control
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Why is it hard dating an astronaut?
Because they have space issues.
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What's the best part about dating a homeless chick ?
You can drop her off anywhere
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What is an out of date joke you still remember?
One from the 90's: What do you call a little burro A Burrito. What do you call a little taco A Taquito What do you call a little judge A Judge Ito