Date Jokes

  • What's the best part about dating a homeless women?

    You can drop her off anywhere.

  • Why are air hostesses bad at dating?

    Most men aren't interested in **plane** women.

  • What did the computer say to the pirate?

    Want to date hot Russians!

  • What is the best thing about dating a homeless girl?

    You can drop her off anywhere.

  • What's the difference between the calendar and you?

    A calendar has a date on Valentine's day.

  • What did the one electron say to the other when it asked it out on a date?

    Get outta here, I'm not attracted to you!

  • Why should I date you?

    Girl - Give me 1 good reason, why I should date you? Guy - I'll give you 69.

  • What excuse did the unemployed cellist give for going dutch with his date?

    He's flat Baroque...

  • What's the best thing about dating a homeless woman?

    When ur done, u can drop her off anywhere.

  • What did the mushroom say on his dating profile?

    I'm a fungi!

  • How did the raisin have fun at the movies?

    It took a date....

  • When is the only time a white NFL wide receiver is a good thing?

    When your sister tells you she's dating an NFL wide receiver.

  • Where's the best place to go on the first date?

    All the way

  • How was your date?

    She hated my poncho.

  • Where do lightning bolts go on dates?

    To cloud 9

  • Why couldn't the traffic light get a date?

    She was wearing no turn on red. :

  • Why should you date a girl who is good with her hands and plays soccer?

    Because she's probably a keeper.

  • How did you know that the janitors were dating?

    They were caught sweeping together.

  • What did the fisherman do on his date?

    Netfish and krill

  • Whats a farmers best dating advice?

    A tractor

  • Why did Superman dump Lois for Wonder Woman?

    He decided he wanted to date someone in the same League.

  • How did the date go?

    Not good. Aww what went wrong -*thinks back to accidentally popping a zit into her soup* She just wasn't my type.

  • Why can't Kylo Ren get a date?

    Because he has always Ben Solo.

  • Why did the investment bankers start dating?

    Compound interest

  • What do I and Y2K have in common?

    Neither of us can get a date right

  • Why can't rock climbing instructors get dates?

    Because they rappel men and women.

  • Why was Harry Potter hufflepuffed after his date with Hermione?

    She wouldn't let his ravenclaw slytherin her Gryffindor.

  • Why can't you take a pig out on a date?

    Because she will squeal on you.

  • What's the best part about dating a homeless girl?

    You can drop her off anywhere!!

  • What's the best thing about dating a homeless chick?

    You can drop her off anywhere!

  • Why did this OkCupid user never go out on a date?

    A. "I couldn't imagine a date could be interested in knowing about me more than this website"

  • What do you call 2 lambs dating?

    A relationSHEEP.

  • What did Mr. Freeze do with his wife on their first date?

    Netflix and chill.

  • What do Iraqi men do that gets them laid on the first date?

    They give their women awesome Dinar.

  • What happened when the Malaysian asked the Russian out on a date?

    He got shot down.

  • What do your internal organs call their dating life?

    Their homie-hoe-status

  • Why shouldn't you kiss someone on January 1st?

    because its the first date

  • Why couldn't the woman date a German man?

    Because she was Klaustrophobic!

  • What does 7-11 have in common with women?

    Both of their eggs have sell-by dates.

  • What does a person with no arms and a guy dating a vegetarian have in common?

    They both get toe food

  • How to have an unforgettable date?

    1. Have a date. 2. Try not to forget it.

  • Why did the chicken dance with a fig?

    It couldn't get a date.

  • Why should you never date an atom?

    The split is gonna be explosive

  • What's on your mind?

    it's like dating someone with low self-esteem.

  • Whats the difference between me and a calendar?

    A calendar has dates.

  • What did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date?


  • What do you get when you subtract the date and time that Tony Stark built an AI from the current date and time?

    The Age Of Ultron.

  • How do you call it when a girl kicks a boy in the groin during the first date?

    Premature emasculation.

  • Why should you never take a pig out on a date?

    She might squeal on you.

  • Why do dinosaurs use Christian dating sites?

    Because they can lie about their age!

  • What app do nervous ppl order on dates?

    Chicken Tinders.

  • How do you know you are dating a women, not a girl?

    A girl has no name.

  • What's the best part about dating a homeless chick?

    You can drop her off wherever.

  • Why did the strawberry go out with the pineapple?

    Because he couldn't get a date!

  • Whats the best thing about dating a Cleveland Cavaliers fan?

    They never expect a ring

  • How do you reply when someone on /r/askscience asks you on a date?


  • What did Jay Z call his girlfriend when they were dating?

    A Feyonce

  • How does a SQL expert get a date?

    getDate() (I really hope this doesn't do well, so cheap, so stupid, just had to write it when I thought of it)

  • What's the best part about dating twenty two year olds?

    There are 20 of them.

  • How can working with cow hide act in your favor on a first date?

    As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.

  • Why did the Raisin take a Prune to the Prom?

    Because he couldn't find a Date!

  • Why couldn't the banana get a date?

    It didn't have a peel.

  • What do you call it when one piece of coal asks another piece of coal out to dinner?

    Carbon dating.

  • Why couldn't the Chinese geologist find a date?

    He was vehemently opposed to wrong rocks on the beach.

  • What do you call a bunch of dead black people in a barn?

    A: Out dated farming equipment.

  • What do you call a dating service for lumberjacks?


  • What would be a good dating site for rednecks ?

  • What's a calender's favorite fruit?


  • Why was the whale lonely after his date?

    The other whale didn't humpback.

  • Why did Sally the stripper stop dating the guitar player?

    He kept trying to tune her G string.

  • What does a Texan do if he breaks up with his girl friend?

    He dates his other sister.

  • What's the worst single thing you could do to someone?

    Start dating them

  • Why couldn't Princess Leia get any dates?

    She was looking for Alderaan men.

  • Why did the plant use a dating service?

    To find its stomate!

  • What's the best part about dating 26 year olds?

    There's twenty of them.

  • What did the mushroom put in his bio for the online dating service?

    Im a fungi

  • Why did I need to bring a shovel on my first date?

    Clearly the chloroform wasn't enough.

  • How do you ruin a date with Princess Leia?

    By saying Alderaan things.

  • Why did the Pasta join a dating website?

    Because he was cannelloni.

  • What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?

    I think we should sea otter people.

  • What's the worst part about dating a Japanese girl?

    When you break up with her, you have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

  • What did the raisin see when she came home early from work?

    Her husband on a date.

  • How do you tell a lonely geologist from a social one?

    The lonely one dated igneous rocks!

  • Why is the dating app called Tinder?

    When you left-swipe, all of your matches go up in flames.

  • When I was young I wanted to date a doctor for money. Can you believe how superficial I was?

    Now I would date him for the prescriptions.

  • Why do Americans order their dates Month/Day/Year?

    Because 11/9 just doesn't have the same ring to it.

  • Why should you never date a vegan girl?

    She won't swallow.

  • What is the most popular dating website in the south?

  • Why is it better to date a woman with heavy thighs during the winter?

    Your ears stay warmer.

  • What is Josh Duggar's second favorite dating website after Ashley-Madison?

  • What does a man of 35 think of?

    Dating children.

  • How many trains have you derailed to date?

    I replied "It's hard to keep track."

  • How's your love life?

    Well, I went on a date. 45 minutes in I realized it was a turtle in a wig. "I'm sorry man" it's ok. still got laid.

  • What's the downside to dating a Mermaid?

    Her clam smells like fish!

  • What do you call a dating app for neckbeards?


  • What's the difference between fishing and dating?

    In one you don't want to jerk the hook, but in the other you don't want to hook the jerk.

  • How do you date a ghost?

    You 'WOOOO' him!

  • When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME leans across Oh really?

    DATE: Yes

  • How many children do I want to have?

    Kind of a weird question for a first date, but umm I guess enough to finish the temple

  • Why did the punctuation mark have such an easy time going out with other punctuation marks?

    It was a comma dating.

  • Why are informaticians always confusing the dates of christmas and halloween?

    Because OCT 31 is the same as DEC 25.

  • What happens on the first date with Bill Cosby?

    I don't remember

  • What's the best part of dating 29 year olds?

    There's 20 of them. (More funny out loud)

  • Why do single people take dating advice from other single people?

    That's like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions.

  • What did the Siamese twins from Iowa tell their date?

    It's February 1st. You going to caucas or not

  • What is the worst thing about dating a Japanese girl?

    You have to drop da bomb on her twice

  • What did the organic chemist use tinder for?

    Carbon dating.

  • What is your date of birth?

    Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year " Witness: "Every year."

  • How do dating sites in Alabama save money?

    They link to

  • What is the date in Germany/Brasil in about a month from now?

    Germany/Brasil 7-1

  • Why shouldn't you date a tennis player?

    Because love means nothing to them.

  • How can working with cow hide help on a first date?

    As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.

  • Why can't iron oxide get a date?

    Porque es FeO Little bilingual chemistry joke for you guys.

  • What did Miss Piggy say to Kermit at the end of their first date?

    Nothing. She had a frog in her throat.

  • Why shouldn't you kiss anybody on New Years Day?

    Because it's the first date.

  • What did the Baskin-Robbins manager say to the employee that wanted to date a co-worker?

    Don't poop where you scoop.

  • Why is it a bad idea to date a girl from the leper colony ?

    Whenever they get upset, they cry their eyes out.

  • What's it called when a smell dates his sister?


  • Why do programmers like to concatenate time stamps?

    It's the only way they can get a string of dates.

  • Why should you never date someone with a lazy-eye...?

    Because you never know if they're seeing someone on the side.

  • What's a redneck's favorite dating website?

  • What do you call it when two bottles of lotion start dating?

    A re-lotion-ship.

  • What's the best part of dating 28 year olds?

    There's 20 of them!

  • What do you call a Muslim Girl dating an Agnostic Guy?

    For safety purposes, I don't know if I should tell you her name..

  • What happened to the two zombies who went on a date?

    They had a mantic** time.

  • What's the best part about dating a twin?

    Nobody can judge you on your age difference.

  • How can people get engaged after dating less than a year?

    You haven't seen their fall wardrobe yet and tbh it could be a deal breaker

  • What are you doing?

    Are you writing down everything I'm saying ! IS THIS GONNA BE A SONG ! !" -anyone dating Taylor Swift

  • Why did the airport luggage checker refuse to date the depressed man?

    he had to much baggage

  • How'd the date go?

    Not good. Too many red flags. *Flashback to her house being covered with USSR flags* I think she might be a communist.

  • Why didn't the girl go on a date with the artist?

    Because he was sketchy.

  • Why did the raisin go out with a prune?

    He couldn't get a date!

  • Why are all the archaeologists single?

    Because they cant find dates

  • Whats the best part about dating a black girl?

    You rarely have to meet their dad.

  • Why should you never date a tennis player?

    Because love means nothing to them.

  • When is being an "Alpha" not a good thing in the dating world?

    When you are a type of radiation. No one wants someone who can't penetrate well.

  • Why won't a woman sleep with you after a date at Burger King?

    Because you have to court her before you pound her.

  • What do you call two diamonds in a healthy relationship?

    Carbon dating

  • How do you know if a girl is dating a vampire?

    They only wanna go down on her once a month

  • What's the best thing about dating twenty nine year olds?

    The get all you '90s references.

  • Why couldn't the Tuba player get a date?

    He was too low key.

  • What's the best month for dating?


  • Why did the banana go out with the prune?

    Because he couldn't find a date.

  • What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?

    The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.

  • Why did the strawberry take the fig to the movies?

    Because he couldn't find a date!

  • How do you get a date on Tinder?

    Seriously guys, I've been trying for months so if anyone have any useful tips it would be much appreciated.

  • Where do wind gusts go to on dates?

    To Chicago

  • What's the best part of dating a quadriplegic?

    Spinning her like a top when she rides you cowboy style.

  • Why is a dance like a bowl of cereal?

    They are both more enjoyable with dates!

  • Why did Jesus take three days to resurrect after dying on the cross?

    Because the date wasn't nailed down.

  • What does Reddit and Dating have in common?

    It wastes your time and you walk away with either tears or a slight chuckle.

  • Why couldn't the expert fisherman get any dates?

    Because he said he was a master baiter.

  • What's it called when a super model wants to date an accountant?

    Wishful thinking. Obviously

  • What's the difference between dating a redhead and putting your hand in a blender?

    Answer: There's always a 50/50 chance the blender isn't on

  • What do whales do on dates?

    Netflix and Krill

  • Why should you date a Greek woman?

    They don't like pulling out.

  • What date is it today?

    2nd April. Ha!! April fool!

  • Why did the baker only date large breasted women?

    Because he kneaded them.

  • What do history teachers make when they want to get together?


  • What do you do on a date with a feminist?

    Split the bill.

  • What's the dating scene like at MIT?

    Carbon-14 is the most common method, I believe.

  • How do you impress a baker when you're taking his daughter on a date?

    Bring her flours

  • What did the donuts do on their date?

    They glazed into each other's eyes

  • What brings you to speed dating?

    Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.

  • What's India's most popular dating service?

    Connect the Dots.

  • Why did the raisin take the prune to the new year's ball?

    Because he couldn't find a date!

  • What did the bear say to her date?

    I'll be down in a minute I'm bearly dressed"

  • How does Rhianna look after a date with Chris Brown?

    White and gold.

  • What do you call always having a date for New Year's Eve?

    Social Security.

  • What is the date in Germany/Brasil today?

    7-1. (world cup)

  • How can you tell when a blonde is dating?

    A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

  • What do you call an elephant that doesn't keep up to date?


  • When I was young, I wanted to date a doctor for money. How superficial was that?

    Now it would be for the prescriptions.

  • What did Helen Keller's friend say to her?

    offensive) You should try blind dating.

  • What does Mr. Miyagi do when he gets home from a date?

    He wax off

  • What's your favorite movie?

    DATE: Girl Interupt- ME: *drops fork* What is it DATE: Girl Interu- ME: *burps* Sorry. Go on. DATE: Fargo

  • What does the date inside of a wedding ring stand for?

    best before...

  • What's the best part about dating a terminally ill cancer patient?

    They are their own birth control

  • Why is it hard dating an astronaut?

    Because they have space issues.

  • What's the best part about dating a homeless chick ?

    You can drop her off anywhere

  • What is an out of date joke you still remember?

    One from the 90's: What do you call a little burro A Burrito. What do you call a little taco A Taquito What do you call a little judge A Judge Ito