Definition Jokes
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What's the definition of a Mistress?
Oh, I don't know. Probably something between a Mister and a mattress.
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What's the definition of "de javu"?
Jokes on
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What's the definition of a 68?
That's when you blow me and I owe you 1.
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What's the definition of a school report?
A poison pen letter from the principal.
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What's the definition of "Trust"?
Two cannibals giving each other head
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What is the definition of 'making love'?
Something a woman does while a guy is f***ing her.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides.
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What's the definition of a Wookiee?
Someone who doesn't have any expewience
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How many philosophers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It depends on the definition of lightbulb.
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What's the definition of irony?
An incongruity between expectation and result.
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What's the definition of eternity?
Four blondes waiting at a four way stop.
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What is the definition of a goose ?
An animal that grows down as it grows up !
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What is the definition of a caterpillar ?
A worm in a fur coat !
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What's the definition of a nervous breakdown ?
A chameleon on a tartan rug !
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What's the definition of a tree?
Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
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What's the definition of the perfect woman?
Four feet tall, fold back teeth, flat head so you can rest your beer on it, and turns into a pizza at midnight.
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What is the definition of Robin ?
A bird who steals !
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What's the definition of gross?
Two vampires fighting over a used tampon
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What's the definition of a redneck virgin?
A 7 year-old girl who can run faster than her brothers.
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What is the definition of stalking?
When two people takes a long, romantic walk on the beach, but only one of them knows about it
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What's the definition of mixed emotions?
When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
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What is the definition of "moon"?
The past tense of "moo"!
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What is the definition of diplomacy?
The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
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What is the definition of "derange"?
De place where de cowboys ride!
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How can you tell if a dictionary has been working out?
You can see the definition.
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What is the definition of a polar bear?
A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation.
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What's the definition of a nerd?
A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.
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What's the definition of divorce?
The screwing you get for the screwing you got!
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What's the definition of Polystyrene?
A plastic parrot!
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What is the definition of a semicolon?
Something I usually have after a long night of drinking.
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What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?
A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!
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What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
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What's the definition of a cannibal?
Some who goes into a restaurant and orders a waiter!
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What's the definition of innocence?
A nun working in a condom factory thinking she's making sleeping bags for mice.
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What's the definition of endless love?
Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis.
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What is the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a blow iob.
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What's the definition of a healthy virgin?
A: "One who has never been bed-ridden!"
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What's te definition of a bachelor pad?
A. All the house plants are dead but there's something growing in the refrigerator.
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What is the definition of a farmer!?
Someone who is out-standing in his field!
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What is the definition of masurbation?
Coming unscrewed
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What is the definition of a Barbarian?
It's someone who cuts hair in a library.
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What do the English and Welsh have in common?
Kids are their definition of a good time.
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What is the definition of an optimist?
A: An accordion player with a pager.
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What is the definition of a minor 2nd chord?
Two flutists playing in unison.
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What is the definition of a farmer?
Someone who is outstanding in his field. Credit: Laffy Taffy
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What is the definition of a Yankee?
A Yankee is the same as a quickie except you're by yourself
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What is the definition of a Freudian slip?
when you say one thing and mean a mother. Don't remember where I heard it. Haven't read it here yet.
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What's the definition of a good actor?
Somebody who tries hard to be everybody but himself.
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What's the definition of a quarter tone?
A. A bagpiper tuning his drones.
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What is the definition of a good farmer?
A man outstanding in his field.
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Whats the definition of love true love and showing off?
Spitting swallowing and gargling.
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What do you get a body builder for Christmas?
A dictionary, so they get plenty of definition.
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What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?
Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.
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What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a "quickie" only you do it yourself.
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What's the definition of Parity?
Two parrots exactly the same!
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What's the definition of a will?
It's a dead giveaway.
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What is the definition of a major seventh?
A: A violist playing octaves.
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Why did the bodybuilder buy a dictionary?
Because he wanted to get more definition.
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What's the definition of a narrow squeak ?
A thin mouse !
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What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
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What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her.
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What's the definition of apathy?
I don't know, and I don't care.
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What's the definition of Necrophilia?
The urge to pop a cold one.
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What is the definition of irony?
Having a democratic debate in a city that was destroyed by over 50 years of democratic rule.
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What is the definition of torque?
When you wake up in the morning with an erection so stiff, that when you bend it down to take a leak, your legs kick back and you hit your head on the toilet.
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What's the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your vasectomy.
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How do you get a fire started?
You burn some fagots Look up the definition before commenting/down voting...
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What's the definition of awful?
Putting a bomb on a disabled person's back and telling him to run.
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What's the definition of a mere myth?
A pirate ship thailing clothe to an itheberg
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What's the definition of a Polygamist?
Pupil: A parrot with more than one wife!
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What is the definition of a Wife?
An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.
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What's the definition of a surprise?
A fart with a lump in it