Definition Jokes

What's the definition of a Mistress?
Oh, I don't know. Probably something between a Mister and a mattress.

What's the definition of "de javu"?
Jokes on

What's the definition of a 68?
That's when you blow me and I owe you 1.

What's the definition of a school report?
A poison pen letter from the principal.

What's the definition of "Trust"?
Two cannibals giving each other head

What is the definition of 'making love'?
Something a woman does while a guy is f***ing her.

What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides.

What's the definition of a Wookiee?
Someone who doesn't have any expewience

How many philosophers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It depends on the definition of lightbulb.

What's the definition of irony?
An incongruity between expectation and result.

What's the definition of eternity?
Four blondes waiting at a four way stop.

What is the definition of a goose ?
An animal that grows down as it grows up !

What is the definition of a caterpillar ?
A worm in a fur coat !

What's the definition of a nervous breakdown ?
A chameleon on a tartan rug !

What's the definition of a tree?
Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.

What's the definition of the perfect woman?
Four feet tall, fold back teeth, flat head so you can rest your beer on it, and turns into a pizza at midnight.

What is the definition of Robin ?
A bird who steals !

What's the definition of gross?
Two vampires fighting over a used tampon

What's the definition of a redneck virgin?
A 7 yearold girl who can run faster than her brothers.

What is the definition of stalking?
When two people takes a long, romantic walk on the beach, but only one of them knows about it

What's the definition of mixed emotions?
When you see your motherinlaw backing off a cliff in your brand new car.

What is the definition of "moon"?
The past tense of "moo"!

What is the definition of diplomacy?
The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.

What is the definition of "derange"?
De place where de cowboys ride!

How can you tell if a dictionary has been working out?
You can see the definition.

What is the definition of a polar bear?
A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation.

What's the definition of a nerd?
A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.

What's the definition of divorce?
The screwing you get for the screwing you got!

What's the definition of Polystyrene?
A plastic parrot!

What is the definition of a semicolon?
Something I usually have after a long night of drinking.

What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?
A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!

What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

What's the definition of a cannibal?
Some who goes into a restaurant and orders a waiter!

What's the definition of innocence?
A nun working in a condom factory thinking she's making sleeping bags for mice.

What's the definition of endless love?
Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis.

What is the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a blow iob.

What's the definition of a healthy virgin?
A: "One who has never been bedridden!"

What's te definition of a bachelor pad?
A. All the house plants are dead but there's something growing in the refrigerator.

What is the definition of a farmer!?
Someone who is outstanding in his field!

What is the definition of masurbation?
Coming unscrewed

What is the definition of a Barbarian?
It's someone who cuts hair in a library.

What do the English and Welsh have in common?
Kids are their definition of a good time.

What is the definition of an optimist?
A: An accordion player with a pager.

What is the definition of a minor 2nd chord?
Two flutists playing in unison.

What is the definition of a farmer?
Someone who is outstanding in his field. Credit: Laffy Taffy

What is the definition of a Yankee?
A Yankee is the same as a quickie except you're by yourself

What is the definition of a Freudian slip?
when you say one thing and mean a mother. Don't remember where I heard it. Haven't read it here yet.

What's the definition of a good actor?
Somebody who tries hard to be everybody but himself.

What's the definition of a quarter tone?
A. A bagpiper tuning his drones.

What is the definition of a good farmer?
A man outstanding in his field.

Whats the definition of love true love and showing off?
Spitting swallowing and gargling.

What do you get a body builder for Christmas?
A dictionary, so they get plenty of definition.

What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.

What's the definition of a gentleman?
Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.

What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a "quickie" only you do it yourself.

What's the definition of Parity?
Two parrots exactly the same!

What's the definition of a will?
It's a dead giveaway.

What is the definition of a major seventh?
A: A violist playing octaves.

Why did the bodybuilder buy a dictionary?
Because he wanted to get more definition.

What's the definition of a narrow squeak ?
A thin mouse !

What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her.

What's the definition of apathy?
I don't know, and I don't care.

What's the definition of Necrophilia?
The urge to pop a cold one.

What is the definition of irony?
Having a democratic debate in a city that was destroyed by over 50 years of democratic rule.

What is the definition of torque?
When you wake up in the morning with an erection so stiff, that when you bend it down to take a leak, your legs kick back and you hit your head on the toilet.

What's the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your vasectomy.

How do you get a fire started?
You burn some fagots Look up the definition before commenting/down voting...

What's the definition of awful?
Putting a bomb on a disabled person's back and telling him to run.

What's the definition of a mere myth?
A pirate ship thailing clothe to an itheberg

What's the definition of a Polygamist?
Pupil: A parrot with more than one wife!

What is the definition of a Wife?
An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.

What's the definition of a surprise?
A fart with a lump in it