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Difference Jokes

What's the difference between one polar bear and 10 polar bears?

9 polar bears (joke on a mug at work. lame, ik)
What's the difference between Walmart and India?

Well, one is filled with cows. And the other is in Asia.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a paper bag?

One is made of plastic and is very dangerous for little kids to play with. The other carries groceries.
What's the difference between the Olympic long distance race and the Paralympic long distance race?

A lap
What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud . . ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"
Whats the difference between dynamite and a banana?

banana is yellow,dynamite is red
What's the difference between procrastination and laziness?

RemindMe! 2 days to edit this post
What's the difference between Whitney Houston and Amy Winehouse?

About 204 days.
What difference does an "A" make?

Between NASA and NSA--it's astronomical.
What's the difference between windows 10 and the world's biggest virus?

The Logo.
What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

With a drum machine you only have to punch the instructions in once
What's the difference between a nurse and a nun?

A nun only serves one God.
What is the difference between a church and a cult?

Their Punch.
What is the difference between a wife's argument and a knife?

A knife has a point.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Porsche?

I've never been inside a Porsche. Nor do I have 12 Porsches in my garage.
What's the difference between a German and a Virgin?

one one appreciates good head
What's the difference between someone who can mend your pants quick and a famous singer?

One of them is a swift tailor.
What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days ?

One is a weak one and the other one week !
What's the difference between a mouse and a rat?

A: 1 has a less likely chance of survival in the dog pound
What's the difference between a circus and a whore house?

My dad didn't meet my mom at a circus or take me their when I turned 5
Whats the difference between a burglar and an ex-wife?

At least the burglar has the decency to leave you the house.
What's the difference between a communist and a feminist?

The communist wants equality
What's the difference between an American student and an English student ?

About 3000 miles !
What's the difference between terrorists and tourists?

Terrorists have sympathizers.
What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'
Whats the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?

One's a marsupial, the other's a Geordie stuck in a lift
What's the difference between Colin Kaepernick and a martyr?

One stood for something
What's the difference between a priest and his dog?

One wears pants and a collar while the other wears a collar and pants.
What's the difference between a pedant and a sadist?

A sadist is honest about his intentions. That probably wasn't funny, but what do I know?
What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4-year old child?

Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out a 53rd-story window!
What's the difference between a van and a minivan?

A van picks up kids. A minivan picks up your kids
What's the difference between a computer program and global warming?

One's an algorithm, and the other's an Al Gore-ism!
What's the difference between an Aboriginal and a park bench?

One you sit on and the other is a park bench.
What's the difference between a guy with carry on luggage and a photon?

The guy overpacked, and the photon is traveling light.
What's the difference between an American and a Briton?

Britons think 200 miles is a long distance, and American's think 200 years is a long time.
What is the difference between snowmen and snowomen?

Snowballs.
What is the difference between a laddie and a lady?

One has a d where the other doesn't.
What's the difference between a feminist and an illegal immigrant?

The illegal immigrant knows how to cook.
Whats the difference between a USB and the USA?

One has standards.
What is the difference between a camel and a college student?

Camel can go days without drinking!
What's the difference between politics and professional wrestling?

In professional wrestling they know what they are doing.
What's a difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher tells you to spit you gum out. The train says, "Chew, chew, chew!"
How do you tell the difference between members of the GOP and ISIS?

Skin color.
What is the difference between a 14 year old boy in the U.S. and one in Mexico?

A 14 year old boy in the U.S. is a freshman and one in Mexico is a senor
What's the difference between an old joke and a new one?

Nothing. We're on reddit
What's the difference between a School and an ISIS training ground?

I don't know man, I just fly the drone
What's the difference between Bill Cosby and Lena Dunham?

Lena Dunham wrote the book about it.
What's the difference between New York City and the Land of Mordor?

Two Towers.
What's the difference between a doe and dope?

One's gotta pee.
Whats the difference between a woman president and pizza?

Most people like the idea of pizza better.
What's the difference between a coyote and a flea?

One howls on the prairie the other prowls on the hairy.
Whats the difference between you and a bucket of turds?

The bucket
What's the difference between an spam and a personal attack?

They aren'tt tolerated on thsi subredit
How do you tell the difference between an X and Y chromosome?

You pull down its genes.
What's the difference between a tuna and a piano?

You can tuna piano but you cannot piano a tuna.
What's the difference between Americans and Brits?

Brits think 200 miles is a long distance, Americans think 200 years is a long time.
What is the difference between a normal and an irradiated cat?

Irradiated cats have 18 half-lives
What's the difference between a newspaper and a cocaine addict?

One has headlines, and the other gives head for lines.
What's the difference between a black man and an archealogist?

One is a nerdy digger.
Whats the difference between a hospital and a terrorist stronghold?

I dunno I just fly the drone.....
Whats the difference between a dog and a fox?

About 8 pints
What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

Bing sings and Walt Disney.
What's the difference between a banana and a helicopter?

You can helicopter your banana but you can't banana your helicopter
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

If you have bird flu you need tweetment. If you have swine flu you need oinkment.
What's the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaaah ?

About 3 inches
What's the difference between a cello and a violin?

A: A cello burns longer.
What is the difference between the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Twin Towers?

Better reflexes.
What's the difference between garbanzo beans an chickpeas?

I don't have to play $50 for a garbanzo bean in my face.
What's the difference between a drummer in a rock'n'roll band and an extra large pizza?

The extra large pizza can feed a family of four.
What's the difference between 'Oh' and 'Oooh'?

About three inches
What is the difference between a default subreddit mod and a radical feminist?

Nothing.
What's the difference between Ozzy Osborne and Whitney Houston?

One plays hard rock, the other is rock hard.
What is the difference between a pub and an elephant fart?

One is a bar room, and one is a Barooooooooooooom!
What's the difference between a boy and a girl?

His dad answers, "Well, there's a vas deferens!"
What's the difference between Reddit and the 1984 Universe?

You can leave Reddit.
What's the difference between a Chilean mining company and a Catholic priest?

One gets their miners stuck in a shaft, and the other gets his shaft stuck in a minor.
What's the difference between drunk people and black people?

Drunk people are found bars. Black people are found them.
What's the difference between Jimmy Fallon and myself?

I can get through a Jimmy Fallon joke without laughing.
What's the difference between organized crime and politics?

One's organized.
What's the difference between a pair of shoes and a ginger girl?

You try your best to keep your shoes from getting wet when you go to town.
What's the difference between a round piece of plastic and a babies head?

I don't use a round piece of plastic as a shift knob.
What's the difference between bruce banner and bruce jenner?

One turned into a terrifying monster, the other is an avenger.
What's the difference between a Methodist and a Baptist?

A Methodist will say "hi" to you at the liquor store
What's the difference between a blue 7 and a red 4?

3, duh. (My ex's 9 year old little sister told me this joke, and followed is up with: "and YOU'RE the math guy!" >< Burned.)
What's the difference between a muddy bicycle and a ditzy lesbian?

One is a dirty bike and the other is a derpy dyke.
What's the difference between woman's breasts and a box of matches?

The matches are made for adults, but kids constantly grab'em and play with them. The situation is quite opposite with breasts.
What's the difference between Madonna and a bowling ball ?

You can only fit three fingers in the bowling ball.
What's the difference between sin and shame?

It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out."
What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

Snowballs
What's the difference between a racist and a liberal?

Gullibility
What's the difference between your mom and a drug dealer?

Your mom can wash her crack and re-sell it.
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke?

please let me know... I have a terrible sense of humor!
What's the difference between a politician and an actor?

One acts solely for money, the other is the actor.
What's the difference between a hold-up and a stick-up?

Age
What's the difference between like, love and lust?

Spit Swallow Gargle
What's the difference between a feminist and a trash bin?

The trash gets taken out once a week.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a ferrari?

The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
What's the difference between the people and bullets?

The people miss Harambe.
What's the difference between a redwood and a dead baby?

A redwood won't fit in a wood chipper.
What's the difference between the US and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.
What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.
What is the difference between Will Smith and Scotland ?

Independence Day
What's the difference between a radish and a beet?

I've never radished off to OP's mom.
What is the difference between San Francisco and Larkspur?

Larkspur has a ferry terminal, San Francisco has terminal fairies.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dessed man on a bicycle?

Attire...!!
What's the difference ?

What's the difference between getting your girlfriend pregnant and asking how her day went There is no difference, you always regret both!
How do you tell the difference between an introvert or extrovert software engineer?

The extrovert looks at your feet when talking.
What's the difference between a worm and an apple ?

Have you ever tried worm pie !
What's the difference between r/politics and r/liberal?

None
What's difference between 10 dead babies and Lamborghini?

I don't have Lamborghini in my garrage
What's the difference between virgin olive oil and extra virgin olive oil?

thick Italian accent* "She don't even touch it."
What's the difference... between a gazpacho bean and a chickpea?

I've never had a gazpacho bean on my face.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW full of lawyers?

A: The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What's the difference between an elevator and a black guy?

The elevator can raise a child.
What is the difference between pick and choose?

To pick is to make a selection... And choose are what Cubans wear on their feet.
What's the difference between a Philosophy major and a cashier at KFC?

A job application.
What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold?

One of you is a sick duck, and I forget the rest, but your mother's a whore!
What's the difference between a bluebird and a elephant?

They both have wings, except for the elephant.
What's the difference between a black person and a bicycle tire?

The bicycle tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.
What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole.
What is the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

The people in Dubai don't watch the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabidoooo!
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?

God knows he's not a surgeon.
What is the difference between St. Patrick and Christopher Columbus?

One drove all the snakes from Ireland, the other drove away all of the Native Americans.
What is the difference between a baby and a onion?

No one cries when you chop up the baby.
How do you tell the difference between a Syrian hospital and an ISIS military base?

I don't know either, Johnny, just fly the drone.
What is the difference between a bad haircut and a good haircut?

2-3 weeks tops.
What is the difference between an 8 year old fine wine and a bad wine?

One does their chores while complaining, the other doesn't do them at all.
What's the difference between watts and ohms?

Watts are a unit of electrical energy. Ohms are where British people live.
What is the difference between a Texan and a redneck?

Texans tend to ride horses whereas rednecks ride their cousins. -American Sniper
Why did the minus sign run for office?

To make a difference.
What's the difference between arguing with a girl and arguing with a knife?

The knife has a point
What is the difference between a feminist and a cat?

One of them is annoying, dangerous, hairy, lazy, disgusting and filthy and the other one is just a feminist
What's the difference between Wisconsin women and Iowa trash?

At least the Iowa trash gets taking out once a week.
What's the difference between a toddler and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.
What's the difference between an Arab and an American wife?

The age
What's the difference between a women's doctor and a kick returner?

The returner can catch a punt...
What's the difference between my broken watch and a lesbian?

My watch hasn't got a strap on.
What's the difference between a bmw driver and a porcupine?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What's the difference between Biggie Smalls and Charlie Chaplin?

One rocks the mic, while the other mocks the reich.
What's the difference between Stephen Harper and Rob Ford?

One likes pipelines, and the other likes pipes lines.
What's the difference between the G-Spot and Jack Daniels?

I'll actually look for the Jack Daniels.
What's the difference between a baby and a tree?

Trees don't bleed when you cut their limbs off.
What's the difference between... A gold fish and a mountain goat?

One mucks about the mountain. What's the difference between a police batton and a magician's wand One is used for cunning stunts.
What is the difference between Snow White and Brazil?

Snow White had the excuse of being asleep before letting seven in.
What's the difference between someone falling from 21st floor and 1st floor?

21st floor person goes: AHHHHHHHHHH 1st floor goes: AHHHHHHHHHH
What is the difference between Donald and a peace of sh..?

NOTHING....!!!
What is the difference between a philanthropist and Nicki Minaj?

A philanthropist likes to impress people with his larg**esse**! :-P
What's the difference between Hillary and a piece of fruit?

deleted
What's the difference between Tony Abbott and a coffee machine?

One is a cold heartless machine, used by everyone... ...And the other is useful with a Cafe. Gnite folks!
Why does the letter "r" make all the difference between Friday and Sunday?

payday vs prayday.
Whats the difference between Caesar and Casanova?

Caesar said:"I came, I saw, I conquered." Casanova said:"I saw, I conquered, I came."
What's the difference between the 9/11 attack and a dairy cow?

You stop milking the cow after ten years.
What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?

A: The car salesman can probably drive!
What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day?

Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!
What's the difference between a Walnut and a Chickpea?

I've never had a Walnut on my chest..
What's the difference between the Easter Bunny and a silly monster ?

One's a hare-head and the other's an air-head!
What's the difference between Wright and Rong?

Wright yells, "Objection!' Rong is your typical Chinese man.
What's the difference between Justin Bieber and Pinocchio?

Some day, Pinocchio's going to be a real boy.
What's the Difference Between Guts and Balls?

Guts is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk meeting your wife at the door with a broom in her hand and asking her if she's still cleaning the house or going out for a ride. Balls is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk with lipstick all over your face and the scent of women's perfume all over you, meeting your wife at the door and stating, "You're next, chubby."
What's the difference between a normal ambulance and a skydiving ambulance?

Well, a normal ambulance is usually a van with a stretcher in the back. A skydiving ambulance A bucket and a shovel.
What's the difference between a bag of sugar and a dead baby?

I don't use sugar in my signature cookies.
What's the difference between a dog and Windows 10?

A dog knows what is 'no'.
What is the difference between a pack of pygmies and a girls track team?

The pack of pygmies is a bunch of cunning runts.
What's the difference between a hobo on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

A tyre (attire)
What's the difference between a republican and a democrat?

How much damage can their Weiner make...
What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a seven year old?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window. EDIT: Damn it he was four
What's the difference between a Christmas star and a bad pickling job?

One brightly shines...
What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde?

You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!
What's the difference between Reddit and 4chan?

One is a group of immature internet trolls....and the other thinks it isn't.
What is the difference between a Ritz and a lesbian?

A Ritz is a snack cracker and a lesbian is a crack snacker
What's the difference between a football match and a referendum?

In a football match, the best team wins.
Whats the difference between a terrorist and a woman with PMS?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What's the difference between an American and a Canadian?

A: An Canadian not only has a sense of humour but can also spell it.
What's the difference between a goldfish and a mountain goat?

Goldfish like to muck around the fountain.
What is the difference between a Mechanical Engineer and a Civil Engineer?

A Mechanical Engineer makes weapons, a Civil Engineer makes targets.
What's the difference between a cheeesburger and Reddit gold?

A cheeseburger can't feed your ego.
How do you tell the difference between a factory worker, and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'
What's the difference between a tribal tattoo and /r/jokes?

A tribal tattoo makes you laugh.
How to you tell the difference between an elephant and a mouse ?

Try picking them up !
What's the difference between a fox and a pig?

About six drinks
What is the difference between the US and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt for 200 years it'll grow a culture.
What's the difference between a optimist, a pessimist and a realist?

The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. The pessimist sees nothing. And the realist sees the train.
What is the difference between paint and a midgets' underpants?

When you sniff paint, you get high
Whats the difference between american women and middle eastern women?

American women get stoned before they commit adultery..
Whats the difference between congress and a US mint?

One of them makes sense!
What's the difference between a horse?

The orange has handlebars
What's the difference between a Transformer robot and a Transgender person?

One is living in a spaceship and one is living a lie.
What's the difference between America and a pot of yogurt?

If you leave a pot of yogurt alone for 200 years it develops a culture.
What's the difference between plants and black men?

Cells are found inside plants.
What is the difference between a flea and a wolf ?

One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie !
What is the difference between a cult and a religion?

Popularity.
Whats the difference from a terrorist and a psychopath?

A llahu akbar
What's the difference between Greece and a good software application?

Greece doesn't have default settings!
What's the difference between a feminist and a battery?

Batteries have a positive side! inspired by: http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2zlrot/howmanyfeministsdoesittaketochangea/
What is the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?

Deer nuts are under a buck.
What's the difference between a pizza and a baby?

A pizza doesn't scream when you break it in 8.
What is the difference between a doorknob and a Zika baby's head?

When you twist the doorknob it doesn't scream.
What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What's the difference between an angler and a dunce?

One baits his hooks while the other hates his books.
How can U make a difference?

Good Mourning! *(this pun is baaad and I feel terrible about it)*
What is the difference between God and my love life?

Some people think God is real.
What's the difference between a chestnut and a walnut?

Your aim.
What's the difference between a lawyer and whore?

The lawyer can't guarantee to get you off.
What's the difference between me and Jimmy Kimmel?

I can make it to the end of a Jimmy Kimmel joke without laughing.
What's the difference between a woman and a bowl of ramen noodles?

A bowl of ramen noodles is actually ready in 5 minutes.
What's the difference between John Kenndy Jr. and Ted Kennedy?

Ted can swim away from an accident.
What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!" And a Scottsman says "Hey McLeod, get of me ewe!"
What is the difference between an aardvark and a coyote?

One has a long smeller the other a loud yeller!
What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?

The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.
What's the difference between the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Harriet Tubman?

Harriet Tubman was a heroine to the slaves, but the Red Hot Chili Peppers were slaves to heroin.
What's the difference between fancy food and military food?

Fancy food is delicious, but military food is deliciousir!
What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bath?

One has hope in her soul...
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What's the difference between a Porsche and a Skoda?

Paul Walker wouldn't be seen dead in a Skoda.
What's the difference between Peter Parker and Basic White Girls?

Parker gets paid for his selfies.
What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
What's the difference between pink and purple?

The grip.
Whats the difference between Batman and a Blackman?

Batman can go into a store without robin....
What's the difference between the Canadian-American border and a performance enhancing drug?

Niagara Falls, Viagra rises.
What is the difference between the abominable snowman and the abominable snowwoman ?

Two abominable snowballs
What's the difference between America and a yogurt?

After 200 years a yogurt will develop a culture.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana?

Try picking it up. If you can't it's either a monster or a giant banana.
What's the difference between a necrophiliac and someone with a granny fetish?

A couple of weeks
What is the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a dully dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.
What is the difference between a blonde and a hen?

The blonde doesn't sit still when she is on eggs.
What is the difference between a beautiful dress and a bottle of Whisky?

A beautiful dress can make one girl look gorgeous... A bottle of whiskey can make all girls look gorgeous.
What is the difference between homeless and vodka?

Vodka does not freeze
What's the difference between my erection and my motorcycle?

My wife actually looks forward to riding the motorcycle.
What's the difference between a deaf person and my wife?

I don't know.
How do you tell the difference between a triathlete and biathlete?

A triathlete doesn't go both ways.
What's the difference between Darth Vader and Tom Brady?

Darth Vader probably gets high fived
What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4 year-old child?

Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out of a 49th-story window!
What's the difference between your mama and a washing machine?

The washing machine doesn't follow me around for a week after I dump a load in it.
What is the difference between an apple and an orange?

None, the two are not a snake
What's the difference between a golf ball and a Ford?

You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
What's the difference between a hipster and a fire hose?

It takes more than one hipster to push the black people out of a neighborhood.
What is the difference between the avian flu and the swine flu?

One requires a tweetment and the other need an oinkment.
What's the difference between GTA V Online and a non-essential government employee?

Nothing neither one has been working since Tuesday...
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies?

Disney movies can still touch children.
What is the difference between a girl and a pool table?

You have a shot with a pool table.
How can you tell the difference between a thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.
What's the difference between a dead cat and a dead lawyer on the road?

The dead cat has skid marks around it.
What's the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine?

The pricks are on the outside of a porcupine.
What's the difference between people on Reddit and dead people?

Dead people had lives.
What's the difference between a Soap Opera and a Trailer Park?

A Trailer park has much more interesting drama and less than a third of those pesky white teeth.
What's the difference between a clever midget and an STD?

One is a cunning runt.
What's the difference between Jesus and the chicken that crossed the road?

Jesus died on the cross
What's the difference between Kanye West, an American College student, and a homeless man?

The homeless man has $7 to his name.
What's the difference between a feminist and a bomb vest?

The bomb vest actually does something when triggered.
Whats the difference between a Hoover and a Harley?

The position of the dirtbag.
What's the difference between officer Darren Wilson and Michael Brown?

Officer Wilson can dodge a bullet
What's difference between Jesse Owens and Adolf Hilter?

Owens can finish a race.
What's the difference between Superman and Super Delegate?

The first one saves people from criminals, while the latter saves criminals from the people.
What's the difference between Mormons and non Mormons?

The temperature of their caffeine
What s the difference between an ostridge ?

it can neither fly
What's the difference between a feminist and a computer?

You can punch information into a computer.
What's the difference between a Ritz and a lesbian?

One is a snack cracker and the other a crack snacker.
What's the difference between a feminist and a doormat?

You might try and knock some mud off on the sidewalk before you step on the doormat.
What's the difference between U-Haul and Youtube?

People are'nt happy for you when you get loads of hits on your U-Haul.
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine?

A washing machine won't follow you around after you dump your load in it.
What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vacuum cleaner?

The placement of the dirt bag.
What's the difference between an introverted mathematician and an extroverted mathematician?

The extrovert looks at the other person's shoes.
What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?

A: One's a phony buck.
What's the difference between the Devil and Ted Cruz?

The Devil has standards.
What's the difference between princess Diana and Tiger Woods?

Tiger Woods has a better driver
What's the difference between Superman and Roman Reigns?

Superman's powers are all natural .
What's the difference between Iron Man And Iron Woman?

Iron Man is a superhero, Iron Woman is a command.
How to tell the difference between a bad, a good and an excellent accountant ?

When you ask them "2+2 is ?":
What's the difference between a black guy and snow tires?

Snow tires don't sing when you put their chains on.
What is the difference between an elephant and a flea?

An elephant can have fleas but a flea can't have elephants !
What the difference between a feminist and a knife?

A knife has a point.
What's the difference between Will Ferrell and a man with erectile dysfunction?

What's the difference between Will Ferrell and a man with erectile dysfunction? One can... "Get Hard"
What's the difference between OP and a Pregnant woman?

She delivers.
What's the difference between a pun and a copy of Cliff's Notes?

A pun is a play on words, while Cliff's notes are a word on plays
Whats the difference between a priest and acne?

One waits till you're 14 before coming on your face.
What's the difference between a bomb vest and a feminist?

A bomb vest does something when it's triggered.
Whats the difference between a redneck couple, and two variables in a dataset?

The variables aren't necessarily related.
What's the difference between a Canadian woman and a moose?

50 pounds and a flannel.
What is the difference between Spiderman and Superman?

Peter Parker can swing a web. Clark Kent.
What is the difference between a robot and a sandwich?

Everything. These two objects have nothing in common.
What's the difference between lobsters and crabs?

I don't lobsters!
What's the difference between a headmaster and a poisonous snake ?

You can make a pet out of a snake !
What's the difference between a praying nun and a girl taking a bath?

One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her hole
What's the difference between a green elephant and a purple one?

One of them is purple
What's the difference between a psychiatrist and his patients at the mental hospital?

The patients are the ones that get better and get to go home.
What's the difference between Eric Clapton and a snooker player?

One plays with an electric guitar, the other a-cue-stick.
What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?

You can throw your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you around for two weeks afterward
What's the difference between a banana and a bann?

A bann grows on vines. I'll show myself out........
What's the difference between a caver and a spelunker?

A caver rescues a spelunker.
What's the difference between feminists and a pencil?

A pencil has a point.
What is the difference between an American rabbit and a French rabbit?

The American rabbit goes hippity hop and the French rabbit goes lickety split!
What's the difference between a taliban outpost and an Afghani Elementary school?

I don't know, I just fly the drones
What is the difference between a diameter and a radius?

A radius
What is the difference between a bachelorette party and Cirque du Soleil?

One is a group of cunning stunts.
What's the difference between a moan and a scream?

About 3 inches
What's the difference between a sperm and a racist?

A sperm as a 1 in a million chance of actually becoming a human being.
What's the difference between a Pokemon Go player and a Facebook user??

Pokemon Go players are only wasting their own time )
What's the difference between a church bell & a politician?

A church bell peals from the steeple.
What is the difference between a terrorist hideout and a school?

How should I know? I just fly the drones.
What's the difference between a clever midget and my ex-girlfriend, the trackstar?

One's a cunning runt... and I forget the rest, but your mother is a whore.
What's the difference between a bowling ball and a French girl?

You can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball.
What's the difference between spider man and superman?

peter parker can shoot webs. clark kent.
Whats the difference between a North Korean missile and a K-Pop singer?

The singer can have a hit
What's the difference between toilet paper and shower curtains?

If you answered "I don't know." I would like to tell you that I spent all day cleaning that mess up.
What's the difference between ironman and ironwoman?

One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna!
What's the difference between CNN and Al-Jazeera?

CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al-Jazeera shows them landing. (Not mine, just heard it on the Jimmy Dore show) also "My favorite indie band is palestinian. I think they're really going to blow up."
What's the difference between a crocodile and a toothbrush?

You can't brush your teeth with a crocodile.
What's the difference between a four year old and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out a window.
What's the difference between a baby and a washing machine?

A washing machine doesn't cry when it takes a load.
What's the difference between reddit and a fish?

fish are cool
What's the difference between a white baby and a black baby?

300 degrees in the oven.
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?

The bad golfer goes ::Whack:: "Damn it!" The bad sky diver goes "Damn it!" ::Whack::
What's the difference between KFC and /R/Jokes?

What you get served at KFC is original.
What is the difference between my ex-girlfriend and a beer?

One is pale, bitter and starts off with lots of head and the other one is a beer.
Whats the difference between an environmentalist and a dog sitting in the rain?

eventually the dog sitting in the rain will stop whinging.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling?

One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler!
What's the difference between a French Knight and my friend with a genie?

One's a Paladin, and the other's my pal Alladin
What is the difference between Susan Boyle and a aircondtioner?

An aircondtior can be hot
What's the difference between a woman's argument and a knife?

A knife has a point.
What's the difference between you and a naked ringneck?

One's a plucked pheasant, and I don't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore.
What's the difference between a frog and a horny toad?

One goes "ribbit ribbit", the other goes "rub it rub it".
What's the difference between a black joke and Mexican joke?

Nothing. If you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal.
What's the difference between a woman and a PC from 1995?

A woman doesn't accept 3 1/2 inch floppies.
What's the difference between a BJ and reddit gold?

Your mom never gave me reddit gold.
What is the difference between an epilectic oyster and a whore with diarrhea?

One you shuck between fits.
What's the difference between a group of midget spies and a women's track team?

One is a cunning group of runts.
What's the difference between a hipster and a lumberjack?

The lumberjack has a job.
What's the difference between a secret Taliban hideout and an Afghan public school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone
What is the difference between Detroit and Cleveland?

5 years.
What's the difference between a feminist and a spear?

A spear has a point!
What's the difference between congress and a circus?

One is a Cunning array of Stunts...
What's the Difference between a Wife and an Attic Door?

An attic door can shut up. im going to hell
What's the difference between an Olympic swimmer and an Olympic diver?

Mark Spitz and Greg Swallows Yeah, I know it's old....
What's the difference between an Iraqi elementary school, and an Isis hideout?

I don't know man, I just fly the drone.
What is the difference between a thief and a church bell?

One steals from the people the other peals from the steeple.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag?

A tea bag stays in the cup longer!
What is the difference between an egg and a redditor?

Eggs get laid at least once.
What's the difference between a pineapple and the White House?

A pineapples pricks are on the outside.
What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?

One's against the law, and the other's a sick bird.
What's the difference between Audi drivers and a cactus?

Audi drivers have pricks on the inside
What's the difference between Americans and ice cream?

Ice cream fits in a tub.
Whats the difference between an easily offended person and a gun?

A gun actually does something when triggered.
What's the difference between an American and a moldy piece of bread?

The bread has more culture.
What is the difference between a Mother and Wife?

One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.
What do you call a crocodile when it robs drinks?

Gator-raid. <3 edit: Learned the difference between a crocodile and alligator.
What's the difference between a goat and a kid?

My neighbour isn't unknowingly raising two of my goats.
What's the difference between a skeptic and a conspiracy theorist?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
What's the difference...?

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar and deer nuts are just under a buck.
What is the difference between a portuguese woman and a sea lion ?

One of them has shiny bodyhair and smells like cod, the other one is a mammal that lives in the sea.
What's the difference between a dwarven packrat and a venereal disease?

One is a runt with a cache.
What's the difference between a sin and a shame?

It's a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to take it out.
What's the difference between my job and my boss's daughter?

I'm not coming into work today
What's the difference between Beernuts and Deernuts?

Beernuts are $8.95 and Deernuts are under a buck!
What's the difference between South Korean BBQ and American BBQ?

South Korean BBQ has more Seoul
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

Santa would never free an elf.
What's the difference between a captain and a lt.col ?

A major difference.
What is the difference between a man and a woman?

Wo
What is the difference between a hormone and a protein?

You can't hear a protein. (Wait for it)
What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have 100 dead babies in my garage
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire
What's the difference between a paycheck and a pen*s?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.
Whats the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
What is the difference betwen a blonde and a Lamborghini?

You don't let your friends borrow your Lamborghini.
What's the difference between Cottage Cheese and Cream Cheese?

I didn't cottage in my pants
What's the difference between me and a cardboard box?

A cardboard box isn't always empty on the inside. :(
What's the difference between a Women's cross country team and midget geniuses?

The midget geniuses are cunning runts.
What's the difference between a bumble bee and someone with allergies?

One is a pollinator. The other is a pollen-hater.
What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Lamborghini?

You won't find a Lambo in a landfill.
What's the difference between a punchline and a cute girl?

Sometimes I get the punchline :(
What's the difference between a Warlock and a Sorcerer?

Apart from the Spelling?
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Gary Glitter?

10 "number 1's" and a not guilty verdict
What is the difference between an abusive relationship and The Chainsmokers ?

Nothing, The hits keep coming
What is the difference between a human dad and a moth dad?

Two letters.
What's the difference between Tim Howard and Jesus?

Jesus had 11 guys he could depend on.
What's the difference between /r/jokes and your mom?

Your mom is funny.
Whats the difference between Iron Man and iron woman?

One is a superhero the other is a simple instruction
Whats the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

Dubai don't broadcast the Flintstones but AbuDhabidooooooooo
What's the difference between your finger and a hammer?

I don't know! Well you're not using my computer keyboard then!
What is the difference between a good joke and a bad joke?

Timing
What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?

Not everyone's been in a 747.
What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

About 60 pounds.
What's the difference between a cup and a mug?

being cupped is far more pleasurable than being mugged
What's the difference between Ethiopians and gorillas?

Nobody cares about Ethiopians dying. (First post on r/jokes and a bit offensive)
What are the differences among a piano, a tuna, and super glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna
Why couldn't the Mexican be a Firefighter?

Because he didn't know the difference between Jose and Hose B.
What's the difference between an accident and a catastrophe?

It's an accident if a boat full of refugees starts to take in water. A catastrophe is if they know how to swim
What's the difference between 0/1 and 0/2 ?

Nothing.
What's the difference between KFC and China?

At KFC, you can only get breasts, legs, and thighs.
What's the difference between spit and swallow?

A firm grip on the back of her head.
What's the difference between Windows 95 and a virus?

A virus does something.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and a cow?

Cows are real.
What's the difference between an Aussie and a Yoghurt?

A Yoghurt's got culture!
What's the difference between between a piano, tuna, and glue?

You can tuna piano, but you cant piano tuna!
What's the difference between a tuna, a piano, and a tub of glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano tuna.
What's the difference between the Mafia and the Government?

Only one of them is organized.
What's the difference between a blind sniper and a constipated owl?

Everything. They have absolutely nothing in common.
How can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?

One you'll see in a while, the other you'll see later. Credit to Mitch hedburg
What's the difference between cancer and black people?

Cancer got Jobs.
What's the difference between a vacuum and a Harley Davidson?

The position of the dirtbag
What is the difference between a washing machine and a girl?

A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you dump a load in it.
What's the difference between a vampire with toothache and a rainstorm?

One roars with pain and the other pours with rain.
What's the difference between a magic show and a brothel?

Ones a cunning array of stunts. . .
What's the difference between a Mexican joke and a black joke?

Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal
What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?

You don't have to hug a washing machine half an hour after it finishes
What's the difference between batman and a black person?

Batman can go to the store without robin'
What's the difference between a statesman and a politician?

A statesman is a dead politician. God knows we need more statesman.
What's the difference between a bull and a Samsung Note 7?

I'm not scared when the bull charges
What is the difference between God and a police officer?

God doesn't think he's a police officer.
What's the difference between a gang of pygmy's and a women's track team?

One is a Cunning group of Runts.....
What's the difference between an Irish guy dying in a play, and you getting laid?

One's a tragic Mick...
What is the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?

You can't here a vitamin.
What's the difference between a tea cup and pea cup?

A teacup is what the British drink out of and a pea cup is what the Mexicans drive.
What's the difference between a ladder and a truck?

It's no bad luck to walk under a truck.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?

With the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.
What's the difference between a triangle and Manchester United ?

A triangle has three points
What's the difference between a piano and tuna?

You can tuna piano but you can't tuna fish.
What's the difference between Baptists and Methodists?

Methodists will make eye contact at the liquor store.
What's the difference between Kung-Fu and Judo?

One is the ancient art of self defense. The other is what you make bagels out of.
What's the difference between "ooo" and "ahhhh"?

About 3 inches.
What's the difference between a tuna, a piano, and some glue?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna!
What is the difference between Ellen Pao her brain and Aids?

Aids develops itself
What is the difference between a Muslim baby and a Christian baby?

Their parents.
What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian?

A pair of jeans only has one fly on it
What's the difference between a guitar and an elevator?

I didn't expose myself inside a guitar this morning.
Whats the difference between the English cricket team and a teabag?

A teabag stays in the cup longer
What's the difference between a man falling from 100ft and a man falling from 10ft ?

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - SMACK SMACK - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and a homeless man who works at McDonalds?

One of those greasy bums is making a lot more money.
What's the difference between Cheryl Crawford and dead embryos?

Dead embryos don't tell on their mothers ...
What's the difference between an introverted scientist and an extroverted scientist?

An extroverted scientist will stare at YOUR feet.
What is the difference between an american and a canadian?

69 cents.
What is the difference between a Windows Phone and a brick?

One is a brick and the other is a brick with a screen
What is your best casino joke?

I work in a casino and want to hear your best one. Here is mine: what's the difference between a canoe and a baccarat player? A canoe sometimes tips!
Whats the difference between man united and a clown?

ones a complete laughing stock and the other ones a clown.
What's the difference between a penalty shot in basketball, and a tiny curly wig designed for a bug?

One is a free throw, and the other is a flea 'fro.
What's the difference between Prince and a White Dwarf?

Nothing, they're both dead stars.
What's the difference between abortion and terrorism?

Terrorism is funded by the US government!
What's the difference between Belgian waffles and American waffles?

Belgium waffles crumble in the hands of German.
What's the difference between a moose and an ant?

A: A moose has antlers, but an ant doesn't have mooselers.
What's the difference between Sammy and Scooby-Doo?

Scooby-Doo doesn't have a dog.
Whats the difference between news of the US elections and Madeleine McCann?

News of the elections is getting old.
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
What's the difference between a very old shaggy Yeti and a dead bee?

One's a seedy beast and the other's a deceased bee.
What's the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper ?

You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an elephant !
What's the difference between an 18 year-old girl and a washing machine?

When you dump a load in the washer, it will not follow you around for two months.
How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer?

Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".
What is the difference between a blonde and a blonde dude?

The blonde has a higher sperm count.
What's the difference between a herpes and jacuzzi?

i let women know that i have a jacuzzi
What's the difference between the Holocaust and a goat?

You can't milk a goat for over 50 years
What's the difference between a baby and a submarine?

I've never been in a submarine.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vaccuum?

With a vaccuum, the dirtbag's on the inside!
What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student?

One baits his hook the other hates his book.
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.
How do you tell the difference between a Fabric Designer and a Science Professor?

Ask them to pronounce "LATEX"
What is the difference between a dollar and Lebron James?

Lebron James doesnt give you 4 quarters.
Whats the difference between a noose and a leash?

How high you tie it on a tree.
What's the difference between Ellen Pao and a pitbull?

Lipstick
What's the difference between a thug and a pirate's dad?

One's poppin' caps, and the other's cap'n pops!
What's the difference between smoking weed and burning the koran?

If you burn the koran, you can only get stoned once.
What is the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter?

With Twitter you only get 140 characters.
What's the difference between the English rugby team and a teabag?

A teabag stays in the cup longer! (im so sorry -)
Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
What's the difference between Elton John's chin and Tiger Woods?

Tiger Woods hasn't hit as many balls.
What's the difference between a a women's track team and a tribe of pygmy's?

One is a cunning bunch of runts and the the is a running bunch of.....nevermind.
What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4 year old?

Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out a window
What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.
What's the difference between a shooting range and an American college?

About thirty thousand dollars a year.
Whats the difference between a cow and 9/11?

Americans cant milk a cow for 14 years.
Whats the difference between America and Yogurt?

If you leave Yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture.
What's the difference between eugenics and a charity marathon?

The second one's a race for the cure. Shamelessely stolen from .
What's the difference between the United States and a yogurt?

That after 200 years, a yogurt can actually build a community. Haha, happy late 4th of July.
What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

You can mash potatoes, but you can't pee soup. (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)
What's the difference between CNN and Al Jazeera?

CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al Jazeera shows them landing.
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

One says, "Spit out your gum!" The other goes, "Choo Choo Choo"
What is the difference between Reddit and children's television?

Children don't throw tantrums when there's a rerun of some content.
Whats the difference between a hippy chick and a washing machine?

When you drop a load in, it doesn't follow you around for 6 months trying to get spun. 8)
What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 15 years.
What is the difference between a gorilla and Michael Jackson?

One of them got shot for touching a kid.
What's the difference between autumn and fall?

The twin towers didn't autumn
What's the difference between the dog and the fox?

About four beers
What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?

The vacuum has the dirtbag on the inside.
What's the difference between falling from the 1st and 10th floor?

Falling from the 1st floor: SPLAT! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Falling from the 10th floor: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! SPLAT!
What's the difference between a mixologist and a bartender?

About ten minutes.
What's the difference between England and a cup of tea?

The teabag stays in the cup longer.
What's the difference between a cow and the crucifixion?

You can't milk a cow for 2000 years
What's the difference between LSD and LDS (Latter Day Saints)?

one you take with a sugar cube, the other with a grain of salt :P
What's the difference between a black man and a bike?

The bike doesn't start singing when you put a chain on it.
What's the difference between an Isis camp and an orphanage?

I don't know, I just fly the drone
What is the difference between a football player and a new pimp?

The football player
Whats the difference between a tornado and a divorce in the south?

Nothing, because either way, someone is losing their trailer.
What's the difference between a white baby and a black baby ?

20 minutes, thermostat 8.
Whats the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?

One of them is actually wanted!
What's the difference between a happy programmer and a sad programmer?

Hello, world" and "Goodbye, cruel world"
What's the difference between a man on a unicycle wearing a tuxedo and a man on a bicycle wearing a tank top?

Attire.
What's the difference between a Mercedes and a bunch of dead babies?

I don't have a Mercedes in my garage.
What's the difference between a repost and a bullet?

I don't want to put a repost in my mouth
What's the difference between a dog?

One of his legs is the same.
What is the difference between Scotland and a pregnant woman?

A pregnant woman is in Labour
What's the difference between the ISIS headquarters and a kindergarten?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.
What is the difference between a magician and Bernie Sanders?

The magician returns your wallet at the end of the performance
What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub?

The woman in church has hope in her soul... The woman In the bathtub has soap in her hole.
What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman ?

One is a super hero and the other is a simple command.
What's the difference between a hunter and a fisherman?

A hunter lies in wait. A fisherman waits and lies.
What's the difference between a Malaysia Airline flight and Internet Explorer?

None. Eventually, both of them are gonna crash.
What's the difference between an Irish Funeral and an Irish Wedding?

One less drunk person.
Whats the difference between the government and a stripper?

Strippers don't rig their polls.
What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor ?

Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go !
Whats the difference between a house cat and a polecat ?

How much their husbands make
What's the difference between a basketball player and a mexican?

Nothing, they both run, jump, shoot and steal.
What is the difference between a horror fiction writer and a disabled physicist?

Haw
What's the difference between a police baton and a magic wand?

Ones used for cunning stunts.
What's the difference between a Thai man and a Thai woman?

Pls help.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?

A: It's all in the grip.
What is the difference between black, morbid and brutal humor?

Black humor - 12 children in one trash can Morbid humor - 1 children in 12 trash cans Brutal humor - 12 trash cans in one children
What's the difference between the UN and ISIS?

The pension package.
What's the difference between a Baptist and a Methodist?

A Methodist will say hi when he sees you at the liquor store.
What's the difference between love and lust?

About two-hundred dollars." - Johnny Carson
What is the difference between a goat and 9/11?

You cannot milk a goat for 13 years
What's the difference between polite conversation and an erection?

I can maintain polite conversation.
What is the difference between an ornithologist and a stutterer?

One is a bird watcher, and the other is a word botcher.
What's the difference between the stock market and women?

With the stock market you can only lose when you pull out.
What's the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

I don't know." "So you're the one!"
What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman?

ANSWER: A battery has a positive side.
What's the difference between a soldier and a sailor?

Ever tried dipping a sailor in a boiled egg?
What's the difference between a woman and a gun?

Guns don't move out when you bring a new one home.
Whats the difference between a washing machine and a woman?

A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you dump a load in it.
What's the difference between mlk day and st. Patrick's day?

Everyone WANTS to be irish on st Patrick's day.
What's the difference between a new wife and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?

A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.
What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.
What's the difference between Ray Charles and Ray Rice?

Ray Charles wasn't a one-hit wonder.
What's the difference between the foundation of a building and the average Redittor?

The foundation's been laid.
What's the difference between mayonnaise and sperm?

Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back if my girlfriend's throat at 60 miles per hour.
How can you tell the difference between a catholic, a baptist, and a Methodist?

A baptist will run into a liquor store, buy their alcohol and run out. A Methodist will walk into a liquor store and say high to everyone, then buy their alcohol and walk out. A catholic will show up to the store completely hammered, hug everyone, get their alcohol and stumble their way out of the store.
What is the difference between 1000 dead babies and a ferrari?

I dont have a ferrari in my garage.
What's the only difference between a near sighted and a far sighted gynecologist ?

A wet nose.
Whats the difference between a woman and a dog?

Put them both in the trunk of your car, drive around the block, and see which ones happy to see you afterwards.
What is the difference between a women driving strawberries?

None, both are collect in a field.
What's the difference between a movie rental machine and several prehistoric towns?

One is Redbox, the others are Bedrocks.
What is the difference between a vacuum and a snowboarder?

How you strap on the dirtbag.
What's the difference between a blonde and an Airbus A380?

Not everyone has been in an Airbus A380.
What's the difference between a Maine girl and a moose?

15 lbs and a flannel shirt.
What's the difference between fishing and dating?

In one you don't want to jerk the hook, but in the other you don't want to hook the jerk.
What's the difference between a guitarist and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four
What's the difference between a Pokeman and a Pokewoman?

Pokeballs
What's the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a hobo on a bicycle?

Attire.
What's the difference between a dead baby and my ex-girlfriend?

There isn't one...
What's the difference between Texas and Russia?

One's a disgusting cesspool full of paranoid, bigoted, anti-American sadists, and the other is really cold.
What's the difference between a woman and a man?

A woman will buy something on sale even if she doesn't need it. A man will buy something he needs at full price. Then, what is the difference between a black woman and a black man? The black woman will steal something she doesn't need. The black man goes to jail because you can't hide diapers under a shirt.
What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?

A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
What's the difference between a Lambo and 1,000 dead babies?

I dont have a Lambo in my Garage...
What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey, you, get off of my cloud." A Scotsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."
What's the difference between a Dutch oven and a German one?

The type of gas used.
What's the difference between people in Dubai and people in Abu Dhabi?

People in Dubai don't watch the Flinstones, but people in Abu Dhabi do.
What is the only difference between this year and last year?

A building in Dubai.
What's the difference between a C4 and a feminist?

The C4 does something when it's triggered.
What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

A: No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.
What's the difference between Tigger and Pooh?

I've never smeared tigger on my face
Whats the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off before you step on a trampoline Probally heard this but it's worth a shot
Whats the difference between a black man and Batman?

Batman can go to a store without robin.
What's the difference between a pregnant lady and a light bulb?

You can unscrew the light bulb. - Steve Martin, "My Blue Heaven"
What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.
What's the difference between an orphan home and a terrorists' boot camp?

I don't know. I'm retiring next month.
What's the difference between swine flu and bird flu?

For swine flu you need "Oinkment", for bird flu you need "Tweetment".
What's the difference between a joke on Reddit and a joke on 9Gag?

About a day.
What's the difference between a freezer and a faget?

When you pull your meet out of a freezer it doesn't fart
What's the difference between Marty McFly and a Bears fan?

Eventually, Marty McFly stopped going back to 1985.
What's the difference between a piano, a tuna and a jar of glue?

You: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna! Person getting told joke: What about the jar of glue? You: I knew you'd get stuck there
What is the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

On Saint Patrick's Day everybody wants to be Irish.
What's the difference between a fish and an elephant?

OC) You really can't tell the difference between a fish and an elephant
What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?

If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour it'll probably stop whining.
What's the difference between a degree in Theoretical Physics and a theoretical degree in Physics?

One is relevant and can get you a job. The other you went to university for.
How can you tell the difference between a good joke and a bad joke?

I dunno, I just repost them.
What's the difference between art and junk?

A plaque.
What's the difference between a virtual car and a real one?

You can't steal a real car a few bits at a time
What's the difference between an erection and a Ferrari?

whisper I don't have a Ferrari.
What's the difference between Windows 8.1 and Windows 10?

The start menu.
What's the difference between oooo and aaaa?

about 3 inches
Whats the difference between risky children and risky lesbians?

One runs when they have scissors, the others scissor when they have runs
What's the difference between menstrual fluid and sand?

You can't gargle sand.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

45 minutes.
What's the difference between a rabbit on a treadmill and a rabbit with a carrot stuck up its nose?

One is a fit bunny and the other is a bit funny
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS training camp?

I don't know, i just fly the drone
What is the difference between a JCB and a giraffe?

One has hydraulics the other has high bolics.
What's the difference between a green bean chickpea?

No one has ever paid to have a green bean on their chest
What's the difference between an elephant and a banana ?

Have you ever tried to peel an elephant
What's the difference between an Irish Catholic and a Roman Catholic?

A few notches on the belt buckle.
How do you tell the difference between a meth head and a hillbilly?

The meth head still has teeth.
What's the difference between one yard and two yards?

A: A fence.
What's the difference between a hipster and a homeless man?

An Instagram account.
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don't know and I don't care.
What's the difference between Naruto and Bleach?

No one ever told me to drink Naruto
Whats the difference between a Mexican and a power tool?

Power tools are found inside the Home Depot.
What's the difference between CrossFit and a cult?

A torn ACL
What is the difference between a Lira and a Dollar?

A Dollar
What's the difference between r/showerthoughts and Jaden Smith's twitter?

Capitalization.
What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Garbonzo bean?

I wouldn't let a Garbonzo bean all over my face.
What's the difference between a tsunami and a bear?

A tsunami doesn't care that you are faster than your buddy.
What's the difference between Canadians and Americans?

100 pounds.
What is the difference between Courtney Love and a porcupine?

A porcupines needle won't give you AIDS
What's the difference between a gorrila pit and Mordor?

One does not simply walk into Mordor
What is the difference between camping and being homeless?

Marshmallows
What's the difference between an flautist and a Porsche?

Most members of the band haven't been in a Porsche.
What's the difference between a terrorist camp and a school?

No idea man, im just flying the drone.
What is the difference between a Mercedes and a Lexus?

Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Lexus...
What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?

About three inches.
What's the difference between a take-out dinner and a make-out session?

How can you take something out you've never put in
What is the difference between a black man and an elevator?

An elevator can raise a child.
What's the difference between STD's and Pokemon?

I still haven't caught any Pokemon.
What's the difference between Here and There?

When you're right the whole room shouts "Here, here!" But when you're wrong one person pats you on the back and says "There, there."
Whats the difference between a girl and a washing machine?

When I dump a load in the washing machince, it doesnt follow me around
What's the difference between healthcare.gov and Derrick Rose?

Healthcare.gov was broken and now it works.
What's the difference between an accordion and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up an accordion
What's the difference between and out-law and an in-law?

One's wanted.
What's the difference between a ginger girl and a vampire?

One bursts into flames in the sunlight, and the other is a vampire.
Whats the difference between a Doctors Without Borders hospital and ISIS?

How would I know, Im just a US Air Force Operator.
What's the difference between a blimp and 365 used condoms?

One's a Goodyear, the other's an awesome year.
What's the difference between Ice Age 4 and Batman The Dark Knight?

The kids walked out of Ice Age 4... Alive
What's the difference between America and a tub of yogurt?

After 200 years the yogurt would have developed some kind of culture.
What is the difference between a feminist and a walrus?

A walrus has at least two valid points.
What's the difference between an Elephant and a post box?

Well, if you don't know I'm definitely not asking you to mail this letter for me.
Whats the difference between a chicken and an alligator?

I don't know.
What's the difference between a women's track team and a tribe of smart pygmies?

The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.
What's the difference between Ann Coulter and shooting arrows at lovers?

Shooting arrows at lovers is a Cupid stunt.
What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a four year old?

Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out the window
What is the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman?

Ironman is a superhero, Ironwoman is a command.
What's the difference... between a (nationality, ethnicity, etc you want to make fun of) man and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.
What's the difference between Det. Rust Cohle and a psychopath?

Psychopaths are fun at parties.
What's the difference between Batman and Martin Brodeur?

Batman isn't wearing hockey pads.
What's the difference between a woman in a bathtub and a woman in a church?

The woman in church has hope in her soul.
What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?

The rooster's primal urge is to cluck defiance.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooooo.
What's the difference between a bucket of blended dead baby and a bucket of sand?

I can't gargle sand.
What's the difference between your mom and the Empire State Building?

Not everyone's been up the Empire State Building
What's the difference between a Fig and a Fig Newton?

A Fig Newton is Force sensitive.
What's the difference between a biscuit and a monster?

You can dip a biscuit in your tea but a monster is too big to fit in the cup.
What's the difference between Mic Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mic Jagger says "Hey you, get off of my cloud". A Scotsman says "Hey, McLeod! Get off of my ewe!"
What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?

The blonde has the higher sperm count.
What's the difference between a lobster and an oriental woman run over by a steamroller?

One's a crustacean and the other a crushed Asian.
What is the difference between Emo teenagers and your lawn?

Your lawn won't cut itself.
What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician?

A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
What's the difference between an introverted physicist and an extroverted physicist?

An extroverted physicist looks at shoes when they're talking to you.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and a Tesla?

The Tesla gets fewer battery charges in a year.
What's the difference between a beggar and a US Politician?

A beggar has retained his integrity.
What's the difference between a toilet and a graveyard?

Nothing. When you have to go, you have to go.
What's the difference between a pig and a ham sandwich?

You can get a prosecutor to indict the ham sandwich.
What's the difference between the space shuttle and a 2.5 kiloton bomb?

The crew.
What's the difference between a lima bean and a chickpea?

I've never had a lima bean on my chest
What's the difference between a nun in church and a nun in the bath?

One has hope in her soul...
What's the difference between feminism and a $100 bill?

A $100 bill makes change
What's the difference between hardware and software?

Hardware breaks if you maintain it.
What's the difference between a political speech and a stand-up comic show?

They both tell the audience what they are glad to hear. But at the end, the audience laughs at the comic, and the politician laughs at the audience.
What's the difference between Rick Grimes and Carl Grimes?

Rick Grimes has two I's....
What is the difference between 400 dead babies and a watermelon?

I don't have a watermelon in my garage.
What's the difference between alcoholism and a lobotomy?

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
What's the difference between a $1000 used car and a Rolls-Royce?

One's a grand car and the other's a grand car
What's the difference between batman and Blackman?

Batman can go to the store without robin Edit: glad you'll liked it :-)
What's the difference between Karate and Judo?

Karate is a martial art and Judo is used to make bagels.
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?

One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
What is the difference between a Gynecologist and a Urologist ?

The smell of their fingers.
What's the difference between a pretty girl and an apple?

One you squeeze to get cider, the other you get 'side her to squeeze.
What's the difference between a schoolteacher and a train driver?

A schoolteacher says "Spit out that toffee" and a train says "Choo choo."
What's the difference between a battery and a women?

The Battery has a positive side.
What's the difference between OP and eggs?

Eggs actually get laid.
What's the difference between and elephant and a mail box?

I don't know. I hope you're not allowed to take the mail out to the mail box.
What's the difference between a black person and cancer?

Cancer got Jobs
What's the difference between Black man, and Batman?

Batman can go in a convenience store without Robbin.
Whats the difference between a guy who has a new Mercedes and a guy who has an old Mercedes?

The guy who has a new Mercedes is rich. The guy who has an old Mercedes has been rich for a longer time.
What's the difference between bullets and people?

People miss Harambe
What's the difference between Tom Brady and Ben Roethlisberger?

Tom wants his balls illegally deflated on the field and Ben wants that off the field.
What's the difference between a USB and the USA?

One connects to all your devices and accesses your data, the other is a harware standard.
What's the difference between a person with a forehead and a fivehead?

A sixth sense
What's the difference between a bad golfer, and a bad skydiver?

The golfer goes " Damn!" The skydiver goes "Damn! "
What's the difference between a mechanical and a civil engineer?

One builds weapons and the other build targets.
Whats the difference between skinny and squat?

I never took a skinny on a girl's chest.
What's the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River?

The Amazon River actually has sails.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and Windows 10?

Paul Walker only crashed once.
Whats the difference between a Russian garbanzo bean and a Russian chickpea?

A president has never been blackmailed into treason over a video of him paying to have a Russian garbanzo bean on his face.
What's the difference between writing your will and owning an ant farm?

One's a legacy, the other a sea of legs.
What is the difference between a drinking establishment and an elephant's fart?

One is a bar-room and the other is a BAROOOM!
What's the difference between a gardener and a pimp?

A gardener doesn't want his hose to have kinks.
What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?

You can tune a chainsaw.
What's the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?

My pizza jokes *can't be topped!*
What's the difference between an extroverted mathematician and an introverted mathematician?

The extroverted mathematician looks at YOUR shoes when he's speaking to you.
What's the difference between a week-old human and a weak, old human?

About eighty years
What is the difference between a girl and a washer?

The washer doesn't follow you around after you put a load in it.
What's the difference between little girls and wine?

Wine gets better as it gets older
What's the difference between Frankenstein and boiled potatoes?

You can't mash Frankenstein.
How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician ?

Just ask them to read this word: unionized.
What's the difference between a Snickers and my girlfriend?

Snickers satisfies.
What is the difference between an Afghanistani Primary School and a Taliban Base?

What would I know, I am just a drone pilot.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly someone into a wood chipper.
What's the difference between you and a brick?

Bricks can get laid.
What's the difference between the Holocaust and the Boston Marathon Bombing?

The Boston Marathon Bombing ended a race.
Whats the Difference between a Third-Wave Feminist and a Pencil?

The pencil has a point
What's the difference between Leibniz and the Civil Rights Movement?

Leibniz was able to integrate in 1675.
What's the difference between a man-whore and Santa Claus?

Santa stops after three "hoes"
What's the difference between cows and bulls?

It takes longer to milk the bull.
What's the difference between a chickpea and a garabonzo bean?

I don't have a garabonzo bean in my garage because that's where I get pee'd on so there is tarps everywhere.
What is the difference between a generalist and a specialist?

A Specialist knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing. A Generalist knows less and less about more and more until he knows absolutely nothing about everything.
What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops after 3 Ho's
What's the difference between dating a redhead and putting your hand in a blender?

Answer: There's always a 50/50 chance the blender isn't on
Whats the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut?

About 3 weeks.
What's the difference between extremist and /r/thedonald?

At least one group can grow a beard.
What's the difference between Jesus and Mexicans?

Jesus doesn't have any tattoos of Mexicans.
What's the Difference between a Girl and a Woman?

Prison
What's the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon?

I can get through one of his skits without laughing
What's the difference between an Engineering student and an Arts student when tying their shoes?

The arts student gets a mark for it.
What is the best offensive joke you have? Can you make me laugh?

Read all the other threads. I need new content. The old stuff is getting, well old. Here's my contribution. Have you head of the new drinking game? The mike brown special: stand there and take 12 shots. What's the difference between mike brown and a college kid? College kids can handle more shots before they fall down.
What us the difference between white, brown and black people?

The time God took to cook us
Why don't Episcopalians play chess?

They don't know the difference between a bishop and a queen
What's the difference between Bad Jokes and Dad Jokes?

One starts with B and the otber starts with D
What's the difference between a good joke and a woman?

The good joke doesn't get a black eye when you tell it a second time.
What's the difference between a train and SONY?

When the train announces an arriving "Station", you can see it.
What's the difference between England and an egg cup?

An egg can stay in the cup longer
What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR &?

a STAGE CURTAIN? A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR..... it's SHOWTIME!!!
What's the difference between the Earth and my sock?

The Earth's crust is on the outside.
What's the difference between a politician and a computer?

logic
What is the difference between a crackhead and a walrus?

One tooth
What's the difference between foreplay and KFC?

Once you're finished with the breasts and thighs, you're left with a greasy box to put your bone in.
What's the difference between a brothel and a circus?

Your mother never ran away to join the circus.
What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and an all-girl track team?

Pygmies are cunning runts.
What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones sing "Hey You! Get off of my cloud!" A Scotsman shouts "Hey Mcleod!! Get off of my ewe!"
What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?

You cry when you cut up an onion.
What is this the difference between America and Greece?

15 years.
What's the difference between amnesia and alzheimers?

I can't remember.
What's the difference between a New Yorker and a Canadian?

A New Yorker takes the A train; a Canadian takes the train, eh.
What's the difference between the England football team and a teabag?

The teabag stays longer in the cup.
What is the difference between a Ferrari and 4 dead babies?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage
What's the difference between my Grandma and the FBI?

My Grandma can unlock an iphone.
What's the difference between In-n-Out Burger french fries and League of Legends?

I can control my salt intake at In-n-out.
What's the difference between a black man and a picnic table?

A picnic table can support a family of 4.
What's the difference between Yogurt and L.A.?

Yogurt has a live and thriving culture.
What's the difference between an art student and a philosophy student?

A philosophy student asks you you want fries with that
What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw?

A: One is loud obnoxious and noisy the other is a bird.
What's the difference between a bIack guy and a bike?

A bike doesn't start singing when you put chains on it.
What is the difference between ooh and aah?

Just three inches.
What's the difference between a radical and a moderate Muslim?

A radical Muslim wants to cut your head off, but a moderate Muslim the radical Muslim to cut your head off. Bye.
What's the difference between GOP voters and polar bears?

Polar bears gather around the ice hole.
What's the difference between Sesame Street and Leonardo DiCaprio?

Sesame Street has an Oscar.
Whats the difference between your mom and a washing machine?

When I drop a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around for a week.
How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros?

Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.
What is the difference between a black man and a couch?

A couch can support a family
What's the difference between a plastic tube and an adjustable spanner ?

Both of em are in plastic, except for the adjustable spanner
What's the difference between a dead baby and mistletoe?

I don't hang mistletoe at Christmas time
How do you tell the difference between a physicist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word 'unionized'.
What's the difference between Twitter and Game of Thrones?

Twitter only allows 140 characters.
What's the difference between LSD and my dad?

LSD doesn't need to be drunk to hit me.
What is the difference between my car and Whitney Houston?

My car can hit 50.
What's the difference between America and Saudi Arabia?

You don't need a computer to play minesweeper in Saudi Arabia. (I'm not sorry)
What's the difference between the Polish and polish?

No one bats an eye if you use chemicals to remove polish, but if you use chemicals to remove the Polish, most of the world will turn against you
What's the difference between lust, love, and just plain showing off?

Spitting, Swallowing, and gargling.
What's the difference between a line dance instructor and a dentist?

A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.
What's the difference between a gambler and a Kasich supporter?

A gambler might lose.
Whats the difference between you and an orphan?

You were adopted. Best told to siblings :D
What's the difference between a civilian camp and an ISIS base?

I don't know I just fly the drones
Whats the difference....?

What's the difference between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babies I don't have a lamborghini in my garage.
What's the difference between a proclamation from the Vatican and a mail-order husband from ebay?

One's a papal mandate and the other's a paypal man-date.
What's the difference between your mom and a washing machine?

If I dump a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around for the next few weeks.
What's the difference between a Democrat and a Republican?

The election year.
What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.
What's the difference between fight club and veganism?

You don't talk about fight club.
What's the difference between a whale and a toaster?

You didn't pop out of a toaster.
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are a dollar fifty. Deer nuts are always under a buck... I'll see myself out now.
What's the difference between a fort and a fortress?

A fortress has breastworks.
What's the difference between a doctor and God?

God doesn't walk around thinking he's a doctor.
What's the difference between a piano and a fish?

You can't tuna fish!
What's the difference between a tennis ball and the prince of Wales?

One is heir to the throne and the other is thrown into the air.
What is the difference between a baby and a alarm clock?

You only have to hit the alarm clock once to make it be quiet...
What's the difference between a meteor and a meteorite?

Ite. Sorry, a kid said this in elementary school and it was funny back then :)
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.
What's the difference between the Harriet Tubman and the Red Hot Chili Peppers?

Harriet Tubman was a heroine to the slaves the Red Hot Chili Peppers are slaves to the heroin!
What's the Difference between a cactus, and a BMW?

A cactus has the prick on the outside.
What's the difference between us and the dinosaurs?

We don't need an asteroid...
What is the difference between sack of dead babys and ferrari ?

I don't have Ferrari in my garage.
Whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are $1.99 deer nuts are under a buck
What's the difference between Leonardo Dicaprio and Sesame Street?

Sesame Street has an Oscar.
What's the difference between Rutgers and Rikers?

One turns young people into horrible human beings and the other is jail.
What's the difference between Iceland and Ireland?

A consonant.
What's the difference between... deer nuts and beer nuts?

Beer nuts are over a dollar deer nuts are under a buck. (old but good)
What Is Difference Between Bomb And Condom.?

What Is Difference Between Bomb And Condom.? In A Bomb Blast Population Decrease.. * But. . * In A Condom Blast Population Increase..!
What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine?

When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after
What's the difference between illegal and unlawful?

One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.
What's the difference between the Pro Bowl and a typical church?

In the Pro Bowl, they give ten percent.
What's the difference between Gordon Ramsey and a run in the forest?

Ones a pant in the country the others a...
What's the difference between a Canadian and an Italian?

Where the "eh" is in the sentence. Canadian: "How you doin, eh " Italian: "Eh! How you doin "
What's the difference between "like", "love" and "showing off"?

Spit, Swallow and Gargle.
What's the difference between a pirate and a necrophiliac?

I'm not sure, but they both go out with shovels to find the booty.
What's The Difference Between Santa and a Muslim?

Santa will be able to enter the united states next year!
What's the difference between a 2016 Reddit post and a 2006 Reddit post?

Removed
What's the difference between Justin Bieber and a lawyer?

Some adults like lawyers.
What's the difference between Reddit and Facebook?

About a day
Whats the difference between a 90s woman and a - computer?

A: A 90s woman won't accept a three-and-a-half-inch floppy.
What's the difference between a wedding and a funeral?

One less drunk.
What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?

I can't make a vitamin
What's the difference between a petri dish and white people?

A petri dish develops a culture.
What's the difference between North Korea amd South Korea?

North Koreans have no Seoul. Thought of this very early in the morning waiting to board a plane.
What's the difference between a frog and a cat?

A cat has nine lives, but a frog croaks every night.
What's the difference between David Blaine and the NRA?

The former has a cunning array of stunts
What's the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber?

The way they pronounce "unionized"
What's the difference between a sandwich and a germanwings plane?

When the sandwich drops I'm sad.
What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Whitney Houston?

Oc The rock Neil was on made him famous, the rock she was on made her dead.
What's the difference between an 8 year old and a big bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall off a balcony
What is the difference between a pitbull and a Golden Retriever?

A Golden Retriever can sing better.
What's the difference between iron-man and iron woman?

one is a superhero and the other is a command.
What's the difference between a waiter and a waitress?

The size of the tip.
What's the difference between a violinist and a fiddler?

How red their necks are.
What's the difference between a terrorist and a feminist?

The terrorist needs a trigger to blow things up.
What's the difference between a sniper with bad eyesight and a constipated owl?

One shoots but can't hit, the other hoots but can't sh...
What's the difference between "Fake News" and CNN?

I don't know Reddit, that's why I'm asking you
What's the difference between a lawyer and an angry rooster?

The rooster clucks defiance.
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

One person.
What's the difference between a good friend and a really good friend?

A good friend will help you move house A really good friend will help you move a body!
What's the difference between Australia and Yogurt?

Culture
What's the difference between Martin Luther King Jr. Day and St. Patricks Day?

Everyone want to be Irish on St. Patricks Day.
What is the difference between a dancer and a duck?

One goes quick on her beautiful legs the other goes quack on her beautiful legs.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.
Whats the difference between children and lesbians?

Children shouldn't run with scissors. Lesbians shouldn't scissor with the runs.
What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?

An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names...
What's the difference between a sociopath and a psychopath?

You can't ride your bike on a sociopath
What's the difference between an apple?

A bike because a vest has no sleeves.
What's the difference between Britain and Australia?

When one votes, it changes something, making things worse. When another votes, it doesn't change anything, making things worse.
What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause?

With Santa it is only three hoes and he's done.
What's the difference between a washing machine and a virgin?

A washing machine doesn't follow the guy around for 2 weeks after he drops a load in it.
What's the difference between golf and Lady Godiva?

One is a hunt on a course.
What's the difference between water and gasoline?

In Flint Michigan you can get gasoline that is unleaded.
What's the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin?

Zimmerman can dodge a bullet.
What is the difference between a brown-noser and a s***t head?

Depth perception
What's the difference between a 100 year old and a 4 year old?

What base you're counting in.
What's the difference between a heroine and heroin?

One's an object that's easily abused, the other's a drug.
What's the difference between Rihanna and Britney Spears?

Britney asked to be hit one more time..
What is the difference between J. Winston and a cat?

One ruins girls clothes and steals crab legs, the other one is also losing the Rose Bowl.
What's the difference between a deaf person and an Italian?

One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can't hear.
What's the difference between a teacher and a conductor on the railroad?

One trains the mind the other minds the train.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?

A. You can't tuna fish.
What's the difference between a Scottish guy and Mick Jagger?

One says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"
What's the difference between a Dove and a Turkey?

One has a coo, the other has a coup
What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?

A fruit doesn't need a wheelchair
What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?

A: A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito.
What's the difference between the Amish and a Ferrari?

About 568 horses.
What's the difference between an astronaut and a NASA intern?

One's constantly preparing for lunch.
What's the difference between cancer and a black guy?

Cancer can get jobs
What's the difference between saying sorry and apologizing?

You can say sorry at a funeral.
What's the difference between Reddit and 9Gag?

About 5 seconds.
What's the difference between a ruble and a dollar?

One dollar
What is the difference between the regular police and the secret service?

The secret service is the only police that gets in trouble if a black person dies. Shamelessly stolen from the correspondents' dinner.
What's the difference between a Pilot and a jet engine?

A jet engine stops whining after it lands
What's the difference between dark matter and Black Lives Matter?

Dark matter has the capacity to leave an impact on a system
What's the difference in red and purple...?

How hard you squeeze it.
What's the difference between a stoner and a Muslim?

When stoners are smoking, they don't explode.
What's the difference between a Caucasian and an asian?

The cauc.
What's the difference between math and meth?

One of them ruins your life. The other's just meth.
What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.
What's the Difference Between Steve Jobs and Bill Gates?

Bill Gates never got a Mac, but Steve Jobs got PC.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a newspaper bag?

One is made of plastic and poses a suffocation hazard to small children. The other one contains newspapers.
What is the difference between a dog and a cat?

Kevin still doesn't know.
What's the difference between US Politics and WWE?

one is a predetermined charade that takes a tremendous amount of willingness to suspend disbelief the other is pro wrestling.
What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a unicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire
What is the difference between complete and finished?

If you find the right woman, you're complete.
How do you tell the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite Muslim?

The Sunni's are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.
What is another difference between a circus and a whorehouse?

My husband doesn't go to the circus
What's the difference between a tornado and a redneck divorce?

Nothing. Either way they're losing the trailer.
Whats the difference between a black man and a dining room table?

A dining room table can stay and support a family of four.
What's the difference between a wealthy man wearing a tux and riding a bike and a hobo in torn jeans and shirt riding a unicycle?

Attire.
What is the difference between British and American schoolchildren?

British schoolchildren survive hide-and-seek.
What's the difference between an elephant and a gooseberry ?

A gooseberry is green !
What's the difference between a Porsche and a KIA?

Paul Walker wouldn't be caught dead in a KIA.
What's the difference between Pizza and your opinion?

I asked for Pizza #KingOfjokes
Why cant programmers tell the difference between christmas and thanksgiving?

Because oct 31 = dec 25
Whats the difference between and old computer and a woman?

a computer accepts a 3.5 inch floppy
What's the difference in a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

You should know, you've only read it twenty times.
What's the difference between looking for a lost golf ball and Lady Godiva?

Looking for a lost golf ball is a hunt on a course.
What's the difference between a telemarketer and a man with a multiphobic personality?

One gets lots of annoyed hangups, the other has a lot of annoying hangups.
What's the difference between a white guy and a pizza?

A pizza doesn't shoot up a school.
What's the difference between my bed and my imagination?

You aren't naked in my bed.
What's the difference between a 19th century slave and a 21st century unpaid intern?

No, seriously, I want to know.
What's the difference between modern pop and Christmas music?

One is 6 people singing 100 songs, the other is 100 people singing 6 songs.
What's the difference between me and an egg?

An egg gets laid.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Lamborghini?

The pricks are on the outside of a porcupine
Whats the difference between a woman and a plate?

You can lick a plate dry
What's the difference between U and I?

J
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Ferrarri?

Porcupines have pricks on the outside.
Whats the difference between a woman and a computer?

A woman doesn't accept 3 1/2 inch floppies
What is the difference between a dog and a mailbox?

If you don't know you must lose a lot of mail.
What's the difference between a 6 month old and a 20 year old?

About 6 garbage bags and 30 gallons of formaldehyde.
What's the difference between love and herpes?

Herpes last forever.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket filled with manure?

The bucket
What's the difference between Mick Jagger, and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says 'Hey, you, get off of my cloud' The Scottish farmer says 'Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe'
What's the difference between the east-german and the west-german accent?

While the former is shared by most, the latter is richer.
What's the difference between rock and jazz?

Rock is playing three chords for a thousand people. Jazz is playing a thousand chords for three people.
What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?

One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
What's the difference between a 4WD and a rental car?

A rental car can drive anywhere.
Whats the difference between a Christian and a Muslim?

One blows up kids, the other gets blown by them.
Whats the difference between a dead baby and a black man?

A dead baby can feed a family of four
What is the difference between Martin Luther King Day and St. Patrick's Day?

St. Patrick's day everybody wants to be Irish.
What is the difference between Coors Light and a lake?

The can
What is the difference between an elevator and black people?

And elevator can raise kids
What's the difference between tumblr and a gun?

The gun has only one trigger
What's the difference between Italian and Polish sausage?

About 2-3 inches.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.?

E.T. phoned home.
What's the difference between a black man and happiness?

You can't buy happiness!
What's the difference between E.T. and a Mexican?

E.T. learned English and went home.
What's the difference between starlings and swallows?

Your mum doesn't starlings.
Whats the difference between an original joke and a repost?

I dunno, i just click submit
What's the difference between an Armenian and a Gorilla?

Just one hair.
What's the difference between Santa and a black man?

Santa stops after the third Ho
What's the difference between bullets and everyone ?

Everyone misses Harambe.
What's the difference between a lesbian and a canoe?

A canoe tips.
Whats the difference between a black man and a picnic table?

A picnic table can support a family of four
What's the difference between a four year old and a baggie of cocaine?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a baggie of cocaine fall out the window.
What's the difference between a baby and a big bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would NEVER let a big bag of cocaine fall out a window!
What's the difference between a baby and a kilo of Coke?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a kilo fall out of a window
What's the difference between Janet Reno and a school bus driver?

A: The bus driver stops to let the kids out.
What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?

A: A chain saw has a dynamic range.
What's the difference between zombies?

Q: What's the difference between zombies? A: Zombies make honey, and zombies don't.
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?

Tiger Woods had a better driver!
What's the difference between a lobster and a Japanese woman run over by a steamroller?

One's a crustacean and the other is a crushed Asian.
What's the difference between a government bond and a man?

The bond matures.*
What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a Hoover vaccuum?

The position of the dirt bag.
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes "Damn!" A bad skydiver goes "Damn!"
What's the difference between A pope and THE pope?

bout tree fiddy.
What's the difference between Wendy's and Windows?

Wendy's is never frozen.
What's the difference between hematologists and urologists?

A hematologist pricks fingers.
What's the difference between a pizza and a pizza joke?

You can't top a good pizza joke.
What's the difference between an angel and a Scotsman?

To one you say, "Hey you, get off my cloud!" The other: "Hey McLoed, get off my ewe!"
What's the difference between dreams and memes?

I haven't given up on my memes yet
What is the difference between falling from the 2nd floor and the 20th floor?

The 2nd floor: (SPLAT) AAAAAaaaaaaaagggghhhhhhhhhhh...... The 20th floor: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! (SPLAT)
What's the difference between a bad haircut and a good haircut?

About two weeks.
What's the difference between handguns and feminists?

A handgun only has one trigger.
What's the difference between your job and your wife?

Nobody does your job for you when you're out
What's the difference between snowmen and snow women?

Snow balls. Ha
What's the difference between r/politics and r/sandersforpresident?

The url.
What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?

A: The blonde works in the dark!
What's the difference between a midget and a dwarf?

Little.
What's the difference between a fox and a dog?

About 7 beers.
What's the difference between your mom and my computer?

I can still turn your mom on.
What is the difference between your mom and Kim Kardashian?

One is a dirty whore and the other is Kim Kardashian.
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

One less drunk.
Whats the difference between cats and dogs?

Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
What is the difference between walking a dog in America and China?

The spelling.
What's the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond?

Eventually the savings bond will mature and begin to earn money.
What's the difference between God and an electrician?

A: God doesn't think **he's** an electrician.
What's the difference between my ex girlfriend and ebola?

At least Ebola will finish me off
What's the difference between a nun on her knees and a nun in the bath?

One has hope in their soul, the other has soap in their hole
What is the difference between a baker baking a cake and a gynecologist giving an exam?

A few degrees.
What's the difference between a roasted chicken and a time bomb?

If you don't know the answer please never invite me to dinner.
What's the difference between a race car and a woman?

One costs a lot of money to maintain, keep running, and give you the results you want. The other has four wheels.
What's the difference between a tribe of pygmy cannibals and the girls cross country team?

The pygmy cannibals are cunning runts.
What's the difference between Hillary's e-mails and the UK leaving the EU?

Hillary got off Scott-free.
What's the difference between an archeologist and an ex girlfriend?

The ancient stuff the archeologist digs up is useful.
What's the difference between a 3 figure and a 4-figure suit?

1 figure, literally and figuratively.
What about breakfast teaches us the difference between "interested" and "committed"?

In a ham and egg sandwich, the chicken had an interest, but the pig is committed.
What's the difference between a black person and Christmas lights?

Nothing. They both look good hanging from trees.
What's the difference between Americans and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it'll grow a culture
What's the difference between a mod and a banana?

removed
What's the difference between a pest and vermin?

Walt Disney.
What's the difference between Whitney Houston and Houston, TX?

Houston, TX will once again reach 98 degrees.
What is the difference between a creep and a kid?

I wouldn't let a creep sit on my lap.
What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".
Whats the difference between chinese people and racism?

Racism has many faces
What's the difference between a cow, and 9/11?

You can't milk a cow for 14 years.
What's the difference between your sister and a washing machine?

A washing machine only takes one load at a time.
What's the difference between a goldfish and a goat?

One mucks around in fountains.
What's the difference between garbanzo beans and chickpeas?

I've never paid $200 to have a garbanzo bean in my mouth.
What's the difference between the Oscars and the BET Awards?

Oscar winners can thank BOTH of their parents.
Whats the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops at 3 Ho's (sorry if it's a re-post)
What's the difference between a barrel rider, and a can of Copenhagen?

You can only fit 3 fingers in a can of Copenhagen.
What's the difference between a tumblrite and a coprolite?

Their age.
Whats the difference between Pink Floyd and Princess Diana?

Nothing, their last big hit was the wall.
What's the difference between Christianity and Judaism?

Christians pay for their sins
What's the difference between a hippie and a geologist?

Not much. One likes getting stones, the other likes getting stoned.
What's the difference between babies and love?

Love doesn't burn. What's worst part about making love to a dead baby. Digging up the coffin. How long does take to play hide and seek with a dead baby? It depends how small the pieces are.
What is the difference between a poker card and Africa?

The sooner is the Ace of Spades and the latter, a Space of AIDS.
What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?

About 5000 miles.
What's the difference between a duck and a curling iron?

A duck is a carbon-based life form while a curling iron is an inanimate appliance
What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a convertable?

I keep one in my garage and one in my closet. Edit:typo.
What's the difference between fog and mist?

If you hit it its fog, if you don't it's mist.
What's the difference between a car salesman and a technology salesman?

The car salesman knows he is lying.
What's the difference between a happy person and ET?

A happy person has a light heart and ET has a heart light
What the difference between a black guy and a donut?

One of them already had a hole before the cop saw it
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?

In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
What the difference between... a dead dog in the road and a dead Frenchman in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the dog.
What's the difference between most complex life forms, and the internet?

Most complex life forms are a tube within a tube, and the internet is more like a series of tubes.
What's the difference between a church bell & a church?

A church bell peals from the steeple.
What is the difference between a trampoline and a baby?

A trampoline doesn't look adorable in a sailor outfit
How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word, "unionized".
Whats the difference between men and women when watching video?

The phrase I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film. usually has a completely different meaning.
Whats the difference between New York and Middle Earth?

Two towers.
What is the difference between an Irish drinking song and a Country drinking song?

You don't cry in your beer when the Irish song is playing.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and dead babies?

I didn't lose my virginity in the back of a Lamborghini.
What's the difference between a bad mechanic and a politician?

With the mechanic, there's a shot something might get fixed...
What's the difference between a carpenter and a construction worker?

30 IQ points. This, as any carpenter will tell you, isn't a joke.
What's the difference between a pig and a dwarf janitor?

One is messy, and the other is a little cleaner.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is a watermelon.
Who Conquers All *obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice* What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle?

When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection.
What's the difference between a violin and a viola?

A viola burns longer.
What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?

A: The color.
What's the difference between a spitter and a swallower?

10 lbs of pressure on the back of the head.
What's the difference between young girls and photographs?

After putting them in a dark room, you have to wait for the photograph to fully develop.
What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

About 45 pounds. What's the differece between a husband and a boyfriend 45 minutes
What's the difference between Super Man and Spider Man ?

Super Man wears his underwear over his pants..
What is the difference between falling from the 1st floor and from the 10th floor?

1st floor : Splat, aaaaaahhh 10th floor: aaaaahhhh, Splat
What's the difference between frat guys and dogs?

A dog has a better understanding of no.
What's the difference between a puppy and a kernel of corn?

Nothing. They both explode when nuked in the microwave.
What the difference between a nun in a bathtub & a nurse in the bathtub?

One has soul full of hope & one has a hole full of soap... I'll walk myself out, sorry first post here
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I wouldn't pay 50 to have a lentil on my face...
What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe?

A. You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don't return it.
What is the difference between a man falling from a 2nd floor and a man falling from an 8th floor?

That the man that falls from the 2nd floor does: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH While the man falling from the 8th floor does: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
What's the difference between magic and black magic?

Black magic doesn't work.
What's the difference between a leper and a tree?

A tree has limbs.
What is the difference between Reddit and a fetish party?

You might actually get me to sub here.
What's the difference between a paddling pool and a swimming pool?

Deep ends really.
What's the difference between a redneck, and a SJW?

A redneck's trigger actually does something
What is the difference between a blind man and a sailor in prison?

One can't see to go the other can't go to sea.
What's the difference between a Hummer and a cactus?

A cactus has all the pricks on the outside.
What is the difference between Ironman and Iron woman?

One is a super hero and the other is a command. *I'll show myself out...*
What is the difference between ovaries and testicles?

There is a vas diference
What's the difference between a Muslim woman and an American one?

An American woman gets stoned *before* she commits adultery.
What's The Difference Between Larry Hogan And An Iraqi Child?

Larry Hogan gets back from the hospital.
What's the difference between a fence and a wall?

I give them a wall, and they take offense.
What is the difference between a feminist and a machist?

The second lacks the hypocrisy of the first.
What's the difference between a black man and Batman?

Batman can go inside a store without Robin
Whats the difference between an anthropologist and a sociologist?

Anthropologists hate Western Civilization. Sociologists only hate America.
What's the difference between training wheels and training bras?

I need two hands to remove training wheels.
What's the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bubble bath?

The girl in church has her soul full of hope...
What's the difference between a dog barking at the front door and a woman screaming at the back door?

If you let the dog in, it will shut up.
What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce in the South?

Nothing, someone's losing the trailer. -Robin Williams
What's the difference between the Notre Dame Fighting Irish and Charlie Sheen?

Charlie Sheen's winning.
What's the difference between the 2016 presidential debates and a pen of baboons relentlessly fighting over the dead stinking corpse of a sheep?

Microphones!
Whats the difference between congress and parliament?

Ones filled with a bunch of baboons and the other just doesn't give a hoot during the day.
What's the difference between an incontinent person and a 1980's Renault?

One's a leaker, one's a Le Car.
What is the difference between a girl from London and a Kitkat?

You only get 4 fingers in a Kitkat.
What's the difference between a tavern and an elephant fart?

One is a bar room, and the other is a *BARROOM!*
Whats the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at a mental hospital?

The patients are the ones who eventually get better and get to go home.
What's the difference between a zombie and a redneck?

One is a brainless, dirty, slow moving abomination, and the other is a zombie.
Whats the difference between reddit and 9gag?

3 hours, but it takes 1 day for it to get to Hot
What is the difference between Russian Optimist Pessimist and Realist?

An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.
Whats the difference between me and a calendar?

A calendar has dates.
What's the difference between a pot head and a person who physically abuses children?

One is good at rolling blunts, the other is good at bowling runts.
What's the difference between yogurt and white people?

If left out for 4,000 years, yogurt will develop culture.
What's the difference between men and pigs?

Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
What's the difference between a horse and a 13 year old boy?

The horse knows when I'm grooming him.
What's the difference between a crackhead and a John?

A crackhead buys crack so he can put it into his pipe and burn it. A John pays so that he can put his pipe into a crack that might burn him.
What is the difference between a guitar player and government bonds?

Government bonds mature over time and earn money
What's the difference between a group of crafty midgets and a jogging club comprised exclusively of women?

The former is a band of cunning runts...
What is the difference between a dead baby and a water melon?

One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one's a water melon.
What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter F.
What's the difference between a baby and baby Alien?

One bursts into tears. The other bursts out of tears
What's the difference between Sugar and Sweet'N Low?

Sugar is on the lips. :-)
What's the difference between a chicken and a hen?

The spelling.
How do you tell the difference between a redditor and a MOBA player?

Ask them what OP stands for.
What is the difference between a Ford car and a porcupine?

Porcupines have pricks on the outside.
What's the difference between a refugee and a terrorist?

I don't know. I just build the fence.
Whats the difference between the FAA and a jet engine?

The engine stops whining after the plane lands.
What is the difference between Bing Bong and Neil Armstrong?

Only one of them made it to the moon.
What is the difference between a camera and a sock?

One holds photos The other holds five
Whats the difference between an Introverted Engineer and an Extroverted Engineer?

Introverted Engineer looks at His shoes when he's talking to you. Extroverted Engineer looks at Your shoes when he's talking to you.
What's the difference between a flatfish and a good woman?

The fish doesn't know it's plaice.
What is the difference between 9/11 and landscaping?

Landscaping is an outside job.
What's the difference between a red head and a blue head?

Your grip.
What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist?

A: Terrorists have sympathizers.
What's the difference between a magician and a psychologist?

A magician makes rabbits appear in hats, while a psychologist makes habits appear in rats.
What's the difference between astronomy and gastronomy?

Astronomy is about things too big to wrap your head around, while gastronomy is about things small enough to wrap your head around.
What's the difference between a pick-up artist and an Atari 2600?

An Atari 2600 has more game. :)
What's the difference between Gene Simmons and Richard Simmons?

One porks women the other un-porks them.
What's the difference between a lorry with good brakes, and a lorry with nice brakes?

A Lorry with Nice breaks doesn't stop until after a mile.
What's the difference between a kid and a cat?

Who has the diploma when you get rid of them.
What's the difference between beer nut and deer nuts?

Beer nuts will cost you about $1.25. Deer nuts are under a buck.
What's the difference between a Boko Haram training camp and a Nigerian refugee camp?

I don't know, I just fly the fighter jet.
Whats the difference between a lawyer and a teenage boy?

One is a master debater. The other is a masterbater.
What's the difference between 2015 and Moore's Law?

One's the year of the ram, the other is the ram of the year.
What's the difference between an Nvidia card and an AMD card?

One empties your pocket. The other makes Hot Pockets.
What's the difference between a business meeting and a battle ground?

Deadpeople
What is the difference between Elon musk and Tony Stark?

Stark industries has actually turned a profit
What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?

A: Some traffic signs say stop.
How do you tell the difference between a scientist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.
Whats the difference between a black guy in jail and a caged birth?

The bird doesn't feel he's home.
What's the difference between Walk of Life and Washington state?

One's by Dire Straits, the other's by dryer states.
Whats the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?

You can't use a pitchfork on the bowling balls.
What's the difference between a cow and the Twin Towers?

You can't milk a cow for 15 years.
What's the difference between Jesus and Sasha Grey?

The look on their face while being nailed.
What's the difference between Jesus and his portrait ?

His portrait only need one nail
What's the difference between Brazil and Oscar Pistorious?

Oscar Pistorious has a better defence and more shots on Target
What's the difference between LinkedIn and McDonald's?

McDonald's knows how to use salt
What's the difference between pokemon go and my girlfriend?

Pokemon go always goes down on me
What's the difference between Hillary and Eva Braun?

One achieved fame and significance solely because she was married to a charismatic politician. The other was Hilter's wife.
What's the difference between a seal and a sealion?

An electron
What's the difference between Reddit CEO Ellen Pao, and Yoko Ono?

about 40 years.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

a tire.
What's the difference between america and a yoghurt?

A yoghurt develops a culture After sitting there for 100 years.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?

Stephen Hawking doesn't walkie or talkie.
What is the difference between a fly and a mosquito?

A mosquito can "fly", but a fly can not "mosquito".
What's the difference between a yogurt and the Americans?

If you leave a yogurt for 200 years it'll grow a culture.
What's the difference between a midget chess team and a ladies track team?

One is a group of cunning little runts.... the other is a group of running little C
What is the difference between me and my couch?

My couch pulls outs
What's the difference between Bono and Jesus?

Jesus didn't walk around Dublin acting like he's Bono.
What's the difference between a preschool and a terrorist training camp?

Don't ask me...I just fly the drones!
What's the difference between a tribe of clever pygmies and a girls' track team?

One is a group of cunning runts.
What's the difference between Phil Collins and Germany?

We stopped Germany.
What's the difference between a folk singer and a pepperoni pizza?

A pepperoni pizza can actually feed a family of five.
Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari?

I dont have a ferrari in my garage.
What's the difference between Michael Brown and Darren Wilson?

Only one of them knows how to dodge a bullet.
How can you tell the difference between normal and self-raising flour?

One has parents
What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?

A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.
What's the difference between a women's argument and a knife?

The knife has a point !
What's the difference between a terrorist cell and a children's hospital?

Don't ask me man, I just fly the drones.
What's the difference between a meth lab and a Ferrari?

There isn't a Ferrari in my garage
What's the difference between a twitcher and a stutterer?

One's a bird watcher and the other's a word botcher!
What's the difference between a sperm bank and an regular bank?

When you start to make deposits at the sperm bank, you loose interest
What's the difference between a hand towel and toilet paper?

What " "You aren't coming to my house"
What's the difference between a ginger and a brick?

Bricks get laid.
What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?

A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
What's the difference between a saxophone and an onion?

You don't cry when you cut up a saxophone. Happy Saxophone Day Why this musical abomination deserves its own day is beyond me. Edit: beside to beyond
What's the difference between oooh and ahh?

3 inches
What's the difference between a women's track team and a group of midgets playing chess?

The latter is a group of cunning runts.
What's the difference between 7/11 and 9/11?

One is a part-time job the other an inside
What's the difference between driving a car on an empty tank of gas and having diarrhea?

One you're running on fumes, the other you're fuming with the runs.
What's the difference between RPGs and Drunken Style Kung Fu?

In the first, you must drink a lot of liquids before battle, but in the latter, you only pretend.
What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?

One's a pro, and one's a con.
What's the difference between your dad and this joke?

This joke will be back someday
What's the difference between Valve and uranium?

Uranium gets to its half-life on time.
What's the difference between your boyfriend and whipped cream?

The cream
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

The first is a super hero, the second is a simple command.
What's the difference between necrophilia and a pizza?

Even if it is cold it's still good.
What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and a colored wash?

Whites occasionally get inside a colored wash.
What's the difference between a fedora clad Brony and an egg?

The egg gets laid!
What is the difference between a wife and a mistress?

About 20kg.
What's the difference between MLK day and St. Patty's day?

On St Patty's day everyone wants to be Irish.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Hummer?

The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What's the difference between garbage and a girl from New Jersey?

Garbage gets picked up!
What's the difference between an 18yo and a washing machine?

You can dump your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you round for two weeks telling you it loves you
What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a handsomely dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire
What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
What's the difference between a tuna a piano and a pot of glue..?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna What about the pot of glue reddit will ask. Hahahahaha I knew you'd get stuck there
What's the difference between black people and cancer?

Cancer got Jobs
What's the difference between pea soup and mashed potatoes?

Anyone can mash potatoes
What's the difference between god and pilots?

God doesn't think he's a pilot.
What is the difference between wealth and poverty?

And the dad says: 'Wealth is caviar, champagne and women. Poverty is hot pocket, beer and your mother!'
What's the difference between a church bell & a church?

A church bell peals from the steeple.
What's the difference between democracy and feudalism?

Q: What's the difference between democracy and feudalism A: In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your Count votes.
What's the difference between a retard and a baby?

The baby has a soul.
What's the difference between a bench and a black guy?

A bench can support a family of four.
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?

Batman can go into a convenience store without Robin.
What's the difference between mad cow disease and PMS?

Nothing.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Mercedes Benz?

The porcupine's pricks are on the outside.
What is the difference between a bowling ball and a sorority girl?

You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball
What's the difference between a BMW and a hedgehog?

On a hedgehog the pricks are on the outside.
Whats the difference between a retard and a woman?

The retard doesn't need to be buggered to think he's special.
What's the difference a teckel and the United Nations?

There's none. They both have big hearts but a short reach.
What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?

A dressmaker sews what she gathers a farmer gathers what he sows.
Whats the difference between a midget and a bigot?

One is small and the Other is small minded!
What's the difference between a zoo in Louisiana and a zoo anywhere else?

In Louisiana, next to the plaque with the animal's name, they've got a good recipe.
What's the difference between linearly independent vectors and the World Trade Centre?

You can't put a plane through linearly independent vectors
What's the difference between a schoolmaster and a stationmaster?

The stationmaster minds trains while the schoolmaster trains minds.
What's the difference between a cake and a school bus ?

Jill: I don't know. Janet: I'm glad I didn't send you to pick up my birthday cake !
What's the difference between novocaine and an index finger?

One's a digit divisible by two, the other is a prime number.
What's the difference between a piano, glue, and a tuna?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna (What about the glue ) I knew you'd get stuck on that
What's the difference between a sausage dog and a market trader?

One bawls his wares out on the street...
What is the difference between two towers?

A plane
What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road?

A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
What's the difference between a feminist and incense sticks?

Incense sticks make scents.
What's the difference between dead animals on the road and dead lawyers on the road?

Dead animals have skid marks AROUND them
What's the difference between a religion and a cult?

A religion drinks wine and a cult drinks Kool-Aid.
What's the difference between a bull and a cow?

A bull smiles when you milk it.
What is the difference between confident and confidential?

Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, THAT is confidential.
What is the difference between a horse and a duck?

One goes quick and the other goes quack!
What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says "Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud..." the Scottish farmer says "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe"
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

The nun has hope in her soul!
What's the difference between a white bodybuilder and a black bodybuilder?

A white bodybuilder has 6 packs whereas a black bodybuilder has 2 pac
What is the difference between a women's track team and a pack of gerbils?

The gerbils are a bunch of cunning runts.
What's the difference between a girl's track team and a pygmy tribe?

One is a bunch of cunning runts.
Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a Disney movie?

Disney movies can still touch little kids.
What's the difference between E.T and illegal immigrants?

E.T actually learned English and wanted to go home.
What is the difference between a dog and a viola?

A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.
What's the difference between a chickpea and lintel?

I've never had a lintel on my chest.
What is the difference between a GOOD and a BAD girl?

What is the difference between a GOOD and a BAD girl? A GOOD girl goes to a party, goes home then goes to bed. A BAD girl goes to a party, goes to bed then goes home.
What's the difference between a Volvo and a Mercedes?

Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Volvo
What is the difference between the people in Dubai &?

the people in Abu Dhabi? The people in Dubai don't watch The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi Do!
What's the difference between a football player and a bank robber?

The bank robber says: Give me the money or I will shoot! The football player says: Give me the money or I won't shoot.
What's the difference between a Pizza and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up Pizza.
What is the difference between a hog and a man?

A: A hog doesn't have to sit in a bar and buy drinks all night just so he can f*** some pig.
What's the difference between a podiatrist and a drummer?

The podiatrist bucks up your feet.
What is the difference between my dad and cancer?

Cancer came back
What's the difference between Bill Cosby and a Rap artist?

art
What's the difference between a wide receiver and Ray Rice's wife?

The NFL will review the tape of the wide receiver getting hit
What's the difference between a well dressed bicyclist and a poorly dressed unicyclist?

Attire.
What is the difference between joghurt and America?

If you leave joghurt alone for 200 years, it will grow a culture!
What's the difference between the calendar and you?

A calendar has a date on Valentine's day.
What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: 6 inches is medium 8 inches is rare.
What is the difference between a Siberian husky and an Alaskan husky?

About 1500 miles.
What's the difference between a black dad and a elevator?

A elevator can raise a kid
What is the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would NEVER drop a bag of cocaine.
What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?

A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside.
What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?

A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
What's the difference between tuna, a piano, and a pot of glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna!
What's the difference between a blonde and McDonald's?

A: A blonde serves more people in a night.
What's the difference in the KKK and the Supreme Court?

The KKK dresses in white and scares the hell out of black people, the Supreme Court dresses in black and scares the hell out of white people.
What's the difference between blue paint and red paint?

The color. Yes, this is an anti-joke. Downvote please.
What is the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bathtub?

The girl in church has hope in her soul
What's the difference between Stanley Yelnats and the rest of the kids in Holes?

He was just a nerdy digger.
What's the difference between a dog and a cyclist?

When you run over a dog you don't have to go back and get the GoPro.
What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to all your devices & accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard
What's the difference between a fraternity and a gang?

Gangs don't have to pay for friends.
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and Princess Diana?

Pink Floyd kept going after the wall.
What's the difference between a terrorist and a civilian?

I don't know man, I just fly the drones.
What's the difference between OJ Simpson and Stephen King?

OJ's truth is stranger than King's fiction.
What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?

With a coffin, the dead person is on the inside.
What's the difference between a jeep and a rental car?

A rental car can go anywhere
What's the difference between racism and asians?

Racism has many faces.
What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill?

One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.
What's the difference between a camera and a foot?

A camera has photos and a foot has five toes. (Told to me by a 9 year old child I work with)
What's the difference between white socks and red socks?

Students will most likely answer the color) Then you say, "yes, that's one difference but there's another: The White Sox play in Chicago and the Red Sox play in Boston!
What's the difference between a Native American and a white baby?

A voice.
What's the difference between a smart midget... What's the difference between a smart midget and a woman with a venereal disease?

Well, one's a cunning runt...
What are the differences and similarities of flint michigan and the walking dead universe?

They are both post apocalyptic but only one produces brand new cars.
What is the difference... What is the difference between unlawful and illegal?

One is against the law and the other is a sick bird.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity?

Teacher: What is the difference between lightning and electricity? Alexander: I know you do not have to pay for lightning.
What's the difference between a Catholic and a Baptist?

A Catholic will say hello when he sees you in the liquor store.
What's the difference between a cult and a religion ?

About a couple thousand years.
What's the difference between 50 Cent and the Ozone Layer?

The Ozone layer doesn't benefit from having holes in them.
What the difference between What's the difference between a chick pea and lentil?

I've never paid to have a lentil on me!
What's the difference between a cigarette and my exwife?

Cigarettes don't scream when they're burning.
What's the difference between Michael j. Fox and an earthquake?

Earthquakes stop shaking
What is the difference between a girl in a church, and a girl in a bathtub?

The girl in the church has hope in her soul, and the girl In the bathtub has soap in her hole.
Whats the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral?

There's one less drunk.
What is the difference between Liverpool football and a tea bag?

A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What is the difference between motorbike and boyfriend?

A: Well, bike is first kicked than used and boyfriend is first used than kicked ZZZZ ... :)
What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a small child?

Eric Clapton would never let a small bag of cocaine fall out of a window.
What's the difference between sarcasm and a serious statement?

What're you asking me for I have Asperger's.
What's the difference between an infinite line and an infinitely large circle?

There is no difference. The joke is you just learned math.
What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.
What's the difference between Americans and Europeans?

For an European 500 Miles is a long distance, for an American 500 years are a long History
What's the difference between a gun and a wife?

You can silence a gun.
What's the difference between Santa and Justin Beiber?

Santa stops at 3 Ho's
What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?

A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it.
What's the difference between 8:45 am and 10:45 am?

Around 3000 people
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Prius?

Porcupines have pricks on the outside
What's the difference between an egg and a redditor?

An egg gets laid
What's the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire
What is the difference between a garbanzo beans and a chickpea?

I would never let a garbanzo bean in my mouth.
What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?

x-post from r/bicycling Attire
What's the difference between HP computers and HP in a video game?

One of them you want to see a lot less of.
What's the difference between a mining company and priests?

A mining company puts miners in shafts.
What's the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has a future...
What's the difference between Turkey and Duck?

Duck doesn't deny the Armenian Genocide.
What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?

Ones a snack cracker and the others a crack snacker.
What is the difference between a Train and an Hamster ?

The train got windows
What's the difference between a Russian Potato and a U.S. Potato?

The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.
What's the difference between a Mexican and an elevator?

An elevator can raise a family I'll just see myself out.
What's the difference between an erection and Colin Kaepernick?

An erection can make it past the semis, and still stand up if you sing for it.
What's the difference between an Art major and a guy who mops bathrooms at KFC?

One has a job.
What's the difference between light and hard?

You can sleep with a light on.
What is the difference between a 2 year old and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out a window.
What's the difference between a church bell & a politician?

A church bell peals from the steeple.
What's the difference between Mexicans and Jesus?

Jesus didn't have tattoos of Mexicans all over body
What's the difference between the charismatics and the nacists?

45
What's the difference between a blonde and a washer?

When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn't follow you around for a week.
What's the difference between Polio and 9/11?

The government actually wanted to stop Polio.
What's the difference between an all girls soccer team and a tribe of pygmies?

One is a bunch of cunning runts.
What's the difference between yogurt and the US?

Yogurt's got a culture. (no offence)
What's the difference between a group of midget engineers and a women's track team?

One is a group of cunning runts...
What's the difference between a million dollar car and a pile of dead babies?

There's no million dollar car in my garage.
What's the difference between refrigerator and a child?

Refrigerator doesn't have a 'd' in it.
What's the difference between having a badly poured draft beer and having a child with Down's Syndrome?

If the head's too big on your beer, you can blow it off.
What's the difference between a yoghurt and the USA?

If left for 400 years, the yoghurt will develop a culture.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops at three Hos.
What's the difference between a feminist and Brexit?

Brexit has actually affected society.
What's the difference between Amy Winehouse, Janice Joplin, Jim Morrison, and a bottle of scotch?

OC) A bottle of scotch can keep beyond 27 years.
What is the difference between a parrot saying "E equals M C squared" and most people saying it?

Nothing.
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a one foot tall man painting the side of a house?

Answer: On a quantum level, there is no difference.
What's the difference between a Bald Eagle and an American?

The Bald Eagle is free c:
What's the difference between an "Ooh" and an "Aah"?

About 5 inches.
What's the difference between America and Europe?

In America, we call our inbred hillbillies. In Europe, they call them royals.
Why are guys so bad at math?

They can't tell the difference between 3 inches and 9 inches.
What's the difference between a women's track team and a tribe of pygmys?

One is a cunning bunch of runts...
What's the difference between George Washington and Nicki Minaj?

Nicki Minaj never owned slaves.(https://www.youtube.com/watch v=Gr1p4KtgOXc)
What is the difference between christianity and national socialism?

In christianity, one guy died for all the others.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage I do realize this is a sick joke but it still makes me laugh when I hear it. I'm a horrible person
What's the difference between a walrus and a lesbian?

One smells like fish and has a mustache, and the other is a walrus.
What's the difference between a gnome and an elf?

Gnomenclature.
Whats the difference between a diamond player and a master player in League of Legends?

About 1400 dollars
What is the difference between a baby and a feminist?

The baby grows up and learns to stop crying.
What's the difference between love, pure love and excessive love?

Blowing Swallowing Gargeling
What's the difference between a hammer and a mallet?

I don't remember the rest of the joke, but your mother's a whore.
What's the difference between aged cheddar and regular cheddar?

The aged cheddar isn't as sharp as it once was.
What's the difference between a High School girls track team and a tribe of pigmy?

Pigmies are a cunning bunch of runts.
What's the difference between a piano, a tuna fish, and a pot of glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano tuna. ... What about the pot of glue I knew you'd get stuck.
Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend?

Because they're both cauldron
What's the difference between a sliced up body and a new BMW?

I don't have a new BMW in my garage.
What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor?

A: About 10 pounds.
What's the difference between a girl's track team and a bunch of pigs?

One's a group of cunning runts...
What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and an autonomous robot...?

Nothing... they were both made to steal American jobs.
What's the difference between Niagara and Viagra?

Niagara falls.
What's the difference between Einstein and Kim Kardashian?

Einstein is famous for special relativity, Kim is famous for simple reality tv.
What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?

A taxidermist takes only your skin. Mark Twain
What is the difference between the substance inside a fire hydrant and the substance on the outside of it?

H20 is on the inside, and K9P is on the outside.
What's the difference between a violist and a dressmaker?

A: A dressmaker tucks up frills.
What's the difference between up and down?

It all depends on how you look at it
What's the difference between a cow and The Bible?

You can't milk a cow for 2,000 years.
What's the difference between a whore and a truck?

The truck can only take the load from behind where as the whore can take it from anywhere.
What's the difference between sanctuary and prison?

Toilet paper.
What is the difference between a human and a potato?

Time
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?

I've never paid to have a lima bean on my chest.
How do you tell the difference between Al Gore and the secret service when they're in the same room?

Al Gore's the stiff one.
What's the difference between the strippers and the circus?

The circus has a cunning array of stunts.
What's the difference between a woman in the bath and a woman at church?

Well... the woman at church has hope in her soul.
What's the difference between a Redditor and a brick?

The brick will eventually get laid.
What is the difference between an angry rabbit and a counterfeit dollar bill?

One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story, and a Catholic priest?

One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

50 pounds.
What's the difference between my ex and my toaster?

It only takes 120 volts to turn on my toaster.
What's the difference between people from Dubai and people from Abu Dhabi?

People from Dubai don't watch The Flintstones, but people from Abu Dhabi do
What is the difference between being Scottish, Irish, or Welsh?

The difference is what people you hate
What's the difference between Ellen Pao and Kim Jong Un?

Kim Jong Un has control over his country.
Whats the difference between Electricians and Technicians?

You don't have electricians that are colour blind!
What's the difference between a computer and a woman?

A computer only has to have information punched into it once.
What's the difference between USB and USA?

One connects to all your devices and access your data, one connects to all your devices and access your data.
What's the difference between a bird, and a bird with only one wing?

It's a matter of a pinion(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pinion).
What's the difference between a gun and a radical feminist?

A gun only has one trigger.
What's the difference between a firstborn prince and a baseball?

A baseball is thrown to the air.
What's the difference between a bug and an insect?

Judging by Table 5's reactions, not a lot.
What's the difference between Voldemort and Tyrion Lannister?

One had a horcrux, the other had a whorecrush..
What's the difference between O and Q?

One had to P.
Whats the difference between dawn and dusk?

d(sun)/dt *facepalm* I'll see myself out.
What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?

A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
What's the difference between me and a dentist?

The dentist pulls it out when it hurts.
Whats the difference between an Audi and a porcupine?

With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside
What is the difference between Elliot Rodgers and Malaysia Airlines?

Malaysia Airlines only has been shot down once.
What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?

A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.
What's the difference between a Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops at 3 ho's
What is the difference between a midget politician and syphilis?

One is a cunning runt.
Whats the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a bottle of glue?

Anyone can tuna piano, but nobody can piano a tuna!
What's the difference between a woman coming out of church and a woman taking a bath?

The woman coming out of church as hope in her soul!
Why did Hillary cross the road?

What difference, at this point, does it make?
Whats the difference between Yoghurt and the USA?

Yoghurt has a culture.
What's the difference between a bag of dead babies and a mercedes?

I don't have a mercedes in my garage!
What is the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

A BMW's pricks are on the inside!
What's the difference between a sorority and a circus?

A circus has a cunning array of stunts
What's the difference between /r/funny and /r/jokes?

is funny and is a joke!
What is the difference between a cheap whore and an expensive whore?

One is your mom the other one gets paid more.
What's the difference between a monster and a mouse?

A monster makes bigger holes in the skirting board.
What's the difference between a reindeer and a caribou?

Caribou can't fly.
What's the difference between Jesus and other carpenters?

Jesus may actually return some day.
Whats the difference between a White lie and a Black lie?

Half to none of the time.
Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What's the difference between an old-time organ grinder and a heroin addict?

One has a monkey on a leash and the other has a monkey on his back.
Whats the difference between Mashed Potatoes and Pea Soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes!
What's the difference between a psychotic mental patient and a man with a bible in his hand?

Respiridol
What's the difference between regular AIDS and north korean AIDS?

Regular AIDS is incurable. North Korean AIDS is invincible!
What's the difference between Whitney Houston and a black widow?

Nothing. Neither can climb out of a bathtub.
What's the difference between a truckload of sand and a truckload of babies?

You can't unload sand with pitchforks.
What's the difference between hard and light?

I can sleep with a light on.
What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a scottish sheep herder?

One says, "hey, you! Get off my cloud!", and the other one says, "hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"
What's the difference between Jesus and a whore?

The expression on their face when they're getting nailed.
What's the difference between you and an egg?

The egg actually gets laid!
What is the difference between a woman in church and a woman in a bathtub?

Answer: One has hope in her soul the other has soap in her hole.
What's the difference between a girl and a washing machine?

When I dump a load into the washing machine it doesn't follow me around
What's the difference between Olive Garden and Reddit?

At Olive Garden the servers actually work.
What's the difference between Jesus and a bunch of Mexicans?

Jesus doesn't have a bunch of Mexicans tattooed all over himself.
What's the difference between Isis hostages and Isis terrorists?

Don't ask me, I just fly the drones...
What's difference between Abu Dhabi and Dubai?

People in Dubai don't watch The Flintstones But people in Abu Dhabi Do!!
Whats the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a women's track team?

A tribe of pygmies is a bunch of cunning runts.
What is the difference between light and hard?

Well, you can sleep with a light on.
What's the difference between America and cereal?

You can get cereal without nuts.
What's the difference between a woman and a toilet?

The toilet doesn't insist on cuddling after you drop your load in it.
What's the difference between a brick and an MRA?

Bricks get laid.
Whats the difference between a woman and a feminist?

A woman can understand irony and satire without being offended.
What's the difference between my bike and your mom?

Your dad doesn't watch when I ride my bike.
What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby?

The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.
What's the difference between a 1950s mental asylum and my fridge?

One's filled with fruits and vegetables, the other's my fridge.
What the difference between Bernie Sanders and a piece of fruit?

Pieces of fruit actually get picked for something.
What do you get when you have one pinion nut in one hand, and two pinion nuts in another?

A difference of a pinion!
What is the difference between a sock and a camera?

A sock takes five toes and a camera takes photos.
What's the difference between a laundry machine and a girl?

The washing machine doesn't get upset if I dump a load in it and never call back
What's the difference between a kid and a drawer?

A drawer won't scream when I force my junk into it.
What's the difference between a pitbull and a social worker?

You might get your baby back off a pitbull.
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops after three ho's.
What's the difference between an American zoo and a Chinese zoo?

An American zoo will only have a description of the animal. The Chinese zoo has the price and recipe of the animal.
What's the difference between feminism and Islam?

One is demonized by the actions and beliefs of a small minority. The other believes in the wage gap myth.
What's the difference between me and my new couch?

The couch pulls out...
What's the difference between the average person and a feminist?

About 200 pounds.
What's the difference between a midget and black people?

A midget is a small problem. Black people are a huge problem.
What's the difference between David Lee Roth and Snoop Lion?

David Lee Roth was in Van Halen Snoop Lion was in a van in halen
What's the difference between a sigh a car and a monkey?

A sigh is oh dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you dear.
What's the difference between a white girl who likes to tan and a burger?

They both need to be flipped every 10 mins, but only one turns pink when its done.
What's the difference between a tease, a love, and a lust?

Spit, swallow, gargle.
What's the difference between a vampire and a cookie?

You can't dip a vampire in your tea.
What's the difference between a pimple and a Catholic Priest?

A pimple waits until you're 13-years-old before coming on your face.
What's the difference between a bus driver and a cold?

A bus driver knows the stops and a cold stops the nose.
What's the difference between a chickpee and a garbanzo bean?

I'd never let a garbanzo bean on my face
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?

Santa knows to stop after three Ho's.
What's the difference between an original joke and a repost?

I don't know, I just click "submit"
What's the difference between a tropical beach and a priest?

One gets sun on your skin and the other gets skin on your son.
What's the difference between a "narrative" and a "circle jerk"?

How you spell them.
What's the difference between a Pound and a Dollar?

A dollar
What's the difference between Bernie Sanders and a coconut?

Coconuts have hair
What's the difference between an Hawaiin and a Muslim ?

One always offer a snack bar after saying hello
What's the difference between children and Isis?

Drones can't tell either
What's the difference between a park bench and a black man?

hopefully not a repost) The city supports the bench. Badum-tsss
What is the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?

One is a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.
What is the difference between a 5 and a 2?

3
What's the difference between BMWs and porcupines?

Porcupines have pricks on the outside.
What is the difference between a brick and a blonde?

If you lay a brick it doesn't follow you home.
What is the difference between Christmas music and Kobe Bryant?

Christmas music will still be playing next year.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

A)..... The rooster clucks defiance.
Whats the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter?

Twitter only allows 160 characters
What's the difference between the United States and some yoghurt?

After 200 years, the Yoghurt develops a culture.
What's the difference between 3 and 13?

Nothing, they both have 1 3
What's the difference between toilet paper and a knife?

Oh, you don't know I won't ask you to wipe my bum then.
What's the difference between a Blonde and a person with a different colour of hair?

The blonde sure doesn't know.
What is the difference between leaves and a car?

One you brush and rake, the other you rush and brake.
What is the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods?

One of them has a good driver.
Whats the difference between a woman and a floppy drive?

A Floppy Drive can only take 3.5" Inches.
What's the difference between Oscar the grouch and a grouch at the Oscars?

Ones green and the other is black
Whats the difference between a coal mining company and the Catholic Church?

A coal mining company puts miners in shafts not the other way around.......
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop an onion.
What's the difference between an M&?

M and a tiny mute in your tuna sandwich screaming for help? One melts in your mouth, one mouths in your melt.
What's the difference between a good joke and click bait?

This isn't a good joke.
What's the difference between Asians and Caucasians?

Asians don't have the "cauc".
What's the difference between a corn shucker with epilepsy and a whore with diarrhea?

The corn shucker shucks between fits...
What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe?

Question: What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe? Answer: One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.
What's the difference between negligence and falling off of the empire state building?

Nothing if you're a gorilla.
What's the difference between a corpse and a Chinese baby girl?

5 minutes
What is the difference between a mechanical and civil engineer?

The former builds weapons, the latter targets
What's the difference between a bag of chips and a duck with the flu?

One's a quick snack and the other's a sick quack!
What's the difference between fighting on the internet and participating in the paralympics?

None, even if you win, you're still retarded.
What's the difference between a washing machine and your mom?

The last time I dumped a load into the washing machine, she didn't follow me around for a week!
What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.
What's the difference between a refugee and E.T?

E.T learned English and wanted to go home.
What's the difference between tequila, and all of my relationships?

Tequila never goes bad
What's the difference between a condom and the space-time continuum?

There wasn't a hole in my dad's space-time continuum.
What is the difference between a podiatrist and Ginger Baker?

A podiatrist bucks up your feet.
What's the difference between a religious revival and a bikers rally?

At a religious revival, they say "STAND UP FOR JESUS" At a bikers rally, they say "SIT DOWN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE"
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and a woman?

Inserting a rod into the reactor turns it off.
What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

An ion!
What is the difference between a Mexican and a book?

A book has papers.
What's the difference between the holocaust and a jolly-good fellow?

Nobody can a jolly-good fellow!
What is the difference between chicken and blondes ?

The chicken knows on whose eggs sitting .
What's the difference between a public park and a public toilet?

I need to know before my court date on Monday.
What's the difference between a Afghanistan wedding and a terrorist training camp?

Don't ask me, I'm just the drone pilot.
What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit?

A: One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!
What's the difference between a teabag and the English rugby team?

A teabag stays in the cup longer...
What's the difference between a TV and a newspaper?

Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?
What's the difference between a normal woman and a witch?

The spelling Teehee
What's the difference between a fly and a bird?

A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.
What's the difference between a Surrey girl and a washing machine?

When you drop a load in a washing machine it doesn't text you every hour for a week.
What's the difference between 9/11 and your birth?

One was planned.
What's the difference between a formally-dressed man riding a unicycle and a casually-dressed man riding a bicycle?

Attire.
What's the difference between a Catholic and Baptist?

A Catholic will say hello to you in a liquor store.
Whats the Difference between an Atheist, a Christian and a Dog?

DogMa
What's the difference between a wife and a dog?

The later you get home, the happier one is to see you
What's the difference between Catholics and Protestants?

Protestants have sects.
What's the difference between a Brit and an American?

The Brit got kicked out and the American did the kicking.
What's the difference between Jesus and the painting of the Last Supper?

You only need one nail to hang the painting.
What is the difference between a black person and a tire?

The tire doesn't sing gospels when you put it in chains.
What's the difference between a Hoover and a Harley?

The location of the dirtbag.
What's the difference between a high and drunk driver?

The drunk driver goes through the stop sign, while the high driver waits for it to turn green.
What is the difference b/w secretary & private secretary?

Ans: Secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR & Private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR
What is the difference between a baby and a stamp?

I don't have a stamp collection.
What's the difference between an elephant and a bad pupil ?

One rarely bites and the other barely writes !
What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?

A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.
What's the difference between the jokes from today and next week's jokes?

The posters.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a Xbox?

They're both made of plastic, and little kids turn them on.
What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?

One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny!
What's the difference between you and I?

About 12 letters
What's the difference between Frenchmen and some toast?

You can make soldiers out of toast!
What's the difference between reddit and resturant ?

Restaurants have better servers.
What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?

Spit, swallow, gargle.
What is the difference between in-law and vultures?

Vultures attack first, when you are dead.
What's the difference between the armed forces and Comcast?

Nobody ever says "Thank you for your service" to the latter.
What's the difference between an alpaca and your Mom?

One is a hairy beast that spits, the other is native to South America.
What's the difference between three black guys and a joke?

Your mom can't take a joke.
What's the difference between a cook and a homo?

Well, the cook stirs today's meal while the homo stirs yesterday's.
What's the difference between Bigfoot and a Mexican with a beard?

Bigfoot is occasionally sighted
What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby?

One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other one is a watermelon.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Andrew Jackson?

One goes from black to white, the other goes from white to black.
What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day.
What's the difference between juice and cider?

I can't go deep in juice.
What's the difference between communism and capitalism?

In the former, man exploits man, in the latter, it's exactly the opposite.
What's the difference between a Swedish jam band and slam dunking a baby?

One's a Swedish Phish and the other's a fetus swish
What's the difference between sheep and women?

The Welsh don't know yet either.
What's the difference between Lindsay Lohan and the newspaper?

Lindsay Lohan never reads the newspaper in jail, but the newspaper always reads "Lindsay Lohan in jail"
What is the difference between a Greek spearman and a pale beer?

One is hoplite, and the other a light hops.
What's the difference between a cow and 911?

You stop milking a cow after 14 years..
What's the difference between the Rockettes and a troop of acrobats?

One is a cunning array of stunts.
What's the difference between humans and bullets?

Humans miss Harambe.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

A-tyre
Whats The Difference Between a Hobo On a Unicycle And a Man In a Suit On a Bike?

Attire.
What's the difference between a stoat and a weasel?

One is weasily recognised and the other is stoatally different
What's the difference between a man in plain clothes riding a unicycle and a man in a tuxedo riding a bike?

Attire
What's the difference between beekeeping and falconry?

Falconers have to be more talon-ted
What's the difference between America any yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.
What is the difference between like, love, hate, and showing off?

Spit, swallow, bite, and gargle.
What's the difference between a paycheck and a D**k?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.
What's the difference between my virginity and the Apple Airphones?

Losing my virginity wouldn't cost me as much.
What's the difference between an orphanage and a beach ball?

You won't go to prison for blowing up a beach ball.
What's the difference between a tea bag and England?

A tea bag stays longer in a cup.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a notebook?

A notebook has papers. -I'll see myself out now
What's the difference between a sumo and a feminist?

A sumo shaves their legs.
What's the difference between a cow and Super Mario Bros?

A cow can't be milked for over 30 years
How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital?

The patients get better and leave. Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God. The staff have the keys!
What is the difference between a sociopath and a buddhist?

A sociopath sees people as things a buddhist sees things as people.
What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?

February 14th.
What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?

Terrorists blow them selves up at camp on accident
How do you tell the difference?

I told him "It's easy! Julie has long blonde hair..." "..and Derek has a moustache"
What's the difference between matter and a hormone?

You can't make matter.
What's that difference between a pun and a dad joke?

Dad jokes are punnier.
What is the difference between the deflate gate controversy and my wife?

Only one shows an interest in the balls.
What's the difference between a shopping cart and a radical feminist?

A shopping cart will, on occasion, exhibit a mind of it's own
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?

You only have to punch information into a computer once.
What is the difference between a boat and a woman?

The boat cuts through the water, a woman waters through the cut.
What is the difference between a Southern Zoo and a Northern Zoo?

A Southern Zoo has a description of the animal on the cage along with a recipe.
What's the difference between a chick pea and a potato?

You would pay to have a potato on you...
What's the difference between a vegan, a crossfit instructor, and a psychological test subject?

The test subject is the only one you'd willingly ask to "tell us about yourself."
What's the difference between redneck newlyweds and two variables in a dataset?

The variables aren't necessarily related.
What's the difference between a Southern wedding and a Southern tornado?

Nothing - either way someone's gonna lose a trailer *shamelessly stolen from Robin Williams
What's the difference between a jar of mayonnaise and France?

If you leave the jar alone for 200 years it'll develop a culture.
What's the difference between a beer and a down syndrome kid?

If you end up with a badly poured beer you can blow it's head off.
What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish sheep farmer?

One says, 'Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!' The other says 'Hey! MacLeod! Get off of my ewe.'
What is the difference between a dentist and a New York baseball fan?

One yanks for the roots, the other roots for the Yanks.
Whats the difference between a fish and a mountain goat?

Fish muck about in fountains
What's the difference between a millennial and a mutual fund?

A mutual fund will eventually mature and make money
What's the difference between a hedgehog and a Ferrari?

The pricks are on the outside of a hedgehog.
What's the difference between Tuna, a Piano, and a bottle of Glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna!
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man?

Batman can go out at night without Robin
Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!
What's the difference between the government and the Mafia?

A: One of them is organized.
What's the difference between a well dressed man and a tired dog?

The man wears a full suit, the dog just pants
What's the difference between an 8-ball and a baby?

Eric Clapton would never let an 8-ball fall out the window!
What is the difference between an ounce of cocaine and an infant?

Eric Clapton would absolutely NEVER let an ounce of cociane fall 49 stories out a window onto the streets of New York.
What's the difference between UFOs and an honest politician?

It is possible that UFOs exist.
What's the difference between a catholic and and a catoholic?

One is devoted to following to rules laid down by those who consider their will that of the divine. The other is a type of christian.
What's the difference between a thug and a phone charger?

A phone charger charges batteries, but a thug has battery charges
What's the difference between having a job and being a homeless drug addict?

One takes over your life and turns you into brainless zombie and the other one makes you homeless.
Whats the difference between Jesus and a whore?

They both moan when you nail them, but only one of them actually enjoys it.
Whats the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

BMWs have the pricks on the inside!
What's the difference between Snow White and the Brazil soccer team?

Snow White had the excuse of being asleep when she let seven in.
What's the difference between a turtle and a tortoise?

I don't know but your mother's a whore!
What's the difference between the US and Russian Presidents?

US presidents get shot while Russian presidents take shots.
What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team?

The guy would survive the first round.
What's the difference between England and a teabag?

The teabag stays in the cup longer.
What's the difference between awkward and awful?

Awkward is finding your mom on Tinder, awful is matching with her
What's the difference between Politicians and Thieves?

Thief: They steal your money then run Politician: They run and then steal your money
What's the difference between a politician and a tiger?

One of them is a big puss
What's the difference between parents who don't vaccinate their children and ISIS?

One is a group made up of radicals with extremist views. And the other group is ISIS.
What's the difference between toilet paper and a hand towel?

So you're the one!
What's the difference between a WWE wrestler and a soccer player?

A WWE wrestler will get up after faking an injury.
How can you tell the difference between all the banjo songs?

A: By their names.
What's the difference between a hobo crack addict and a millionaire crack addict?

99 dollars.
What's the difference between a daydreamer and a pervert?

A daydreamer stares out of windows.
What's the difference between a Dominican and a Cuban?

Dominicans are close, but no cigar
What is the difference between reindeer and caribou?

Reindeer are the ones that fly.
What's the difference between a gamer and a pot of boiling water?

A pot of boiling water doesn't get salty when you put a tea-bag in it.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.
What's the difference between Java and JavaScript?

Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.
What's the difference between a burlap sack and my nutsack?

The babies in my nutsack are still living.
What's the difference between a problem and a challenge?

A: A student repsonds, "3 boys + 1 girl = problem. 1 boy + 3 girls = challenge."
What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Ted Cruz?

Heidi cannot swing a golf club.
What's the difference between a joke and a pretty girl?

sometimes i get the joke.
Whats the difference between a porsche and an erection?

I dont have a porsche. (Best told by whispering in someones ear.)
What is the difference between an art student and a dead baby?

The dead baby can feed a family of four.
What's the difference between a baby and an ounce of Coke?

Eric Clapton would never drop an ounce of Coke out of a window
What's the difference between a jazz guitarist and a rock guitarist?

A rock guitarist plays 10 chords for 50,000 people, and a jazz guitarist plays 50,000 chords for 10 people.
What the difference between Reddit and other sites?

On some of them you actually have a voat
What's the difference between an English pig and a French pig?

A French pig goes, "Oui! Oui! Oui!" all the way home.
What the difference between the U.S. Government and a bucket of crap?

The bucket
What's the difference between men and government bonds?

Bonds mature.
What's the difference between a bag of cocaine & a small child?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window...
What the difference between a pancake?

It tastes better with jam.
What's the difference between a married guy and a single guy?

Wait, let me ask and make sure it's ok to tell the joke.
Whats the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4 year old?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window
How do you tell the difference between a computer scientist and an aspiring music artist?

Ask them what 'unsigned' means.
Whats the difference between a goat and a kid?

I stopped butchering goats.
What's the difference between a kid and a joke?

A kid can joke but a joke cannot kid.
What's the difference between wife and a blue whale?

About 10 pounds.
What's the difference between ELI5 and AskScience?

About 3 replies in the top comment thread.
What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get offa' my cloud." A Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get offa' my ewe."
What's the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle?

The candle is a thousand times brighter!
What's the difference between... What's the difference between a women's track team and a pack of intelligent pygmies?

The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts...
What's the difference between Jared Fogle's divorce and other divorces?

Most married couples tried to stay together FOR the kids. Not divorce because of them.
What's the difference between a robber and a politician?

Politicians run BEFORE they steal your money.
What is the difference between arguing with a knife and arguing with your girlfriend?

The knife has a point.
What's the difference between mathematicians and Syrian refugees?

Mathematicians don't struggle with integration.
What's the difference between a hunter and a stalker?

ANSWER: The hunter has to wait until it's in season!
Whats the difference between a watermelon and baby?

One's really fun to smash with a sledge-hammer and the other is just a watermelon
What's the difference between Gabe Newell and a toddler?

A toddler can count past two...
What is the difference between unlawful and illegal?

One is against the law and the other is sick bird.
What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire
What's the difference between a girl's track team and a village of pygmies?

One's a bunch of cunning runts.....
What's the difference between batman and a blackman?

Batman can go to the store with out robin.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
What's the difference between Jesus and a Mexican?

Jesus didn't have a bunch of tattoos of a Mexican...
Whats the difference between reddit and hell?

Hell bad people
What's the difference between my shower and everyone?

My shower gets turned on by me.
What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottsman?

Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" A Scottsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!"
Whats the difference between English Breakfast and Irish Breakfast tea?

One is still in the EU.
What's the difference between the Friendzone and the Endzone?

Unlike football, you'll never get to spike it in the Friendzone.
Whats the difference between Australia and a yoghurt?

Leave a yoghurt out in the sun for 300 years and it'll develop a culture
What's the difference between Biggie Smalls and your mom?

Biggie loves it when you call him Big Poppa, while your mom just loves it when you call.
What's the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time!
What's the difference between a black person and a monkey?

Nothing
What's the difference between a Twitter post and a Russian Novel?

A Twitter post is limited to 140 characters
What's the difference between a Confederate flag and a black person?

There is none Southerners both hang them from trees.
What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scot?

One says "hey, you, get off of my cloud", and the other says "hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe".
What's the difference between your mom and an alpaca?

One's a hairy beast that spits and the other's native to South America.
Why did the philanthropist learn how to subtract?

Because he wanted to make a difference. My first original, time for open mic!
Whats the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon?

I can get through his opening monologue without laughing
What's the difference between a useless golfer and a useless skydiver?

The home golfer goes WHACK! "Oh no!" Whereas with the skydiver it's vice versa
Whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

On less person is drunk
What's the difference between a tiger and a lion ?

A tiger has the mane part missing !
What's the difference between the lavatory and the cemetery?

No difference - when you gotta go, you gotta go!
Whats the difference between a feminist and a jihad?

one actually fights for change
Whats the difference between Jesus and Mexicans?

Jesus doesn't have Mexicans tattooed all over him.
What's the difference between a racist person and a racist skeleton?

They both are insulting, but the skeleton doesn't have any body to share racist jokes with!
What is the difference between a physicist and a biologist?

A physicist is atoms studying themselves, while a biologist is cells that study themselves.
What's the difference between someone unemployed and a gender-expert?

Nothing
Why is the difference between brucellosis and brucellitis like the difference between a woman and an LGBT woman?

One is real and the other isn't.
What's the difference between tired and exhausted?

When you run in front of a car you get tired. When you run behind a car you get exhausted.
What's the difference between a book and a Mexican?

A book has papers.
What's the difference between a lady in church and a lady in a bathtub?

The lady in church has hope in her soul.
What's the difference between Victoria Taylor and Arnold Schwarzenegger?

One was fired, the other was terminated
Whats the difference between your Mom and the Pringles guy?

I can't get my whole fist in the Pringles guy's can.
How do you tell the difference from a guy's chromosome and a girl's chromosome?

You pull down their gene's and have a look! Credit: I heard this from an older gentlemen today at a senior home.
What's the difference between 9/11 and a dead cow?

You can't keep milking the dead cow for 13 years
What is the difference between yoghurt and America?

When you leave yogurt alone it grows a culture!
What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says, "Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!
What's the difference between a camel and a Russian?

A camel can walk for 30 days without drinking but a Russian can drink for 30 days without walking.
What's the difference between my GoPro and my girlfriend?

I wouldn't spend hours looking for my girlfriend at a ski resort if I lost her on the mountain.
What's the difference between a line of naked women and a magician?

Well, the magician has a cunning array of stunts...
What's the difference between a regular product and a fancy one?

The regular one says "Made in China". The fancy one says "Designed in the USA. Made in China."
What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies?

snowballs
What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a light bulb!
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme.
What's the difference between a hedgehog and a Jeep?

With the hedgehog the pricks can be seen on the outside and with a Jeep the prick can be seen on the inside.
What's the difference between a psychologist and a groundskeeper?

One you need for a rough patch, the other you need to patch your rough.
What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and his E-Wheelchair?

If you repair both, the E-Wheelchair is the only thing running again
What's the difference between a PC gamer and a console player?

One spends 400 dollars on a console that will play games for years, the other pays 400 dollars for a graphics card that will be outdated in a week
What's the difference between a gun and a feminist?

A gun has one trigger.
What's the difference between a steampunk bike and a regular bike?

On a steampunk bike the gears don't do anything.
Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest... ... and an e-cigarette-puffing GI Joe Action Figure collector?

Well, one is a toy-loving vapist...
What's the difference... ...between Mick Jagger and an angry Scotsman?

One says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says "Hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe!"
What's the difference between a frog?

One leg's both the same.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead whore?

I cried when I cut up the onion. (Jack the Ripper)
What is the difference between a tire and a black man?

The tire doesn't start singing when you chain it.
What's the difference between a toilet and a sink?

Aaaand you're not allowed in my house anymore.
What's the difference between a feminist and a gun?

Some people are against shooting guns.
What's the difference between my daughter and my wife?

I need viagra to maintain erection with my wife.
What's the difference between a Harley and a hoover?

The position of the dirtbag.
What's the difference between a school of children and a terrorist camp?

I don't know, I just fly the drone Edit/apology: My friend said this to me, I thought I should share with you all, he said that I could post it here. 5 minutes later he told me he found it on reddit.... I'm sorry all.
What is the difference between ID and ED?

One of them is a flimsy thing that refuses to stand up on it's own. The other is a medical condition.
What's the difference between a refreshing beverage and an angry dragon?

One hits the spot...
What's the difference between a musician and a bag of rice?

The bag of rice can feed a family of four.
What's the difference between a baby and a pound of coke?

Eric Clapton would never drop a pound of coke.
What's the difference between my guitar and my girlfriend?

My guitar doesn't yell at me when I snap it's g-string
What's the difference between tuna, glue and a piano?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna!
What is the difference between men and women?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need...A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Whats the difference between 8 and negative four?

Tyrone
What's the difference between a sandwich and a baby?

Doesn't matter, they both taste the same.
What's the difference between a man's balls and Jehovah's Witnesses?

There's none. They both knock on the door, but never goes in!
What's the difference between a school teacher and a train?

A school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, a train says choo choo.
What's the difference between PirateBay and 9/11?

One is piracy and the other is CONSpiracy
What's the difference between Santa Clause and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops at 3 ho's.
Whats the difference between Facebook and Reddit?

About two hours.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?

A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
What's the difference between radical feminists and a Valentine's Day mascot's tricks?

One's Cupid stunts...
What's the difference between humor and odor?

Humor is a shift of wit...
What's the difference between an attorney and a herd of buffalo?

The attorney charges more.
What is the difference between a introverted engineer and an extroverted engineer?

What is the difference between a introverted engineer and an extroverted engineer? An introverted engineer looks at his feet when he talks to you. An extroverted engineer looks at YOUR feet when he talks to you!
What's the difference between an erection and a Camaro?

I don't have a Camaro....
What's the difference between a dentist and a sadist?

Newer magazines
What's the difference between a BMW and a cactus?

on a cactus, the pricks are on the outside
What's the difference between a knife and a feminist?

A knife has a point.
Whats the difference between OP and a magical ram?

Whats the difference between OP and a magical ram? One is a Fey Goat, while the other is a .
What's the difference between an alcoholic and a necrophiliac?

One goes to the bar for a cold one. The other goes to a morgue.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and A Black Rapper?

Santa stops after three hoes.
Whats the difference between a hippie and a trampoline?

You take your boots off before you jump on a trampoline.
What's the difference between a group of baboons and our political system?

I don't know.
What's the difference between a cry baby and Dallas Cowboys fans?

Eventually the baby stops crying
What's the difference between a tribe of wild hunting pygmies and a Women's roller derby team?

The Pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.
What's the difference between British crisps and foreign crisps?

One are Walkers and the others just Lays around.
What's the difference between a tuna, a piano and a gluestick?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.
Whats the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I dont know and I dont care.
What's the difference between a blond and a washing machine?

When you drop a load into a washing machine it doesn't follow you around for a week.
What's the difference between a little kid and a lesbian?

A little kid shouldn't run with scissors, a lesbian shouldn't scissor with the runs.
What's the difference between an airplane and an abortion?

Only one doesn't fly after coming into contact with a hanger
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Whats the difference between a Ginger and a Shoe ?

The shoe has a sole
What's the difference between the IRS and a baby?

It takes a lot more than a hammer to make the IRS shut up.
What is the difference between a millennial and a gun?

A gun only has one trigger.
What's the difference between a gun and amnesia?

Oh shoot, I forgot...
What's the difference between a homeless man and a trash can?

One of them gets taken in every once in a while.
What's the difference between a married man and a bachelor?

A bachelor will go to the fridge, sees nothing he wants, and go to bed A married man will go the bed, sees nothing he wants, and go the fridge!
What's the difference between an arts student and a table?

A table can support itself
What is the difference between Windows 95 and Windows 98?

A: 3 years
What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepard?

The Stones say "hey you get off of my cloud!" The Shepard says "hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"
What's the difference between a coal mining company and catholic priests?

A coal mining company puts miners in shafts.
What's the difference between Ireland and America?

When we say waterboarding in Ireland it means surfing.
What's the difference between falling 2 ft and 200 ft?

200 ft: Aaaaaaaaa, bump 2 ft: Bump, aaaaaaaaa (Yes, it's an old, really old joke. Surprisingly haven't seen it here, yet.)
Whats the difference between a shower thought and a joke?

I don't know you tell me.
Whats the difference between a sly pig and a yeast infection?

One's a cunning runt.....
What's the difference between a four-year-old and a bag of cocaine?

There's no way Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window!
What's the difference between jelly and jam?

Nobody would name their band Pearl Jelly.
What's the difference between a burger and a burglar?

Cooking times.
What's the difference between a baby and a politician?

Saying they are full of sh*t means 2 completely different things.
What's the difference between a bicycle and a black man?

A bike doesn't start singing when you put chains on it.
How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized
What is the difference between a golfer and skydiver?

A golfer goes "damn" and a skydiver goes "damn" .
What is the difference between a dollar and a ruble ?

A dollar.
How can you tell the difference between a weasel and a stoat?

One is weasely identifiable while the other is stoatally different.
What is the difference between a Sun Devil fan and a pet rock?

About 3 IQ points
Whats the difference between love, ture love, and showing off?

spit, sallow, and gargle.
What is the difference between a baby and a mars bar?

About 500 calories.
What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a supermodel?

Nothing if her husband knows what's good for him!
What's the difference between a Baptist and a Catholic?

Catholics acknowledge each other in the liquor aisle. Extra: What's the difference between Catholics and Lutherans? Catholics just acknowledge each other in the liquor aisle, Lutherans have a 15 minute conversation about booze.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.
What's the difference between a golfball and a woman's 'G' spot?

A man will actually spend 20 minutes looking for a golfball... Alternative punchline: Man can actually hit a golfball...
What's the difference between the grocery store and a math book?

In a math book I can buy 57 papayas at $1.99 each and no one will care.
What's the difference between a Kindle and a Kindle Fire?

The Kindle Fire has a lithium battery.
What's the difference between a rhinoceros and a mattababy?

Works every time What's a mattababy Nothing what's a matta with you
What's the difference between a lesbian and a straight girl?

Four drinks.
Whats the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub?

One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.
What's the difference between politics and engineering?

What POC means.
What is the difference between a 3D modeller and a gamer?

Ask them what a 3Ds is.
What's the difference between the Chinese and Germans?

The Chinese rike and the Germans Reich.
What's the difference between a horse and a zebra?

A lawyer.
What's the difference between an orange?

One of them doesn't.
What's the difference between a priest and a chilean mining company?

One gets its miners stuck in shafts, and the other gets its shaft stuck in minors.
What's the difference between YouTube and Redtube?

My YouTube experience lasts longer than 10 seconds.
What's the difference between the Holocaust and this joke?

The Holocaust was funny.
What's the difference between a drummer and publicly traded stock?

Publicly traded stock will mature and make money.
What's the difference between Shea Stadium and Sloan-Kettering?

At Sloan-Kettering the Mets always win.
What's the difference between the wind and a blonde?

Some days the wind doesn't blow.
What is the difference between a black guy and a white guy that sells drugs?

One's a pharmacist and the other's a drug dealer.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead baby?

I don't have a Lamborghini
What's the difference between a baptist and a Presbyterian?

A Presbyterian is a Baptist who can read
What's the difference between heroin and the cast of the jersey shore?

I wouldn't shoot heroin.
What's the difference between a pizza, and this joke?

One has cheese on it, the other's just plain cheesy.
What's the difference between a black man and a white man in the US?

A white man makes it to prison.
What is the difference between a corrupt cop and a disposable camera?

A disposable camera doesn't have to reload 3 times to take 30 shots.
What's the difference between Beyonce and a shopping bag?

A shopping bag can carry a child.
What is the difference between batman and a black guy?

Batman can walk into a store without Robin
What is the difference between Napoleon and his son?

One is a Bonaparte from the other.
What's the difference between a garbanzo pea and a chick pea?

I've never had a garbanzo pea on my face.
What is the difference between me and being artistic?

The second letter.
What is the difference between a BMW and a baby carriage?

The baby carriage is the result of last year's fun on wheels.
What's the difference between talking to your wife after you forgot something and a minefield?

You can actually get through the minefield alive.
What's the difference between me and my couch?

My couch pulls out.
What's the difference between most people and planes?

Most people miss the twin towers.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the dead baby in my microwave?

Isaac Newton died a virgin
What's the difference between a man who owns a gun and a man who owns a bank?

A man with a gun can rob a bank. A man with a bank can rob the world. (Disclaimer: reword of someone else's post to FB today.)
What's the difference between Harambe and Michael Jackson?

One was shot for playing with little children.
What's the difference beetwen public official and private employee?

Private employee starts work checking email. Public official starts works making a coffee.
Whats the difference between a smart midget and a venereal disease?

Ones a cunning runt...
What's the difference between dog food and a hot dog?

I have no idea...
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a corvette?

I don't have a corvette in my garage.
What's the difference between a 6 year old and a 16 year old?

Which hole they stick their finger in when no-one's looking.
What's the difference between an entomologist and an etymologist?

An etymologist knows.
What's the difference a kidney bean and a chickpea?

I've never paid $200 to have a kidney bean in my mouth.
What is the difference between a banana and a bell?

You can only peel (peal) the banana once.
What is the difference between a woman and a forklift?

There is none. In both cases, if you don't have one, you unload by hand.
What's the point?

You look ridiculous. What difference does 1 inch really make Don't answer that.
What's the difference between a man and a woman?

A woman wants a man who can satisfy all her needs. A man wants all women who can satisfy his needs.
What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?

Boss: I don't know. Guy: I'm not coming in this morning!
What is the difference between a tube and a foolish Dutchman?

One is a hollow cylinder and the other a silly Hollander. Source (Cause I can't claim fame for Victorian era jokes):
What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

A: About fifty pounds.
What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a farmer?

A farmer shucks between fits.
What's the difference between a woman and a plate?

You can't lick a woman dry. Rimshot*
What's the difference between Nine-Eleven and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 14 years straight. Be gentle... it's my cake day :-)
What's the difference between life and wife's rant?

Life eventually ends.
What's the difference between a teenager and a radioactive element?

Radioactive elements last longer.
What's the difference between a cat and a politician?

A cat will lie your face. A politician will lie your face.
What's the difference between shame and pride?

It depends on where I draw the line.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.
What's the difference between astronomy & astrology?

Me: Approximately 50-60 IQ points.
What's the difference between a motivational speaker and a baseball player?

The baseball player has all of its limbs.
What is the difference between Rihanna and a coconut?

One is black and hairy and the other is a coconut
What's the difference between your child and your husband?

At least you can leave your child alone with the babysit
What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

A Hippo is heavy and a Zippo is a little lighter.
What's the difference between an Irish wake and an Irish wedding?

One less drunk.
What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train the other trains the mind.
What's the difference between a meeting and a funeral?

A funeral is a meeting where you're dead outside as well as in.
What's the difference between a microwave and a Muslim?

A microwave doesn't blow up every time the timer goes off.
What's the difference between the inverse of sec(o) and the smallest region in the former Ottoman Empire?

One is cos(o), the other is Kosovo
What is the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

In the case of the bmw, the pricks are on the inside.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a dead gorilla?

There aren't any dead babies at the Cincinnati Zoo.
What is the difference between memory and ram?

I can't memory my weiner in your mouth.
What's the difference between Bernie Sanders and a free lunch?

Bernie Sanders exists.
What's the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man one bicycle?

A tire.
What's the difference between the number 3 and David Cameron?

One's a prime number, the other's a prime minister.
What's the difference between Swine flu, and Bird flu?

one requires 'oinkment' and the other needs 'tweetment'. i'm sorry.
What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball?

They're both brown except the snowball.
What's the difference between a doctor and a chair salesman?

The chair salesman gives YOU a stool sample.
What's the difference between a pontiff's chin and the kitchen sink?

One's covered in soap bubbles, while the other's covered in Pope stubbles.
What's the difference between a woman and a computer?

A computer will accept a 3 1/2 inch floppy.
Whats the difference between a feminist and a bomb vest?

A bomb vest does something when triggered.
Whats the difference between a kink and a fetish?

A kink is something put in a hose, a fetish is something she wants to put in your hose.
Who can't tell the difference between short and long?

This subreddit mods
What is the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

an electron
What's the difference between former House Speakers Hastert and Pelosi?

Pelosi helped little boys. Hastert banged little boys.
What's the difference between a group of pigmies and a lesbian track team?

One of them is a bunch of cunning runts
What's the difference between public hair and pubic hair?

Pants.
Whats the difference between Paul Walker and Tiger Woods?

Tiger Woods has a better driver.
What's the difference between a Blues musician and a Jazz musician?

A blues musician plays 3 chords to audiences of thousands. A jazz musician plays thousands of chords to audiences of 3
Whats the difference between a hippie on fire and a lifetime supply of patchouli?

I don't wish for a lifetime supply every time I smell patchouli.
What is the difference between dragons and dinosaurs?

Dinosaurs aren't old enough to smoke. Told to me by my niece at christmas.
What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?

A tire!
What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a marathon full of feminists?

The tribe of pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.
What's the difference between "a choice" and " to choose?

A choice" is a decision you make. "To choose" are what Mexicans put on their feet.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside!
What's the difference between the 7 dwarfs and a girl's high school track team?

The 7 dwarfs are a bunch of cunning runts...
What's the difference between squash and zucchini?

You can't zucchini bugs! A family-friendly take on the age old "jam VS jelly" joke.
What's the difference between an 115 year old man and a 46 year old woman ?

sixty-nine
What is the difference... What is the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops at three hoes.
What's the difference between an egg and Elliot Rodger?

An egg gets laid before it cracks.
What's the difference between askreddit's mods and askreddit's subscribers?

Askreddit's subscribers are ok with offensive jokes.
Whats The difference between Stealing Cookies from a Jar and Child Molesting?

Ive only ever been caught stealing cookies.
What's the difference between Batman, and a black man?

Batman can go out at night without Robin. Ba-Dum-Tis!!!!!!!
What's the difference between justice and relevant ethnic groups in America?

Justice isn't always black and white
What's the difference between slavery and a cow?

You stop milking a cow after 150 years.
What's the difference between America and yogurt?

One has culture.
What's the difference between a suicidal ghost hunter and a weaboo alcohol taster?

One drinks bleach and watches spirits the other drinks spirits and watches Bleach.
What's the difference between the jokes I read today, and the jokes I read last week?

The posters
What's the difference between a Stormtrooper and a Zoo Keeper?

The Storm Trooper would have missed harambe
What's the difference between a yellow cab and a green cab in NYC?

The green cabs haven't ripened yet.
What's the difference between Mike Tyson and the iPhone 4s?

There are no videos of Mike Tyson.
What's the difference between an Asian and a dumb white girl?

The Asian try to get the A, but the white girl try to get the D
What's the difference between a lawyer and a duck?

People sometimes get upset if you shoot a duck. The duck is much less greasy. BUT MOST IMPORTANT Nobody ever complains about a duck's bill.
What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags it's tail, while the other tags a whale
What's the difference between the cries of a grieving family and reggae music?

I would feel awkward dancing to reggae music.
What's the difference between my daughter and my driveway?

I don't want to plow my driveway
Whats the difference between white people and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it will develop its own cultures without having to resort to stealing others.
Whats the difference between Love and Herpes?

Your mother didn't give you love.
Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Washing Machine?

The Washing Machine will not follow you around for 2 weeks after you dump a load in it!
What's the difference between Joe Paterno and Harambe?

Harambe tried to save the kids.
What's the difference between an airplane bathroom and your mom?

Your mom can fit 3 people inside her comfortably!
What do you say to him?

Keep the change it doesn't really make a difference.
What is the difference between a barking dog and an umbrella?

The umbrella can be shut up.
What is the difference between love and lust?

Spiiting and swallowing.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?

One is white and scares young children and the other is a ghost.
What's the difference between a Triscuit and a Lesbian??

One is a Snack Cracker and the other is a Crack Snacker!!
What's the difference between Kim and Robert K?

Robert never got a famous black guy off all by himself ...
What's the difference between a 4chan user and a Cuck?

A cuck has a girlfriend.
What's the difference between a cow who makes regular milk and a cow who makes chocolate milk?

A mootation
What's the difference between PHP and PCP?

One makes you: The other is a synthetic drug.
What's the difference between Vincent van Gogh and Evander Holyfield?

Are you serious? I could give you a mouthful.
What's the difference between an ant and a bird?

A bird can fly.
What's the difference between feminists and cancer?

Cancer reproduces itself.
What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?

A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
What's the difference between a plumber and a scientist?

Pronounce this word: unionized
What's the difference between a waitress and your mom?

A waitress leaves me alone after I give her the tip.
What's the difference between America and Yoghurt?

If you leave yoghurt alone for 2000 years it'll develop a culture.
What's the difference between Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan?

Caesar: "I came, I saw, I conquered." Khan: "I conquered, I saw, I came."
Whats the difference between a watermelon and a baby?

One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer and the other one is a watermelon
What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

You can spill your beer on a fiddle.
What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I never had a garbanzo bean in my mouth!
What's the difference between gluten and hillbillies?

One's inbred, the others in bread
What's the difference between herpes and friends?

I don't have any friends.
What's the difference between Jared from Subway's gut and his junk?

He prefers his gut when it's down 45 pounds, and his junk when it's up 45 pounds.
What's the difference between Batman's parents and jokes about Batman's parents?

Jokes about Batman's parents can get old.
What's the difference between racism and chinese ?

racism has many faces
What's the difference between Futurama and One Direction?

There's only one Bender in Futurama
What's the difference between a Nun and a lady taking a bath?

The Nun has hope in her soul and the lady taking a bath has soap in her hole.
What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...
What's the difference between God and a Welder?

God doesn't think he's a Welder.
What's the difference between Italy and a tea bag?

Ones in a cup
What's the difference in Xbox One and your mother?

I genuinely care about your mother.
What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?

About three inches.
What's the difference between George Michael and Carrie Fisher?

Two days.
What's the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a Porsche?

A. With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.
What's the difference between a strawberry and a pencil?

One's a fruit, you idiot.
What is the difference between ice and dry ice ?

Dry ice lacks of water.
What is the difference between someone who worships God & someone who worships the sun?

The sun exists.
What's the difference between cab drivers and F1 drivers?

F1 driver doesn't think he's a cab driver
What's the difference between my face and my jokes?

People laugh at my face.
What's the difference between a bad coffee in Switzerland and a bad coffee in Italy?

When you drink a bad coffee in Switzerland you say, "Merci!".
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna"fish!
What's the difference between yogurt and America?

Yogurt could develop a culture after 200 years
What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana?

The Mercedes can easily reach 40.
What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.
Whats the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?

I've never had a lima bean on my face.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a priest?

Only one of them goes limp when a child walks into a room.
What is the difference between Digg and Reddit?

People can Voat.
What's the difference between a Ferrari and a box of dead babies ?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
What's the difference between a Bull Dyke and a Bull Elephant?

about 100lbs and a flannel shirt
What's the difference between Reddit and Voat?

Reddit doesn't constantly have reposts from the other site.
What's the difference between a Syrian school and a terrorist camp?

I don't know, I'm just flying the drone
What's the difference between a guy falling from the 20th or the 1st floor of a building?

20th floor fall goes: *Aaaaaah, BAM!* 1st floor fall goes: *BAM, Aaaaah!*
What's the difference between American and Canadian?

A boat.
What's the difference between a canoe and a Canadian?

The canoe tips.
What's the difference between a scaffold and a magnet?

A magnet only has two Poles.
What's the difference between blacks and cancer cells?

Cancer cells can get Jobs.
What's the difference between a cloths hanger and a flight of stairs?

The cloths hanger only solves one problem.
Whats the difference between a Mexican and a Pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four. Im sorry if I've offended any pizzas.
What's the difference between Anders Breivik and a pro golfer?

Both were happy to shoot 69, but only Breivik went to jail.
What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?

A: Bigfoot has been sighted.
What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)
What's the difference between the standard alphabet and Christmas alphabet?

There's Noel.
What's the difference between white people and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it will finally develop its own cultures
What is the difference between a yogurt and america?

If you leave the yogurt for 100 years alone, it develops a culture.
What's the difference between a church and a mosque?

In a church you see pew, pew pew. In a mosque you hear pew pew pew.
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting?

You only need a nail to hang a painting.
What's the difference between a joke and your friend's blog?

You enjoy it when a joke is posted on Facebook
Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Mercedes?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What's the difference between a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.
What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold?

One knows the stops the other stops the nose.
What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

My girlfriend knows about my wife.
What is the difference between a toad and a horny toad?

A toad says rib-it, rib-it. A horny toad says rub-it, rub-it.
What the difference between an IS training camp and a primary school?

There aren't many paedos in the camp.
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted people
What's the difference between a masochist and a blogger?

There's none, both live for the hits.
What's the difference between a Porsche and a trash bag full of dead babies?

I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
What's the difference between a princess and a witch?

2 years of marriage.
What's the difference between a little guy with a pot o' gold and a big gathering where people's limbs are falling off?

One's a leprechaun and the other's a leper-con.
What's the difference between Jesus and Bono?

Jesus doesn't think he's Bono
What's the difference between a magicians wand and a policeman's baton?

A magicians wand is used for cunning stuns.
What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".
Whats the difference between a dead dog on the side of the road and a dead lawyer on the side of the road?

There are skidmarks before the dog.
What's the difference between toilet paper and the shower curtain?

So you're the one.... (only if you answered "i don't know")
What's the difference between a bucket of sand and a bucket of afterbirth?

You can't gargle with the sand.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a computer?

You only have to punch the information into a computer once.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon?

Well the first noticeable difference is that the watermelon tastes better.
What's the difference between a white story and a black story?

A white story starts with "Once Apon a Time" and a black story starts with "Y'all ain't gonna believe this"
What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone pretends to be Irish on St. Paddy's Day.
What's the difference between a Lima Bean and a Chick Pea?

I never payed a hundred bucks to have a Lima Bean on my face.
What's the difference between an onion and a woman?

I cry when I cut open an onion
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are a dollar twenty five, deer nuts are under a buck
What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a girls cross country team?

One is a group of cunning runts.
What's the difference between a star and America?

The star has a bright future.
What is the difference between 1 Gb and 2 Gb?

Student - Well, I don't know. I guess one is a bit too high?
What's the difference between friends and potatoes?

Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.
Whats the difference between Taylor Swift and Adele?

About fifty pounds
What's the difference between crime and cybercrime?

At the moment this joke.
What's the difference between Myspace and My space?

One Space.
What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?

beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck
What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law?

You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies ?

Disney Movies still touch kids
Whats the difference between Zoidburg and Snowden?

both accused of treason for expressing their freedom but Zoidburg didn't get his marshmallows!
What's the difference between love and hate?

A) Usually about 6 months.
What's the difference between a women's track team and a tribe of pygmies?

He tribe of pygmies is a cunning bunch of runts.
What's the difference between the NBA and a pint of Guinness?

Nothing. They're both mostly black, with a little bit of white at the top.
What's the difference between 6 inches and 12 inches?

6 inches makes you day but 12 inches can make your hole weak.
What the difference between a police car and a porcupine?

With a police car, the pricks are on the inside
What's the difference between a black guy and a canoe?

Canoes tip.
How do you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?

You will see one later and one in a while.
What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?

One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running c*nt.
What is the difference between a Black Guy and an elevator ?

One can raise a child
What's the difference between a house cleaner and a thief?

The way they enter your house.
What's the difference between an elevator and a redditor?

An elevator has a GF
What is the difference between cancer and a Brazilian?

Cancer evolves, a Brazilian doesn't.
Whats the difference between a circus and The Rockettes?

The circus is a cunning array of stunts...
What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a four-year old child?

Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out of a 49th-story window!
What's the difference between a woman kneeling in prayer and a woman kneeling in a bathtub?

a woman kneeling in prayer has hope in her soul.
What's the difference between pickled ginger and a pressure washer?

One is a palate cleanser, the other is a pallet cleanser.
What's the difference between England and Oscar Pistorius?

England gets off scott-free.
What's the difference between an elected official and a piece of garbage?

Garbage gets thrown out.
What's the difference between a raft guide and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family.
What's the opposite of quantum physics?

Logic. (If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin') ...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference).
What's the difference between Whitney houston and my car?

My car can make it to 50.
What's the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?

A: No fee--If No Recovery!
What s the difference between toilet paper and toast?

Toast is brown on both sides.
What's the difference between hazelnuts and deernuts?

Hazelnuts are normally around $1.50/lb, deernuts are always under a buck.
What is the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
Whats the difference between a white owl and black owl?

A white owl goes : Who Who A black owl goes : Who dat who dat
What is the difference between homeless people and feminists?

Sometimes the homeless get change.
What's the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl?

One shoots and shoots but can't hit, and the other...
What's the difference between snow tires and slaves?

Slaves sing when chains are put on them. PS - im going to church today to beg for forgiveness
What is harder than telling the difference between Chinese people?

Telling the difference between Chinese people with down syndrome.
What's the difference between an Electrician and someone who's high?

The electrician knows where the ground is.
What's the difference between a magicians wand and a police baton?

The magician's wand is used for cunning stunts
What's the difference between a weasel and a stoat?

One's weasily recognised - the other's stoatally different
What's the Difference Between a Hormone and a Pheromone?

You can't hear a pheromone.
What is the difference?

What its the difference between a quarter and a guy? Neither gets had when you want tail
What's the difference between a man biking to a job interview and a clown on a unicycle?

Attire.
What's the difference between me and a pigeon?

A pigeon can make a deposit on a BMW
What's the difference between Botox and Borax?

Two letters.
What's the difference between oral and rectal thermometers?

The taste.
What's the difference between snowman and snow woman?

Snowballs.
What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?

A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you get off of my cloud!" while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod get off of my ewe!"
What's the difference between white students and black students?

Black students bring the gun to school. White kids use it at school.
What's the difference between a redditor and a dead baby?

The redditor never gets gold
What's the difference between OP and a brick?

A brick gets laid!
What's the difference... ...between a piano, a fish, and glue?

You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish "What about the glue " I knew you'd get stuck on that.
What is the difference between "ooo" and "aaa"?

About three centimeters.
What's the difference between Helen Keller and Susan B. Anthony?

One doesn't know her place, the other can't find it.
What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?

Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going.
What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?

One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.
What is the difference between cats and commas?

This might be better suited for but I think its more a joke Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.
What's the difference between a lady and a laddy?

The D
What's the difference between a chainsaw and an accordion?

A: A chainsaw can be tuned.
What is the difference between diarrhea and a regular stool?

You can't gbrblblblbl(gargling noise) with a regular stool.
What's the difference between a group of snowboarders and lifties (lift attendants)?

The lift attendants have jobs.
What's the difference between a hedgehog and a limo?

A hedgehogs got pricks on the outside.
What's the difference between a Chinese man and a lobster under a bus?

Nothing. They're both crustacians.
What is the difference between an event at the X Games and a sorrority?

One is a bunch of Cunning Stunts
What's the difference between Tinder and the PokemonGo app?

Nothing, it both requires swiping to find monsters in your area.
What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

You can't wash your face in a buffalo.
What's the difference between real life Friends and the cast of the show Friends?

The ability to binge watch Friends with your friends.
What is the difference between a dog and a fox?

About 5 drinks
What's the difference between a dog and a fox?

About 20 beers!!
What's the difference between this morning and your wife?

I'm not coming in *this morning*"
What's the difference between a loaf of bread and a penguin?

I don't know what " "We're sure not sending you to the store!"
What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.
What's the difference between a divorce and a tornado in the south?

Nothing. Either way someone is going to lose a trailer
What's the difference between Mike Jones and Michael Jordan?

Mike Jones is Still Tippin'.
What the difference between a feminist and a pencil?

The pencil has a point
What's the difference between "choice" and "choose?

Choice" is your ability to make decisions, "choose" are what Mexicans put on their feet.
What is the difference between a divorce and a hurricane in the south?

Nothing, someone is losing a trailer!
What is the difference between a blonde in a church and a blonde in the bath tub?

One has hope in her soul...
What is the difference between a polar bear and the World Series?

One has cubs
What's the difference between Putin and Poutine?

Umm... I don't know ... I've got nothing.
What's the difference between a special needs worker and a gardener?

One of them has to water their vegetables
Whats the difference between an Irish Party and an Irish Funeral?

One less drunken Irishman
Whats the difference between a Pygmy and an Amazon?

Well, the Pygmy is a cunning runt...
What's the difference between a French kiss and an Australian kiss?

They are basically the same except you do an Australian kiss down under.
Whats the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?

I don't know I just fly the drone.
Whats the difference between Genders and The Twin Towers?

There used to be two and now it's too offensive to talk about.
What's the difference between a cactus and a schoolbus?

Cactus has little pricks on the outside
What's the difference between a white nationalist and a racist?

Two syllables.
What's the difference between a small bird?

One of it's legs is a little smaller.
What's the difference between an immigrant & a book?

One of them has papers.
What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?

A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
What's the difference between me and a pile of bricks?

The bricks will get laid.
What's the difference between a Palestinian woman and a Mackerel?

One is greasy with big eyes. The other's a fish.
What the difference between a ISIS member and a child?

I don't know, I just fly the drones.
What is the difference between Kanye West and God?

God doesn't think that He's Kanye.
What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
What's the difference between a cow and the Holocaust?

A cow can't be milked for 70 years.
What's the difference between a lesbian and a sperm whale?

Fifty pounds and a flannel shirt.
What's the difference between a collection and an addiction?

I don't have an alcohol collection.
What is the difference between my girlfriend and a washing machine?

After I dump my load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around.
Whats the difference between a man and a government bond?

The bond matures.
What's the difference between a duck?

One leg is both the same.
What's the difference between Texas and stupid?

Nothing.
What's the difference between a nail, a screw, and a bolt?

A girl raises her hand and says, "I don't know. I've never been bolted before."
What's the difference between racism and the chinese people?

Racism has many faces...
What's the difference between a drummer and shoes in a dryer?

Nothing.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.
What's the difference between a conservative priest and a progressive priest?

A progressive priest will give you a reach around.
What's the difference between a Canadian and an American?

Canadian knows the difference between a school and a shooting range.
What's the difference between an Alto and a Tenor?

The Tenor doesn't have hair on his back.
What's the difference between seal hunters and teenagers?

There's none, both like clubbing.
What's the difference between an archeologists convention and a basketball team?

The archeologists convention is a nerdy bunch of diggers.
What's the difference between an Irishman and a bottle of whiskey?

The whiskey usually doesn't get drunk until it's at least ten years old.
Whats the difference between premenstrual tension and BSE?

One's mad cow disease the other's an agricultural problem.
Whats the difference between a genie and a genius?

A genie grants wishes, while a genius wishes for grants.
What is the difference between a Lannister and a Greek?

A Greek never pays his debts.
What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?

Oranges have thick skin. Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one! Edit: Did not expect this joke to get this good of a reception. Thanks, guys!
What is the difference between Chelsea and Leo di caprio?

Chelsea got Oscar. huehuehuehue.
What's the difference between a cow and September 11?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.
What's the difference between a potato and a vegetable...?

Not knowing how to use a coathanger...
What's the difference between a guy with a vasectomy and a guy without a vasectomy?

There's a vas deferens.
What is the difference between rat poison and diet coke?

Diet coke has better advertising.
What's the difference between a stubbed toe and an Asgard hero?

Nothing they are both Thor.
What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino?

In a casino, you really mean it.
What is the difference between a rental car and a Humvee?

You can take a rental car anywhere.
Whats the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?

Ones a snack cracker and ones a crack snacker!
How can you tell the difference between a can of chicken soup and a can of tomato soup?

Read the label.
What's the difference between Russian football fans and an old drunkard in a bar at closing time?

Kicking the old drunkard out won't start world war III.
What's the difference between people from Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

People from Dubai don't like the flinstones but people from Abu Dhabi Do
What's the difference between a contradiction and a punchline?

There's no punchline for this joke.
What's the difference between Santa and a pimp ?

Santa has just 3 Ho's...
What's the difference between a dry, moldy cranberry and an angry blue bird?

One's a crazy heron, the other's a hairy Craisin.
What's the difference between Barbara Walters and Oprah?

Oprahs Black
What's the difference between a baby and an unwanted baby?

One's a rugrat, the other's a regret.
What's the difference between a tea bag and a used tampon?

What's the Difference between a tea bag and a used tampon - I dunno... - I'm never drinking tea at your house again then!
What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section?

A: Half a measure.
What is the difference between Windows and the US Goverment?

There is none. All of us hope that the next version will be more stable.
What's the difference between a German and a Scot?

The German knows when he's not speaking English.
What's the difference.... Between my girlfriend and santa?

Some people actually believe santa exist.
What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor?

A: You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.
What's the difference between my wife and the dress?

The dress is white and gold
What's the difference between reddit gold and the Greek drachma?

People usually thank you for giving them reddit gold.
What's the difference between certain and uncertain?

Well, one things for sure
What's the difference between an Ethiopian elevator sign and an British elevator sign?

British sign says " Maximum 6 People/500kg" Ethiopian sign says "Maximum 500 People/6kg"
What's the difference between a clever child and a rude marathoner?

One's a cunning runt...
What's the difference between bacteria and rednecks?

When looking at bacteria you can actually find some culture.
What's the difference between a 4 year old and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window. Too soon
What's the difference between a small child and a gorilla?

People actually care if a gorilla dies.

Country/region

Difference Jokes

What's the difference between one polar bear and 10 polar bears?

What's the difference between Walmart and India?

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a paper bag?

What's the difference between the Olympic long distance race and the Paralympic long distance race?

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Whats the difference between dynamite and a banana?

What's the difference between procrastination and laziness?

What's the difference between Whitney Houston and Amy Winehouse?

What difference does an "A" make?

What's the difference between windows 10 and the world's biggest virus?

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

What's the difference between a nurse and a nun?

What is the difference between a church and a cult?

What is the difference between a wife's argument and a knife?

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Porsche?

What's the difference between a German and a Virgin?

What's the difference between someone who can mend your pants quick and a famous singer?

What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days ?

What's the difference between a mouse and a rat?

What's the difference between a circus and a whore house?

Whats the difference between a burglar and an ex-wife?

What's the difference between a communist and a feminist?

What's the difference between an American student and an English student ?

What's the difference between terrorists and tourists?

What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

Whats the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?

What's the difference between Colin Kaepernick and a martyr?

What's the difference between a priest and his dog?

What's the difference between a pedant and a sadist?

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4-year old child?

What's the difference between a van and a minivan?

What's the difference between a computer program and global warming?

What's the difference between an Aboriginal and a park bench?

What's the difference between a guy with carry on luggage and a photon?

What's the difference between an American and a Briton?

What is the difference between snowmen and snowomen?

What is the difference between a laddie and a lady?

What's the difference between a feminist and an illegal immigrant?

Whats the difference between a USB and the USA?

What is the difference between a camel and a college student?

What's the difference between politics and professional wrestling?

What's a difference between a teacher and a train?

How do you tell the difference between members of the GOP and ISIS?

What is the difference between a 14 year old boy in the U.S. and one in Mexico?

What's the difference between an old joke and a new one?

What's the difference between a School and an ISIS training ground?

What's the difference between Bill Cosby and Lena Dunham?

What's the difference between New York City and the Land of Mordor?

What's the difference between a doe and dope?

Whats the difference between a woman president and pizza?

What's the difference between a coyote and a flea?

Whats the difference between you and a bucket of turds?

What's the difference between an spam and a personal attack?

How do you tell the difference between an X and Y chromosome?

What's the difference between a tuna and a piano?

What's the difference between Americans and Brits?

What is the difference between a normal and an irradiated cat?

What's the difference between a newspaper and a cocaine addict?

What's the difference between a black man and an archealogist?

Whats the difference between a hospital and a terrorist stronghold?

Whats the difference between a dog and a fox?

What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

What's the difference between a banana and a helicopter?

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

What's the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaaah ?

What's the difference between a cello and a violin?

What is the difference between the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Twin Towers?

What's the difference between garbanzo beans an chickpeas?

What's the difference between a drummer in a rock'n'roll band and an extra large pizza?

What's the difference between 'Oh' and 'Oooh'?

What is the difference between a default subreddit mod and a radical feminist?

What's the difference between Ozzy Osborne and Whitney Houston?

What is the difference between a pub and an elephant fart?

What's the difference between a boy and a girl?

What's the difference between Reddit and the 1984 Universe?

What's the difference between a Chilean mining company and a Catholic priest?

What's the difference between drunk people and black people?

What's the difference between Jimmy Fallon and myself?