Door Jokes

  • What do you with a crazy girl knocking on your door?

    You don't let her out.

  • How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?

    Step one: Open the door. Step two: Put the elephant in. Step three: Close the door.

  • What do you call a door with no legs?

    A door.

  • What do you call a psychiatric patient who is afraid of doors?


  • Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?

    Because if it had four it'd be a chicken sedan.

  • Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?

    They have no hands to knock on the door.

  • How do you hide an elephant in a fridge?

    You remove his slippers and open the door . You put him inside. You close the door and take the slippers away.

  • What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Unitarian?

    Someone who knocks on your door at 6 a.m. for no reason.

  • What did Moses say when he wanted to see through his door?

    Let my peephole grow!

  • Who's there ! Belle ! Belle who ?

    Belle-t up and open this door !

  • What do you do when your car is making a really annoying noise?

    Open the door and kick her out.

  • Why couldn't the Jedi open the door?

    He didn't use enough force...

  • Who knocks on doors at three in the morning?

    It's so inconsiderate! Good thing I was still up playing my bagpipes.

  • How many successive 'ands' can you fit into a sentence with it still making sense?

    The landlord at The Dog And Duck pub needed a new sign to hang above the door, so he contacted his signwriter. The signwriter arrived a week later with the new sign, hung it above the door, and asked the landlord what he thought. The landlord replied with, "I like it. However, I do feel that there should be bigger spaces between ' ' and ' ', and ' ' and ' '".

  • What do you call a belt with a watch on it?

    A waist of time *door closes on way out*

  • What do you if there is a black out?

    Make sure your doors are locked and windows bolted shut.

  • Why did Sauron buy the sedan instead of the coupe?

    More doors.

  • What's the difference between a dog barking at the front door and a woman screaming at the back door?

    If you let the dog in, it will shut up.

  • What's the deal with the phrase "door ajar"?

    I mean, is it a door or is it a jar?

  • Who's there ! Annabel ! Annabel who ?

    Annabel would be useful on this door !

  • What do you get when you cross a Unitarian with a Jehovah's Witness?

    Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

  • How do blind people know where to find Braille signs on walls and doors?

    They just have a feel for that kind of thing.

  • What does it say on the door of the Microsoft store?

    No shirt, no shoes, no Surface.

  • What is the easiest way for a stressed astronaut to unwind and decompress?

    By opening the door.

  • How does a muslim man close a door?

    Islams it!

  • How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?

    Knock on the door.

  • Who's there ! Alexia ! Alexia who ?

    Alexia again to open this door !

  • How do you know a drummer is at your door?

    The knock speeds up.

  • What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?

    Close the door.

  • How does an angry Muslim close the door?

    Islams It.

  • Why can nobody understand sausages when they talk???

    Because they speak in tongs. I'll show myself the door

  • What's a man's idea of a perfect date?

    A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six pack.

  • Why are teachers always making answer keys?

    So they can open doors of opportunity for their students.

  • What food is given to ebola patients?

    Pizza because it can be slipped under the door.

  • How do you know if there is a drummer at your door?

    A: The knocking always speeds up.

  • Why didn't anyone take the school bus to school?

    I wouldn't fit through the door.

  • Why did everyone bring a quiche to Sean Connery's party?

    It was leave your keys at the door.

  • How do you open a door underwater?

    You swimming pull

  • What is small, dark, and knocking at the door?

    The future

  • What do you call a thirsty cow?

    A watermeloin.. Don't worry, I remember where the door is.

  • What do you call a chicken coup with more than two doors?

    A chicken sedan.

  • What does a suburban neighbourhood do if there's a blackout?

    They lock their doors and windows.

  • What's a Jehovah's Witness's favorite band?

    The Doors.

  • How do diapers work?

    Hnng. Aaaaaaaah. Like that. I'll show myself the door.

  • How do you depress a room full of geeks?

    Hold the door! I'm a leaf on the wind!"

  • Why don't Jehovah Witnesses like Halloween?

    Because they don't like random people knocking on their doors

  • Why couldn't the pickle leave the bar?

    Because the door was ajar!

  • Why are fish only happy inside?

    They have in-door fins

  • How does a Muslim shut a door?

    Islams it.

  • Wheres the dinosaur bone exhibit?

    through that door" Thank you very ruff! "What'd you say " *2 dogs fall out of trench coat & run*

  • What do you call a guy with no legs at your front door?


  • What key won't let you through any doors?

    A turkey.

  • Why didn't Wilma let Fred in when he was banging at the door?

    Because she was in the shower and didn't hear him because the elephant stump was on full blast.

  • What did the blue denims say to the black denims?

    I guess we have different genes! *knee slap* ... I'll see myself to the door

  • How'd you get a black eye?

    Walked into a door. Later, another shiner More doors *nods* One does not simply walk into more doors.

  • Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

    Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans

  • What do they call a monastery key that opens all doors?

    Monk key

  • What do you get when you cross a Jehova's witness with a business man?

    A door to door salesman!

  • How do Muslims close a door?

    Islams it.

  • Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?

    He wanted to win the No Bell Prize.

  • What do you call a chicken coop with five doors?

    A hatchback.

  • How do you make a door hold water?

    You open it slightly so it's ajar.

  • How many babies does it take to open a door?

    Depends how hard you throw them.

  • How many men from the US swim team does it take to open a door?

    Just one if its lochte'd

  • What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's Witness?

    Someone knocking at your door for no apparent reason.

  • Why does Ed Miliband like advent calendars?

    Because it's his only chance to open the door to Number 10!

  • What happens if I throw up in the red shoe bin by the door?

    Me: Why is your question alarmingly specific 4: No reason.

  • What do jehovah's witnesses believe in?

    That I will open the door

  • When is a door not a door?

    When its ajar

  • Why do you need a door then?

    I asked him.

  • How many dothraki does it take to open a door?

    Idk, but they sure are hot.

  • What's the difference between a man's balls and Jehovah's Witnesses?

    There's none. They both knock on the door, but never goes in!

  • What is a long room with many doors called?

    I'm not sure, I hallways forget

  • Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with ?

    The girl necks door.

  • Who was that at the door?

    Veronica: A lady with a baby in a buggy. Mrs Brown: Tell her to push off. "

  • What did the vinaigrette say to the refrigerator?

    Close the door! I'm dressing!

  • How do you know a cat is ready to leave?

    He makes a fe-line for the door.

  • When is a door not a door?

    When it's ajar.

  • When is a strange dog most likely to go into your house?

    A: When the door is open.

  • Why was the girl stuck in the revolving door for two weeks?

    cuz she couldn't find the door handle

  • How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?

    Open the door. Put in the elephant. Close the door.

  • Who's...(loud crash as a battering ram demolishes the front door)...there?

    We're the Ferguson Police Department. We ask the questions.

  • How do you do it w/ 4 kids?

    Hubs: With the door locked. Me: She means how do we manage...but yeah.

  • Who's there ! Ben ! Ben who ?

    Ben knocking on this door all morning !

  • How do mob boss mules open doors?

    With Don-keys.

  • Why couldn't the cat walk through the door?

    it had a javelin through it's head.

  • Why did the door to door sales man get nervous and run away?

    He was selling In-Security Heh yeah i dunno i thought it up in a dream and I'm still half asleep bye

  • What do fish in Jamaica smoke ?

    Sea-Weed. I'll show myself the door.

  • Why did the gentleman hold the door?

    Because he was dying to do so.

  • How do you know when the drummer has shown up for band practice?

    He won't stop banging at the door.

  • How do you know if a hippo is in your oven?

    The door won't close

  • Why did Oscar Pistorius shoot his girlfriend in the bathroom?

    Because he's one of the few people in World that couldn't kick down the door.

  • Why did the Anthropod need braces?

    It had a trilobite. Get it ..I'll show myself to the door.

  • Why are there no Chuck Norris knock-knock jokes?

    Because Chuck only has to hit the door ONCE.

  • How do you put elephant in the fridge?

    Answer is open the door and just put the elephant in the fridge.

  • What does a Mexican Morpheus say?

    Neo, you are the Juan ... I'll show myself the door...

  • What do you get by cross-breeding a jehovahs witness and an atheist?

    Someone who pointlessly knocks on the door.

  • How do you get a hippie off your door step?

    Pay for the pizza and close the door.

  • Why is the door to heaven always open?

    Because Jesus was born in a barn.

  • Who's there ! Ali ! Ali who ?

    Ali-luyah at last you've opened the door !

  • Who's there ! Canon ! Canon who ?

    Canon open the door then

  • What do you call a Spaniard kissing a door?

    A Conquistador!

  • Why did the dog go into the church?

    The doors were open.

  • Why are you naked & why is Greg under your desk?

    Me: Boss: Me: Shut the door when you leave

  • How can you tell if a good ole boy from North Carolina is married?

    There are tobacco spit stains on BOTH the doors of his truck.

  • What do you call a lightbulb that holds the door for you?

    A polite bulb.

  • How did the cavemen in the far east protect them selves?

    They Rocked their doors.

  • Who's there ! Apple ! Apple who ?

    Apple the door myself!

  • What kind of person are you if you open the door from the bottom of the door?

    A low-key person

  • Where does a librarian sleep?

    Between the covers. I will now show myself to the door.

  • Why should you always keep a firearm in the small room by your front door?

    Foyer protection

  • What did Zelda tell Link when he couldn't unlock the door?


  • What's the easiest way to pay a musician?

    Open the door, hand him the cash and take the pizza

  • What do you call a person who is outside a door and has no arms nor legs?


  • Who's there ! Bolzano ! Bolzano who ?

    Bolzano the door !

  • How do you drown a blonde in a submarine?

    A: Knock on the door.

  • How do you drown a submarine full of blondes?

    Knock on the door

  • Why does Jesus always leave a door open for you?

    Because he was born in a barn.

  • Why does the town idiot take his bedroom door off the hinges and put it to the sid every night when he goes to sleep?

    ANSWER: Because he's afraid someone would look through the keyhole.

  • What's the Difference Between Guts and Balls?

    Guts is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk meeting your wife at the door with a broom in her hand and asking her if she's still cleaning the house or going out for a ride. Balls is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk with lipstick all over your face and the scent of women's perfume all over you, meeting your wife at the door and stating, "You're next, chubby."

  • What was the last line in Anne Frank's diary?

    Just a moment, someone's knocking on the door..

  • What did the cat say when I shut him in the refridgerator?

    I don't know, I couldn't hear him through the door.

  • What was the internet like in the old days?

    Me: *opens door* *pushes 16 outside* *locks door*

  • What do you call a man with no arms or legs... ... sitting at your door?

    Matt. ...floating in your pool Bob. ...hanging on your wall Art. ... water skiing Skipper.

  • What does a door and a jar have in common?

    They both are ajar.

  • How to sink a submarine with 10 blondes in it?

    You knock on the door.

  • What do you call a short Native American programmer?

    A Little Endian -I'll get the door.

  • What broke?

    opens door* Just wait until I get out there!! parenting from the bathroom

  • What's the matter son?

    The boy next door said I look just like you What did you say Nothing he's bigger than me !

  • Why couldn't the retarded man talk normally?

    He was trying to hold the door

  • What do you get when you mix a Jehovah's Witness with an Atheist?

    Someone who shows up to your door for no reason.

  • What do you do if you enter a room and a clown is having a stroke?

    Close the door and go to .

  • What is the similarity between women and garbagebags?

    You fill them up and toss them out the door!

  • Who's there ! Czech ! Czech who ?

    Czech before you open the door !

  • How do you make a Game of Thrones fan sad?

    You ask them to hold the door for you.

  • What's black and white and can't fit through a door?

    x-post r/AntiJokes) A zebra with a spear through its head.

  • What happened when the Ape won the door prize?

    He didn't take it - he already had a door!

  • What do you call a kid with no arms or legs at the front door?


  • Which one is the 'in' door?

    Let me show you", says the manager, and 'e walks in.

  • What should you do if a monster runs through your front door?

    Run through the back door.

  • When is your door annoying?

    When it'sa Jar-Jar.

  • What did the door say to the other door?

    I can see your Knob Simple yet effective

  • What's a Henway?

    Oh, you know. About 5 pounds. I'll show myself the door now.

  • What's not there when you get into an argument, but there when you lose the argument?

    The door.

  • When is a --- not a ---?

    joke I'll start you off: When is a door not a door >

  • What kind of bird opens doors ?

    A kiwi !

  • What did the knob say to the door?

    I LOCK you a lot! yep, its corny, indeed, but... I'm tryin'! Skip

  • When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house ?

    When the door is open !

  • Who's there ! Bettina ! Bettina who ?

    Bettina minute you'll open this door !

  • What do you call the side door of a brothel in Westeros?


  • How do you answer the door Mathematically?

    Door: "What is 2+2 " Me: "4" Door: "Cool!"

  • How did Godzilla get the job opportunity?

    Some say he had a foot in the door... and the window... and the wall.

  • Why is it possible for a door to be made out of kittens?

    Because they are a-door-able.