Dress Jokes
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What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
A-tyre
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What's the difference between a hobo on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
A tyre (attire)
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How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?
You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.
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What do you call a plumb in a frock?
A damson in this dress.
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What's your costume?
Me: I'm dressed as "A total disappointment" Friend: But you always wear that Me: Yeah.
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How do you know all Bernie Sanders' supporters are Harry Potter fans?
They all dress like Dobby.
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What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a unicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire
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Why do girls take 45 minutes to get dressed?
The only improvement you can make is getting undressed.
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What do you call someone who likes to dress up like Jesus?
A cross-dresser.
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What's the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire
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What's the difference between my wife and the dress?
The dress is white and gold
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What do you call it when someone admits to caring about how they dress?
A confashion.
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How does a nun lose her virginity?
Dresses up as an altar boy
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What did the jalapeno dress up as for Halloween?
A Ghost Pepper.
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How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as a choir boy!
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What is the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a dully dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire.
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What's the difference between a formally-dressed man riding a unicycle and a casually-dressed man riding a bicycle?
Attire.
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What dress?
Disdress or dat dress *Ba dum tish*
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Why did the lettuce blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing
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What do you call a monkey in a suit?
Over-dressed!
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What did one tonsil say to the other?
Get dressed a doctor is taking us out to night.
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What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a handsomely dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire
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How do you make a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone without dressing.
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What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes
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What's the difference between a well dressed bicyclist and a poorly dressed unicyclist?
Attire.
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Why don't women wear dresses in the winter?
A: They could get chapped lips!
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Why don't Bond villains feel cold in the winter?
Because they dress in lairs.
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What is called a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone with no dressing.
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How'd you catch it?
Me:*flashes back to being dressed as girl stingray* You know, the regular way.
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What's the difference between a well dressed man and a tired dog?
The man wears a full suit, the dog just pants
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What does a half-dressed Sikh wear on his head?
A subturban!
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Why did the surgeon refuse to dress for work?
He didn't want no scrubs
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What do you call Kanye dressed as Kermit?
I don't know, but it's not Yeezy being green.
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Why doesn't Gandalf dress as a pimp for Halloween?
So people do not take him as a conjurer of cheap tricks.
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Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending?
Because they needed to be ad-dressed!
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What do you call an invisible, cross-dressing dad?
A transparent
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What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
a tire.
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Why don't women like to wear dresses in the winter?
Chapped lips
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What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone, without dressing ...
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What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire.
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What's the difference between a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire.
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What did the mayonnaise say to the man opening the fridge door?
Don't look. I'm dressing."
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How did I get up here again?
This is fun, I'm fun. I'm dressed up like a bat."
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What do you call a gnome who dresses nice?
A metronome!
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What do ghosts dress up as for Halloween?
As John Cena because you can't see them.
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Why are wedding in Wales so inexpensive?
The brides are already dressed in white.
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What's big and hairy and climbs up the Empire State Building in a dress?
Queen Kong.
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What do you call a WordPress website that dresses up like another type of website?
DruPal
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What does Oedipus the king's mother wear under her dress?
Q: what does Oedipus the king's mother wear under her dress? A: a Freudian slip
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Why do Muslims love shopping at Ross?
Because they can dress foreless.
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Why are wedding dresses white?
So the dishwasher matches the stove.
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What did Wiz Khalifa say when he was asked his opinion on the dress?
Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is."
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Why do we dress baby girls in pink and baby boys in blue?
Because they can't dress themselves.
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Why did the cabbage whistle?
Because it saw the salad dressing
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What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he and his friends decided to dress up as famous composers for Halloween?
I'll be Bach
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What do you call an incredibly well-dressed punk?
The Speaker of the House
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What do you call an atheist in a six foot pine box?
All dressed up, with no place to go.
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What do you call a cross dressed robot?
Android-gynous
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What's the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man one bicycle?
A tire.
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Why did the model pee herself?
She was all dressed up with no place to go!
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Why does Gandalf never dress as a pimp for halloween?
Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.
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Why did the tomato turned red?
Because it saw the salad dressing
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Which fish dresses the best?
The Swordfish - It always looks sharp!
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What do you get when you put two different vinaigrettes in your salad?
Cross-dressing
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Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing
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What did the vinaigrette say to the refrigerator?
Close the door! I'm dressing!
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What do you call a dress that refuses to learn?
Clothes-minded.
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Why does the Fonz dress up as an insect when going on a journey?
Because he wants to get from ayy to bee.
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What do you get when you dress the Hulk in Captain America's clothes?
A Star-Spangled Banner.
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Why are almost all brides dresses white?
So the dishwasher matches the washing machine
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What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
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What do you call a robot dressed in drag?
A transition metal.
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What do you call a lobster dressed up as Santa?
Santa Claws
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Which kind of sharply dressed, tiny dwarves make the best drummers?
metro gnomes
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Why did the tomato blush?
It saw the salad dressing
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What's black and blue and red all over?
The dress
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What do you call it when the robot from Futurama gets in a minor car accident while wearing a dress?
A gender bender Bender fender bender.
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How do you get Americans to care about the Sudanese genocide?
Dress them up as dead lions
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What gas is best dressed at a dinner party?
Formaldehyde
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What dressing would you like on your salad?
Me: Ice cream
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What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?
x-post from r/bicycling Attire
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What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.
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Why shouldn't you look at a cup of ranch?
Because it's still dressing.
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How can we stop ISIS?
EUROPE: How can we save our economy AMERICA: What color is this dress !
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Why should you avoid people dressed as celery?
They could be stalking you!