Drop Jokes
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What's the difference between a baby and a pound of coke?
Eric Clapton would never drop a pound of coke.
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How did the gangster die below the Empire State Building?
Someone dropped a dime on him.
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Why couldn't the Dubstep artist be a chemist?
He couldn't stop dropping the base!
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Why is DeadMau5 bad at math?
He drops the base when doing logs.
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What did Dave Grohl say when he accidentally dropped his sandwich?
There goes my hero"
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What did Pontius Pilate say to Jesus?
If you drop that damn Cross again you are out of my Parade.
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What's your favorite movie?
DATE: Girl Interupt- ME: *drops fork* What is it DATE: Girl Interu- ME: *burps* Sorry. Go on. DATE: Fargo
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What do you do when you drop your favorite ska record?
PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP!
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Why was the clumsy vegetable farmer a good dj?
Because he dropped the beet.
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How many stockholders does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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How do you advertise a French rifle?
Never fired, dropped once.
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What did the police officer say to the white man running away with a TV?
Sir, you dropped your receipt!"
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Whats the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl?
Having to drop the bomb on them twice before they get it.
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How many rudeboys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Twenty. 1 to drop it, 19 to go "Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up".
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Where'd I drop my waffle?
At the beach in San Diego.
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Why were the elephants kicked out of the pool?
Because they kept dropping their trunks....
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What do you call a waffle you drop in the desert?
San Diego San-dee-eygo sandee-eygo sandy-eggo i'll letmyselfout
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What is the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?
Eric Clapton would NEVER drop a bag of cocaine.
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What's the difference between a baby and an ounce of Coke?
Eric Clapton would never drop an ounce of Coke out of a window
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What's worse than dropping a scope of ice cream?
Dropping 2 scoops of ice cream. What's worse than dropping 2 scoops of ice cream? Getting a hand chopped off. What's worse than getting a hand chopped off? Getting both hands chopped off. What's worse than getting both hands chopped off? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Dropping 3 scoops of ice cream.
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Whats the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.
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What do you get when you drop your frozen waffle at the beach?
A San Diego
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What did Dave Grohl say when he dropped his hoagie off a bridge?
There goes my Hero.
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What do potheads do when they see a fire?
Stop, drop, and roll
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What do you call a pirate who is all out of reales(Silver coins)?
Long Gone Silver... /drops mic
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Why are French guns the best to buy?
They've never been fired, and only dropped once.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on a toddler?
A flat minor
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What did Shrek say when the waiter dropped off his food at the German Restaurant?
Donkey!" (Danke) You gotta say it with the shrek accent to work.
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How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
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Why do sailors use liquid soap?
It takes longer to pick up when they drop it.
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Why did Hugh Jackman single handedly stop a Franciscan botanist from accidentally dropping a match in the forest?
Because only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
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What do you get when you drop a Hawaiian pizza?
Pearl Harbor pizza.
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What's the hardest part about dumping a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.
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Why did they start using liquid soaps in prisons?
if you thought because you can't drop it, guess again) Because it takes longer to pick up.
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What happens to a plate made out of cookies when you drop it?
It chips.
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Why did the boy drop his icecream?
He was hit by a truck.
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Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone?
He got hit by a bus!
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What is Kathy Griffin's screen saver?
Celebrity names dropping.
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Where did the little Japanese girl go when the little boy dropped by?
Everywhere.
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What kind of bees hum and drop things ?
A fumble bee !
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What did one plant say to another when it dropped its camera into the sea?
Photos-in-the-seas!"
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What's the best thing about dating a homeless chick?
You can drop her off anywhere!
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I dropped a pear in my car this morning.
You should drop another one, then you would have a pair.
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What happens when you drop a whale on thin ice?
Her: What You: It breaks the ice. Hi, i'm (your name)
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Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese Woman?
You have to drop the bomb twice.
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Whats worse than having to break up with your Japanese girlfriend for the first time?
Her not hearing you, so you drop the bomb a 2nd time.
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What city would you be in if you dropped your waffle on the beach?
Sandy ego.
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What do you get when you drop a baby into a wood chipper?
Well an erection of course.
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What does the DJ do when he spills acid?
He drops the base!
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What happens if an Asian gets stung by a bee?
Their GPA drops
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What happens to a woman who falls down the stairs?
Nothing, as long as she doesn't drop my beers
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Why did Jesus drop out of the carpentry business?
He got too attached to his work.
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What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it
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What did Dave Grohl say when he dropped his Greek sandwich?
There goes my gyro
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Why did the baby drop its rattle?
It got hit by a truck
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What did Vladimir Putin say after dropping a smashing one-liner?
Putout
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Why do hens lay eggs?
A: If they dropped them they'd break
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How are bad dubstep and constipation similar?
Both leave you waiting for the drop.
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Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them?
I did! Well here's the elastic band.
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What city are you in when you drop your waffle on the beach?
NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO...there you are
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What Do you Call a Bowler that drops his ball a lot?
Gutterfingers!
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What did Carmen's mom say when Carmen dropped her waffle in the sandbox?
Where in the world is Carmen's sandy Eggo "
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Why did the black guy get mad at the pirate?
He dropped the hard 'arrrrrr.'
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What does a good joke and a man who's dropped his last Viagra down the drain have in common?
A missed erection.
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How is Michael Jackson like the thousands of people outside times square on new years?
Once the balls drop, They're no longer interested!
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What do you get when you drop a piano in a coal mine?
A flat minor. Night... Don't forget to tip your waitress
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What do you call an international criminal waffle that you dropped at the beach?
Carmen Sandy Eggo
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What do silicon and my ex girlfriend have in common?
the resistance of both drop when doped.
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How do you get dragon pee?
Drop your catheter bag.
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How does Times Square start the new year?
By having Mariah Carey drop the ball! "The audience can sing this one."
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What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets the point.
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What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school?
Bison.
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What chord does a piano make when it drops on a child?
A-flat minor
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Why did Frosty drop his pants?
Because he's a pervert that likes showing people his snowballs.
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Why couldn't Frodo drop the Ring into Mt. Doom?
Force of Hobbit.
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What happens when you drop a hand gren-egg ?
It eggs-plodes !
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What's the best thing about dating a homeless woman?
When ur done, u can drop her off anywhere.
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What do you get when you drop a few ears of corn into a pie?
You get a cobbler!
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What did the oyster say to the fish who stole it's shell?
Stop being shellfish!" *drops microphone, walks away*
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How'd you get that cut above your eye?
Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"
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Why was the United Nations concerned when the waitress dropped the platter on Thanksgiving?
It meant the fall of Turkey, the ruin of Greece, and the breakup of China.
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Why did Microsoft go straight from Windows 8 to Windows 10?
BECAUSE SEVEN ATE NINE *drops mic*
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What's this ticket, officer?
Loitering "I didn't drop trash" - No. Loitering. "You talk funny" - It's not- "I'm putting this on Twoiter"
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Why do you have your thumb on my steak?
So I don't drop it again, Sir."
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Why did the pro football player from the last-place team drop pieces of hamburger into his soup?
He wanted to know how it felt to take part in a Soup-er Bowl!
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What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
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What does a chemist say when he's pouring water into an acid?
Drop the base.
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Why did Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a truck!
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Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ?
They both drop their needles !
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Why did the little boy drop his icecream?
Because he got hit by a car
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What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person?
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.
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Why did Jimmy drop his icecream?
He got hit by a bus!
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Why did the college student change his major from Biology to Physics after his first exam?
He needed to see if how fast his grade dropped broke any laws of physics.
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Why did the kid drop his ice cream?
Because the bus hit him.
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What do you get when you drop an egg off the Empire State Building?
New Yolk
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Where did sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere
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Why do clumsy farmers make awesome DJ's?
cause they're always dropping beets
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Where're we going?
Who the hell did I just drop off at school !
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What's worse than dropping your ice cream?
The Holocaust.
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Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?
THEY KEPT DROPPING THEIR TRUNKS!
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What happened to the boy-band member who dropped the soap In the prison shower?
Let's just say that his backstreet went more than one direction.
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Whats the difference between a hippy chick and a washing machine?
When you drop a load in, it doesn't follow you around for 6 months trying to get spun. 8)
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Why do you always need to take 2 baptists on a fishing trip instead of one?
If you take one, he'll drink all of your beer, If you take 2 neither will drink a drop
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Why did the bus driver drop his coffee?
Because he hit a bump in the road. What was the bump in the road? Little Timmy.
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What'll happen if a piano is dropped on a man?
He will B flat
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How can u drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?
A: Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.
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What does Snoop Dogg do when he forgets to put on oven mitts?
He drops it like it's hot.
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Why do people on acid listen to Dubstep?
Because if they didn't drop the base it would be a neutral reaction and they wouldn't feel the psychedelic effects.
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Why did Skrillex get fired from the antique shop?
Because he d-d-d-d-dropped the vase. Stupid. I know.
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How do you tell a Japanese girl you're breaking up with her ?
You drop it on her twice.
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What did the douchebag say to the chemist when he dropped his beaker?
U mad scientist?
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How can you tell if a cat is blonde?
A: No matter what height you drop it from it always lands on its head.
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Where did Little Johnny go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
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Why was Dr. Dre kicked out of the farmer's market?
He kept dropping the beets.
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What is someone doing when they are disposing of diseased radishes?
Dropping some ill beets.
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What does a chemistry lesson and a night club have in common?
Someone drops the acid and someone drops the base.
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What did the buffalo say when dropping off his son at college?
Bison.
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When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building which one hits the pavement first?
A: Who cares!
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What does Snoop Lion do when he forgets to wear oven mitts?
Drops it like it's hot.
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How did he do that?
I dropped it on his head.
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What is the hardest thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it. I'm going to hell..
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Why is American Airlines the best airlines company?
Because they are the only one to drop you directly to your office.
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Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got hit by a bus
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What happened when the joker dropped an elephant carrying a ten ton weight on Batman and Robin?
They became flatman and ribbon. has left the building.
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Why did the maniacal chemist drop a rancher into his latest concoction?
Because the rancher was a cattlist.
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What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a four year old?
Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out the window
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What's the best part about dating a homeless chick?
You can drop her off wherever.
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Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?
Because they're both cracked!
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How do you make a baby cry?
Drop it. How do you make a baby stop crying? Drop it again.
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Why did the dog keep dropping his ball?
He had barkinsons disease.
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Why didn't the NSA request AT&T's phone records?
Because they can't monitor all those dropped calls!
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What's the difference between a Surrey girl and a washing machine?
When you drop a load in a washing machine it doesn't text you every hour for a week.
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What is the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.
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What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom!
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Why did the computer science student drop out?
He just couldn't hack it.
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Which global disasters happen when you drop a roast turkey?
The downfall of Turkey, the break-up of China, and the overthrow of Greece.
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What do you call an attractive zombie?
Drop dead gore-geous!
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How to legalize animal poaching ?
Drop a kid in their zoo enclosure.
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What do you call it when you accidentally drop a flower?
An oopsy daisy.
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Why wasn't the pediatrician impressed with the new year's eve Times Square ball drop?
Because he has seen plenty of balls drop. (Sorry)
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What happens when you drop a decimal point in water ?
it floats.
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What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese women?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
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How do you process a queue of table delete requests for an asynchronous database?
Pop, Lock & Drop It
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What's the best part about dating a homeless chick ?
You can drop her off anywhere
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What's a priests least favorite thing about New Years?
The balls drop.
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What's the difference between a washing machine and a virgin?
A washing machine doesn't follow the guy around for 2 weeks after he drops a load in it.
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Why did you drop the baby?
Well Mrs Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby so I wanted to see if he did.
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What does Bill Gates call it when someone drops a $20 bill on the ground?
Littering.
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What do you get if you encase Beyonce in rubber and drop her off a cliff?
Bouncy Beyonce.
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What did the cheese maker say to his son after he dropped the cheese?
That's no whey to go through life, son.
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What's the best thing about picking up a homeless chick?
It doesn't matter where you drop them off.
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What's the difference between a woman and a toilet?
The toilet doesn't insist on cuddling after you drop your load in it.
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Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team ?
He took too long to put his boots on !
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What happens if you drop a blue marble in the Red Sea?
It sinks. (Courtesy of my 9 year old daughter)
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What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner
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How many ska kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One to drop it and six to pick it up pick it up pick it up
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What do you get if you drop a piano on a team's defence?
A flat back four!
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Why didn't the NSA request AT&T's phone records?
Because they can't monitor all those dropped calls!
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Whats the difference between your mom and a washing machine?
When I drop a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around for a week.
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What does acid reflux and dubstep have in common?
They both get better when you drop the "base".
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What's the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl?
You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
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What's the best part about dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere!!
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What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4 year old?
Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out a window
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What's the difference between a sandwich and a germanwings plane?
When the sandwich drops I'm sad.
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Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a truck...
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What did the scale say when it was going to drop a fresh mixtape?
Weight on it.
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What's the difference between a blond and a washing machine?
When you drop a load into a washing machine it doesn't follow you around for a week.
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What do you do when you see a floating T.V. in the middle of the night?
Tell Jamal to drop it
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What have Disney and the U.K. got in common?
Both dropped the EU And screwed over a lot of people
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How attractive are skeletons?
They're drop dead gorgeous!
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What does a pirate say when they drop their scissors?
Scissor me timbers!
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What animal is faster than a cheetah?
A cow dropped out of a helicopter.
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What is the best thing about dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
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What noise did the dumbbells make when they were dropped?
Dong-Ding.
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How did San Diego get its name?
Someone dropped their waffle on the beach.
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How do chemists get high?
they drop acid of course
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Why did the farmer fire the DJ?
Because he kept on dropping beets.
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Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Definitely not Sally. Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream? He was hit by a truck Why didn't the truck turn out of the way? Sally Was driving
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Why did the DJ get fired as a waiter?
Because he'd drop everything
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Why did Sally drop her ice cream while crossing the street?
She got hit by a Bus.
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What is the worst thing about dating a Japanese girl?
You have to drop da bomb on her twice
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What time is it when planes start dropping engines?
Shedding season
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What happens every year when the Time Square Ball drops?
Justin Bieber gets jealous.
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What's the best part about dating a homeless women?
You can drop her off anywhere.
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What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend?
You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.
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How do you make a starfish shine?
Drop it in sparkling water.
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What do you call it when you drop an apple on the ground?
A fruit by the foot
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Where did the little Asian girl go when the little boy dropped by?
Everywhere.
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Why did little Dan dropped his ice cream?
He was hit by a buss
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Why did the little girl drop her ice cream?
She got hit by a bus. Sequel: Why did the little girl's sister drop her ice cream Someone threw a fridge at her.
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Why did the boy drop his Ice Cream?
A: He was hit by a bus