Drown Jokes

  • What did the cannibal do to the people he didn't like?

    He drowned them in the morning.

  • How do you drown a hipster?

    In the mainstream

  • Why don't the Amish waterski?

    The horses would drown. Ba-dum TISH

  • Why was little Jimmy fishing in the well?

    Because Tom had previously drowned in the well and everyone said "Tom is sleeping with the fishes."

  • How do you know when you are going to drown in milk?

    When it's past your eyes.

  • Why did the man drowning in the Nile River think he wasn't going to die?

    Because he was in de-nile.

  • Why did the hipster drown?

    Because he went ice-skating before it was cool ( )

  • How does John Marston take a shower?

    1st he gets nice and wet, then he dies of drowning

  • Why don't Amish people water ski?

    Because their horses would drown.

  • Why are millionaires bad at swimming?

    Because they drown at their own wealth Edit: I got down voted :( I thought of that in my head and just wanted to share it

  • Why do caterpillars think they are better than us?

    OTHER WORM: *is drowning in a very shallow puddle*

  • Why couldn't the hippie be saved from drowning?

    He was too far out man.

  • What did the drowning number theorist say?


  • Why did the man drowning in the river think he wasn't going to die?

    He was in de-Nile.

  • How do you drown a polar bear?

    Cut a hole in the ice. Put a line of peas around the hole. When the polar bear takes a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

  • What do you call a woman drowning in money?

    Rich... Also an ambulance.

  • How do you stop a hippie from drowning?

    Take your combat boot off his head.

  • Why are Dutch people so tall?

    The short ones drowned in the floods

  • What does Mickey Mouse do to Minnie Mouse after she drowns and he pulls her out of the water?

    Mouse to Mouse resuscitation.

  • Why didn't the Pharaoh believe he was drowning?

    Because he was in deNile

  • Where do hipsters drown?

    the mainstream.

  • Why do Norwegians drive Chevys?

    They're afraid of drowning in a Fjord.

  • How did the hipster die?

    He drowned in the mainstream because he stood on it before it was cool.

  • Why can you only drown a hipster in a tributary?

    Because, it isn't mainstream.

  • Who drowns?

    The boat.

  • Why did they have to stop playing water-polo in Poland?

    All the horses drowned

  • How do you drown a blonde in a submarine?

    A: Knock on the door.

  • Why can't Ross & Phoebe ever drown?

    Because David Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow.

  • How do you save a drowning mouse ?

    Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !

  • How do you drown a blonde?

    Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a swimming pool.

  • What did Helen Keller do when she was drowning?

    She screamed and screamed until her hands turned blue.

  • How do you keep a black person from drowning?

    You don't

  • How do you stop a ginger from drowning?

    You throw him a lifesaver and tell him to grab on to it.

  • Why did the hipster decide to drown himself in the tributary?

    He didn't want to be mainstream.

  • What can relax you and drown you at the same time?

    A one-hour facial.

  • What did the drowning number theorist yell?


  • What do you call four Mexicans drowning?

    Cuatro sinko

  • How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?

    Shoot before he hits the water.

  • What does it look like when someone is drowning?


  • What did u do last night?

    Me: I drowned my swallows in whiskey Don't u mean sorrows Me covering tub of dead birds: is that the saying

  • Why can't Ross & Phoebe ever drown?

    Because David Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow.

  • What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire?


  • How did the hipster drown?

    By swimming in the main stream.

  • Why wasn't Hamlet sad when his girlfriend drowned?

    He was more of a necrOpheliac anyway.

  • What happened to the fish?

    Me: It drowned. 4yo: ... Me: ... 4yo: ... Me: ... 4yo: Must have been a really stupid fish.

  • What are you fishing for sonny?

    Boy: I'm not fishing I'm drowning worms.

  • What do you use when you are drowning in women?

    A flirtation device.

  • What do you call the man with a lisp who drowned?

    A philosopher. Cuz he's a deep thinker.

  • What do you call 100 drowning vegans?

    A good start

  • How do you drown a submarine full of blondes?

    Knock on the door

  • Where are you most likely to drown?


  • What happened to the native man that drank 23 cups of tea?

    He went home and drowned in his tea pee.

  • Why did the hipster drown in the lake?

    Because he went ice skating before it was cool.

  • Why did the Polish government have to finally ban water-polo throughout the country?

    Too many horses were drowning.

  • What do you call five Mexicans drowning at the bottom of their pool?


  • Why can't the Philippines field an ice hockey team?

    The players all drowned in spring training.

  • What sits at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

    A drowning epileptic.

  • What do you call it when you drown a baby in soda?


  • How do you know if you are drowning in milk?

    If it's pasturize

  • Why did the hippie drowned in the ocean?

    Because he was too far out. Ba dum bum tissss