Drug Jokes

  • What kind of drugs do ducks use?


  • What drug did the mathematician do?

    Math Salts.

  • What do you call Mike Tyson on drugs?

    Methed up

  • How does a hipster measure out his drugs?

    Using instagrams.

  • What drug does the lord use to get work done?

    God speed.

  • What did the cocaine addict say to his drug of choice?

    I'm kinda busy, I won't be able to stay any longer, smell ya later" PS: the addict died that day from severe delusions that his coke was talking blanket, lot of coke....

  • What do you call a number on drugs?

    High Five

  • What sort of drug does a duck use?

    Quack cocaine

  • What do you call Oprah on drugs?


  • Why shouldn't you give Muslim Women drugs?

    They'll get stoned. (Ba-dum tss)

  • What do you call someone who claims to do drugs to try to look cool?

    A marajuannabe.

  • What happens when a neckbeard takes drugs?

    They start tipping balls.

  • What drug problem?

    We get drugs pretty easily!"

  • What type of drugs do ducks use?

    What type of drugs to ducks use? Quack cocaine.

  • What do you call someone who smokes two doobies at once?

    Double jointed. What do you call someone who can smoke three at once? Dead. Don't do drugs.

  • What is a drug?

    A drug is a substance which when injected into a guinea pig produces a scientific paper.

  • What's the difference between a heroine and heroin?

    One's an object that's easily abused, the other's a drug.

  • Who takes the most drugs?

    The police.

  • Why don't you talk to John anymore, you used to be best friends?

    Son: Well, would you be friends with someone who was stupid, took drugs and was drunk all the time? Mom: No, Never! Son: Well neither would he!

  • How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs?

    Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.

  • Where were you on the night of the 5th?

    Dealing drugs." "Louder for the tape " leans in "Healing pugs. I'm a pug vet."

  • When will you be bioavailable?

    Because you are my drug and I want you in my body...

  • What do you call a duck that does drugs?

    A quack head!

  • When I get a prescription for drugs, I don't ask, Will it work?

    Are there any side effects ' No, it's Can I drink with these '

  • What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

    High definition.

  • What performance enhancing drugs do penguins use?


  • Why was the black man selling drugs?

    He was a pharmacist.

  • What do you call a black man selling drugs?

    A pharmacist, you racist.

  • What do you call an elephant on drugs?


  • What kind of drugs do ducks take?

    The snort quack.

  • How did Whitney Houston take the drugs?

    All at once.

  • How does the devil measure his drugs?

    In pentagrams

  • Why do medicine boxes always have a little bit of cotton in them?

    To remeber the black man of what he did before he dealt drugs.

  • Why did the Scotsman sell drugs?

    He had to get plaid.

  • Why did cavemen drag their women around by the hair and not the feet?

    Because if they drug them by the feet the would have filled with dirt.

  • Why do pills bottles have cotton in them?

    So they can remind black people the picked cotton before they sold drugs.

  • Why don't drug addicts hang out at the beach?

    They don't like getting sand in their crack.

  • Why Mark?

    I never take drugs. - I say stay away!! Or the drugs will fall from the table!!

  • What do you call a joke on drugs?


  • What's wrong with the phrase "War on Drugs"?

    Wars end.

  • What is the difference between a black guy and a white guy that sells drugs?

    One's a pharmacist and the other's a drug dealer.

  • Why did my husband die?

    Doctor responds: "Heavy drug use, ma'am" Widow: "But doctor, my husband didn't use drugs!" Doctor: "I know, but I did"

  • What drugs do cows take?


  • What do you call it when Wonder Woman does too many drugs?

    Heroine overdose

  • What is it about glow sticks that makes me want to dance in a field wearing fairy wings?

    If only I hadn't taken so many drugs I'd know this.

  • Why don't you buy drugs from an Emo?

    Their stuff is always cut.

  • What do you say to a black guy selling drugs?

    What did you think it would be, you racist?

  • What do you tell a mathematician if he does drugs?

    You're high-on-pot...enuse. Thanks Key&Peele, I'll see myself out.

  • Why bother?

    They're only going to buy drugs or alcohol with it!"... oh, like I wasn't !

  • Why is Bill Cosby like the The Wizard of Oz?

    Cosby Cosby Cosby Cosby cos, because of the wonderful things he drugs

  • How do meth users get the money to buy their drugs?

    The toothfairy.

  • What drug is most destructive with phones?


  • Why do drugs for small dogs have to be tested on larger ones first?

    All canine drugs must be lab tested before their public release.

  • What does a power ranger say before they do drugs?

    It's morphine time!

  • What kind of drugs to frogs take?


  • What kind of drugs to tumblr users take?


  • Why will we never know if Rick James was bald?

    Rogaine is a hell of a drug.

  • What's a cheese's favorite kind of drug?


  • Where does the Lego man get his drugs?

    His K'Nex!

  • How do hipsters buy their drugs?

    by the instagram.

  • What kind of drug is /r/theRedPill?

    It's a beta blocker

  • What's Wayne Static's relationship with drugs?

    I SEE IT!** ooooohh **I NEED IT!**(https://www.youtube.com/watch v=Ps0MfBG5-Uo#t=1m24s)

  • Why did Jim Morrison overdose on drugs?

    To get to the other side.

  • Why is there cotton on top of the pills inside a pill bottle?

    To remind black people they picked cotton before they sold drugs.

  • What's the difference between the Canadian-American border and a performance enhancing drug?

    Niagara Falls, Viagra rises.

  • Why are fish always on drugs?

    They just keep getting hooked.

  • What happened to drugs, kids?

    We still have drugs!

  • What's a crackhead with no drugs?


  • How did michael hutchence take his drugs?


  • What is someone who takes drugs?

    What is someone who drinks What hit you in the face last night

  • What do you call a lizard on drugs?

    A mariguana.