Drug Jokes
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What kind of drugs do ducks use?
Quack.
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What drug did the mathematician do?
Math Salts.
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What do you call Mike Tyson on drugs?
Methed up
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How does a hipster measure out his drugs?
Using instagrams.
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What drug does the lord use to get work done?
God speed.
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What did the cocaine addict say to his drug of choice?
I'm kinda busy, I won't be able to stay any longer, smell ya later" PS: the addict died that day from severe delusions that his coke was talking blanket, lot of coke....
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What do you call a number on drugs?
High Five
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What sort of drug does a duck use?
Quack cocaine
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What do you call Oprah on drugs?
Doprah
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Why shouldn't you give Muslim Women drugs?
They'll get stoned. (Ba-dum tss)
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What do you call someone who claims to do drugs to try to look cool?
A marajuannabe.
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What happens when a neckbeard takes drugs?
They start tipping balls.
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What drug problem?
We get drugs pretty easily!"
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What type of drugs do ducks use?
What type of drugs to ducks use? Quack cocaine.
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What do you call someone who smokes two doobies at once?
Double jointed. What do you call someone who can smoke three at once? Dead. Don't do drugs.
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What is a drug?
A drug is a substance which when injected into a guinea pig produces a scientific paper.
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What's the difference between a heroine and heroin?
One's an object that's easily abused, the other's a drug.
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Who takes the most drugs?
The police.
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Why don't you talk to John anymore, you used to be best friends?
Son: Well, would you be friends with someone who was stupid, took drugs and was drunk all the time? Mom: No, Never! Son: Well neither would he!
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How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs?
Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.
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Where were you on the night of the 5th?
Dealing drugs." "Louder for the tape " leans in "Healing pugs. I'm a pug vet."
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When will you be bioavailable?
Because you are my drug and I want you in my body...
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What do you call a duck that does drugs?
A quack head!
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When I get a prescription for drugs, I don't ask, Will it work?
Are there any side effects ' No, it's Can I drink with these '
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What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
High definition.
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What performance enhancing drugs do penguins use?
Polaroids
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Why was the black man selling drugs?
He was a pharmacist.
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What do you call a black man selling drugs?
A pharmacist, you racist.
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What do you call an elephant on drugs?
Tranquilized.
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What kind of drugs do ducks take?
The snort quack.
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How did Whitney Houston take the drugs?
All at once.
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How does the devil measure his drugs?
In pentagrams
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Why do medicine boxes always have a little bit of cotton in them?
To remeber the black man of what he did before he dealt drugs.
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Why did the Scotsman sell drugs?
He had to get plaid.
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Why did cavemen drag their women around by the hair and not the feet?
Because if they drug them by the feet the would have filled with dirt.
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Why do pills bottles have cotton in them?
So they can remind black people the picked cotton before they sold drugs.
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Why don't drug addicts hang out at the beach?
They don't like getting sand in their crack.
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Why Mark?
I never take drugs. - I say stay away!! Or the drugs will fall from the table!!
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What do you call a joke on drugs?
Highlarious
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What's wrong with the phrase "War on Drugs"?
Wars end.
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What is the difference between a black guy and a white guy that sells drugs?
One's a pharmacist and the other's a drug dealer.
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Why did my husband die?
Doctor responds: "Heavy drug use, ma'am" Widow: "But doctor, my husband didn't use drugs!" Doctor: "I know, but I did"
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What drugs do cows take?
Cow-caine
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What do you call it when Wonder Woman does too many drugs?
Heroine overdose
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What is it about glow sticks that makes me want to dance in a field wearing fairy wings?
If only I hadn't taken so many drugs I'd know this.
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Why don't you buy drugs from an Emo?
Their stuff is always cut.
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What do you say to a black guy selling drugs?
What did you think it would be, you racist?
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What do you tell a mathematician if he does drugs?
You're high-on-pot...enuse. Thanks Key&Peele, I'll see myself out.
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Why bother?
They're only going to buy drugs or alcohol with it!"... oh, like I wasn't !
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Why is Bill Cosby like the The Wizard of Oz?
Cosby Cosby Cosby Cosby cos, because of the wonderful things he drugs
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How do meth users get the money to buy their drugs?
The toothfairy.
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What drug is most destructive with phones?
Crack.
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Why do drugs for small dogs have to be tested on larger ones first?
All canine drugs must be lab tested before their public release.
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What does a power ranger say before they do drugs?
It's morphine time!
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What kind of drugs to frogs take?
methamphibians.
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What kind of drugs to tumblr users take?
Anti-oppressants.
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Why will we never know if Rick James was bald?
Rogaine is a hell of a drug.
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What's a cheese's favorite kind of drug?
Amfetamines
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Where does the Lego man get his drugs?
His K'Nex!
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How do hipsters buy their drugs?
by the instagram.
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What kind of drug is /r/theRedPill?
It's a beta blocker
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What's Wayne Static's relationship with drugs?
I SEE IT!** ooooohh **I NEED IT!**(https://www.youtube.com/watch v=Ps0MfBG5-Uo#t=1m24s)
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Why did Jim Morrison overdose on drugs?
To get to the other side.
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Why is there cotton on top of the pills inside a pill bottle?
To remind black people they picked cotton before they sold drugs.
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What's the difference between the Canadian-American border and a performance enhancing drug?
Niagara Falls, Viagra rises.
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Why are fish always on drugs?
They just keep getting hooked.
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What happened to drugs, kids?
We still have drugs!
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What's a crackhead with no drugs?
Crack-a-lacking
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How did michael hutchence take his drugs?
Inxs
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What is someone who takes drugs?
What is someone who drinks What hit you in the face last night
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What do you call a lizard on drugs?
A mariguana.