Ear Jokes
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Why does the corn hate the farmer?
Because he picks his ears!
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What did the robot say to the gas pump?
Take your finger out of your ear and listen to me!" I saw this in a Highlights magazine when I was a kid.
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How do you sell a dog to someone hard of hearing?
Get really close to their ear and shout, "DO YOU WANNA BUY A DOG "
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Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear?
Because he liked sole music!
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Why a conch shell, and why there of all places?
So that when you put your ear against it, you can smell the ocean."
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What did the blonde say when someone blew in her ear?
Thanks for the refill.
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How does a woman hold her licker??
By the ears...
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What would bears be without bees?
Ears!
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What is that behind your ear?
Nice try, too old for the coin trick" "No it's a tumor" "Oh my god" "Kidding it's a quarter"
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How do you get a Texas Tech senior's eyes to sparkle?
Shine a flashlight in his ears.
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What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees. (Not sure if this one translates well to english)
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What did the farmer say when he heard the town gossiping about his cornfield fire?
My ears are burning!"
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How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A buck 'n ear
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How much did it cost the pirate to get his ears pierced?
A buccaneer!
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How do you offend a vegan?
Cover your ears with your hands
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How do you find your dog if he's lost in the woods ?
Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark !
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How much did the pirate farmer charge for his corn?
A buck-an-ear!
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What is an ear of corn's favourite Leonardo DiCaprio movie?
Inception
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How can you tell a woman is having a bad day?
She has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her cigarette
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What do you get when you drop a few ears of corn into a pie?
You get a cobbler!
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What did the alien say to the gas pump ?
Don't you know its rude to stick your finger in your ear when I'm talking to you !
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What did the tomato say to the ear of corn?
Nothing, as tomatoes lack any ability to communicate.
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What do you call a huge ugly slobbering furry monster with cotton wool in his ears?
Anything you like he can't hear you.
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When does one play a corny game?
You play it by ear.
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How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced?
a buck an ear
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What do you get if you put 20 blondes in a row standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
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What does a worm do in a cornfield?
It goes in one ear and out the other
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What does it cost for a pirate to get his ear pierced?
A buck-an-ear
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How do you hold your liqour?
I hold mine by the ears.
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How do you know your waitress is having a rough night?
She's got a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pen.
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How can you tell someone is a true music lover?
A: When they even put their ear up to the bathroom keyhole.
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How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.
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How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A buck an ear.
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Why are you stuffing all that Easter candy into your mouth?
Because it doesn't taste as good if I stuff it in my ears."
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What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark ?
A bird that will talk you ear off !
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Why was the corn farmer paranoid?
Because the field has ears.
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How do French girls hold their liquor?
By the ears
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What do you call a pie who made his own ears?
A pioneer
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What do you call bears without ears?
B.
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What do twenty blondes standing ear to ear make?
A wind tunnel.
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What do you call a man with potatoes in their ears?
Anything you want, He can't hear you!
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How much does a pirate pay for an ear piercing?
A buck an ear
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What happened to Frankenstein's stupid son?
He had so much wax in his ears that he became a permanent contributor to Madame Tussaud's.
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What kind of ears does an engine have?
Engineers
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How do you make a blondes eyes shine bright?
Shine a torch in her ear!
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Why is it never safe to tell a joke about corn?
A corn has ears.
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Why can't you tell secrets in a corn field?
Because, corn has ears!
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What did the idiot do to the flea in his ear?
Shot it!
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Why have you got cotton wool in your ears do you have an infection ?
Pupil: Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!
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How does a French lady hold her liquor?
By the ears
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Why is it better to date a woman with heavy thighs during the winter?
Your ears stay warmer.
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What does a blonde woman is doing with her ear bonded to the wall ?
Listening .
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What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?
A. "Thanks for the refill!"
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What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
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What did Van Gogh's mother say to him when he was sad?
Wipe away those ears.
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How many ears does Spock have?
The left ear, the right ear and the Final Front-ear.
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Why does the corn get mad at the farmer?
Because he is always pulling on his ears.
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What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear ?
Whatever you want, he can't hear you..
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What do you call fifty blondes lined up ear-to-ear?
A: A wind tunnel. #ThugLyfe
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Why are farmers cruel?
A: They pull corn by the ears.
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What kind of speech did the farmer give his cornfield?
It didn't matter, they were all ears
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What does a television have in common with a rabbit?
His ears! Yes, this is a real joke I got from a Laffy Taffy wrapper today, not 30 years ago. I did not laugh.
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Why can't you keep a secret in a cornfield?
There's too many ears
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How can you tell a cow isn't listening to you?
Everything you say goes in one ear and out the udder!
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Why did you cut off your ear?
Van Gogh: pardon
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What do you call bears with no ears?
B
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What kind of ears do pumpers have?
A. Engineers.
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Why can't you tell a joke in a cornfield?
Because the stalks are all ears.
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What does an ear of corn hang on his fireplace during Christmas?
A stalk-ing! (A stocking!)
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How to make your ears pop?
Try some sparkly earrings.
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What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
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What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
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What's a bear without an ear?
A b
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What do Canadian women put behind their ears to attract men?
Their ankles!
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What happened when the Easter Bunny caught his head in the fan?
It took ears off his life!
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Why was the blonde wearing condoms on her ears?
Because she didn't want to get hearing-AIDS.
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What do you call a group of ears?
A heard
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What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
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What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers (engine ears).
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What do you hear if you hold a kebap to your ear?
The silence of the lambs
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What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
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What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear ?
Anything you want as he can't hear you !
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What happens when you get some vinegar in your ear?
You suffer from pickled hearing!
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What do you call an STD that is contracted in your ear?
Hearing AIDS
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How much did is cost the pirate to get his ears pierced?
A buck-an-ear.
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Which part of a billiards setup can you use to clean your ears?
The cue tip.
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How does a French woman hold her liquor?
By the ears.
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What's tall, white and has ears?
A mountain.
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What do you call 100 blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel!
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Why do cats like to hear other cats make noise?
A: It's meow-sic to their ears!
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What does a blonde put behind her ears to look attractive?
Her ankles.
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What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
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How does the Easter Bunny keep his ears standing straight up?
He uses Hare Spray... (Ill see myself out)
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How many ears does Daniel Boone have?
He's got a right ear, a left ear, and a frontier.
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What do you call a person who is missing his left eye, left ear, left arm and left leg?
Alright.
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What do you call a stegosaurus with carrots in its ears?
Anything you want to - it can't here you!
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What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Aw shucks!
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Who's there ! Brendan ! Brendan who ?
Brendan an ear to what I have to say !
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Why don't you tell secrets in a garden?
Because the corn have ears, the potatos have eyes and the beanstalk.
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What's got four legs and no ears?
A: Mike Tyson's dog.
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How much does it cost for a pirate to get an ear piercing?
A buccaneer.
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How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buccaneer!
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How did a blind woman pierce her ear?
A: Answering the stapler.
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What do you call ten Utah State law students standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
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How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A buck an ear (buccaneer).
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Why shouldn't you tell secrets on the farm?
The corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the beanstalk.
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How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
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Why the dude's ear is blinking blue?
Because he has a blue tooth in his ear...
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What did Mark Antony say to Van Gogh?
Lend me your ears
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Why did Hellen Kellar burn her ear?
The phone rang and she answered the iron. Why did she burn her other ear They called back.