Eat Jokes

  • When I was your age I ate every one. Mary: Do you still like crusts Grandma?

    Grandma: Yes I do. Mary: Well you can have mine.

  • What did the cannibal wipe with . . . . . . after he ate some people at the library?

    Pages from *Reader's Digest*

  • How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?

    He ate the pizza before it was cool.

  • Why is a 77 better than a 69?

    Because you get ate more

  • How do you know that a dinosaur ate Kel for breakfast?

    Because there was a kellogg in the toilet

  • Who ate all the crackers?

    racist cannibal.

  • Why did the hipster burn their tongue?

    They ate their dinner before it was cool.

  • How tough was medical school for a dog like you?

    DR DOG: *thinking back on all the homework he ate* It wasn't easy

  • Why did the cannibal get food poisoning in India?

    He ate Rameet!

  • What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday?

    He ate himself.

  • What did the cop say to the doughnut as he ate it?

    Rest in **police**.

  • Why is the number eight afraid of the number seven?

    Because seven ate nine.

  • What is the square root of 69?

    Ate Something! ("8 something", actually 8.306)

  • Why was six scared of seven?

    Because seven "ate" nine.

  • Why did the number 6 cry?

    Why did the number 6 cry? Because 7 8 9. (7 ate 9)

  • Where did the API go to eat?

    To the RESTaurant.

  • Why did Microsoft skip Windows 9 and go straight to 10?

    Because seven "ate" nine.

  • Who's there ! Bernadette ! Bernadette who ?

    Bernadette ate all my dinner and now I'm starving !

  • Why is it Windows 10 and not 9?

    because 7 ate 9.

  • What would happen if you ate yeast and polish?

    You would rise and shine.

  • Who ate a lot and conquered Rome?

    Atilla the Hungry.

  • What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic ?

    His bark was much worse than it's bite !

  • Why did 6 break up with 7?

    Because 7 ate 9 out

  • Why couldn't Batman go fishing?

    A: Because Robin ate the worms.

  • Why did the chemist break his teeth?

    He ate a Pb and j sandwich I'd tell you another but all the good jokes argon

  • Why don't we hear cannibal jokes anymore?

    Because after they ate the clowns, nothing is funny.

  • How do Chinese people know what to name their children?

    After the last dog they just ate.

  • Why is it that there aren't much natural oil resources in China?

    They ate all the dinosaurs

  • Why was 6 happy to see 7?

    Because 7 ate 9.

  • How did the hipster burn her tongue?

    She ate her soup before it was cool

  • Why was the cat so small ?

    Because it only ate condensed milk !

  • Why did the man with an electric car think he had a dual exhaust?

    He drank a lot of beer. He ate a lot of beans. *You love it.*

  • What did the emperor of Arabia do at tea time?

    The Caliph ate.

  • Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward?

    Because it only ate vegetables.

  • What happened to the cant when it ate a ball of wool?

    What happened to the cat when it ate a ball of wool? It had mittens

  • Why did Windows skip to 10?

    Because 7 ate 9.

  • Which ghost ate too much porridge?


  • Why are setups to jokes so important?

    because seven ate nine.

  • When did 888 equal zero????

    When Eight ate eight

  • Why did Microsoft go straight from Windows 8 to Windows 10?

    BECAUSE SEVEN ATE NINE *drops mic*

  • How was your day?

    Lifeguard 2: Sad, I saw a bear in lake 1: How is that sad 2: He could bearly swim! 1:.. 2: He ate 3 campers

  • Why is Windows going from 8 to 10?

    Because 7 ate 9. Credit to a guy I work with.

  • Which vampire ate the three bears' porridge?


  • How Dave Grohl spent his night in his hotel room after the concert in Gothenburg, Sweden?

    He watched movie Cast Away (starring Tom Hanks) and ate some potato chips.

  • How did the police determine which turtle ate the diamond ring?

    They conducted an in-turtle investigation.

  • What are the Humans doing?

    Alien 2: Celebrating the existence of their mothers. Alien 1: I ate my mother. Alien 2: As did I.

  • What did the man who ate a clock say?

    That was time consuming but I still want seconds.

  • Which was?

    We ate Bill" OMG. How long were you in there "4 minutes"

  • What do you call a Roman warrior with hair in his mouth?

    Gladiator Get it? Glad He Ate Her..

  • Who ate those tomatoes?

    Tom ate those.

  • What did the burger do when he ate his enemy the hotdog?

    he relished it

  • What did the man say after his wife was dragged off the beach by a seal?

    Welp, seal ate her.

  • What did I do in my 3-year-old?

    I ate sand.

  • Why didn't the buzzard have any luggage on the airplane?

    Because he ate his carrion.

  • What Did The Time Traveler Do After He After He Ate Too Much?

    He Went Back Four Seconds.

  • Why did the dolphin feel crabby?

    Because he ate too many crabs!

  • Why did Windows skip 9?

    Because 7 ate 9.

  • Why did Microsoft skip from Windows 8 to 10?

    Because Windows 7 ate 9!!! :D

  • What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool ?

    She had mittens !

  • What do you call an Ewok who just ate pancakes?

    A sticky Wicket.

  • What happened to the man who put his false teeth in backwards?

    He ate himself!

  • What did the Middle Eastern dictator say after he had lunch?

    I ate so many chickpeas, now I falafel.

  • What do you call an autistic kid that accidentally ate a pot brownie?

    A baked potato.

  • Why did they go from Windows 8 to Windows 10?

    Cause Seven ate Windows 9

  • When dad Waits to see you on thanks giving Son:We just Ate Dad:OK so you can be here at 5?

    Son:We'll see Son:how does the turkey smell Dad : I guess through its Beak

  • Why do women prefer 77 more than 69?

    Because they get 8 (ate) more. Repurposed from a comment.

  • Why can't you be the king I know?

    The king you have inside you SIMBA: That doesn't make sense. I think I'd remember if I ate a king.

  • Why did the feminist get fired from Panera?

    Because she ate all the cookies and didn't know how to make a sandwich.

  • Why is seven bigger than nine?

    Because seven ate nine.

  • Why did the termite got divorced?

    Because she ate the secretary.

  • What did the Bantha say when he ate the Wookie?

    Chewie (You have to be a Star Wars fan)

  • Why was the horse all charged up?

    It ate some haywire!

  • What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?

    A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

  • How did Michael Jackson get food poisoning?

    He ate a 10 year old wiener.

  • Why did the hipster's Hot Pocket burn his mouth?

    He ate it before it was cool.

  • What happened to the pimp who ate too much Italian food?

    He got Pasta-toots.

  • Who ate all the cookies?

    5-year-old: Ninjas. Me: I didn't see them. 5-year-old: No one ever does. Checkmate.

  • What is 61 to a blonde?

    A: She wants 8 (ate) more.

  • What happened when the cannibal ate a minister?

    He got a taste of religion.

  • What do you call bread so burnt it can never be ate?


  • Where do young cows eat lunch?

    In the calf-ateria.

  • What came first: the chicken or the egg?

    The egg because I ate egg for breakfast and chicken for dinner.

  • What do you call a Roman fighter with curly hair in his teeth?

    Gladiator. (Glad he ate her)

  • What did the Abominable Snowman do after he had had his teeth pulled out?

    He ate the dentist.

  • Why is the upcoming Windows OS called Windows 10?

    Because 7 ate 9...

  • How did Jared from Subway get food poisoning?

    He ate a 5 year old weiner

  • What qualifies as a "short stack" of pancakes?

    I mean, 2.5 feet is relatively short, right Yes Okay cool. Then I just ate a short stack.

  • Why was the man so down in the mouth?

    Because he ate his pillow.

  • What happened when the chicken ate cement ?

    She laid a sidewalk !

  • Why did Microsoft skip a number when naming their new operating system?

    Because 7 ate 9.

  • Why does mama aardvark call her husband a cannibal?

    Because he ate his ant for dinner!

  • Why did Microsoft skip windows 9?

    Because 7 ate 9

  • What do you call a lonely terrorist?


  • Why was 6 afraid of 7?

    Because 7 ate 9

  • What do vegetarian zombies eat?


  • What did the cannibal say after he ate a woman in the Coliseum?

    He's gladiator.

  • When asked which is more important looks or brains?

    9 out of 10 zombies said "braaaaiiiiinnnnssss" number 10 ate the researcher.

  • How can you tell if Chuck Norris ate rabbits the night before?

    He has claw marks on his forehead.

  • What happened when the cannibal got a religion?

    He only ate Catholics on Fridays!

  • Why is the new OS from Microsoft called Windows 10?

    Because 7 ate 9.

  • Why did jay z cross the road?

    Because mr mantis ate my skunk food.

  • Why was Jeffrey Dahmer so healthy?

    Because he ate five fruits a day!

  • What did the Giant say after he ate Tonga?

    I want Samoa!'

  • Why does little Timmy keep throwing up gang signs?

    Because he ate too much of them.

  • Why didn't Microsoft release Windows 9?

    Because Windows 7 ate 9.

  • How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow?

    A: Down in the mouth!

  • What did the owl say to the squirrel?

    Nothing. Because owls don't talk. Then it ate the squirrel, because owls are birds of prey.

  • Why did the Mexican lorry driver lose his job?

    He ate his tacho.

  • What 2 things do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common?

    They both ate honey and they both have the same middle name.

  • Why did the cannibal have an upset stomach?

    He ate someone who disagreed with him.

  • What'd you call this again?


  • What did the pig do when a beetle landed in his feed trough?

    He ate it quickly before the others could ask him to share.

  • What happened to the girl who wore a mouse costume to her Halloween party?

    The cat ate her.

  • What happened to the horse that ate a duracell battery?

    He went on furlong-er.

  • What did the time traveller do after he ate the last bite of his dinner?

    He went back 4 seconds.

  • How did the roman cannibal feel about his victim?

    He was glad he ate her.

  • Why did the chemist die?

    He ate a Pb and J sandwich.

  • What's the square root of 69?

    Ate something.

  • What did the leopard say when it ate the man?

    A: That hit the spot.

  • Why is the new version called Windows 10?

    Because 7 ate 9.