Eat Jokes
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When I was your age I ate every one. Mary: Do you still like crusts Grandma?
Grandma: Yes I do. Mary: Well you can have mine.
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What did the cannibal wipe with . . . . . . after he ate some people at the library?
Pages from *Reader's Digest*
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How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool.
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Why is a 77 better than a 69?
Because you get ate more
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How do you know that a dinosaur ate Kel for breakfast?
Because there was a kellogg in the toilet
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Who ate all the crackers?
racist cannibal.
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Why did the hipster burn their tongue?
They ate their dinner before it was cool.
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How tough was medical school for a dog like you?
DR DOG: *thinking back on all the homework he ate* It wasn't easy
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Why did the cannibal get food poisoning in India?
He ate Rameet!
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What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday?
He ate himself.
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What did the cop say to the doughnut as he ate it?
Rest in **police**.
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Why is the number eight afraid of the number seven?
Because seven ate nine.
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What is the square root of 69?
Ate Something! ("8 something", actually 8.306)
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Why was six scared of seven?
Because seven "ate" nine.
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Why did the number 6 cry?
Why did the number 6 cry? Because 7 8 9. (7 ate 9)
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Where did the API go to eat?
To the RESTaurant.
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Why did Microsoft skip Windows 9 and go straight to 10?
Because seven "ate" nine.
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Who's there ! Bernadette ! Bernadette who ?
Bernadette ate all my dinner and now I'm starving !
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Why is it Windows 10 and not 9?
because 7 ate 9.
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What would happen if you ate yeast and polish?
You would rise and shine.
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Who ate a lot and conquered Rome?
Atilla the Hungry.
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What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic ?
His bark was much worse than it's bite !
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Why did 6 break up with 7?
Because 7 ate 9 out
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Why couldn't Batman go fishing?
A: Because Robin ate the worms.
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Why did the chemist break his teeth?
He ate a Pb and j sandwich I'd tell you another but all the good jokes argon
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Why don't we hear cannibal jokes anymore?
Because after they ate the clowns, nothing is funny.
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How do Chinese people know what to name their children?
After the last dog they just ate.
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Why is it that there aren't much natural oil resources in China?
They ate all the dinosaurs
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Why was 6 happy to see 7?
Because 7 ate 9.
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How did the hipster burn her tongue?
She ate her soup before it was cool
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Why was the cat so small ?
Because it only ate condensed milk !
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Why did the man with an electric car think he had a dual exhaust?
He drank a lot of beer. He ate a lot of beans. *You love it.*
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What did the emperor of Arabia do at tea time?
The Caliph ate.
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Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward?
Because it only ate vegetables.
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What happened to the cant when it ate a ball of wool?
What happened to the cat when it ate a ball of wool? It had mittens
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Why did Windows skip to 10?
Because 7 ate 9.
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Which ghost ate too much porridge?
Ghouldilocks.
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Why are setups to jokes so important?
because seven ate nine.
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When did 888 equal zero????
When Eight ate eight
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Why did Microsoft go straight from Windows 8 to Windows 10?
BECAUSE SEVEN ATE NINE *drops mic*
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How was your day?
Lifeguard 2: Sad, I saw a bear in lake 1: How is that sad 2: He could bearly swim! 1:.. 2: He ate 3 campers
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Why is Windows going from 8 to 10?
Because 7 ate 9. Credit to a guy I work with.
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Which vampire ate the three bears' porridge?
Ghouldilocks.
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How Dave Grohl spent his night in his hotel room after the concert in Gothenburg, Sweden?
He watched movie Cast Away (starring Tom Hanks) and ate some potato chips.
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How did the police determine which turtle ate the diamond ring?
They conducted an in-turtle investigation.
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What are the Humans doing?
Alien 2: Celebrating the existence of their mothers. Alien 1: I ate my mother. Alien 2: As did I.
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What did the man who ate a clock say?
That was time consuming but I still want seconds.
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Which was?
We ate Bill" OMG. How long were you in there "4 minutes"
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What do you call a Roman warrior with hair in his mouth?
Gladiator Get it? Glad He Ate Her..
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Who ate those tomatoes?
Tom ate those.
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What did the burger do when he ate his enemy the hotdog?
he relished it
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What did the man say after his wife was dragged off the beach by a seal?
Welp, seal ate her.
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What did I do in my 3-year-old?
I ate sand.
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Why didn't the buzzard have any luggage on the airplane?
Because he ate his carrion.
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What Did The Time Traveler Do After He After He Ate Too Much?
He Went Back Four Seconds.
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Why did the dolphin feel crabby?
Because he ate too many crabs!
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Why did Windows skip 9?
Because 7 ate 9.
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Why did Microsoft skip from Windows 8 to 10?
Because Windows 7 ate 9!!! :D
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What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool ?
She had mittens !
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What do you call an Ewok who just ate pancakes?
A sticky Wicket.
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What happened to the man who put his false teeth in backwards?
He ate himself!
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What did the Middle Eastern dictator say after he had lunch?
I ate so many chickpeas, now I falafel.
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What do you call an autistic kid that accidentally ate a pot brownie?
A baked potato.
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Why did they go from Windows 8 to Windows 10?
Cause Seven ate Windows 9
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When dad Waits to see you on thanks giving Son:We just Ate Dad:OK so you can be here at 5?
Son:We'll see Son:how does the turkey smell Dad : I guess through its Beak
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Why do women prefer 77 more than 69?
Because they get 8 (ate) more. Repurposed from a comment.
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Why can't you be the king I know?
The king you have inside you SIMBA: That doesn't make sense. I think I'd remember if I ate a king.
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Why did the feminist get fired from Panera?
Because she ate all the cookies and didn't know how to make a sandwich.
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Why is seven bigger than nine?
Because seven ate nine.
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Why did the termite got divorced?
Because she ate the secretary.
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What did the Bantha say when he ate the Wookie?
Chewie (You have to be a Star Wars fan)
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Why was the horse all charged up?
It ate some haywire!
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What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
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How did Michael Jackson get food poisoning?
He ate a 10 year old wiener.
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Why did the hipster's Hot Pocket burn his mouth?
He ate it before it was cool.
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What happened to the pimp who ate too much Italian food?
He got Pasta-toots.
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Who ate all the cookies?
5-year-old: Ninjas. Me: I didn't see them. 5-year-old: No one ever does. Checkmate.
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What is 61 to a blonde?
A: She wants 8 (ate) more.
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What happened when the cannibal ate a minister?
He got a taste of religion.
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What do you call bread so burnt it can never be ate?
Comatoast
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Where do young cows eat lunch?
In the calf-ateria.
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What came first: the chicken or the egg?
The egg because I ate egg for breakfast and chicken for dinner.
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What do you call a Roman fighter with curly hair in his teeth?
Gladiator. (Glad he ate her)
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What did the Abominable Snowman do after he had had his teeth pulled out?
He ate the dentist.
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Why is the upcoming Windows OS called Windows 10?
Because 7 ate 9...
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How did Jared from Subway get food poisoning?
He ate a 5 year old weiner
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What qualifies as a "short stack" of pancakes?
I mean, 2.5 feet is relatively short, right Yes Okay cool. Then I just ate a short stack.
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Why was the man so down in the mouth?
Because he ate his pillow.
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What happened when the chicken ate cement ?
She laid a sidewalk !
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Why did Microsoft skip a number when naming their new operating system?
Because 7 ate 9.
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Why does mama aardvark call her husband a cannibal?
Because he ate his ant for dinner!
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Why did Microsoft skip windows 9?
Because 7 ate 9
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What do you call a lonely terrorist?
ISIL-ated
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9
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What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Grrrrrainnnnnssss.
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What did the cannibal say after he ate a woman in the Coliseum?
He's gladiator.
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When asked which is more important looks or brains?
9 out of 10 zombies said "braaaaiiiiinnnnssss" number 10 ate the researcher.
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How can you tell if Chuck Norris ate rabbits the night before?
He has claw marks on his forehead.
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What happened when the cannibal got a religion?
He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
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Why is the new OS from Microsoft called Windows 10?
Because 7 ate 9.
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Why did jay z cross the road?
Because mr mantis ate my skunk food.
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Why was Jeffrey Dahmer so healthy?
Because he ate five fruits a day!
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What did the Giant say after he ate Tonga?
I want Samoa!'
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Why does little Timmy keep throwing up gang signs?
Because he ate too much of them.
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Why didn't Microsoft release Windows 9?
Because Windows 7 ate 9.
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How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow?
A: Down in the mouth!
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What did the owl say to the squirrel?
Nothing. Because owls don't talk. Then it ate the squirrel, because owls are birds of prey.
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Why did the Mexican lorry driver lose his job?
He ate his tacho.
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What 2 things do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common?
They both ate honey and they both have the same middle name.
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Why did the cannibal have an upset stomach?
He ate someone who disagreed with him.
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What'd you call this again?
Alien Chef: OH MY GOD YOU ATE MY GRANDMOTHER!
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What did the pig do when a beetle landed in his feed trough?
He ate it quickly before the others could ask him to share.
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What happened to the girl who wore a mouse costume to her Halloween party?
The cat ate her.
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What happened to the horse that ate a duracell battery?
He went on furlong-er.
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What did the time traveller do after he ate the last bite of his dinner?
He went back 4 seconds.
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How did the roman cannibal feel about his victim?
He was glad he ate her.
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Why did the chemist die?
He ate a Pb and J sandwich.
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What's the square root of 69?
Ate something.
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What did the leopard say when it ate the man?
A: That hit the spot.
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Why is the new version called Windows 10?
Because 7 ate 9.